LaurClaire S2 Episode 01: Be My Neighbor!

In Lauren and Claire's living room, Claire sets up her phone on the coffee table, the camera pointing towards the couch. “Is this thing on? Yeah, I'm sure it's fine. Anywaaaaays, hello everyone, Claire Riley here, your favorite super, DUPER hero. Trademark that. I just wanna give you all a quick recap of what Lauren and I have been up to. Let's go back to when I accidentally got Lauren fired from her job. Oops. Dun Dun was scalping toilet paper and hand sanitizer during this whole virus thing, the WPA was slow on work so they sent Lauren to stop Dun Dun, then I flew in and blew up the whole operation because I thought Lauren was cheating on me. I know, just the thought is really, really gross. So Lauren got fired, then my unhinged neighbor, Mia Goo, kidnapped me so that I could play peacemaker between her and her disgruntled lackey. Can you believe that? Me! Of all people! Of course it was a total success, but only after Lauren shot Mia Goo to save me. Go babe go! Then The Master got kicked out of the Exclusive Country Club of Super Villains and decided to attack me to prove to them that he was still worth a damn, but we just ended up sitting down and watching Ellen instead. Did I mention I got Lauren a job at a pet store? No? Well she didn't keep it for very long. Ronald Grump showed up, pissed her off, and the two got into this big fight and ended up destroying the store. I don't have room to throw stones though because The Master and I got into a fight too and ended up helping destroy the store. We're still paying for the damages. We also hosted this really lit dinner party, where we invited all of our neighbors! There was Dun Dun, Mia Goo, Mia Goo's lackey Gus, and that really weird guy Hog the Dog that was obsessed with conspiracies. He ended up getting hit by a car though, RIP. Oh! After that, Lauren had her high school reunion that she didn't want to go to but I tricked her into going because I'm such an awesome gf! The cats were there and they were being total bitches to Lauren, Meow Cat included, so I decided to “borrow” one of their phones and frame them for planning a bank robbery. It's no big deal, Kitty Cat, Katie Cat, and Meow Cat only ended up doing 6 months in jail. I hear Katie Cat is even back in her position as the head of the Exclusive Country Club of Super Villains! Let's see, what am I forgetting…oh, right! There was this time-” Claire is interrupted. “HEY STUPID! YOU CAR IN DUN DUN'S WAY!” Dun Dun can be heard shouting outside. Claire runs to the window and opens it. “My car isn't anywhere NEAR your house!” Claire yells back. “Dun Dun no able to see through your window now! THAT MEAN IT IN HER WAY!” Dun Dun yells. “You know what?! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! FUCK OFF!!!” Claire screams. “Babe! We don’t use that kind of language!” Lauren can be heard shouting. “We do now!” Claire shouts back.

Claire and Lauren are watching the video on Claire’s phone. “So, what do you think?” Claire eagerly asks. “I think I still don’t really understand why you made it…” Lauren says. “This again? Babe, it’s simple. These videos help me remember things, IMPORTANT things. You know, kinda like what I had for dinner two years, seven months, and twenty two days ago, or when the last time was that I had my hair done, important stuff like that.” Claire says. “So there are more of them?” Lauren asks. “Oh yeah, TONS.” Claire says. “Any chance we could watch them? I’m kinda interested in seeing what your first one was.” Lauren tells her. Claire’s face turns bright red. “Nope, sorry, not possible.” Claire says. “Why not?” Lauren questions. “Because…because we’re gonna watch some TV instead!” Claire says, before quickly grabbing the remote and turning the TV on. When the TV comes on, a commercial for what appears to be a virtual reality headset comes on. “Oooooooooooh! What is THAT?” Claire wonders. “Oh boy…” Lauren mutters. A guy wearing a suit, a scarf, and a top hat appears on the screen. “Hiiiiiiiiiiiii, my name is Mogul, and I’d like to show you into your new reality! My headset is designed to be so real, you won’t ever want to go back to the real world! Play realistic looking video games, make friends with realistic AIs, its absolutely FANTASTIC city! And if you think there is anything sketchy about my product, I’ve got some reliable civilians that have tested it out and found that they are absolutely, positively in love!” Mogul says. Mogul moves the camera over to Diamond and Pearl. “Wow, this headset is so dang cool! It’s hip, it’s lit, it’s fire, it’s-” Pearl continues saying. “Pearl, stop. What my pink friend meant to say was that this headset is the best thing invented since the nuclear bomb! Purchase this, and you will not regret it!” Diamond says. “Give me that!” Mogul can be heard saying, as he rips the camera away from Diamond and turns it back towards himself. “Interested in buying? So isn’t everybody else. But I am going to offer you an exclusive deal, one that is only available to my bestest, most ADORING customers. If you are one of the first billion people to purchase one of my headsets, I’ll sell it to you for the RECORD LOW price of $3,000! Act now, the deal is only active while supplies last! I look forward to hearing from you lovely people soon! Bye now!” Mogul says. Claire turns the TV off. “$3,000?! I want it!” Claire exclaims. “Hold on a sec, you don’t even care about video games!” Lauren points out. “I don’t care! It looks cool, it looks trendy, and I am a trendsetter!” Claire says. “Okay, well ignoring the fact that you’ll probably use it once and then toss it into the basement with the rest of the junk you buy and don’t end up using, that thing is WAAAAAAAAAY out of our price range! Especially since, you know, we’re both unemployed!” Lauren says. “Do I detect a bit of resentment in your tone, Lauren? I thought you would’ve gotten over that whole me getting you fired thing by now.” Claire says. Before the conversation can continue, loud helicopters can be heard outside. “What the hell is that?” Lauren wonders. Lauren and Claire walk over to the window and see two helicopters carrying a giant mansion! The helicopters hover over Hog the Dog’s old house and end up dropping the mansion on top of it.

Lauren and Claire walk up to the front door of the mansion. “I wonder who the house belongs to? Why didn’t they just move into Hog’s old house?” Claire wonders. “Probably because Hog’s old house is a dump.” Lauren says. Lauren rings the doorbell. The door opens and Claire holds out her hand. “Hi there, new neighboooooooooooo-” Claire stops herself when she sees Andre standing in the doorway! “Hello, my lovelies! What a fantastic welcome!” Andre says. Claire knees Andre in the groin and Lauren tackles him to the floor! “What the hell are you doing here, Andre?!” Lauren questions. “Ow! Get off of me! My bones are fragile!” Andre says. “Tell me what the hell you’re doing here or we’re about to find out how fragile your neck is!” Lauren threatens. “Oooooh, good one babe!” Claire says. “What does it bloody look like?! I’m moving in!” Andre exclaims. Lauren jumps off of Andre. “Why are you moving in here? Are you planning some kind of an attack on us?!” Lauren asks. “Heavens no, my dear! I would never dream of launching an attack against you! I am nothing more than an ordinary, bubbly, friendly, and kind neighbor!” Andre claims. “He seems pretty sincere.” Claire says. “Claire!” Lauren scolds. Lauren turns towards Andre. “What’s changed? Just last week, you helped the Exclusive Country Club of Super Villains rob a candy store just so you could make a bunch of babies cry!” Lauren points out. “No, no! We did that because Baby Rabies was hungry and nobody in the club felt maternal enough to feed him a bottle! God knows I certainly won’t ever be caught dead caring for a child! But to answer your question, I have since retired from the club. I am no longer a super villain.” Andre tells them. “Why retire? You aren’t THAT old.” Lauren says. “Haven’t you ever heard of an early retirement?” Andre asks. Lauren glares at him. “Why would the club force you out?” Lauren questions. “Well, you see…uh…this is rather embarrassing to admit…I…uh…I accidentally posted a rather explicit video onto my Basebook account of me with…uh…Lucas Cambino.” Andre says. “...Damn.” Lauren says. “Oh Lauren, it was absolutely terrible! I didn’t realize it until I woke up with a hangover the next morning! My Basebook account was filled with horrendous comments, comments that I most definitely won’t be repeating for our PG-13 audience!” Andre says. “We said fuck in the beginning of the episode, we’re rated R now.” Lauren says. “Oh…well even that may be a bit low of a rating for the comments I had to endure! Anyways, the club put it to a vote and they decide to vote me out! Can you believe that?! I am one of the fucking founding fathers of that glorified asylum, these people are out there blowing shit up every day, yet the ONE day I decide to go enjoy myself and accidentally post it for all of the internet to see, that is somehow taking things a step too far! WELL I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! If I can’t be in the club, NO ONE CAN BE IN THE CLUB!” Andre yells, as he pulls out a machine gun! “Woah, woah! Let’s take a step back! You’re retired, remember?” Lauren asks. “Wait, you mean to tell me that because I am retired, that means I’m no longer allowed to kill anyone? SHIT! Then what is the bloody point?!?! I may as well be dead!” Andre yells, before he begins sobbing into his hands. “There is no way I am gonna comfort this guy…hey, look, if you wanna stay in the neighborhood, I guess that’s fine or whatever, just don’t do anything to cause chaos, okay? Try to keep a low profile.” Lauren says. Andre looks up at Lauren and an evil grin appears across his face. “Oh…I will behave like an angel!” Andre claims. “Riiiiiiiight.” Lauren says. Lauren looks around. “Wait, where the fuck did Claire go?” Lauren wonders. “She left about twenty minutes ago.” Andre reveals. Claire runs up to Lauren. “Lauren! Guess what!” Claire urges. “Oh god, tell me you didn’t.” Lauren says. “I didn’t…but I totally did! I bought the VR headset! I used our credit card!” Claire reveals, holding up the shopping bag. “Yay, now we’ll be in debt for the rest of our lives…great.” Lauren says, with gritted teeth. “No worries, my dear! I would be delighted to pay off the debt!” Andre announces. “Oh no! I’m not accepting money from you!” Lauren says. “Aww, thanks Andre! That would be great! You are such a wonderful neighbor. Anyways, I’m gonna go and play with my new toy! BYE!” Claire shouts, before running off. “Claire, hold on! I-” Lauren stops and then turns towards Andre. “This isn’t over! I WILL be watching you!” Lauren warns, before walking off.

Later, Lauren is looking out the window watching Andre mow his lawn. Andre notices Lauren watching and then happily waves at her. Lauren growls in frustration. “I know you're up to something, you piece of shit, and I'm gonna find out what it is even if it kills you.” Lauren mumbles. “Babe, this is SO cool!” Claire exclaims. Lauren turns around and sees Claire wearing the headset. “You should see this! I'm floating through outer space! I can't believe how realistic it is! You should give it a shot.” Claire suggests. “Maybe later.” Lauren tells her. Inside Claire's headset, the galactic background is interrupted by a broadcast from Mogul. “Hellooooooooo my darling, I am sending totally poggers brain waves in your direction so that I may control you! Now, listen very carefully to what I want you to do.” Mogul tells her. Claire begins walking towards the door. “I've gotta go.” Claire coldly states. “You good?” Lauren asks. “Yup. Never gooder.” Claire claims. Claire, still wearing the headset, walks into the door without opening it. “Ow!” Claire shouts. “Try the doorknob.” Lauren suggests. Claire grabs the door knob, opens the door, and then walks out of the house. “Well that was weird.” Lauren mutters. Outside, Claire can be seen walking past Andre, who is still mowing his lawn. “Have a spectacular day, dear neighbor!” Andre exclaims. Claire ignores him.

In the conference room for the Exclusive Country Club of Super Villains, Katie Cat, Wishbone, Andropov, Man-Shark, and Baby Rabies are all seated around a table. “To begin this week's meeting, I would like to touch upon whether or not we have the budget to add a pool table into the break room. Doctor Andropov has also suggested that we host karaoke night every Friday night, so we will be putting that to a voooooooooooote.” Katie Cat says. “I believe this is my chance to prove that I am destined to be the next Beyonce!” Andropov exclaims. “Ga ga, goo goo goo ga!” Baby Rabies yells. “Little baby said Beyonce for old people.” Wishbone tells Andropov. “SON OF A BITCH!” Andropov screams. Andropov lunges at Baby Rabies but Man-Shark grabs him and holds him back. Andropov takes a deep breath and Man-Shark releases him. “It is okay, I am calm.” Andropov states. The door swings open and Diamond and Pearl walk in. “Hello fellow villains!” Diamond exclaims. “What in the fuck are they doing here? Are we just letting anyone join the club?” Andropov asks. “Goo, goo!” Baby Rabies states. “Quiet! Your mere existence proves my point! So why are the leftover degenerates from Rico's crumbling empire here?” Andropov wonders. “We are working for a new cause now, doc! Introducing the coolest, the most fashion savvy, the baddest, the cutest, the most evilest, the handsomest, the most dangerous, the-” Pearl gets interrupted. “GET TO THE POINT!” Andropov yells. “You don't have to be so mean about it!” Pearl says. Diamond and Pearl roll out a red carpet, and then Mogul walks in. Mogul begins posing and Diamond and Pearl immediately start snapping pictures of him. Mogul begins blowing everyone kisses. “Thank you, THANK YOU to all of my adoring fans! But please, no autographs!” Mogul says. “Who the hell this guy?” Wishbone asks. “This is Mogul, the latest member of the club. We brought him on using the money freed up from Andre's terminatioooooooon.” Katie Cat says. “And what exactly is your super power?” Andropov wonders. “I'm the CEO of a multi billion dollar corporation!” Mogul exclaims. “That'll do it.” Andropov admits. “Soooooo, how is the plaaaaaaan going?” Katie Cat asks. Mogul pushes Baby Rabies booster seat to the floor and takes his place at the table. “Things couldn't be going better, my dear! I've got people all over the country stealing for me, stealing for The Company!” Mogul tells everyone. “Do this mean company outing this year can be in Hawaii instead of Fishkit Castle basement?” Wishbone asks Katie Cat. “With the money we'll be making from this little endeavor, we'll be able to afford a vacation in a whole new galaxy!” Katie Cat says. “Uh, uh, uh! Let's not forget that the club will only be seeing a 30% cut of my little brain child. It's only fair, seeing as how I have allowed you to use The Company for the club's illegal activities.” Mogul says. “Why the hell did we bring this fool on? I very easily could have accomplished what he set out to do, and it would have been much more eco friendly!” Andropov shouts. “Screw eco friendly, my good man! We're villains!” Mogul points out. “We are going to need proof that your plan is wooooooooorking.” Katie Cat says. “Just turn on the TV! It's all over the news.” Mogul says. “We can't afford no TV! Budget cuts.” Wishbone admits. Mogul turns towards Diamond and Pearl. “Oh my lovely ninja darlings, would you please go fetch the television?” Mogul asks. “Sure boss!” Diamond says. Diamond and Pearl run out. A moment later, the two wheel in a TV and turn on the news.

“We're reporting live from the outside of a bank right here in Fantastic City, where a group of individuals wearing VR headsets are currently robbing the bank! Throughout the day, we have received reports of people all over the country robbing banks, each of them wearing similar headsets. When we reached out to the creator of the headsets, The Company, for comment, all they had to say was “It clearly states in the fine print that there are no risks involved in the use of our technology, especially not brainwashing.” If you look behind me, you will see an example of one of the mindless zombies that have put this country under siege!” The reporter says, before stepping aside and revealing Claire at the entrance of the bank.

At home, Lauren is watching the news. “The fuck?!?!” Lauren asks. Lauren stands up. “I better go take care of this.” Lauren says. Lauren turns around and jumps when she sees Andre's face pressed up against the window! Lauren walks over to the door and opens it. “Haven't you ever heard of a fucking doorbell?!” Lauren asks. “I'm so sorry to trouble you, kind neighbor, but would it be possible for me to borrow…A KNIFE?!” Andre asks. Lauren's eyes pop open. “For cutting vegetables, of course! I found this divine sounding casserole recipe on ViewTube that I've just been DYING to try out!” Andre tells her. “I don't have time for this! Claire has been brainwashed and I need to get to the bottom of whatever is going on!” Lauren says. Andre gasps. “Brainwashing? Who would commit such a heinous crime?!” Andre questions. Lauren raises an eyebrow. “Did you really? Did you seriously just ask me that question? YOU? Of all people?” Lauren asks. “I'll have you know that I haven't brainwashed anyone in at least a month!” Andre tells her. “Well to answer your question, it seems like she was brainwashed by some kind of virtual reality headset, developed by a company known as The Company.” Lauren reveals. Andre's head does a 360 turn and his eye begins to twitch. “Did-did you just say The Company?!” Andre asks. “Yeah. Do you know them?” Lauren asks. “Why yes Lauren, I'd love to provide you with a helping hand!” Andre says. “But I didn't ask-” Lauren begins. “Now, now! There's no reason to be shy! I'd love to help you liberate Claire from the control of those terrible people!” Andre says. “I don't have time to argue with you, just get in the car!” Lauren demands. “Do I have time to stop in my house and grab my essentials first?” Andre asks. “You are going on a rescue mission, dumb ass! You aren't going on vacation!” Lauren points out. “Oh trust me, my dear, I do need my essentials.” Andre tells her. “I want you in and out in five minutes or else I am leaving without you! GO!” Lauren shouts. Andre runs off towards his house, narrowly avoiding getting hit by a car on his way across the street.

Outside a bank, Claire runs out the front door, holding a bag of money, when Lauren lunges at her and tackles her to the ground! Lauren has Claire pinned down and then pulls the VR headset off of her! “Oh hey, morning babe! What time is it?” Claire asks. “Are you…are you okay?” Lauren asks. “Yeah, why wouldn't I be?” Claire asks. Claire looks around and notices they are on a sidewalk. “Jeez, I must've been really tired to have passed out here!” Claire notes. “You didn't fall asleep! You were brainwashed by this headset thing into robbing banks all over the city!” Lauren says, as she holds the headset up. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Claire asks. “That's what I said when I found out!” Lauren notes. “I can’t believe this! The headset was SO cool!” Claire recalls. “THAT'S what you're worried about? Who gives a shit about how cool the headset was! People were controlling your mind!” Lauren points out. “Hm, come to think about it, I do remember some weird guy interrupting my journey through space and saying something about poggers brain waves. That bastard! Using poggers in such an evil sentence! And how dare he brainwash me! That isn't cool either!” Claire shouts. Claire stands up. “Let's go, we're going after the people behind this!” Claire states. “Are you sure you're okay though?” Lauren asks. “Yeah, I'm good! Especially now that you're here.” Claire says. Claire leans in to kiss Lauren, but is interrupted by someone leaning on the horn. Lauren and Claire turn to see Andre leaning on the horn. “Will you hurry the fuck up?! The meter is running!” Andre screams. “Uh, what's he doing here?” Claire asks. “I'm not really sure myself.” Lauren admits.

Outside The Company's HQ, Lauren drives the car right to the front door and slams on the brakes before she can crash through it. Lauren, Claire, and Andre get out. “Just lovely! It wasn't enough that we got a $15 ticket back at the bank, but now you have once again illegally parked!” Andre complains. “Do you want me to shoot you?” Lauren asks. “Yes! Wait, no! NO! That would be quite unpleasant!” Andre says. Lauren walks up to the window and looks inside. “Looks like there are a bunch of guards. With that much security, they must have something to hide.” Lauren says. Andre grins. “Allow me to clear a path.” Andre says. Andre walks towards the front door, but then stops and turns towards Lauren and Claire. “Would one of you be a darling and play some snazzy music for me to ruin shit to?” Andre asks. “Oh! You came to the right person! I know all about ruining shit. One sec…” Claire says, as she looks through her phone. Claire then clicks on a song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ET9tisfEqI0

“Meh, not really my style.” Claire says. “No…it’s PERFECT!” Andre exclaims. Andre kicks open the front door. “Hello, BITCHES! Care to dance?!” Andre asks. “Wait a minute! That’s Andre Stanpatos! Wow! Can I have your auto-” Before the guard can finish, Andre pulls out a gun and shoots him between the eyes! “Oh fuck.” Claire mutters. “Any more questions?!” Andre asks. Twenty guards surround Andre, each of them holding a gun. Andre slides under the guards’ legs as they begin firing, causing them all to shoot each other! The elevator doors open and ten more guards step off of it. Andre then pulls out another pistol and uses them both to shoot four more guards! The other guards begin shooting at Andre but he manages to leap up to the ceiling light before getting hit! On top of the ceiling light, Andre turns his back and begins twerking at the guards. One of the guards shoots at Andre and hits him in the butt! “OW!” Andre screams. “Hehe, I got him in the ass. I’m SO getting a raise for this.” The guard says. Andre turns towards the guards and looks down at them with a huge grin. “Jokes on you! Bulletproof butt pad, bitches!” Andre exclaims. Andre cuts one of the wires holding the ceiling light up and he then uses it to swing down towards the guards! Andre manages to hit the guard who shot him with the light, electrocuting him! Andre leaps off the light and uses his dual pistols to free fire at the guards. Andre continuously misses and the bullets begin ricocheting off of the walls! One bullet flies through the window, one bullet shatters a computer screen at the reception desk, another bullet flies through the window and hits a moving car’s tire, the next bullet nearly hits Claire. “You crazy bastard! WATCH IT!” Claire screams. The five remaining guards surround Andre. “End of the line, Stanpatos!” One of the guards say. “Is it?” Andre asks. “Why do you ask? You got something else up your sleeve?! TELL ME!” The guard demands. “Meeeeeeeeeeee? Why of course not.” Andre says, as he pulls a hand grenade out of his pocket! “Hey dipshit, you’re gonna kill us all!” Lauren yells. “Get back on the elevator and do so without incident…please.” Andre urges. All five of the guards run back onto the elevator. “We…we cool!” The guard tells Andre, before pressing the elevator. “Oh, one more thing.” Andre says. As the elevator doors are closing, Andre whips the hand grenade through the opening. When the doors close, a huge explosion is heard! “You may stop the music now.” Andre says. “You fucking LUNATIC! You call that trying to be better?!” Claire questions. “I promise, I won’t do it again.” Andre says, before laughing. “Well you won’t ever see me complaining about bloodshed.” Lauren says. “Finally, someone appreciates my work! Anyways, the two of you should head to the basement to deal with the headsets. I believe that is where The Company stores them. You really should find another elevator though. I believe this one is now out of order.” Andre says. “What are you going to be doing? Handing out poison jelly beans to toddlers?” Claire asks. “Heavens no! I did that yesterday! I’m going to go have a word with the CEO over his unseemly business practices.” Andre says, before boarding a different elevator. “Oooooooh, this is gonna be fun! When was the last time we got to go on a mission together?” Claire asks. “This isn’t fun. It’s serious business.” Lauren tells her. “You’re right! From this moment on, I am gonna be super serious! I’m gonna be stealthy as a cat!” Claire says. Claire walks forward but ends up tripping over a trash can and falling to the floor. “OUCH!” Claire screams. Lauren smirks. “Quiet as a mouse.” Lauren sarcastically says, as she hands Claire her hand and helps her off the floor. “Come on, let’s go wreck some shit.” Lauren says.

Upstairs in his office, Mogul is watching the news reports flood in on his computer. Mogul claps his hands together. “Oooooooooooh, this is simply delicious! At this rate, I’m going to be richer than that loser Elon Musk! It’s what he deserves, that dick gives us billionaires such a terrible reputation! At least have the decency to be evil AND smart!” Mogul says. Diamond and Pearl break down the door, startling Mogul and causing him to spit out his wine all over his computer, making it malfunction. “Great going, you two! Now I need to go get a new cup of wine!” Mogul complains. “Sir, this is an emergency! We have several guards down in the reception area!” Diamond reveals. “We think they were drinking on the job, sir!” Pearl states. “You don’t bleed from getting too drunk, stupid!” Diamond shouts. “You do if you fall over and hit your head on a table!” Pearl argues. “There were limbs scattered all over where one of our elevators used to be!” Diamond points out. “Maybe they had an accident when cutting vegetables! It happens!” Pearl suggests. Andre comes in behind them and pushes them both to the side. “I’m so sorry for the intrusion, but it would appear your secretary is down for the count!” Andre says. Mogul smirks. “Andre! What a delightful surprise! I almost didn’t recognize you with your clothes on. So tell me, what brings you to my humble abode?” Mogul questions. “I was preparing to make a to die for casserole, when my neighbor informed me that The Company was developing brainwashing headsets!” Andre reveals. “And what about it?” Mogul asks. “We both know that concept was MY idea!” Andre yells. “Should’ve had it patented.” Mogul notes. “Would that have stopped you?!” Andre questions. “Probably not. Oh don’t fret, darling! I’d be happy to share the profit with you. After all, it would hardly be the first thing we’ve shared.” Mogul says, with a wink. “Absolutely NOT! I have no intention of sharing a weapon of mass destruction of which I created!” Andre yells. “A weapon of mass destruction may be overselling it just a bit. Either way, if you want it for yourself, you’ll just have to rip it out of my cold…dead…HANDS!” Mogul says. Andre smirks. “Now THAT could easily be arranged…” Andre says, before pulling his dual pistols! “No! DON’T! I BEG OF YOU!” Mogul yells. “You…you’re begging me not to kill you?” Andre asks. “No! If you shoot me, you may stain the carpet! Have you lost all the respect you once had for good decor?!” Mogul asks. “How dare you ask me that question! Of course I haven’t! I also haven't lost my respect for a good, old fashion, gory murder! I am very conflicted at this very moment.” Andre admits. “Ah ha! I think I have a solution to how we shall handle this, one I believe you will greatly appreciate.” Mogul says.

In the basement, the elevator doors open and Lauren and Claire step off of it. “I cannot believe that freak had me brainwashed! ME! A super duper hero!” Claire complains. “You really like calling yourself that…” Lauren mutters. “And as if that wasn't horrible enough, he had me robbing banks!” Claire shouts. “I'm sure you won't be charged.” Lauren says. “Never mind that!” Claire says, before showing her hands to Lauren. “What am I looking at?” Lauren questions. “I broke two nails because of those bastards! I should be reimbursed for my stress AND for a new manicure! Do you think I could sue? Ooooooh, I bet I could sue! Babe, we'll be living in a castle bigger than the Goo castle by the time I'm through with this company! I'll be lounging around in fancy expensive gowns all day, drinking fancy, expensive wine, and you'll…you'll get to enjoy it with me! We stay winning!” Claire exclaims. Lauren stops in her tracks. “Look!” Lauren says. In front of Lauren and Claire are several crates. “Are those the headsets?” Claire wonders. Lauren walks over to one, opens it, and looks inside. “Yup, these are the headsets.” Lauren confirms. “So do we light them on fire or something?” Claire wonders. Before Lauren and Claire can do anything, the elevator doors open and a team of guards rush off of it. “HALT!” One of the guards shout. “Halt? What is this, the 1800s? Nobody says fucking halt anymore!” Claire says. “Quiet, dumb blonde! What is your business here?” The guard asks. “I’m here to destroy some brainwashing headsets, how about you?” Claire asks. “Claire!” Lauren scolds. “What? It’d be rude if I didn’t answer!” Claire says. “This is your last chance to leave with all of your vital organs still intact.” The guard says. “What do my organs have to do with anything?” Claire asks. “It means they’re gonna shoot you, babe. Probably in the heart.” Lauren says. “Ooooooooohhhhh, I get it now! Yeah…not gonna happen. We’re destroying these dumb headsets, and I’m leaving here with my heart still beating!” Claire says. “Okay, your funeral. Literally!” The guard says, before aiming his gun at Claire. “Don’t you fucking touch her.” Lauren growls, before pulling out a machine gun and open firing! “You know what? Andre got music during his fight scene earlier, it’s our turn!” Claire exclaims. “SERIOUSLY?!” Lauren asks. “Seriously!” Claire repeats. Claire pulls out her phone and clicks on a song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9udREBvMdE

Claire then pulls out a scrunchy and puts her hair up in a ponytail. “Alright, NOW I’m ready to go! Ready babe?” Claire asks. Lauren smirks. “You already know the answer.” Lauren says, before she and Claire begin running towards the guards.

Upstairs, Andre flips Mogul's desk over. “DAMN IT!” Andre screams. “Oh calm yourself, Andre! It was just a simple game of rock paper scissors! One which you so happened to lose.” Mogul says. “You listen to me, you fabulously dressed piece of shit, I am not accustomed to losing!” Andre yells. “How not when you do it so frequently?” Mogul questions. “THAT’S IT! FUCK YOU, FUCK THE DECOR, I'M FUCKING SHOOTING EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!” Andre screams, as he pulls out his dual pistols. Andre begins firing at Mogul but misses every shot. Mogul runs and slides underneath Andre’s legs, before bolting towards the door. Andre turns and goes to shoot at him again, but Diamond and Pearl grab both of his arms! “You leave our boss alone!” Pearl yells. “At least wait until after pay day!” Diamond shouts. Diamond and Pearl manage to wrestle both guns out of Andre’s hands, before falling backwards onto the floor. “FINE! I don’t need a firearm to deal with you!” Andre shouts. Andre picks up an antique vase and tosses it at Mogul! “That was my grandmother’s vase you HEARTLESS BASTARD!” Mogul screams. “Well your grandmother must have despised you to give you such a hideous gift!” Andre argues, before picking up a bottle of wine. “NO! NOT MY ALCOHOL! PLEASE ANDRE!” Mogul begs. Andre opens the bottle, pours it all onto the floor, and then throws it at Mogul, narrowly missing his head! “DAMN YOU!” Mogul yells. “Damn you for making me waste good wine!” Andre yells, before picking up a trophy. “DON’T YOU DO IT! DON’T YOU FUCKING DO IT! THAT’S MY EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD THAT I GAVE MYSELF LAST MONTH! I DESERVE IT AFTER PUTTING UP WITH ALL THESE USELESS ASSHOLES!” Mogul yells. Andre smirks and then hurls the award out the window! “GRANDPA, NO!” Someone can be heard screaming outside. “We need to get in on this!” Pearl says. “Agreed! I love destroying stuff!” Diamond says. Diamond opens the china cabinet, and the two ninjas begin throwing all of the fine china onto the floor, shattering it all! “NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO! My precious valuables! Can this day get any worse?” Mogul wonders. Pearl pulls a safe out from underneath Mogul’s desk. “Oooooooh, what’s this for?” Pearl wonders. “NO!” Mogul yells. Andre takes the safe away from Pearl. “Oh please, allow me.” Andre says. Andre then throws the safe out the window, and a car alarm can be heard going off soon after! “DAMN IT! THAT’S IT! I AM OUT OF HERE!” Mogul screams, before running out the door. Mogul trips over a trash bin and begins quickly crawling towards the elevator. Mogul slams on the button, the doors open, and he jumps on. Mogul clicks the button to close the door. “Going down?” A voice asks. Mogul turns around and sees Andre standing there. “SHIT!” Mogul screams.

In the basement, Claire does a cartwheel and uses both legs to knock down two guards. Lauren runs past Claire and open fires on the remaining guards. One guard grabs Claire from behind and puts her in a chokehold. Claire slams the back of her hand into the guard’s face and then does a backflip over him, landing on top of his shoulders. Claire then wraps her legs around his neck and chokes him, until he falls to the floor. Before Claire can get off of him, another guard grabs her by her hair! Claire’s eyes begin to glow purple and she turns to face the guard. “Don’t you EVER FUCKING TOUCH MY HAIR!” Claire screams, before sticking her thumb into the guard’s eye and then punching him with the other hand! Claire turns towards Lauren and sees that she is still shooting at the other guards. “Keep it up, sweetie! You’re doing great!” Claire shouts. Suddenly, Lauren’s gun stops. “Oh shit, I’m out of ammo.” Lauren says. “Whoops, spoke too soon I guess.” Claire says. “What are you gonna do now, little girl?” A guard asks. Lauren whips the machine gun at his face, knocking him out!

On the elevator, Andre continuously slams Mogul’s head into the keys on the wall. The doors open and a crowd of people are revealed to be waiting to get on. “WHAT?! WE’RE BUSY!” Andre screams, before shoving Mogul’s head into the button to close the door. The doors close. As Andre continues to slam Mogul’s head into the wall, Mogul grabs ahold of Andre’s tie and uses it to whip him into the wall!

In the basement, Lauren leaps over a crate and delivers a brutal punch to a guard’s face. Another guard runs up to Lauren and prepares to punch her, but Lauren grabs him by the shirt collar, throws him into the air, and Claire roundhouse kicks him through the wall. Claire lands next to Lauren and the two end up back to back. “You know, it’s not everyday we get to fight together like this! This is kinda fun!” Claire exclaims. “Let’s hold off on calling it fun until we’re sure we’re gonna live.” Lauren says. “Come on, we can’t lose! We’re LaurClaire!” Claire declares. “The fuck is a LaurClaire?” Lauren asks. “Never mind.” Claire says.

Back in the elevator, Mogul chucks Andre through the ceiling and Andre lands on top of it. “Get down here and fight, you coward!” Mogul demands. “Get down there, you say? If you insist!” Andre says. Andre pulls out a knife and begins cutting the elevator’s cable! “NO! WAIT!” Mogul begs. Andre maniacally laughs as he finishes cutting the cable and the elevator goes plummeting to the depths of the building!

Back in the basement, Lauren and Claire are out of breath and surrounded by a bunch of unconscious guards. Claire pulls out her phone and stops the song. “Don’t think we’ll be needing that anymore.” Claire says. Suddenly, an elevator crashes to the basement floor. The doors open and Mogul falls out of the elevator. A moment later, Andre walks out and steps over Mogul, whistling. “Hello ladies! I trust you had a productive day!” Andre says. “We were just about to destroy all the headsets!” Claire says. Lauren pushes the cover off of the crate containing the headsets and then throws a lit match into it! Fire engulfs the entire crate, destroying the contents inside. “You BITCH! You just ruined my life’s work!” Mogul shouts. “YOUR life’s work? It was MY idea!” Andre points out. “I am going to get you for this!” Mogul tells them. “If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to us, I’d be richer than you.” Lauren says. “I mean, we probably will be soon. We just destroyed his number one product.” Claire points out. “And I threw his safe out a window!” Andre exclaims. “This isn’t over!” Mogul states. “Oh, it’s over! You see all this? All the knocked out guards, all the burnt product? That’s what you get when you think you can control me and get away with it!” Claire tells him. “You say that like it’s a bad thing! You being under my control is probably the only time you were ever actually effective at anything.” Mogul says. Claire gasps. “What the fuck did you just say to her?!” Lauren asks, before approaching Mogul. Mogul nervously backs away from Lauren. “H-hold on! I was just joking! I didn’t mean anything by it! C-can we please talk about this? Pretty please with a dollar bill on top?” Mogul asks. Lauren picks Mogul up by the collar of his shirt and chucks him into the burning crate! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!” Mogul screams. “So, who wants ice cream? Lauren is buying!” Andre says. Claire raises her hand. “Oooooh! I do!” Claire states.

Back at home, Lauren and Claire are sitting at home, watching the news on Claire’s phone. “Well that was fuuuun! Besides the whole me being brainwashed thing, anyways.” Claire says. “Yeah…you know, I’ve gotta admit I was wrong.” Lauren says. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Claire asks. “Seriously?” Lauren questions. “Yes, seriously! This is probably the first time I’ve ever heard you say that! So what were you wrong about?” Claire wonders. “Andre. He was a pretty big help today, maybe he really has changed.” Lauren suggests. “BREAKING NEWS! We have received reports from a source within the Fantastic P.D that The Company headquarters was destroyed earlier today and over 500 people were killed in the blast. Despite evidence of several bombs being discovered in the ruins, as well as surveillance footage of resident homicidal maniac, Andre Stanpatos, planting the bombs, the Fantastic P.D has ruled out any foul play. Don’t worry though, the CEO somehow survived. In other news-” Lauren pauses the news. “I’m so done.” Lauren says. “Same.” Claire agrees. “Let’s turn this shit off and find something else to watch.” Lauren says. Lauren scrolls through Claire’s phone and finds a video labeled “SECRET”. “What’s this?” Lauren wonders. “No! Hold on!” Claire urges. Lauren clicks on the video and Claire appears. “Hi there, adoring fans! AKA me. This is Claire Riley here with my first EVER recap video of my life! Yay! This is gonna be so great. Anyways, the reason I decided to do this is because the most amazing thing happened to me…I think I’ve met the girl of my dreams. This is pretty crazy to say because I’ve never even thought of a woman in that way before, but there is something about this one. She’s super pretty, don’t tell her I said that, she’s a total bad ass, her sense of humor that she pretends she doesn’t have is to DIE for! Honestly, I-I think I’m in love. It probably won’t ever go anywhere though, she’s way out of my league.” Claire says. Lauren pauses the video. “I-I can explain! Oh god…this is so embarrassing…” Claire says. Lauren places her hand on Claire’s cheek. “I know I don’t say this enough, but I love you.” Lauren tells her. Claire smiles. “I love you, too.” Claire says, before kissing Lauren.