LaurClaire S2 Episode 04: Goo Zoo

At the HQ for The Evil Country Club of Super Villains, Katie Cat, Andropov, Baby Rabies, Wishbone, and Man-Shark are sitting around a conference room table. “I now call this meeting into ordeeeeeeeer. Before we begin, is there anything that anyone would like to bring up? Any concerns?” Katie Cat asks. “Yeah, I got concern! Where our break room pool table?!” Wishbone asks. “No one has anything they’d like to bring up?” Katie Cat questions. “So will we be adding Karaoke to our Friday night activities? Or will I be forced to frequent Club Aqua for the opportunity to exhibit my extraordinary talent in the music field?” Andropov asks. “Nothing at all, got it. In any case, you are probably all wondering where fellow member Mogul has been these past few meetings.” Katie Cat says. Man-Shark shakes his head. “Quite honestly, I forgot that man existed.” Andropov admits. “Well to answer your burning questions, he is still out of commission after Andre beat him up and Lauren and Claire ruined his company. He suffered a breakdown and has been committeeeeeeeeed.” Katie Cat says. “Do you want us to write get well soon card?” Wishbone asks. “Fuck no. That isn’t in the club’s budget. Anyways, in this meeting, we are going to touch base with some of our assets from abroad. First, we’ll begin with Diomedes from Argi.” Katie Cat says. A TV turns on and Diomedes appears on the screen. “GAH! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!” Diomedes asks. “Hello Diomedes, did you forget today was meeting daaaaaaaay?” Katie Cat asks. “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!” Diomedes shouts. “I’m gonna put the DIE in Diomedes!” Abner can be heard yelling. Diomedes quickly dodges a flying spear. “Learn how to throw, dumb ass!” Diomedes yells. An arrow is shot right through Diomedes’ eye. “OW!” Diomedes screams. “Since you’ll probably be dead in five minutes, I’ll make this faaaaaaaaast. How is everything going in Argi?” Katie Cat asks. “How does it look?! I’m losing! When I joined your little book club, you told me that I would have access to its resources. I needed backup fucking yesterd-” Before Diomedes can finish, Katie Cat ends the call. “He was a worthy soldier.” Katie Cat claims. “He was useless trash!” Andropov argues. “I was trying to show respect to the soon to be dead.” Katie Cat says. “So who next? We gonna touch base with that Helena Jenkins woman The Zodiac Alliance gone up against?” Wishbone asks. “Are you kidding? Her plans are deader than that series.” Katie Cat says. “What series?” Andropov asks. “Anyways, I’d like to touch base on some upsetting news. Our quarterly earnings are down year to year, and we may be forced to resort to some budget cuts.” Katie Cat reveals. “That’s what you say every year! You just a cheap BITCH!” Wishbone yells. Katie Cat presses a button on the table and Wishbone’s chair is ejected out the window! “Oops. Anywaaaaaays, to avoid potential budget cuts, I would like to propose an acquisition.” Katie Cat says. “Oooooooooh! What will it be? Stanpatos Enterprises? Masters Corp? The McAllister organization?” Andropov wonders. “Fantastic City.” Katie Cat reveals. The door flies open and Wishbone walks in. “Are you fucking high?! We can’t takeover Fantastic City!” Wishbone shouts. “How in the hell did you recover from that fall so quickly?” Andropov wonders. “I stole you special vitamins! The ones that make bones so strong, they no break!” Wishbone says. “To answer your question Wishbone, we are going to take over the city by killing Queen Goo.” Katie Cat says. “How we gonna do that? Dylan and Andy will beat us up like they always do!” Wishbone states. “Ah, but I have it under good authority that Dylan and Andy are on vacation! That means this is the perfect opportunity to kill that old bitch! Once she is out of the way, Fantastic City will finally belong to the Cats! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Katie Cat laughs. “You mean to the club, yes?” Andropov asks. “Did I stutter, bald bitch?” Katie Cat asks. “Well if you want old lady dead, I’m your guy!” Wishbone says. “I appreciate your stepping up to the plate, but I have someone else in mind, someone FAR more lethal.” Katie Cat says. Man-Shark smiles and stands up. “No, not you. I actually want this job done right.” Katie Cat says. Man-Shark sits back down and begins to cry. “I was talking about him.” Katie Cat says, as she points at Baby Rabies. “Are you fucking kidding me?! Out of every member of the club, you give this mission to a literal BABY?!” Andropov asks. “I realize there are certain risks involved, which is why you’ll be going with him to make sure the job is done right.” Katie Cat says. “But I am not an assassin, I am a scientist! A genius!” Andropov states. “If you are such a genius, you should have no difficulties helping the baby carry out my plan. Any other questioooooooons?” Katie Cat asks. Andropov sighs. “I suppose not…” Andropov mutters. “Excellent! Get to work then! That old hag isn’t gonna die on her own! She might, but I don’t see us getting that lucky.” Katie Cat says.

In her garden, Queen Goo is watering her roses. “Ah what a FANTASTIC day! Pun intended! It’s days like today that make you realize just how good it is to be alive!” Queen Goo exclaims. On one of the castle’s towers, Baby Rabies is spying on Queen Goo through a sniper as Andropov looks on. “Do you know how to work one of those?” Andropov questions. “Gaga!” Baby Rabies says. “Gaga? What in the hell does Lady Gaga have to do with anything?” Andropov wonders. Baby Rabies sighs. “So do you know how to use the sniper or no?” Andropov asks. Baby Rabies shakes his head. “Excellent! Neither do I! I suppose we’ll just have to wing it!” Andropov says. Baby Rabies takes aim at Queen Goo and fires a shot! As Queen Goo is sniffing a rose, a bullet pierces through it. “Oh my GOD! MY FLOWER JUST EXPLODED!” Queen Goo shouts. “You idiot! You were supposed to shoot at her! Not her garden!” Andropov can be heard yelling. “Goo!” Baby Rabies yells. “Yes! Goo! That is the woman you are aiming for!” Andropov yells. “Wait just a minute…did someone attempt to kill me?” Queen Goo wonders. “SHIT! Our cover is blown!” Andropov shouts. Queen Goo immediately runs back into the castle and quickly locks the door behind her. “Oh no, what is a queen to do?! I know! Dylan and Andy usually stop this sort of thing, I’ll just contact them!” Queen Goo says. Queen Goo pulls out her phone and makes a call. “Hi, this is Dylan. I’m on vacation right now so don’t bother leaving a voicemail, I probably won’t listen to it. I probably wouldn’t listen to it if I wasn’t on vacation.” Dylan says. Queen Goo hangs up. “No need to worry, I’ll simply send him a text!” Queen Goo exclaims. Queen Goo begins typing. “Someone attempted to shoot me in my garden, I need your HELP!” Queen Goo types, and then sends. “He’s usually pretty responsive, this shouldn’t take long.” Queen Goo says. Queen Goo notices Dylan is typing. “Good! He’s responding!” Queen Goo exclaims. The response comes in. “Lol.” Dylan’s response reads. Queen Goo sighs. “Okay, I suppose my next hope would be Andy. My darling, can do no wrong son, the only child of mine that I care about! My little adorable hero! I’ll just call him.” Queen Goo says, before making the call. The phone keeps ringing and ringing.

Meanwhile at Andy’s, he is passed out on the sofa with a half eaten bag of goldfish and several empty apple juice cartons on the end table.

“Well this is concerning. If Dylan and Andy are both unavailable, who is left to protect me from certain death?” Queen Goo wonders.

At Lauren and Claire’s house, Lauren is standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Are you almost ready or what?!” Lauren shouts up the stairs. “Can you just give me a sec?!” Claire asks. “I’ve been giving you a sec for two hours, babe! All this prep is starting to seem just a bit excessive!” Lauren shouts. Claire comes down the stairs. “Okay, all set!” Claire announces. “You fixed one single hair on your head…” Lauren mutters. “Aw! You noticed!” Claire says, before kissing Lauren on the forehead. “So you ready?” Lauren asks. “Ready? I have been waiting for this day for MONTHS!” Claire exclaims. “But…we didn’t decide we were going until yesterday. In fact, it wasn’t even mentioned before yesterday.” Lauren says. “Well I’ve been planning it for months. In fact, I have the next few years planned for us!” Claire states. “Oh?” Lauren asks. “Don’t worry, those plans usually change by the day.” Claire says. “Because of course they do.” Lauren says. “Anywaaaaaays, I am SO EXCITED! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE EVER BEEN TO THE ZOO!” Claire shouts. “Really?” Lauren asks. “Yeah! They didn’t have those on the island I grew up on, and until you, I’ve never had anyone to actually go with.” Claire says. “I’ve gone a few times. With my parents and with-” Before Lauren can finish, someone knocks on the door. “If that is Andre and Dun Dun, we tell them we’re going to a book club. No way in hell they’d follow us there.” Lauren says. Lauren opens the door and finds Queen Goo standing outside! “Hello, my darling!” Queen Goo exclaims. “Queen Goo?” A confused Lauren asks. Queen Goo pulls Lauren into a hug. “Oh my goodness, it is so good to see you my beautiful girl! My first born!” Queen Goo exclaims. “Isn’t Dannie your first born?” Claire asks. Queen Goo looks over Lauren’s shoulder. “Oh, it’s you…” Queen Goo mutters. Queen Goo turns towards Lauren. “Lauren sweetie, why are you still with that simple minded girl?” Queen Goo wonders. “I’ve told you this like a million times! I love her, she loves me, we love each other! That’s why!” Lauren says. “Well…as long as you’re happy, I suppose.” Queen Goo says. “You say that until you ask me the same question ten minutes from now…” Lauren says. “So, can we like, help you with something?” Claire asks. “Why yes, Lauren can help me with something. You see Lauren, I have found myself in a bit of a pickle and no one seems able to help me.” Queen Goo says. “What’s wrong?” Lauren asks. “I fear that someone is out to kill me!” Queen Goo announces. “Sure grandma, let's get you to bed.” Claire says. “Unlike your life, this isnt a joke! Someone tried to shoot me in my very own garden!” Queen Goo tells them. “Did you see who did it?” Lauren asks. “One of them was a bald old man, and one of them was a baby!” Queen Goo says. “Okay wow, the dementia be dementia-ing.” Claire mutters. “Claire!” Lauren scolds. “What?” Claire asks. Lauren turns towards Queen Goo. “Do you have any idea if they followed you?” Lauren asks. “I believe I was careful when coming here.” Queen Goo says. “Great. I’ve got an idea then.” Lauren says. Claire pulls Lauren off to the side. “Lauren, sweetie, please don’t tell me you are about to invite THAT woman out on our date with us!” Claire says. “She has an old man and a baby gunning for her. Literally!” Lauren points out. “So then dump her in the basement until we get back! Don’t you think bringing her with us would put her in MORE danger? Put US in danger?” Claire asks. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Lauren says. Lauren turns towards Queen Goo. “Hey, Claire and I have this thing we gotta go do, would you mind chilling here until we get back?” Lauren asks. “That’s okay. You girls go and have fun. I’ll just be waiting here, a sitting duck for certain death…that’s okay though sweetie, I understand you have more important things to do. More important things than protecting the woman who took you in when no one else would, who sheltered you and protected you…” Queen Goo says. “Well…” Lauren begins to say. “DON’T!” Claire shouts. “She just seems really nervous.” Lauren says. “Babe, she is GUILT TRIPPING YOU!” Claire yells. Lauren sighs and turns towards Queen Goo. “Honestly, I think you’d be safer here than you would be with us. Claire and I are gonna be out in the open, not sure that’s really a good place for you when you’ve got people hunting you down and all that fun stuff.” Lauren says. Queen Goo sighs. “Okay, I suppose I understand. Out of curiosity, where are you girls going?” Queen Goo wonders. “The zoo.” Lauren says. “Well you go and enjoy yourselves. I’ll see you when you get back.” Queen Goo says, before hugging Lauren. Queen Goo walks over to Claire. “Don’t you even think about it.” Claire growls. “I wasn’t! I was going to kindly remind you not to spend too much, you still owe me that $11 from two years, six months, and twenty two days ago!” Queen Goo reminds her. “You literally told me not to worry about it last time I saw you!” Claire points out. “I don’t recall saying anything like that! Too bad you don’t have a witness to back up your unfounded claim! Have a lovely time!” Queen Goo exclaims, before walking off. “Lauren, let us PLEASE get out of here before I hurt someone!” Claire shouts. “Come on, I’ll buy you a smoothie on the way there to calm you down.” Lauren says, as she leads Claire out the door.

At the zoo, Claire and Lauren are walking through. “I just don’t understand why you’re so soft on her, Lauren! You’d shoot someone three times and then kick them in their gunshot wounds for pulling half the shit Queen Goo has!” Claire notes. “Yeah, but she really helped me out a lot when I was a teenager. You know, adopting me after my parents were killed and all my other foster homes fucking hated me.” Lauren says. “I guess that’s understandable, and kinda sweet since you usually hate everyone.” Claire says. “Not everyone. There are two people I like.” Lauren says. “Wow, you must be in a pretty good mood today to admit that.” Claire says. “The FUCK?!?!” Lauren angrily asks. “Welp, never mind. What’s up, babe?” Claire asks. Lauren points towards the flamingos. “What? What do you have against flamingos, Lauren?” Claire asks. “Not the flamingos…” Lauren growls. Claire looks over and sees Queen Goo waving at the flamingos. “THE FUCK!!!!!” Claire screams.

Queen Goo is staring at the flamingos. “Ohohohohohoho! What funny little birds!” Queen Goo says. Lauren and Claire come up behind her. “Queen Goo, what the hell are you doing here?” Lauren asks. “Lauren darling, don’t use that sort of language! I taught you better than that!” Queen Goo says. “Sorry, what the heck are you doing here?” Lauren asks. “I got bored sitting around the house.” Queen Goo says. “Should’ve left her some crossword puzzles…” Claire mutters. “I don’t do crossword puzzles. I am NOT an old lady!” Queen Goo shouts. Claire rolls her eyes. “Claire, can you go buy us a scarf or shirt or something we can toss over her head so no one recognizes her?” Lauren asks. “Sure thing! Brb!” Claire says, before running off. “Lauren, I know you love her, but I cannot believe you would trust her to go off on her own and buy something!” Queen Goo says. “Never mind that! You were supposed to stay at the house! It isn’t safe here!” Lauren points out. “Why are you shouting at me?” Queen Goo asks. “I’M NOT SHOUTING!” Lauren yells. Queen Goo begins to sob. “Oh Lauren! I didn’t know you were capable of such cruelty!” Queen Goo cries. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t…I didn’t mean to be rude.” Lauren says. Queen Goo stops crying. “I…I forgive you…this time, I suppose.” Queen Goo says. Claire comes back wearing a hat that says “Flamingo’s Amigo” with a picture of a flamingo on it. “Where is the scarf?” Lauren questions. “The what now?” Claire asks. “See?! Unreliable!” Queen Goo yells. “Never mind! Can I borrow your hat?” Lauren asks. “But this hat is REALLY cute! I might never wear it again after today, but I at least want to wear it today!” Claire says. “Babe, PLEASE!” Lauren states. “Ugh, fine!” Claire says, as she hands Lauren the hat. Lauren takes the hat and hands it to Queen Goo. “Wear this!...Please.” Lauren says. “You’re giving my cute hat to HER?!?!” Claire asks. “Oh what a thoughtful gift! I knew there was a reason I liked you better than my other children! Especially that Daniel.” Queen Goo says. “You mean Dannie?” Claire asks. “Is that not what I said?” Queen Goo asks. “Come on…let’s keep moving.” Lauren says. “Oh my GOD!” Queen Goo screams. “What happened? You realize you forgot your dentures?” Claire asks. “No, they are in my purse! The people who tried to kill me just walked through the front gate!” Queen Goo announces.

Andropov pushes Baby Rabies into the zoo in his stroller, while on the phone with Katie Cat. “Remind me again why I am acting as the chauffeur for this intolerable brat?” Andropov asks. “Because he wanted to go to the zoooooooooo, and as our star employee, we need to keep him happy.” Katie Cat says. “And what about Queen Goo?” Andropov questions. “Do you know where Queen Goo is? No? Then there isn’t really much we can do at the moment! Now if you’ll excuse me, I am running late for a nail appointment. Good byeeeeeeee, Doctor.” Katie Cat says. “Wait-I-HELLO?! HELLO?! DAMN IT KATIE CAT! I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS SHIT!” Andropov yells. “Gaga goo.” Baby Rabies says, while pointing at Queen Goo. “NO ONE GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!” Andropov screams.

Nearby, Queen Goo is visibly panicking. “The baby has spotted me!” Queen Goo shouts. “Lucky for us that no one gives a shit what he has to say.” Lauren says. Queen Goo glares at Lauren. “I meant no one gives a poop.” Lauren says. “Wait, aren’t those two members of that evil country club whatever?” Claire asks. “Oh yeah, they are.” Lauren says. “I have an evil country club after me?!” Queen Goo asks. “It’s run by that washed up bitch, Katie Cat.” Lauren says. “Lauren!” Queen Goo scolds. “Sorry! I meant witch! Washed up witch!” Lauren corrects herself. “But why on earth would Katie Cat want me dead?” Queen Goo asks. “Hasn’t she been trying to bump you off for twenty years?” Claire asks. “Twenty years? She would be in diapers that long ago! God, you’re dumb!” Queen Goo says. “FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH!” Claire screams. Queen Goo gasps and Andropov turns towards them. “WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!” Andropov asks. “Oh shit…” Lauren mutters. “Poop, Lauren!” Queen Goo corrects her. “Wait just a minute…” Andropov says. Andropov adjusts his glasses. “Damn it, I need to get some new glasses. I can’t see anything.” Andropov says. “We should probably get out of here while he’s trying to figure out his shi-poop.” Lauren says. Queen Goo claps in approval. Claire pushes Queen Goo away. “Stop clapping and let’s go!” Claire tells her. Andropov pushes Baby Rabies over to where Queen Goo, Lauren, and Claire were and doesn’t find anyone. “Where the hell did those blurry silhouettes go?” Andropov wonders. “Goo!” Baby Rabies shouts. “Goo you too!” Andropov yells.

Claire, Lauren, and Queen Goo walk by the gorillas and Queen Goo stops to look at them. “Oh, look at the funny monkeys!” Queen Goo says. “That’s a gorilla! Put on your damn glasses, for god’s sake!” Claire yells. “Claire! Don’t speak the lord’s name in vain!” Queen Goo scolds. “YOU MEAN LIKE YOU DID FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO?!?!” Claire asks. “Stop swearing! It isn’t very lady-like! Neither are those hideous knee high boots! You look like a street walker!” Queen Goo says. “WHAT?!” Claire angrily asks. “Is that how you met her, Lauren? You drove by her on some street corner one day and honked your horn at her?” Queen Goo asks. “Lauren is ASEXUAL, YOU DUMB BITCH!” Claire screams. “She’s a sexual? Is that what the kids are calling a street walker these days? Have you converted MY LAUREN?!” Queen Goo asks. “Oh for fuck’s sake!” Lauren complains. “DUCK, LAUREN! FOR DUCK’S SAKE!” Queen Goo yells. “DON’T TALK TO LAUREN THAT WAY!” Claire screams. “You respect your elders this instant!” Queen Goo demands. “Shut up, fuck face!” Claire yells. “DUCK FACE!” Queen Goo corrects her. “YOU HAVE A DUCK FACE!” Claire screams. Andropov is seen pushing Baby Rabies’ stroller nearby. “We’ve gotta go.” Lauren says. Baby Rabies points at them. “Ga!” Baby Rabies screams. Andropov turns in their direction and pulls out a pair of binoculars, despite the fact that they are five feet away from him. “IT’S THEM!” Andropov yells. Baby Rabies pulls a machine gun out from underneath his stroller! “Not really interested in killing a baby, so we should go.” Lauren says. Baby Rabies begins rapid firing at Queen Goo, but ends up hitting several civilians in the process. “FUCKING MORON! WHAT DID I BRING YOU FOR?!” Andropov asks Baby Rabies. Andropov pulls out a laser gun. “I shall handle this myself! A design of my own invention!” Andropov says. “I hope you know how to aim that thing, with your terrible eyesight and all.” Lauren says. “Shit, I didn’t think of that. No worries! I shall wing it! Ahahahahahaha!” Andropov laughs, as he begins firing lasers! One of the lasers hits the lock on the gate to the lion cage. The gate flies open and several lions begin running free! “Now can we do something?” Claire asks. “I don’t care if he’s old, I’m beating him up.” Lauren says. “What have I always taught you about respecting your elders?” Queen Goo asks. “NOT NOW!” Lauren yells. Andropov begins firing lasers in Lauren’s direction and Lauren slides underneath all of them. Lauren reaches Andropov and kicks him in the knees, knocking him to the ground! “OW! MY BACK! SOMEONE HELP ME!” Andropov screams. “Such a drama queen.” Claire says. Claire notices Baby Rabies aiming a sniper at Queen Goo. “LOOK OUT!” Claire screams. Claire tackles Queen Goo to the ground as Baby Rabies fires at her. “You wretched girl! Did you see that, Lauren? Your girlfriend just attacked me!” Queen Goo yells. “I just saved your life!” Claire argues. “I don’t need your rescuing!” Queen Goo tells her. Baby Rabies goes to take another shot but Lauren appears behind his stroller. “Hey, wanna go for a ride?” Lauren asks. Lauren then pushes the stroller into the area where the gorillas are! Baby Rabies lands right next to a gorilla and the gorilla picks him up. Andropov sits up and gasps. “Oh no! This is just like Harambe all over again! I WAS THERE! I was unable to intervene the last time, but I will not be useless this time! I am coming for you, Baby Rabies!” Andropov shouts. Andropov runs and jumps into the gorilla’s area. Andropov takes Baby Rabies away from the gorilla. “Give me back my baby, you BITCH!” Andropov shouts. The gorilla shows his teeth. “Uh oh.” Andropov says. Andropov then throws Baby Rabies back up to the zoo area. “Send for help, Baby Rabies! Quickly!” Andropov yells. The gorilla then picks Andropov up and slams him into the ground!

Meanwhile, Claire, Lauren, and Queen Goo are watching from up in the zoo area. “Wow, that gorilla really means business.” Claire says. “Look at that! I didn’t even know a person could bend that way!” Lauren says. “Now this is entertainment! Not that I enjoy seeing people getting hurt.” Queen Goo says. A helicopter flies down and hovers above the zoo. Claire, Lauren, and Queen Goo turn just in time to see Baby Rabies getting onto the helicopter. “Kid has his own helicopter? Damn.” Claire says. “Gaga goo goo GA!” Baby Rabie yells. “What did you just say to me?!” Queen Goo asks. “Pretty sure he said fuck you.” Claire says. Katie Cat appears in the doorway of the helicopter. “Katie Cat…” Lauren growls. “Hear me now, Queen Goo! You haven’t seen the last of us! Not even close! You might have cheated death this time, but next time you won’t be nearly as lucky.” Katie Cat warns. “WHAT?!” Queen Goo asks. “Did…did you not hear the part where I said hear me now?!” Katie Cat asks. “I left my hearing aid at home! SPEAK UP!” Queen Goo yells. “I…well…FORGET IT! I’M GONNA KILL YOU AND I’M GONNA DO IT SOON!” Katie Cat yells. Andropov climbs up from the gorilla’s area. “SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! KATIE CAT! THROW ME A ROPE!” Andropov shouts. “You failed your mission! Get your own fucking ride home!” Katie Cat says. The helicopter flies away and the gorilla pulls Andropov back in. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Andropov screams. “Does that mean this old hag is safe and can go home now?” Claire asks. “What’s that? You’re inviting me over for dinner? Why yes! I’d be delighted to come! Just please don’t let Claire cook. I just got over the bad case of food poisoning I got the LAST time she tried to cook something.” Queen Goo says, before walking off. “Maybe the evil country club should hire me! I might just be the one to kill her!” Claire says. “Come on, let’s go home.” Lauren urges.

Back at their house, Queen Goo walks to the front door, followed by Lauren and Claire. “That was a LOVELY dinner. I would have preferred home cooked, but I realize cooking isn’t one of Claire’s talents. Hm…I’m struggling to think of what she is talented at.” Queen Goo says. “Okay, that’s enough! You know I love you, but I’m not gonna just stand by and let you talk to her that way. There are only two people in this whole world that I love, you and her, and I’d hate to have to choose. If I had to choose though? I’m picking her, 100%.” Lauren says. “No one is making you choose, darling! I’m just having a bit of harmless fun!” Queen Goo says. “You have been insulting her since the moment you walked through the door earlier! She saved your fucking life and you couldn’t even be bothered to thank her! I know you don’t like her for reasons, some of them might be valid, most of them aren’t. All I ask is that you at least respect her, because if you can’t respect her, I can’t respect you.” Lauren says. Queen Goo sighs. “Okay honey, I promise that I will always respect her in front of you.” Queen Goo says. “Queen Goo!” Lauren growls. “Okay! I promise I will respect her in front of you and even when you aren’t around…for the rest of today.” Queen Goo says. “That isn’t good enough!” Lauren argues. “Fine! I will TRY to respect her from here on out. Clearly you love this girl, and though I may not understand why, I guess it isn’t my job to understand why.” Queen Goo says. “Thank you.” Lauren says. “Well my car is here, I really should be going. You girls have a lovely evening, until next time!” Queen Goo says. “Bye Queen Goo!” Claire says. “Bye now, duck face!” Queen Goo says. “What?!” Claire angrily asks. “What? Ducks are cute, right? Duck face should be considered a compliment!” Queen Goo claims, before walking out. Claire slams the door shut behind her. “Next time she drops in for a visit, make sure I’m not here.” Claire says. “Noted.” Lauren says. “Thank you for standing up for me, though.” Claire says. “Sorry I didn’t do it sooner.” Lauren says. “You were just trying to be respectful of your mom.” Claire says. “Anyone who doesn’t respect you doesn’t deserve my respect.” Lauren says. “You’re so sweet. Wanna go watch some TV?” Claire asks. “As long as it isn’t the animal station. I’ve had my fill of the zoo.” Lauren says. “I never did get my hat back from Queen Goo.” Claire complains, as she and Lauren head to the living room.