Episode 04: Flag Off

Sam is standing on the dock of the island. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania Castaways. The contestants found themselves participating in a scavenger hunt when I buried a golden treasure deep inside the woods. Don’t worry, I didn’t send them in completely blind! I gave them a well drawn map and a metal detector! Unfortunately for them, the statue I buried wasn’t the only thing the metal detector was picking up on, which the Formidable Mermaids found out the hard way when they unearthed a bomb, which Daisy tossed at my cabin and blew up. But, I’m currently trying to work that out in therapy. Let me tell you, four sessions a week isn’t cheap. Anyways...in the end, an all out brawl ensued between the teams to win the challenge, and I mean that literally. There were fists thrown, there were people thrown, it was FANTASTIC! But in the end, the Graceful Dolphins were the ones to win the challenge, and once again, a member of the Formidable Mermaids was left on the chopping block. Which member of the team will get sent home this time? Find out in an all new exciting episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...CASTAWAYS!” Sam exclaims.

Lauren, Claire, Dylan, Daisy, Dun Dun, and Bo are all seated around the bonfire when Sam arrives, holding a plate of marshmallows. “Here we are again. Man, it must suck to lose two times in a row, huh? I definitely wouldn’t want to be your team.” Sam says. “Only because you know you’d probably be the first to get voted off.” Dylan argues. “Maybe if the contestants were the ones voting, but since they aren’t, I’d probably be here till the bitter end. I’m a fan favorite, you see. Unfortunately, one of you isn’t a fan favorite, and that person will be getting the boot after this ceremony. So lets get this show on the road, huh? The first ones to get marshmallows are...Claire, Lauren, Dun Dun, and Bo!” Sam announces, as he tosses the four marshmallows. “Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second! Don’t tell me the audience actually voted ME out! ME?! I am the only one adding any life to this snoozefest of a show!” Daisy claims. “In fairness, your...lets call them quirks, are kinda a liability.” Claire points out. “A liability to whom?! This team?! Why do they care? They are winning the million dollars! Oh, and for the record, I do not have QUIRKS!” Daisy yells. “Well I know they couldn’t have voted me out. How many times have I saved the world from evil? I’m a hero! And people worship heroes!” Dylan says. “If you were oh so wonderful, then why are you here competing for prize money?!” Daisy questions. “Can the two of you just let me finish so we can move on?!” Sam asks. “Please, go ahead.” Dylan urges. “Thank you! Now the final marshmallow of the night goes to...DYLAN!” Sam announces! “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I GOT VOTED OUT?! ME?!?!” Daisy asks. “I told you the people LOVE heroes.” Dylan says. “Oh...hold on. Looks like I made a bit of an oopsie.” Sam says. “What kind of oopsie?” Dylan questions. “Oh, just a small one. I misread the name of the person getting voted out. The truth is, Dylan is the one who got the most votes, which means Dylan is the one going home!” Sam announces. Dylan’s jaw drops to the floor. “YES! I KNEW IT WOULDN’T END LIKE THIS!” Daisy yells. “How on earth did you mix up our names?!” Dylan asks. “They both start with D! Sorry about that.” Sam says.

On the dock, Claire, Lauren, Daisy, Bo, and Dun Dun stand on the sidelines as Dylan walks towards the end of the dock, where Sam is waiting. “I sorry you got vote out Andy.” Dun Dun says. “My name is Dylan!” Dylan tells her. “Oh...then Dun Dun no sorry.” Dun Dun says. “Hey, at least Fantastic City will have one of their heroes back! Silver linings, right?” Claire says. “Oh no! After those a-holes voted me out, I’m not lifting a single finger to help them again! The Master could be burning the city down, and I’ll be sure to hand him the gasoline!” Dylan says. “Wow, that’s petty. I kinda love it.” Daisy says. “Do you love it enough to get eliminated in my place?” Dylan asks. Daisy begins cracking up laughing. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Dylan says. Dylan climbs on to the log of shame. “Any last words?” Sam asks. “Oh yeah, I have plenty to say. I hate you all, I hate the other team, I hate this island, and most importantly...I hate you Sam.” Dylan says. Sam pushes Dylan off the log of shame! “Okay, that’s enough out of him.” Sam says.

The next morning, Lauren, Claire, Daisy, Bo, and Dun Dun enter the cafeteria and find that the other team is already there. “Looks like you guys are missing a teammate.” Yeller points out. “Shut up baldy.” Daisy says. “You watch the way you speak to my son!” Bo tells her. “You watch the way you speak to ME, father bald head!” Daisy warns. “All I’m saying is its gonna get a lot harder for you to keep up from here on out. Its a shame, you use to be such worthy opponents in the beginning. How the mighty have fallen.” Yeller says. “You know, provoking them might not be the best idea…” Andy says. “We hit a rough spot for a bit, but look at the math. We have the same amount of team members now.” Claire points out. “Only because our first elimination was a double elimination, which was pretty unfair if you ask me!” Cop says. “Well we didn’t!” Daisy snaps. Sam walks in. “Tension this early in the morning? Its only breakfast!” Sam notes. “Its not my fault Caillou over there decided to start running his mouth!” Daisy says. “Who now?” Yeller asks. “If you are all done squabbling, I’d like to announce the next challenge. With that being said, if you wanna keep going, go for it. I love a good argument!” Sam says. “Same here, but I love a million dollars more, so please continue.” Daisy says. “Alright. I figured we would take a break from the dangers of the island so that you could all play an old favorite: capture the flag!” Sam announces.

YELLER’S CONFESSIONAL: “Capture the flag sounds easy enough, which means there must be SOME kind of catch!” Yeller says.

“What’s the catch?” Claire questions. “Catch? What catch? What would make you think there’s a catch?” Sam asks. “You do seem to be acting rather suspicious, Samuel.” Bo says. “Its just Sam! Also, there’s nothing for me to act suspicious about! This is just gonna be a good old fashion game of capture the flag! No tricks or traps or anything that starts with a T whatsoever.” Sam claims. “Riiiiiiiight. See, I would believe you, but I’m not an idiot so I’m not going to.” Lauren says. “I’m just gonna skip right over the accusations and get right to explaining the rules. Here’s the deal, each team will start off with three flags. The goal of the game is to steal all three flags from the opposing team. First team that manages to do that wins. However, in order to score the point, you HAVE to get the flag back over to your side of the field, where there is a crate set up for you to drop your opponent’s flags. Until you actually put your opponent’s flags in the crate, the opposing team still has a chance to steal their flags back, by whatever means necessary.” Sam says. “And there’s the catch. There’s going to be violence involved.” Daisy says. “Only if you let it, Daisy.” Sam says. “So where will this physically exhausting game of torture take place?” Bo wonders. “On the beach, of course! Don’t worry, its a beautiful day for it.” Sam says.

On the beach, all ten contestants are standing in the pouring rain and thunder. Sam walks up to them with an umbrella. “LIAR! It not beautiful day! It HORRIBLE day! It WORST DAY!!!” Dun Dun yells. “Relax. The rain adds a nice cinematic feel to things, don’t you think?” Sam asks. “NO!!!!” Everyone yells. Chimney Man can be heard laughing to himself. “Uh, you okay buddy?” Cop asks. “You’ll never guess what I did!” Chimney Man says. “Called a psychiatrist?” Yeller suggests. Chimney Man holds up the team flags, and all three have brick patterns on them. “Chimney flags!” Chimney Man exclaims. Yeller stares blankly at Chimney Man. “Get it? Because they have bricks drawn on them?” Chimney Man asks. “Yeah, I get it…” Yeller says. “Pretty cool, huh?” Chimney Man asks. “No, not really…” Yeller says. Chimney Man suddenly bursts into tears. “Great, look what you’ve done! You made him cry!” Cop points out. “Good!” Yeller says. “Not good! Why is no one comforting me?!” Chimney Man questions. “Because no one here likes you!” Yeller snaps. Andy and Cop glare at Yeller. “What? Its not like I lied!” Yeller says.

YELLER’S CONFESSIONAL: “You just can’t win in this world! People tell you lying is bad, and then when you finally tell the truth, you’re still in the wrong somehow!” Yeller says.

The Formidable Mermaids are walking to their side of the playing field. “Okay team, we CANNOT lose this time! It already doesn’t look good that we’ve lost two challenges in a row, you have any idea how bad it’d look if we lost THREE? We’d be the laughing stock of the world!” Claire says. “Yeah, that’s not happening. We’re winning this dumb challenge.” Lauren says. “That’s the spirit! I knew I could count on you for some team spirit, babe!” Claire says. “You did?” A surprised Lauren asks. “Yeah, you did? Lauren is literally one of the most miserable people in the world!” Daisy says. “Hey! That’s not true!” Claire argues. “Oh yeah? When was the last time she smiled?” Daisy questions. “Um...oh! I remember! There was this one time where we went to the beach, and there was this one guy that sat right in front of us and made it so we couldn’t see the water. He ended up getting pinched by a crab and running away in tears, but that made Lauren smile! I think that was...last year? No, last year was that horrible vacation to Florida where I almost got eaten by an alligator and Lauren had to fight it off, so it must’ve been two years ago. So see?! It hasn’t been THAT long!” Claire says. “See? I’m a fun person.” Lauren claims. “Riiiiight.” Daisy says. “Are we ready to begin?” Sam asks. “Hold on! I’m trying to think of another time Lauren smiled!” Claire says. “I’ll take that as a yes. Challenge starts in 3...2…” Sam then pulls out an air horn and uses it. “GO!” Sam yells. The two teams begin running towards the opposing team’s territory. Lauren is the first to grab one of the opposing team’s flags. “Wait, why does this look like a chimney?” Lauren questions. “And Lauren is the first to score a flag! Can she get it back to her base in time?” Sam wonders. “Did you really need to announce it to the world?!” Lauren questions, before running off. As Lauren is running, she is tackled to the ground by Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Whiskers hisses as he tries to grab the flag out of Lauren’s hand. “You’ll never have it!” Lauren tells him. Suddenly, Claire comes by and takes the flag from Lauren. “I’ll take it from here babe!” Claire tells her. Mr. Whiskers does a complete 360 turn as he turns to face Claire, fire burning in his eyes. Mr. Whiskers leaps off of Lauren and launches himself at Claire! Mr. Whiskers smashes into Claire and knocks her to the ground. “No you don’t!” Claire yells, as she throws the flag towards her team’s crate. Lucky for Claire, the flag lands right in! “YAAAAAAAAAAS QUEEN!” Claire exclaims. “And the Formidable Mermaids score a point!” Sam announces. Mr. Whiskers gets off Claire, and then slaps her across the face! “HEY! That cat just bit slapped me!” Claire says. “Bit?” Lauren asks. “Well I don’t want to swear on national TV! I’m not feeling very controversial today.” Claire says. Yeller runs by Claire with one of the mermaid’s flags. “So long, suckers!” Yeller says. “Uh, could someone maybe stop him?” Claire asks. As Yeller runs towards his team’s turf, he finds Bo waiting there for him. “Hello son.” Bo says. “Oh, hey Dad. How’s it going?” Yeller asks. “I wish I could say it was going well, but I am VERY disappointed in you, my boy! Your behavior today has been quite unseemly!” Bo says. “But Dad…” Yeller begins to say. “No no, no buts! In order for you to show remorse, you must go into time out and think about what it is you have done. Now hand me that flag so that you may do so without interruption.” Bo says. “Fine…” Yeller says, as he hands Bo the flag. Bo runs off, as Cop comes up to Yeller. “You moron! You just gave him back one of his flags!” Cop says. “But he put me in time out!” Yeller says. Cop sighs.

As Bo is running back towards his team’s camp, Dun Dun suddenly trips him and takes the flag! “What do you think you are doing?!” Bo questions. Dun Dun runs over to the Graceful Dolphin’s turf and throws the flag into their crate! “And the Graceful Dolphins score their first point!” Sam says. “What did you do that for?!” Daisy questions. “To win!” Dun Dun says. “Win what?! Bo was on our team you halfwit! You just scored a point for the other team!” Daisy snaps. “...Oh. Dun Dun forgot old bald man on our team.” Dun Dun says. “Don’t just stand there! Steal us another flag while you are over there!” Claire yells. Dun Dun grabs one of the dolphin’s flags and takes off. As Dun Dun is running, she is suddenly hit in the head by a flying brick! Chimney Man walks up to her and takes the flag back. “I didn’t spend all that time painting little bricks on these flags for them to be stolen.” Chimney Man says. Daisy hits Chimney Man over the head with the brick he threw at Dun Dun, and he falls to the ground. “Oopsie doodles.” Daisy says, before picking up the flag and heading back towards her turf. Mr. Whiskers flies at Daisy but Daisy slaps him away! “Don’t even try it with me!” Daisy snaps. Sam’s phone begins to ring and he checks the Caller ID. “Oh great, its Peta. I gotta take this.” Sam says. Sam answers the phone. “Yeah?...Oh, you saw that, did you?...No, don’t worry, no cats were harmed in the making of this television show...does he look hurt to you?...Oh come on! He’s only unconscious, its no big deal!...Uh huh...is that really necessary? Can’t we talk this through?...Hello? HELLO?!” Sam hangs up. “Great, just great! They said they’re gonna make a video game of a bloody machine gun wielding Mr. Whiskers seeking revenge against all the humans that have wronged him. They also accused me of enslaving a shark and then turning him into a man, which is not true! He was like that when I got him!” Sam says. “Where can Dun Dun buy that game of Misters of the Whiskers shooting people?” Dun Dun questions.

Meanwhile, Daisy arrives at her team’s turf and throws the flag into her crate. “And the mermaids score another point, as did the dolphins!” Sam says. “What do you mean the dolphins scored another point?! How?!” Claire asks. “Don’t look at Dun Dun. She no do it this time.” Dun Dun says. Everyone sees Andy standing by his team’s crate. “Dun Dun forgot he in game.” Dun Dun says. “Same.” Claire says. “Honestly? I forgot he existed.” Lauren says. “You are all SO rude. How could you forget Andy?” Daisy asks.

COP'S CONFESSIONAL: “I was today years old when I found out Andy was competing this season, and he’s apparently on my team too!” Cop says.

ANDY’S CONFESSIONAL: “People were paying so little attention to me, I was able to sneak into the Mermaid’s turf and steal one of their flags, and then make it back to my team’s turf without any complications! I don’t know whether to be proud of myself or sad that no one even noticed me.” Andy says.

“Both teams are tied now, there can be NO mistakes!” Daisy states. “Chill, we’ll do fine.” Claire says. “Not without a plan we won’t! Lauren and Dun Dun, you two stay here and guard our last flag. Claire and I will go and try to steal from the other team.” Daisy says. “What about me?” Bo asks. “You I forgot were even in the game. Sorry.” Daisy says. “That’s what I have been reduced to? An ANDY?!” Bo asks. “Hey!” Andy can be heard yelling. “Um...okay, you can keep an eye on your son! If you see Yeller with one of our flags, stop him and make him give it back to you! Can you manage that?” Daisy asks. “I suppose…” Bo says. “No, not you “suppose”. The answer is YES!” Daisy snaps. Daisy turns towards Claire. “Are you ready?” Daisy asks. “Lets go end that losing streak and start that winning streak!” Claire says. Daisy and Claire run off. Dun Dun turns towards Lauren. “So, nice weather…” Dun Dun says. “Don’t. I hate small talk.” Lauren says. “Well Dun Dun hate YOU but she still making effort!” Dun Dun says.

Cop and Chimney Man are standing guard by their team’s turf. “So...do you own a house?” Chimney Man asks. “Yeah...why?” Cop asks. “Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I sweep chimneys.” Chimney Man says. “Get out!” Cop sarcastically says. “Its true! Since we’re teammates, I could offer you a discount on my services!” Chimney Man says. “My chimney is fine, thanks.” Cop says. “That’s what they all say! Then the next thing they know, they all get carbon monoxide poisoning and DIE! Is that what you want, Cop?! Do you want to die?!?!” Chimney Man asks. “Excuse me! I could use a chimney cleaning!” A voice says. Chimney Man looks around. “Who said that?!” Chimney Man asks. “I’m in this bush right here, and I have a nice check waiting for you! Ooooooh, look at all those zeros!” The voice says. “Are you seriously going to fall for this?!” Cop asks. “They sound nice!” Chimney Man says. Chimney Man walks over to the bush, and Claire grabs him and pulls him behind it! “OW!” Chimney Man is heard yelling, before Claire comes out from the bush alone. Daisy walks up to her. “Nicely done, Claire. I see you are finally realizing that violence is the answer to all of our problems.” Daisy says. “You aren’t getting this flag!” Cop says. “And just who is going to stop us?” Daisy asks. “Me! Littlebridge’s finest!” Cop says. Daisy chuckles. “Cute. Claire, take care of him.” Daisy says. “No! I already broke a nail knocking out the chimney guy, its your turn!” Claire says. “Just as I thought. You ladies are no match for me.” Cop says. Daisy decks Cop and knocks him out! “You just assaulted a police officer!” Claire says. “Oh well! They can arrest me for that after I win the million dollars, now grab the flag!” Daisy demands. Claire grabs the flag, and the two go running back towards their turf.

Back on Mermaid territory, Dun Dun and Bo are playing cards as Lauren stands guard. “Are you two even paying attention?” Lauren asks. “How dare you ask Dun Dun that! You know perfectly well she NEVER pay attention!” Dun Dun says. “You needn’t worry, I am quite observant.” Bo says. Yeller runs up and takes their last flag. “I’m just gonna borrow this and win the challenge, K?” Yeller says. “Okay, son.” Bo says. “Um, hello?!” Lauren asks. “Oh, right!” Bo says. Bo stands up. “Son! I am very disappointed in your-” Before Bo can finish, Mr. Whiskers clobbers him over the head with a pipe! “Dun Dun, go deal with Yeller. The cat is mine.” Lauren says. Dun Dun runs after Yeller, and Mr. Whiskers hisses at Lauren.

As Dun Dun is chasing Yeller back towards his turf, they pass Claire and Daisy. “Wait, does Yeller have one of our flags?!” Claire asks. “Never mind that! If we get this flag back to our turf before Yeller can, we’ll win!” Daisy says. “Okay, yeah, you’re right. Victory is in our grasp!” Claire says. “Daisy!” A voice calls out. Claire and Daisy turn and see Andy. “Oh here we go…” Claire mutters. “Yes, Andy?” Daisy asks. “You and I have always had such a deep connection, I was wondering if maybe...if maybe you would give me the flag back?” Andy asks. “Don’t do it!” Claire tells her. “Hold on, so lets say I gave you the flag...would you give me another chance?” Daisy asks. “Daisy, don’t be an idiot!” Claire says. “I’d be open to it.” Andy says. “Daisy, come on! He is lying, just like most men do! Why do you think my bisexual self prefers to date women? Because men SUCK! That’s why!” Claire says. “Mind your business, Claire.” Daisy says, as she smiles and walks towards Andy. Andy smiles at her, but then Daisy knees him in the groin! “OW!” Andy screams. “If you think I’d be stupid enough to sacrifice one million dollars for YOU, then you don’t know me very well!” Daisy says, as she pushes Andy to the ground! “Wow, you really had me worried for a second there.” Claire says. “Like you said, men suck, and I wasn’t about to lose out on the prize money for one.” Daisy says.

ANDY’S CONFESSIONAL: “I deserved that. I feel really bad about manipulating Daisy like that, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I don’t want to be a jerk that cheats his way through the game! I want to win honestly and fairly! Sure I’ll probably get eaten alive by all the other cheaters in the game, but at least I tried!” Andy says.

“And the race is neck and neck! As Daisy and Claire approach their turf with the rival team’s final flag, Yeller has their final flag as well, with Dun Dun in hot pursuit!” Sam says. “Yeller, stop! Your refrigerator running at home!” Dun Dun says. Yeller stops and turns towards Dun Dun. “What?!” Yeller asks. “Your REFRIGERATOR is RUNNING! You must go home to turn off!” Dun Dun says. “I don’t have time for this stupidity!” Yeller says. Yeller runs towards his turf and enters it holding the flag! “YES! Victory is MINE!” Yeller yells. Before he can reach the crate, Yeller trips over an unconscious Cop and falls to the ground! “You IDIOT! GREAT PLACE TO TAKE A NAP!” Yeller shouts. Across the beach, Daisy and Claire arrive back at their turf and Daisy drops the flag inside the crate. “And the Formidable Mermaids win the challenge!” Sam announces. “We did it!” Claire exclaims. “Good work out there.” Lauren says. “I hate to say it, but we did make a pretty good team.” Daisy notes. “Crazy, isn’t it?” Claire asks. Dun Dun walks up to them. “Not as crazy as Mister of the Whiskers tied up.” Dun Dun says, pointing at a tied up Mr. Whiskers. “Yeah, that was me. Someone needed to permanently remove him from play.” Lauren says. Sam’s phone begins to ring, and he checks the Caller ID. “Peta again. Not putting myself through that again.” Sam says, before hitting the ignore button.

LAUREN’S CONFESSIONAL: “They aren’t gonna sue me or anything for tying up the cat, are they? I mean, you’ve seen that thing. That is not a normal cat.” Lauren says.

Cop begins to wake up. “What’d I miss?” Cop asks. “We lost!” Yeller snaps. “Oh...well better turn in I guess.” Cop says. Sam walks over to them. “That was quite the match, eh guys?” Sam asks. “Except for the part where we lost.” Yeller says. “Yeah, that was a bummer. What’s an even bigger bummer is that your team will be sending someone home!” Sam says. Chimney Man and Andy walk up to them. “So I went into the bush to grab the check from that lady, and the next thing I know, I see her knuckles in my face! Do you know if she left the check anywhere for me?” Chimney Man asks. “I don’t think you’ll be getting paid.” Andy says. Chimney Man turns towards Yeller and Cop. “Oh, hey guys. Did I miss anything?” Chimney Man asks. An annoyed Yeller walks away. Sam turns to face the camera. “And that is a wrap on another episode! With the Graceful Dolphins losing, that means Yeller, Cop, Chimney Man, Andy, and Mr. Whiskers are all on the chopping block! Which one of those contestants will be sent packing? That is up to you the viewers, so be sure to tune in for the answer in the next episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Castaways!” Sam exclaims. “I really hate it here.” Cop complains.