Episode 01: Waterworks

Sam can be seen standing on the dock of a deserted island. “What? We’re live already?” Sam asks. Sam clears his throat. “Hello everyone, and welcome to yet another season of Total Yeller Mania! Its been a hot minute since our last season, where 40 contestants battled it out in a virtual battle royale. How do you top such a massive season? The simple answer is you can’t, which is why we have decided to bring it back to the basics...back to the island! In this season, 14 contestants will be fighting tooth and nail for the usual prize of one million dollars. Just like the old days they will be competing in challenges, and at the end of every challenge, one of our contestants will be voted off the island and sent home. Now, its time to meet our contestants! Before I bring them in, I should probably note that they don’t ACTUALLY know they are competing in a season of Total Yeller Mania. See, I tricked them all into thinking they had won an all expense paid vacation. What none of them realized was that when they signed the paperwork for the vacation, they were actually signing four year contracts with the network! Which means I can drag them out to compete in a season whenever I feel like it! Don’t you just LOVE show business? Anyways, lets introduce our cast.” Sam says. Sam pulls out his phone and makes a call. “Hey, its me. You can bring the contestants around now...What do you mean you got stuck in traffic? You’re in the middle of the ocean, Man-Shark! How do you get stuck in traffic?...Just-just hurry up!” Sam demands, before hanging up the phone. Sam turns to face the camera. “We’re experiencing some technical difficulties. Seems there’s some kind of boat pile up in the Atlantic and my assistant is having trouble getting around it. They’ll be just a moment.” Sam says.

Five Hours Later…

Sam is looking at his watch when he hears a loud engine in the distance. “Here they come now!” Sam exclaims. The yacht carrying the contestants arrives and crashes right into the dock! “Guess I probably should’ve had someone who knows how to drive a boat drive the boat, huh?” Sam says. Yeller steps off of the boat and on to the dock. “What am I doing at this dump? When I won an island vacation, I didn’t know it was going to be here!” Yeller notes. “Yeller, nice to see you again.” Sam says. Yeller notices Sam. “Uh...what are you doing here? Did you win a vacation too?” Yeller asks. “Don’t worry, all will be revealed. Right after everyone else is here.” Sam says. Dylan and Andy step off of the boat. “Well if it isn’t Fantastic City’s heroes! Dylan, Andy, great to have you two back.” Sam says. “What do you mean back? This is just a vacation, right?” Andy asks. Dylan looks around. “Wait a sec...isn’t this that same dump of an island we competed on for that stupid show? What was it called…” Dylan ponders. “The island?” Sam asks. “No, the show.” Dylan clarifies. “Well, while you’re trying to straighten that one out, I’m gonna welcome all of our other contest...I mean, guests.” Sam says. Claire and Lauren step off of the boat, and Claire begins taking pictures. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into taking this dumb vacation…” Lauren mutters. “Don’t worry about it! We’re going to have fun! Just think of all the sun tanning we can do!” Claire says. Lauren sighs. “At least the company isn’t that bad.” Lauren says. Lauren notices Dylan, Andy, and Yeller. “Never mind, I take that back. What are you three doing here?” Lauren wonders. “We won the free vacation too.” Yeller reveals. “That’s...kinda sus.” Claire says. Claire notices Sam. “Wait...don’t tell me YOU won a vacation here.” Claire says. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it soon. We’re still waiting on some people though.” Sam notes. Dun Dun and Mr. Whiskers suddenly come rolling off the boat, fighting each other! “Give back Dun Dun wallet, flea bag!” Dun Dun yells. Mr. Whiskers hisses as he holds a wallet in his paw. As the two continue fighting, Lauren walks over and pulls the wallet out of Mr. Whiskers paw and opens it. “The ID in here says Mr. Whiskers!” Lauren points out. Everyone glares at Dun Dun. “Oops, Dun Dun mistake.” Dun Dun claims. Dun Dun and Mr. Whiskers stand up. “Everyone give a warm welcome to Dun Dun and Mr. Whiskers!” Sam says. Dun Dun turns towards Mr. Whiskers. “Mr. of the Whiskers, you never been on vacation before?” Dun Dun questions. “I have a feeling there is more going on here than a vacation…” Andy admits. Bo escorts Grandma off of the boat. “Slow steps, mother. We don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Bo says. Grandma slaps Bo away. “Get your hands off of me! What do I look like, some old lady?” Grandma asks. Grandma notices Yeller and Dun Dun. “Yeller! Dun Dun! How lovely to see you! I didn’t know you would be on this vacation too!” Grandma says. “So THIS is where you were going when you said you were going out of town to do charity work for a few weeks, Dad?” Yeller asks. “Don’t you dare attempt morality with me, son! I don’t recall you telling me you were going on a vacation! Least of all THIS vacation!” Bo notes. “Bo! Grandma! Thank you so much for coming! Its a pleasure to have you here!” Sam says. “The pleasure is all yours…” Grandma mutters. “Sam, what in the devil are you doing here?” Bo wonders. “Oh, uh...just hanging around.” Sam claims. Cop escorts Creepy Guy off the boat in handcuffs. “Look who I found hiding on the boat!” Cop says. “Cop, its okay! Creepy Guy got an invitation!” Sam reveals. “This guy won a vacation? They really will give out prizes to anyone these days.” Cop says. “Kind of suspicious that we all won a vacation if you ask me…” Lauren says, while glaring at Sam. Disk and The Chimney Man step off of the boat. “I am telling you, your life will be SO much better once you get your chimney swept!” Chimney Man says. “I live in a DVD player!” Disk points out. “DVD players have chimneys too! Here, let me see if I can get you a business card…” Chimney Man says. “Disk and The Chimney Man have arrived! Now if I’m not mistaken, we’re just waiting on one more person…” Sam says. Suddenly, it begins thundering. “Why did a cold chill suddenly go down my spine?” Andy wonders. Claire turns towards the boat. “I can sense it...whoever is left on that boat is the personification of pure EVIL!” Claire says. Suddenly, Daisy emerges from the boat and steps onto the dock! “Oh no…” Andy says. “Who is that?” Dylan questions. “Her name is Daisy. She and I used to date way back in the day. Needless to say...it didn’t end well.” Andy says. Daisy smiles. “Hello everyone, I am SO thrilled to be here! This is so great!” Daisy says. “I’d like to introduce all of you to Daisy, our newest contest...I mean guest.” Sam says. “What’s really going on here, Sam? The brochure for the so called vacation said it was a private island, yet there are fourteen of us here, not including you? Something isn’t adding up.” Lauren notes. “Okay, MAYBE I might’ve fibbed about the whole vacation thing.” Sam admits. “So YOU were behind this?” Yeller asks. “Of course I was! Why else would I be here?” Sam asks. “Wait, you all still think that we’re here on vacation?” Daisy asks. “Don’t you?” Chimney Man asks. “No! It says right in the contracts we all signed that we were signing on for four years of Total Yeller Mania! You all DID read the contract, right?” Daisy asks. No one responds. “Seriously? None of you read it?” Daisy asks. “I thought it was like the terms and conditions on a website! No one actually reads those!” Claire notes.

DAISY’S CONFESSIONAL: “I’m not one to make judgments based on first impressions, but based on my first impressions of these losers...there is NO way I’m going to lose this.” Daisy says.

“So there no vacation?!” Dun Dun asks. “No vacation, sorry Dun Dun.” Sam says. “I’m not sticking around for this garbage! I’ve gone through like a million seasons of this, I’ve had my fill!” Yeller says. Yeller turns around to get back on to the boat, but finds Man-Shark standing in front of it. “I guess now is a good time to tell you all that Man-Shark has returned as my assistant. Isn’t that great?” Sam asks. “So what exactly is going on here, Sam old boy?” Bo questions. “As Daisy explained earlier, the papers you signed for your imaginary vacation was actually a contract signing over four years of your life to the Total Yeller Mania series. As for this island here? This is where the new season will be taking place. Total...Yeller...Mania...CASTAWAYS!” Sam announces. “Boooooooooooo!” Disk shouts. Sam glares at Disk. “A little more enthusiasm would be nice! I’m giving you the chance to win a million bucks!” Sam points out. “At the cost of our lives! Us veterans remember how dangerous your stupid little competition is!” Claire notes. “Remember last season when you lost control of the virtual world and we almost all died?” Lauren asks. “Yeah, but I wasn’t ACTUALLY trying to kill you. It was an accident!” Sam argues. “And all the times we almost died in the seasons before? I suppose those were just accidents as well, hm?” Bo questions. “Of course! We can’t...we can’t have any contestants die on screen! That’d...that’d be bad for business!” Sam claims, holding back laughter. “You all are a bunch of wusses! I for one welcome the chance to win some cash! Maybe with a million bucks I could move out of the dump I live in now into a nice retirement home!” Grandma suggests. “Mother, I bought you your current home!” Bo points out. “Did I ask you to do that?! NO! So don’t expect a thank you!” Grandma snaps. “Okay, if I could get your attention for just a moment. I’d really like to form the teams so we can get this show on the road. So this season, we are gonna have two teams, each of them with seven contestants. The first team will be the Graceful Dolphins. That team will consist of Yeller, Cop, Disk, Creepy Guy, Mr. Whiskers, Andy, and The Chimney Man.” Sam reveals. “Cool, I’m a dolphin!” Andy says. “I hate dolphins. They are just so BORING.” Disk says. “Dolphins hate you too, Disk.” Andy says. “Excuse me, as team captain, I would like to change the team name to Chimney Sweeps! I spent a long time coming up with that name last season, and I’d really like to keep it. Thanks.” Chimney Man says. “Wait a second, who died and made you team captain?” Disk asks. “Keep sassing me and its going to be YOU!” Chimney Man warns. “Sorry Chimney Man, the team names are final.” Sam says. “What about the team members? Any chance I can switch with someone from the other team? I don’t really feel comfortable working on a team with someone who has tried to arrest me multiple times.” Yeller says. “And I don’t feel comfortable working on a team with someone who is constantly committing crimes so I have to arrest them!” Cop argues. “Sorry boys, but part of the fun is team friction, and the two of you have that in spades!” Sam says. Sam turns towards the other seven contestants. “Okay, as for Lauren, Daisy, Dun Dun, Claire, Bo, Dylan, and Grandma, you four are all on the team the Formidable Mermaids!” Sam announces. “I’m a MERMAID?!” Dylan questions.

DYLAN’S CONFESSIONAL: “Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m beautiful. But mermaid beautiful? That’s a different kind of beautiful. I don’t want to be that kind of beautiful. You think Sam would bend the whole no switching teams rule if I offered him $100?” Dylan wonders. “No deal!” Sam can be heard yelling. “Ugh.” Dylan complains.

Daisy turns to face her teammates. “Listen up, everyone. I realize that I am new, but I would just like to make a point to all of you. I have a no tolerance rule for losing. If our team is ever to lose a challenge, which I don’t think will happen because you all strike me as a competent bunch, the person responsible for our team losing should be the one voted out. I think we can all agree on that, right? But don’t worry, so long as you all follow my lead, the chances of us ever losing a challenge are slim to none.” Daisy says. Claire walks up to her. “Look, Lazy…” Claire says. “Its Daisy.” Daisy says. “Whatever. I’m sure you mean well, but try to keep in mind that some of us have been here since you were in diapers.” Claire says. “We’re around the same age…” Daisy points. “Let...me...TALK! Anyways, try not to assert too much authority. We don’t like that. Especially not my girlfriend Lauren.” Claire says. “Well if your girlfriend is incapable of being a team player, maybe she should just go home!” Daisy suggests. “Or maybe she should just throw your puny butt into the lake!” Claire growls. Dylan steps between Claire and Daisy. “Ladies, lets keep to our separate corners, yeah?” Dylan asks. “Butt out!” Claire and Daisy both snap at Dylan, before walking away.

DUN DUN’S CONFESSIONAL: “When Dun Dun the level head one on team, we know we have big problem.” Dun Dun says.

GRANDMA’S CONFESSIONAL: “I can’t believe I’m stuck on a team with all these useless youngins. Kids today don’t know the meaning of hard labor, and that’s why we’re gonna end up losing! They should’ve just put me on a team alone, then I could actually get stuff done! Oh well...at least I have Dun Dun as a teammate.” Grandma says.

“So are we doing a challenge today? Its getting kind of late…” Yeller notes. “Not my fault you people took forever getting off the boat, but yes, we are doing a challenge today. Its a totally original challenge...an obstacle course!” Sam exclaims. Everyone sighs and groans. “Try to keep your excitement in check…” Sam says. Sam turns towards the water where there are multiple platforms set up. “The concept is pretty simple. We have an obstacle course set up in the middle of the water. The goal is for you to reach the finish line. The team with the most contestants that make it to the end will win the challenge. The team that doesn’t win the challenge will have to send someone home.” Sam says. “What happens if one of us falls into the water? Do we have to start at the beginning?” Andy questions. “Not quite. Once someone falls into the water, that means they are eliminated from the challenge.” Sam says. “Okay, this doesn’t sound too bad.” Claire notes. Sam chuckles. “Yeah...sure it isn’t.” Sam says. “Is there more?” Bo wonders. “Well...I think I’ll let you all figure that out for yourself.” Sam says, before using an air horn. “What was that for?!” Daisy asks. “That means GO!” Sam announces. Everyone begins running towards the obstacle course. As Chimney Man jumps onto the first platform, he misses it and almost falls into the water. Creepy Guy manages to grab his arm and pull him up before he does. “Uh...thanks.” Chimney Man says. Creepy Guy doesn’t respond, and simply stares at Chimney Man. “We...we should probably keep going. We don’t want to lose.” Chimney Man notes. Suddenly, Chimney Man and Creepy Guy are both hit in the face by tennis balls and fall off of the platform and into the water! Man-Shark is revealed to be standing on a nearby platform, holding a gun that is loaded with tennis balls! “And there is the monkey’s paw.” Cop notes. Daisy suddenly passes Cop and jumps on to the next platform. Disk catches up to her. “You might as well just give up now! You can’t beat the dolphins!” Disk claims. A tennis ball flies at Daisy, but she grabs Disk and uses him as a shield, knocking him out! “You were saying?” Daisy asks.

Bo is still on the very first platform. “Oh dear...I don’t know about this. This looks quite unsafe.” Bo says. Grandma comes up behind him. “Oh suck it up you wimp!” Grandma says, as she grabs Bo and throws him towards the finish line! As Bo screams, he notices that he is nearing the finish line! “I’m almost there!” Bo announces. Bo is suddenly hit in the face by a tennis ball and falls into the water!

Sam comes up behind Man-Shark. “Getting kinda bored of the tennis balls, you think maybe we should up our game?” Sam asks. Man-Shark nods. “Yeah, I thought so too.” Sam says. Sam hands Man-Shark a new gun, and takes his old one. “Have at em, big guy.” Sam says.

Dun Dun is jumping across the platforms with no problem. “Dun Dun don’t know why you bozos fall! This piece of ca-” Before Dun Dun can finish, she is hit in the face by a brick and falls into the water! Claire turns and sees Man-Shark reload his gun, which is loaded with bricks. “Is that legal?!” Claire asks. Sam shrugs. “We haven’t gotten any calls saying it isn’t!” Sam notes.

Yeller hops across the final platform and reaches the finish line, but finds Lauren is already there! “Wait, how did you get here so fast?” Yeller questions. “I...hopped here?” Lauren notes. “But, what about the tennis balls? What about the bricks?” Yeller questions. Lauren shrugs. “They just...didn’t hit me.” Lauren says. “I don’t understand any of this.” Yeller says. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you, its not that complicated.” Lauren says. Daisy suddenly jumps on to the finish line. “I made it!” Daisy announces. Daisy is then hit in the face by a brick! “What was that for?! I crossed the finish line!” Daisy snaps. “Oops, sorry!” Sam claims. Daisy turns towards Lauren. “Where is everyone else?” Daisy questions. “Bo fell, everyone else just isn’t here.” Lauren says. “Well then where are they?! Everyone else should have been here by now going by my calculations! That’s it! If we lose, Bo is going home!” Daisy announces. “I don’t know, he’s one of the few not terrible people here.” Lauren says. “Are you DEFYING me?!” Daisy asks. “I can’t defy you when I don’t work for you!” Lauren points out. “That is IT! If we lose, YOU are going home!” Daisy shouts, pointing at Lauren. Dylan dives onto the finish line. “What took you so long?” Daisy questions. “I got hit in the head by a brick and was unconscious for thirteen minutes! Sue me!” Dylan says. “Don’t tempt me!” Daisy threatens. “Where in the world is my team?!” Yeller wonders. “Just so everyone knows the tally. So far, three members of the Formidable Mermaids have made it to the finish line while only one member of the Graceful Dolphins have!” Sam announces. Andy arrives at the finish line. “I made it!” Andy exclaims. Daisy pulls Andy into an embrace. “I knew you could do it!” Daisy states. Andy peels Daisy off of him. “I’m on the other team, remember?” Andy asks. “Maybe, but even so, I’ll never not be rooting for you.” Daisy says.

ANDY’S CONFESSIONAL: “I could be wrong, but I’m willing to bet that the only reason Sam brought Daisy on the show was because he knew it would make me uncomfortable. I understand that ratings are important, but don’t people’s feelings matter too?” Andy wonders. Sam can be heard cracking up laughing.

“Okay, so you and me made it to the finish line. Where’s everyone else?” Yeller wonders. “Uh, The Chimney Man and Creepy Guy fell, and I think Disk got knocked off too.” Andy says. “Disk didn’t get knocked off, he just got knocked out!” Daisy notes. “How would you know?” Yeller wonders. “I...MAY have used him as a shield to protect myself from a tennis ball. It was perfectly harmless! For me at least.” Daisy says. “I can actually sort of respect that level of dedication.” Lauren admits. Suddenly, Disk jumps over to the finish line. “I made it!” Disk announces. “Yaaaaaaaaaaay…” Daisy sarcastically mutters. Disk points at Daisy. “She tried to kill me! I want her out of the competition and I want her arrested!” Disk demands. “Oh please, all I did was use you to fend off a tennis ball coming at 80 miles per hour. Since when is self preservation a crime?!” Daisy wonders. “Besides, I looked over the rule book for the competition and there’s no rule saying you can’t kill a competitor or two. Might be against the law, but its not against the rules of the game.” Sam says. Daisy sticks her tongue out at Disk. “The teams are tied so far!” Sam announces. “Ugh! I should’ve threw him off the edge when I had the chance!” Daisy complains. “You’re right, you should’ve. Kinda sounds like maybe we should vote you out.” Lauren notes. “Oh be quiet!” Daisy says. Meanwhile, Claire and Cop are competing neck and neck. “What are you still doing all the way back here?” Cop asks. “I needed to paint my nails, they looked like crap! You?” Claire questions. “I needed to stop for a doughnut break.” Cop says. Claire’s eyes widen. “Duck!” Claire urges, as she ducks. “Where?” Cop asks. Cop is hit in the head by a brick and falls off the edge! Claire smiles. “Tried to warn you.” Claire says. Claire jumps to the finish line. “Roll out the red carpet, I’m here!” Claire announces. “The Formidable Mermaids have four points, the Graceful Dolphins only have three!” Sam announces. “You moron! Thanks for NOTHING, as usual!” Yeller shouts to Cop! “The remaining people who have not fallen and have no made it to the finish line are Mr. Whiskers and Grandma! If Grandma falls and Mr. Whiskers makes it to the finish line, we’ll have a tie on our hands! Any other scenario and the Formidable Dolphins will win!” Sam notes.

Man-Shark locks on to Mr. Whiskers and prepares to fire, but Grandma hits him over the head with a brick! “I’ll take over from here, son.” Grandma says. Grandma picks up the gun and points it at Mr. Whiskers. Mr. Whiskers notices Grandma holding it and hisses. “Here kitty, kitty, kitty…” Grandma says, as she begins rapidly firing at Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Whiskers manages to avoid every single brick fired at him, and Grandma ends up running out of ammo! “NO! I’m out!” Grandma yells. Mr. Whiskers sticks his tongue out at her, and begins trotting towards the edge of the platform to jump to the finish line. As Mr. Whiskers is mid jump, the actual gun comes flying at him and knocks him into the water! “NO!!!!!” Yeller screams. Grandma jumps onto the finish line. “You kids will never learn.” Grandma says. “And the Formidable Mermaids win the challenge! You know what that means, Dolphins. You will be sending someone home!” Sam notes.

Later that evening, Yeller, Cop, Disk, Creepy Guy, Chimney Man, Andy, and Mr. Whiskers are all sitting around the campfire, as Sam arrives holding a plate of marshmallows. “Here we are again...feels like old times, doesn’t it? Me handing out marshmallows, all of you scared to death because you have no idea who’s being sent home! Ah the good old days…” Sam says. “I assume whoever gets voted off will be taking a boat back home?” Andy asks. Sam laughs. “A BOAT?! Yeah...no. That’s not in the budget anymore. Whoever is voted off gets to ride the luxury log home! Just better hope you don’t run into any waves.” Sam says. “A single log?!” Cop asks. “A single log! Exciting, huh?” Sam asks. “Its dangerous!” Disk points out. “Well who asked you?! Anyways, lets get this show on the road. The people getting marshmallows are...Andy, Mr. Whiskers, Disk, Cop, and Chimney Man! That means the last two left are Creepy Guy and Yeller. Only one of you will be getting a marshmallow, only one of you gets to continue in the competition!” Sam announces. “Wait a minute, people actually voted for ME? I was the first member of our team that got to the finish line!” Yeller points out. “You were being kind of rude…” Andy points out. “Because I was waiting forever for someone else from our team to finally get to the finish line? Because I got a little upset that Cop got knocked off the edge when it could’ve been avoided if he wasn’t a total idiot? Excuse me for looking out for my team!” Yeller says. “Can I talk now?” Sam asks. “Fine, lets just get this over with! The final marshmallow goes to...Creepy Guy!” Sam announces, as he throws Creepy Guy a marshmallow. “Last place?! LAST PLACE?! UNBELIEVABLE! I want a list of every single person who voted for me!” Yeller demands. “Not gonna happen, Yeller. I do have a piece of good news for you, though. The truth is...you aren’t going anywhere!” Sam announces. “WHAT?!” Everyone asks. “See, this whole elimination was sort of just a joke, something to get you all going.” Sam reveals. “So there isn’t an elimination for this challenge?” Chimney Man questions. “I didn’t say that either! One thing I neglected to mention at the beginning of the episode was that we are changing up the elimination system a bit this season. Each episode will see a contestant being voted off...but it won’t be by other contestants. This season, the VIEWERS get to decide who goes home!” Sam announces. “How are you going to do that when the episodes aren’t broadcast live?” Andy questions. “Excellent question, Andy. Instead of the eliminations being held at the end of every episode, we will be holding them at the BEGINNING of every episode! So by the time the next episode airs, our viewers would have voted already and I will already know who is getting sent home. So if I were you, I’d be trying my best to be likable in the eyes of the audience.” Sam says.

CHIMNEY MAN CONFESSIONAL: “This is going to be SO easy! With The Chimney Sweep Alliance of America backing me, there is no way I can lose! Once I win that money, I can finally retire! Yipee!” Chimney Man says.

Sam is now standing on the dock of the island. “And that concludes the first episode of Total Yeller Mania Castaways. Who will get voted out in the next episode? That is for you the viewer to decide! When you decide who you want to vote out of the game, please email the network or comment on the official Total Yeller Mania Castaways forums. In the meantime, I will see you all here next time for another exciting episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...CASTAWAYS!” Sam exclaims.