S3 Episode 13: Date Night

YELLER HOUSEHOLD
*Bo comes into the living room, and sees Yeller sitting on the sofa, watching TV. "Business as usual, eh, son?" Bo asks. Yeller doesn't respond. "Son!" Bo yells. "Huh? Oh, hey Dad. How long have you been there?" Yeller asks. "For a few moments, actually." Bo says. "How come you didn't say anything?" Yeller asks. "I did, dear boy." Bo says. "Yeah, right. I think I would've heard you if you did." Yeller comments. "Son, I've been meaning to ask you something. Don't you think you are a tad...I don't know...too invested in this television?" Bo asks. "What? No! That's crazy! I barely ever watch TV!" Yeller says. "Son, you have been in front of that electronic device for the past eight hours, only lifting yourself off of the sofa to eat or go to the bathroom. Perhaps it is time for you to make some new friends so that you will have something other to do than watch television." Bo says. "I have friends." Yeller says. "Please don't tell me you are referring to that hoodlum, Dun Dun. I would hardly refer to her as a good friend." Bo says. "You didn't say anything about good friends, you just said friend." Yeller notes. Bo sighs. "Let me rephrase that. I think you need to make new friends that are NOT criminals." Bo says. "Dad, I don't need new friends! I am perfectly happy with my life now." Yeller says. Yeller turns the TV off, and stands up. "Are you going outdoors?" Bo asks. "No, I am taking my company elsewhere, and I'm going upstairs to watch TV in the comfort of my bedroom. I hope your happy, Dad. You alienated your own son!" Yeller says. "You're disowning me?!" Bo asks. "You left me with no choice." Yeller says. "Will you still feel that way when its allowance day?" Bo asks. Yeller stares at him for a moment. "We'll talk later." Yeller says, before running upstairs. Bo pulls out his cell phone, and makes a call. "Salvatore, old boy! How are you today?...I'm lovely, thank you for asking. Say, do you remember a few years back, when you tried to set your daughter up with my son?...I said that was an absurd idea, and that no one was good enough for my son? Oh, sorry about that. Well, I've changed my mind. Is she still single?...Excellent! So, how about I invite your daughter over for dinner tonight?...No, not for me! For my son!...What do you mean you didn't know I had a son? I just-Salvatore, have you been drinking again?...Well, before you pass out drunk, be sure to ask your daughter to come over my house in time for 7 PM. Thank you, my friend. Ciao!" Bo says, before hanging up.

Later, at 7PM...

*Bo is sitting on the sofa, doing a crossword puzzle, when Yeller comes downstairs. "What's for dinner?" Yeller asks. "Steak." Bo responds. "Steak? The only time you ever make steak is when someone gets married or when someone dies." Yeller says. "I also made steak when I divorced your mother." Bo adds. "So, what's the special occasion tonight? Are you getting married?" Yeller asks. "Heavens no! Never again shall I participate in that absurd ritual known as getting married! No, tonight, is YOUR night." Bo says. "I'm not getting married." Yeller says. "No, but you do have a date." Bo says. "I have a WHAT?" Yeller asks. "Do you need a q tip? I said you have a DAAAAAAAAAATE." Bo says. "Since when? And with who?" Yeller asks. "Do you remember my old business associate, Salvatore Williams?" Bo asks. "The drunk?" Yeller asks. "Yes, that's the one." Bo says. "Wait a minute...DID YOU SET ME UP WITH HIS DAUGHTER?!" Yeller angrily asks. "That's right, I nearly forgot that the two of you have already met." Bo says. "Yeah, we met. That girl is spoiled rotten! Not to mention that she is a complete snob!" Yeller says. "Come now, son, this was years ago! I'm sure Tessa has changed her ways since then." Bo says. "I wouldn't hold my breath. I'm sorry, but I am NOT going on this date." Yeller says. "You're right, you aren't going on a date. You are staying right here. Your date will be within the comforting walls of your own home." Bo says. "I don't care if the date is on a tropical island where the resort is made out of one hundred dollar bills, I'm not going on this date! Besides, I already have plans with Dun Dun." Yeller says. "You WHAT?!" Bo asks. "Do YOU need a q tip? I said I have plans with DUN DUN." Yeller says. "Son, that girl CANNOT come anywhere near this house during the date!" Bo says. "Good thing there isn't gonna be a date, then." Yeller says. "You are going to participate in this date, and you are going to like it!" Bo yells. "And what if I don't? What are you gonna do? Huh?" Yeller asks. "Oh, I don't know. I guess I COULD always cut off your allowance, leaving you with virtually no money in your name. But, I'm sure that wouldn't bother you." Bo says. Yeller forces a smile. "What time is Tessa coming over?" Yeller asks. "Any moment now. In fact, she should've been here by now." Bo says. The doorbell rings. "Ah, that must be her. Hang tight, dear boy." Bo says. Bo walks over to the door, and opens it to Tessa. "Tessa! Hello! Lovely to see you, again!" Bo says. "Hello Bo. I apologize for the delay, but the limo driver seems to find it to be difficult to drive the limo up to my front door on time. That wont be a problem much longer, I'm going to fire the fool." Tessa says. Tessa walks over to Yeller. "Alexander! Its been so long! Have you done something different with your hair? Oh, nope, still bald, I see!" Tessa says. "Just as friendly as ever, eh?" Yeller sarcastically asks. "No need to get so worked up. I'm merely joking. My, my, my, always so serious. So, has the chef begun to cook yet?" Tessa asks. "No chef, my dear. I will be cooking." Bo says. "You don't have a chef? I thought you were rich?" Tessa asks. "I've never had much of a need for hired help. I can do anything they can. Besides, I'd much rather put my money towards something more useful, rather than people who will run my errands for me." Bo says. "I see...I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree. Alexander, what on earth are you wearing? That outfit is atrocious!" Tessa says. "Its my regular clothes, and for the record, I go by Yeller." Yeller says. "This is supposed to be a date, and you dress yourself in street clothes? How utterly insulting!" Tessa says. "It would've been helpful if I actually new there was gonna be a date." Yeller says. "Oh, hilarious! Pedestrian humor! Never gets old!" Tessa says. "Tessa, can you wait in the kitchen for me? I need to talk to my Dad." Yeller says. "I suppose so. Based off of your father's previous statement, I don't suppose you have a butler to show me the way to the kitchen." Tessa says. "Its the big doorway without the door. It isn't that hard to find." Yeller says. "No need to be rude about it. I'll see you in the kitchen." Tessa says, before walking out of the room. Yeller turns towards Bo. "I CANT stand that woman! Get her out of here!" Yeller says. "I agree, it wasn't a wonderful first impression. Technically, second impression. But, I'm sure once you get the chance to know her, you'll find that deep down, she is actually quite decent." Bo says. "We'll see." Yeller says, before walking into the kitchen. A moment later, the doorbell rings. "Oh no." Bo says. Bo walks over to the front door, and opens it to Dun Dun. "Where Yeller?" Dun Dun asks. "Hello, Dun Dun! How unexpected! What brings you to my lovely home?" Bo asks. "Dun Dun come to see Yeller. She and Yeller have plans." Dun Dun says. "I'm sorry, but Yeller isn't home." Bo says. "WHAT?!" An angry Dun Dun yells.

*In the kitchen, Yeller and Tessa are sitting at the table, when they hear Dun Dun yell from the other room. "What on earth was that?" Tessa asks. "Who cares?" Yeller says.

*"Keep your voice down!" Bo orders. "Dun Dun talk to Yeller over phone earlier, and Yeller say he gonna help Dun Dun carry TV into her home!" Dun Dun says. "You bought a new television?" Bo asks. "No, it neighbor's TV. Dun Dun saw it in window the other day, and it was sight at first love." Dun Dun says. "I believe you mean love at first sight." Bo says. "Don't correct Dun Dun, old bald man. She no gonna take lip from you! Now you tell Dun Dun where Yeller hiding!" Dun Dun says. "I already told you, he isn't here." Bo says. "Liar!" Dun Dun yells. "Okay, why don't you wait here for a moment? I need to go take care of something in the kitchen. I'll be back in a moment." Bo says, before running out.

*Bo runs into the kitchen. "Dad, is someone here?" Yeller asks. "No, no, just me talking to myself. Carry on." Bo says. Bo throws the steak in the oven, and then runs out. "Your father's taste in décor leaves A LOT to be desired." Tessa says. "Sorry our furniture isn't made out of gold." Yeller sarcastically says. "I will allow your apology, this one time." Tessa says. "Gee, how generous of you." Yeller sarcastically says.

*Bo returns to Dun Dun in the living room. "What were you doing?!" Dun Dun asks. "If you must know, I was starting dinner." Bo says. "Oh, what for dinner?" Dun Dun asks. "Steak." Bo says. "Dun Dun love steak! Thank you for inviting Dun Dun over for dinner." Dun Dun says. "I never invited you!" Bo says. Dun Dun ignores him. "It perfect time pass till Yeller come home! Come, old bald man, we wait for dinner in kitchen." Dun Dun says. "NO! STOP!" Bo yells. Bo tackles Dun Dun, and knocks over a lamp in the process.

*Yeller and Tessa hear the lamp break. "Did you hear that? It sounded as if something broke!" Tessa says. "Who cares?" Yeller says.

*"Get off Dun Dun, beast with moustache! She have weight limit, you know!" Dun Dun yells. Bo stands up, and helps Dun Dun up. "I apologize for that outburst. Its just...uh...the kitchen is currently being renovated. No one is allowed out there." Bo says. "You just out there, though." Dun Dun points out. "Uh, well...because, er....I'm special." Bo says. "You are?" Dun Dun asks. "Yes. Since I am the owner of the house, I was given the privilege of being allowed to use the appliances out in the kitchen, even while it is...being renovated." Bo says. "Oh, Dun Dun understand." Dun Dun says. "Splendid!" Bo says. Bo hears a bell ringing from the other room. "What that?" Dun Dun asks. "Uh....its the oven! Be right back, my dear!" Bo says, before running out.

*Bo runs into the kitchen, and finds Tessa shaking a bell. "Where the devil did you get a bell?!" Bo asks. "I always carry one with me. I would feel naked without one." Tessa says. Yeller rolls his eyes. "What can I do for you, Tessa?" Bo asks. "This date is boring me." Tessa says. "Maybe that's because the only thing you've done is criticize the look of the kitchen." Yeller says. "Music always speaks to my soul. I'm sure some music would put me into a MUCH better mood." Tessa says. Bo sighs. "Very well." Bo says. Bo turns on the radio, and the rap station comes on. "Oh my gosh! What is that horrible sound?!" Tessa angrily asks. "Its rap music, my dear. All of the young people in this generation listen to rap!" Bo says. "Myself not included! I feel like my brain cells are slowly being killed off while listening to this drivel!" Tessa yells. "Well then what would you LIKE to listen to?" Bo asks. "Opera, and please, turn it on quick. I cant bear to listen to this incomprehensible music for one more second." Tessa says. "Of course." Bo says. Bo changes the station to opera. "There we go, much more relaxing. Wouldn't you agree, Alexander?" Tessa asks. "Personally, I hate opera AND rap." Yeller says. "My, my, my, so difficult to please, aren't you? Mr. Yeller, I'm feeling a bit parched. Do you mind brewing me a cup of hot tea?" Tessa asks. "Actually..." Bo says. "No time to think about it. Just do it." Tessa says. Bo sighs. "Fine." Bo says. Bo starts the boiler on the stove, and places the tea kettle on it. "I'll be back once the tea begins to boil. While I am gone, please, get to know each other. Who knows? Perhaps you might find you have something in common." Bo says. "Doubtful." Yeller and Tessa say at the same time. "See? You are already in sync! Young love is such a beautiful thing." Bo says, before walking out. "So, um, uh..." Yeller says. "Tessa." Tessa tells him. "Right, I knew that. What do you do for fun?" Yeller asks. "I like to attend Broadway shows. My father owns a beach house that I like to retreat to during the Summer for extended stays. I also quite enjoy playing the piano. I find it to be quite the stress reliever. And, occasionally, very rarely, I'll go to the country club and play tennis. What about you, what activities do you participate in for enjoyment?" Tessa asks. "I watch TV." Yeller says. "Surely, you must be joking. That's ALL you do for fun?" Tessa asks. "No! There is this cop guy I don't like, his name is Cop, and, I antagonize him a lot." Yeller says. "You call antagonizing the local authorities fun?" Tessa asks. "To be fair, he usually starts it. Besides, he sucks at his job." Yeller says. "Well, we all have different hobbies, I suppose." Tessa says.

*Back in the living room, Bo returns to Dun Dun. "Is steak for Dun Dun done yet?" Dun Dun asks. "No, not quite. Give it some time, my dear." Bo says. "Then why oven ring?" Dun Dun asks. "Because, uh...it was hungry. In order for it to finish cooking the steak, it needed to be fed." Bo says. "Oh. Dun Dun understand now." Dun Dun says. "Lovely." Bo says.

*"So, um...you, uh, you have nice...fingernails." Yeller says. "Uh, thank you. I have my nails done twice a week, at least." Tessa says. "Oh, I see. Watch any good movies lately?" Yeller asks. "I don't watch television. I feel that it fries the brain. I much prefer attending plays, and opera shows, whenever the mood suits me." Tessa says. An uncomfortable Yeller nods. "Tell me, Alexander, have you considered investing in a wig?" Tessa asks. "A...wig? Why would I do that?" Yeller asks. "Well, I feel that some hair might make you MUCH more attractive. Key word being MIGHT. There are no guarantees in life." Tessa says. "No, course not." Yeller says. Tessa notices Yeller's elbows on the table. "You know, it isn't very polite to have your elbows on the dining room table." Tessa says. "Can I ask you a question?" Yeller asks. "I suppose I can allow it." Tessa says. "Why did you come here tonight? Did you do it because you weren't sure if there were people less fortunate than you? Or were you bored and you were looking for someone to torment?" Yeller asks. "Someone is in a foul mood. I came here this evening because I thought I would entertain your father's idea of us possibly becoming a couple. But, I see that some things never change. You are just as classless as you were all of those years ago, when we last met." Tessa says. "I was five." Yeller says. "Does that make it any less noticeable that you lacked class and decency?" Tessa asks. "You want to talk to me about decency? Here's something I'm sure you've heard plenty of times, you are a SNOB." Yeller says. Tessa gasps. "How dare you! I am NOT a snob! I just have better manners than you." Tessa says. "Those aren't manners! You are just a B-I-T-" Before Yeller can finish, Tessa interrupts him. "Please, watch your language!" Tessa yells. "Just cause you interrupted me doesn't make it any less true." Yeller says. "At least I have hair! Beautiful hair, at that!" Tessa notes. "Only because YOU weren't the one who did it! Let me guess, you went to some overly expensive salon?" Yeller asks. "Uh, well..." Tessa says. "I figured as much. What about the nose job? How much did that cost?" Yeller asks. "I didn't have a nose job done!" Tessa yells. "If that isn't a nose job, then I got a bridge to sell you!" Yeller says. "Your manners leave A LOT to be desired." Tessa says. "Yeah, so don't yours." Yeller says. "Excuse me, but I was raised by one of the most polite men on the planet!" Tessa yells. "Who, your Dad's butler?" Yeller asks. "You are getting on my last nerve." Tessa angrily says. "Really? I must be doing something right, then." Yeller says. "I am getting sick of listening to you!" Tessa yells. "There's the door, use it." Yeller says. "There isn't even a door there for me to use! Its just a doorway!" Tessa yells. "Who cares? Just walk through it!" Yeller yells.

*In the living room, Dun Dun hears yelling coming from the kitchen. "What that?" Dun Dun asks. "Uh...most likely just the construction workers arguing about whether or not I wanted light blue or dark blue paint on the walls." Bo nervously says. "Don't you lie to Dun Dun, she know what REALLY going on here!" Dun Dun says. "Dun Dun, whatever you think is going on, its not true!" Bo says. "Oh yeah? You not hiding valuable treasure in kitchen?" Dun Dun asks. "Wait, what?!" Bo asks. "Dun Dun got you letter, buddy." Dun Dun says. "I believe you mean number." Bo says. "You have valuable treasure, and you don't want to share with Dun Dun!" Dun Dun yells. "Lets say your theory is correct, and I do have some valuable treasure in the kitchen, OF COURSE I WOULD'NT WANT TO BLOODY SHARE IT WITH YOU!" Bo yells. "Well, too bad! Dun Dun want it anyway!" Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun walks towards the kitchen. "No, Dun Dun, you CANT go out there!" Bo yells. Dun Dun ignores him. She walks into the kitchen, and finds Yeller with Tessa. "WHAT GOING ON HERE?!" Dun Dun angrily asks. "Dun Dun, there is a perfectly good explanation as to why I never showed up at the neighb/or's house." Yeller says. Bo comes in, and Dun Dun turns towards him. "Dun Dun no see treasure!" Dun Dun yells. "I never said there WAS a treasure." Bo notes. "Wait one second. Bo tell Dun Dun that Yeller no here, but Yeller standing right there!" Dun Dun says. "You told her I wasn't here?" Yeller asks Bo. "I didn't want her interfering with the date!" Bo says. "Oh, believe me, Tessa here did a pretty good job of doing that all on her own." Yeller says. "Me?! It is YOU who has the manners of an ape, not me! I apologize that I wasn't willing to indulge your ridiculousness for longer than I had to." Tessa sarcastically says. "And I apologize that I didn't go buy a shotgun the second you walked through the door!" Yeller says. "Now, now, no reason to argue." Bo says. "Date?" Dun Dun asks. "A tad late, aren't you, Dun Dun?" Bo asks. "You LIE to Dun Dun? Unforgivable!" Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun turns towards Yeller. "And YOU! You tell Dun Dun that we going to steal TV together, and then you ditch her for THIS?" Dun Dun asks. "Excuse me, but I have a name. Not that I intend to tell you what it is, you don't appear worthy enough to know my name." Tessa says. "Dun Dun worthy of everything! Dun Dun is royalty!" Dun Dun yells. "I didn't realize that the local street gang had a royal court." Tessa sarcastically says. "STREET GANG?! DUN DUN NO IN GANG! DUN DUN WORK ALONE!" Dun Dun yells. "If that is the case, I cant imagine you've ever actually accomplished anything." Tessa says. "How dare you speak to Dun Dun like she garbage!" Dun Dun yells. "I wouldn't do that, that would be an insult to garbage." Tessa says. Dun Dun screams, and charges at Tessa. Bo tries to hold Dun Dun back. "Calm down, no need to resort to violence." Bo says. "Every need to resort to violence!" Dun Dun yells. "Go ahead, my security team will have you six feet under before you can even finish saying the word duh!" Tessa says. Dun Dun begins to stomp on the ground in a rage. "DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dun Dun angrily yells. "Do? Do what?" Tessa asks. "No, she doesn't want you to do anything. She just yells that when she's mad." Yeller says. The oven begins to beep. "Oh, I need to go take the steak out of the oven before it burns." Bo says. "Good! Go do that so Dun Dun can give whooping to preppy new lady!" Dun Dun says. Bo ignores the timer beeping on the oven, and continues to hold Dun Dun back. "Uh, Dad, the oven-" Yeller says. "Not now, son! I cant very well go and take the steak out when I need to keep this loon from attacking our guest!" Bo says. "Back at home, my security team throws people like her into the gutter." Tessa says. "Only person that going in gutter YOU!" Dun Dun yells. "Hm, I can see that your grammar is already in the gutter." Tessa says. "Dun Dun grammar good! She no have bad grammar!" Dun Dun yells. "I'm gonna go take the steak out..." Yeller says. Yeller goes towards the oven, but Tessa grabs his arm. "Not so fast! I demand that you remove this cretin from the premises, at ONCE!" Tessa yells. "I don't take orders from you." Yeller says. "I said REMOVE HER!" Tessa yells. The smoke detector begins to go off, as the stove catches on fire! "Dun Dun see fire! DUN DUN SEE FIRE!" Dun Dun screams. "Oh no! I'm too beautiful to die!" Tessa yells. "Someone, call the police! Call the fire department! Call my Mom! No, wait, scratch that last comment, don't do that." Bo says. Yeller grabs the fire extinguisher, and begins to spray the fire, until it is put out. "My steak! ITS RUINED!" Bo yells, as he falls to the floor, sobbing. "Dun Dun better get out of here before cops get here. They might think SHE set fire." Dun Dun yells, before running out. Tessa runs up to Yeller, and hugs him. "My hero!" Tessa says. "Huh?!" Yeller asks. "That fire could have killed all of us, but you, being the brave person that you are, stepped up, and saved all of us!" Tessa says. "All I did was extinguish a fire." Yeller says. "We all could've died, but you didn't allow that to happen. You rescued all of us from uncertainty, and it is thanks to you that we now have another chance at life!" Tessa says. "Do you always talk so dramatically?" Yeller asks. "Perhaps you aren't as much of a pedestrian as I originally thought. You might make a good companion yet." Tessa says. "No, NO! Uh, you have it all wrong! I put out that fire to save myself! Not you!" Yeller says. "Oh, always the kidder, aren't you? That's alright, one of those quirks you have, I suppose." Tessa says. "Yeah, listen, as fun as this has been, you should probably be going. See you in another decade or so." Yeller says. "Hilarious, aren't you? Tell me, Alexander, are you free next Tuesday? There is a lovely play taking place, right here in Littlebridge. I would love it if you would attend it with me." Tessa says. "No, I'm not free! I'll never be free!" Yeller says. Tessa laughs. "Oh my! I'll never get quite enough of that sense of humor! I'll see you next Tuesday." Tessa says, before walking out. Yeller pulls out a lighter, and tries to set the house on fire, but it wont work. Meanwhile, Bo is still on the floor, sobbing over the steak. After failing to set the house on fire, Yeller drops to the floor next to Bo, and starts to sob with him.