S5 Episode 01: Yeller in Paradise

Yeller is sitting in his living room watching TV when he suddenly turns to face the camera. “Hey, what are you doing in my house?!” Yeller asks. “We’re filming you, buddy!” The unseen camera man says. “Filming me? Hey look, I don’t know what lies Cop has been telling you, but I am a law abiding citizen who would never even jaywalk, never mind commit crimes like throwing rocks at buildings, helping Dun Dun with a fraudulent lemonade stand, throwing rocks at people, hiding Santa’s body after he fell down my chimney and almost died, throwing rocks at buildings AND people, stealing my Dad’s credit card…” Yeller says. “Sir…” The unseen camera man says. “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer!” Yeller snaps. “SIR!” The unseen camera man yells. “WHAT?!” Yeller asks. “We aren’t here because of Cop! We’re here to film your show? The one you’re a star of?” The camera man tells him. Yeller stares at the camera man, clearly confused. “Huh? DAD!!!!!” Yeller screams. Bo comes down the stairs with a towel on his head instead of the usual top hat. “What is it, son?” Bo asks. The unseen camera man screams. “Is something the matter?” Bo questions. “YOU AREN’T WEARING ANY CLOTHES!” The unseen camera man yells. “Of course I’m not wearing bloody clothes! I’m a bloody stick figure! I don’t see you demeaning him for his nakedness!” Bo states, pointing at Yeller. Yeller smiles. “I don’t need clothes, I have personality.” Yeller says. “Good bloody grief…” Bo mutters. “So do you have any idea why this random guy is in our house filming me?” Yeller asks. “Dear boy, this is not just some random man! This gentleman is here to film our television show!” Bo exclaims. “WHAT SHOW?!?!?!” Yeller angrily asks. “THE SHOW!” Both the unseen camera man and Bo yell. Bo lets out an exasperated sigh. “Don’t you remember the show? We did about four seasons in one year, there was that really bizarre episode that released on Youtube, you had this love interest for about one episode but she was so unlikable she disappeared until the Halloween episode where she came back as an over the top villain and then got sent to jail?” Bo asks. “Oh, THAT show! I’m blanking on the whole love interest thing though.” Yeller says. “I’m certain you aren’t the only one.” Bo says. “So what’s it doing back? I thought we were done with that whole thing?” Yeller asks. “Well, my retirement funds are running low so when the television producer called, I couldn’t simply say no…” Bo says. “Come on Dad, you don’t ever have low funds. What’s the real reason you agreed to do this again?” Yeller asks. Bo lowers his head in shame. “They called and I couldn’t say no, they wouldn’t let me. Bloody lifetime contract…” Bo says. “You signed a lifetime contract?” Yeller asks. “No, YOU did! And then when it was time for me to sign, you forged my signature!” Bo yells. “I don’t remember ANY of that. You and your fake memories.” Yeller says. Suddenly, Dun Dun somersaults through the window into the living room! “OW!” Dun Dun yells. “We have a front door!” Bo snaps. “You watch your tone with Dun Dun! Your window almost kill her!” Dun Dun notes. “What are you doing here?” Yeller questions. “Dun Dun have grand news! She WON!” Dun Dun exclaims. Yeller smiles. “You won?!” Yeller asks. Dun Dun nods. “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! WE WON! I mean you won. So, how much did we win? One million? Ten million?” Yeller asks. Dun Dun holds up two pieces of paper. “Those don’t look like checks!” Yeller points out. “They not. They two free stays at Luxury Littlebridge, hotel conveniently located downtown!” Dun Dun says. “Littlebridge has a down town? No kidding. But seriously, all you won was a stay at some lousy hotel? Not only a lousy hotel, but a lousy hotel in this lousy city! How did you win such a lousy prize?!” Yeller asks. “It all start when Dun Dun went to eat at local cafe.” Dun Dun recalls, before flashing back.

Dun Dun and Leafy Fan are sitting at a table eating sandwiches. “Dun Dun, you really should try this vegan BLT! Its to die for!” Leafy Fan says. “Does Leafy Fan know who die for that sandwich? You friend Leafy die, that who!” Dun Dun says. “That’s not funny!” Leafy Fan shouts. “Dun Dun wish she lie, but it true. They throw leaves into blender and that how they make sandwich. Is Leafy Fan happy now? You eating your best friend! You a murderer!” Dun Dun yells. “NO!” Leafy Fan yells. “YES! Now get out of here! Dun Dun disgraced by you!” Dun Dun yells. Leafy Fan starts sobbing, and then gets up and runs away. Suddenly, car brakes can be heard screeching and a loud crash is heard. Dun Dun’s eyes widen. “Leafy Fan! Why you lying on hood of that car?! That not ours! Dun Dun wanted the CONVERTIBLE!” Dun Dun yells. The waiter walks over and hands Dun Dun her bill. “Here’s your bill, ma’am.” The waiter says. The waiter walks away. “Leafy Fan! Stop bleeding all over car and get back here! Someone need to pay this bill and it not going to be Dun Dun!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun takes a bite out of her sandwich and begins choking! “Oh no! SOMEBODY HELP!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun dramatically falls on to the floor. “This...this is the end for Dun Dun! She has lived long life...she has lived good life. She has given to charity from selling real lemonade, she drives with yes license, Dun Dun...Dun Dun can only be described as saintly. Why oh why has Dun Dun been strike down? Has Dun Dun done so much good in life that there no good left for others to do? Why, WHY?!” Dun Dun asks. Dun Dun pulls the waiter close to her. “My friend, when Dun Dun dies...do not remember her for the egg, cheese, and sausage on bagel she order on this day, remember her for her contagious kindness. Please just...remember Dun Dun.” Dun Dun begs, before passing out. “Would you like to pay with cash or card?” The waiter asks. Dun Dun opens her eyes. “Dun Dun is DYING YOU IDIOT!” Dun Dun screams. Dun Dun begins coughing, and then spits out two pieces of paper! “Hey! Its the trip I won to Luxury Littlebridge hotel! I was out back cooking since we’re so short staffed that I cook, wait on people, and run the place, and then I dropped those gift certificates and couldn’t find them! Thanks!” The waiter says. “OH NO! You think you can just take back prize? Dun Dun almost die at your restaurant, she deserve something to improve her day!” Dun Dun snaps. “But I spent over $6,000 on cereal to win that sweepstakes!” The waiter notes. “You should have thought about that before you try to KILL Dun Dun! Oh, and Dun Dun not paying for breakfast either! She been traumatized enough for one day! She also leaving bad yelp review! AND she going to write nasty comments on you Facebook for all four of you friends to see! Just wait, when Dun Dun figure out how to internet, you are OVER buddy!” Dun Dun yells.

“And that how Dun Dun win sweepstakes.” Dun Dun says. “Wait, so is Leafy Fan okay??” Yeller asks. “Oh, she fine. Doctor say there at least 25% chance she will wake up from coma. But since Leafy Fan rudely sleeping through prime of Dun Dun’s life, she need Yeller to come with her to hotel.” Dun Dun says. “Yeah sure, but can this camera guy stop following me? Its kinda creepy.” Yeller says. “Just pretend I’m not here.” The unseen camera man says. “Yeah...kinda hard with you shoving a camera in my face.” Yeller says. The camera man vanishes. “How about now?” The invisible camera man asks. “I guess that’s better.” Yeller says. “May I come to the hotel as well?” Bo asks. “NO! Not only is this two person vacation, but Dun Dun not over how her back nearly break coming through your window!” Dun Dun yells. “You know what? I think I’d rather stay home actually…” Bo admits. “More for us then! I cant wait for my luxurious vacay.” Yeller says.

The taxi drops Yeller and Dun Dun outside of a motel, and then speeds off. The motel is revealed to be a small, run down building. “Are you sure this is the right place?” Yeller asks. A huge sign falls off of the building and lands on a car parked right next to Yeller and Dun Dun. Dun Dun looks at the sign. “Mmhm.” Dun Dun confirms. “Bleep my life.” Yeller mutters.

In the front office of the motel, the receptionist is typing on the computer while whistling. When the front door can be heard opening, the receptionist immediately pulls out a gun and points it at the door! “WHO GOES THERE?!” The receptionist questions. The people are revealed to be Yeller and Dun Dun. “I am Dun Dun.” Dun Dun states. “Don’t tell her that! Are you TRYING to give her a reason to shoot us? Here, let me do most of the talking.” Yeller says. Yeller smiles, takes a step forward, and then the receptionist fires a shot! Yeller screams, then runs and hides behind Dun Dun. “No no! PLEASE! KILL HER! SHE DESERVES IT!” Yeller yells. “What are you doing here?!” The receptionist asks. “We came to stay here! This is a hotel, isn’t it?” Yeller asks. “Its a motel, you MORON! There’s a difference! Now show me proof you’re staying here!” The receptionist demands. Yeller throws the papers at the receptionist, who scans them over. “Okay...looks like you two are the real deal.” The receptionist says. “Why wouldn’t we be?” Yeller questions. “No reason! This neighborhood is just peachy!” The receptionist claims. “We no ask about neighborhood, we no care!” Dun Dun points out. “Uh, I kinda care if I’m gonna be staying in the dangerous part of town!” Yeller says. “You staying here for FREE! Who give you right to complain?!” Dun Dun asks. “Loooooook, you two don’t have to worry! This neighborhood is perfectly safe!” The receptionist claims. “Quick Zeke, HIT THE DECK!” Someone outside can be heard yelling. Suddenly, a machine gun can be heard going off and multiple screams can be heard. “ZEKE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Someone outside yells. Sirens can be heard, and they are followed by more gunshots. “That was the TV in the other room. Shall I show you to your room?” The receptionist
asks.

The receptionist opens the door and lets Yeller and Dun Dun inside the room. The two walk in and find that there is no bed! “Uh, isn’t the room missing something?” Yeller asks. “Dun Dun would say! There no jacuzzi!” Dun Dun yells. “I was talking about a bed, you ignoramus!” Yeller shouts. “Don’t call Dun Dun a dinosaur, especially not one she don’t know!” Dun Dun argues. Yeller turns towards the receptionist. “So, about the bed...WHERE IS IT?!” Yeller asks. “Ah yes, the bed. You see, those are only included in our deluxe rooms and unfortunately the sweepstakes was for the basic room. You are more than welcome to upgrade to the deluxe room for a mere $700!” The receptionist says. “PER NIGHT?!” Dun Dun asks. “No silly! That’d be crazy! We charge by the hour!” The receptionist says. Dun Dun passes out. “Is your friend okay?” The receptionist asks. “Don’t mind her, she always does that at the thought of paying for anything. Its been like this ever since this one time where she had to pay 3.50 for a small iced coffee. She’s been traumatized ever since. So what about the plumbing? This room has a working bathroom, right?” Yeller asks. “Sure it does! I hope you brought a lot of quarters though, both the toilet and the shower are coin operated!” The receptionist says. Yeller passes out.

Later that day, Yeller and Dun Dun are both sitting on the floor watching TV. Yeller is clearly annoyed while Dun Dun appears amused. Dun Dun begins laughing. “Oh that Chris Pratt...he so funny. He Dun Dun favorite actor you know.” Dun Dun says. “No one ever said you had good taste.” Yeller notes. Dun Dun stands up and points at Yeller. “What Yeller problem?! Dun Dun win sweepstakes and was kind enough to share with her good friend, and this how he repay her? THIS THE LAST TIME DUN DUN DOES ANYTHING FOR ANYONE! SHE NO CHARITY!!!” Dun Dun yells. “You didn’t win anything, YOU STOLE IT!” Yeller shouts. “NO DUN DUN DIDN’T, SHE WAS IN OHIO!” Dun Dun yells. “Then how did you win a sweepstakes that only takes place in Littlebridge?” Yeller asks. “BECAUSE DUN DUN STOLE IT, STUPID!!!!” Dun Dun yells. Yeller sighs. “Why do I bother…” Yeller mutters. “This place no even that bad! At least we have TV!” Dun Dun says. Suddenly, the TV and the lights go out! “You have GOT to be kidding me.” Yeller says. “Relax! It probably just power outage!” Dun Dun claims. Yeller picks up the motel phone. “Phone is still working, so we definitely have power. I’m gonna call the front desk.” Yeller says. Yeller dials the number for the front desk. An automated voice picks up. “Thank you for calling Luxury Littlebridge, the vacation destination of your dreams! We recognize that you are calling from a motel phone number. Please be advised that each call made with motel phones will result in a $10 fee for the caller. Press 1 if you wish to continue with the call, press 2 if you are a cheapskate.” The automated voice says. “Unbelievable…” Yeller complains, as he presses 1. “You pressed 1! You are not cheap! Now, a few more things before we put you through to a live desk clerk. First, lets find out which language you speak so we can best accommodate your needs. If you speak Spanish, press 1. If you speak Japanese, press 2. If you speak French, press 3…” The automated voice says.

30 Minutes Later…

Yeller is dozing off while still on the phone. “If you speak Italian, press 19. If you speak Punjabi, press 20. If you speak Urdu, press 21. If you speak English, press 22.” The automated voice says. “YES! Finally!” Yeller exclaims, before pressing 22. “It would appear that you speak English! Is that correct?” The automated voice asks. “YES!” Yeller shouts. “Great! Now just one more thing before I transfer you to a live desk clerk.” The automated voice says. Yeller rolls his eyes. “If you’re calling because of an overflowed toilet, press 1. If you’re calling because of excessive gun fire outside, press 2. If you’re calling because you want to pay $1000 for a coffee cup that the one and only Chris Pratt drank off of, press 3. If you’re calling looking for a refund, please hang up the phone and vacate the premises. If you’re calling for any other reason, press 4.” The automated voice says. Yeller immediately presses 4. “Thanks. All live desk clerks are currently on another line. For $50, I can bypass that line for you. Would you like to bypass waiting on hold?” The automated voice asks. “NO!” Yeller shouts. “Got it. Please hold until a live desk clerk is able to take your call.” The automated voice says, as elevator music begins playing.

2 Hours Later…

Yeller is now asleep with the phone in his hand, as the elevator music continues to play. “Luxury Littlebridge Motel, this is Amy, how may I help you?” Amy asks. Yeller wakes up. “Yes, HELLO! My name is Yeller, I’m staying in room 666, and for some reason, the TV and the lights all went out!” Yeller says. “Oh, that. You see Mr. Yeller, in order to save on costs, we turn off the TV and the lights at a certain time, a time where all of our guests tend to be asleep.” Amy says. “The room went dark at 6pm!” Yeller points out. “We’re terribly sorry for the inconvenience. If you would like to turn everything back on, our hotel charges an hourly rate of $70 for after dark hours. Would you like to purchase some extra hours?” Amy asks. “NO!” Yeller states. “Understood. Is there anything else I can help you with sir?” Amy asks. “You’ve done enough.” Yeller growls. “That’s wonderful, sir. Would you like to leave a tip to show your appreciation?” Amy asks. Yeller hangs up the phone. “Did Yeller get TV working again?” Dun Dun asks. “Looks like it won’t be on until the morning.” Yeller reveals. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Dun Dun screams, as she collapses to the floor in agony. Suddenly, the door kicks open and Vito charges in with a machine gun, open firing on the room! “GET DOWN!” Yeller yells, as he dives to the floor next to Dun Dun. Michael walks in. “Dat no good swamp rat dead yet, Vito?” Michael asks. Michael notices Yeller and Dun Dun. “Oh, hey kids. What in the world are you doing here?” Michael questions. “This is OUR room! What are you doing here?!” Yeller asks. “Oh, well...we were looking for a pal of ours. See, he’s been spreading some lies about us with da cops, so we came to set da record straight, ya know what I’m saying?” Michael asks. “Uh huh. So why are you in OUR room?” Yeller questions. “Dat is an excellent question. Vito, why da heck are we in this room?! Gino ain’t here! Unless…” Michael says. Michael walks over to Yeller and pulls on his face. “What are you doing?!” Yeller asks. “Checking for rubber. You can never be too sure dese days.” Michael says. Michael turns towards Vito. “Looks like you got da wrong room you bone head!” Michael says, as he slaps Vito upside the head. Michael heads towards the door. “Come on! Dat punk has to be around here somewhere! We just gotta check every room until we find him!” Michael says. Michael and Vito walk out. A moment later, a door can be heard being kicked down and gunshots can be heard as some lady screams. “Darn it Vito, this ain’t da room either! Clean up dis mess and lets move on to da next one!” Michael can be heard yelling in the next room. “That’s it! We’re going home!” Yeller snaps. “But we no even stay one night! Dun Dun and Yeller reserve for two nights!” Dun Dun points out. “Good thing you didn’t pay anything then, now lets go!” Yeller demands, as he drags Dun Dun out of the room.

The next day, Bo is sitting in the kitchen when Yeller comes in and drops Bo’s mail on the table. “Here’s your mail.” Yeller says. “I couldn’t help but notice you came home last night, son. I thought you were going to be gone for the next two days.” Bo notes. “Change of plans.” Yeller states. “Don’t tell me they kicked you out.” Bo says. “How dare you even think that! We kicked them out! Dun Dun and I have higher standards than that! Thank goodness it was free.” Yeller says. Bo begins looking through his mail. “Wait a moment...what’s this that I received from Luxury Littlebridge Motel?” Bo asks. A nervous look crosses Yeller’s face. “Uh, you don’t need to look at that, Dad! They probably meant to send it to me!” Yeller says. Bo opens the letter. “What the devil is this?! $2,000 worth of damages?! CHARGED TO MY BLOODY CREDIT CARD?! BULLET HOLES IN THE WALL?!” Bo asks. “Okay, those were NOT us! Blame your good friend Michael and his incompetent sidekick!” Yeller says. “And what about the stolen toiletries? Were those not you either?” Bo asks. “Those were Dun Dun.” Yeller says. “I assume the 8 missing rolls of toilet paper were Dun Dun as well?” Bo questions. “Those were me, Dad. I know we were running low so I decided it’d be cheaper to take from them. They owed us for all the mental stress!” Yeller says. “You do realize I could’ve spent $10 for a pack of toilet paper at the store. Now instead I’m paying $100 instead!” Bo shouts. “Oh come on, those were NOT worth that much! Guaranteed they bought that eight pack at the dollar store!” Yeller says. Suddenly, Dun Dun somersaults through the kitchen window! “OW!” Dun Dun shouts. “What the devil do you want?!” Bo angrily asks. “Old bald man dare talk to Dun Dun that way after his window nearly kill her?!” Dun Dun asks. “Don’t mind my Dad, he got the bill for the hotel and is a little unhappy.” Yeller says. “Well Dun Dun great news cheer him up! Dun Dun won new sweepstakes! She won two night stay at Luxury Fantastic City Motel, and she bringing Yeller with her!” Dun Dun yells. “NO! No more freaking hotels! I’m never staying in a hotel again! I never even want to hear the word hotel again!” Yeller shouts. “Okay...but Dun Dun win stay at motel, not hotel.” Dun Dun points out. “NO!” Yeller screams, before storming out. “What Yeller problem?” Dun Dun wonders. “Who spent $500 at that bloody hotel for the bloody Chris Pratt channel?!” Bo questions. “Dun Dun gonna leave now.” Dun Dun says, before somersaulting back out the window.

Back at the motel, Vito breaks down a door and him and Michael walk in. “Dere you are you scoundrel!” Michael yells. “No, PLEASE! Don’t hurt me, Michael!” The man begs. “Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna hurt you. Your death’s gonna be WAY too quick for dat. Waste him, Vito.” Michael orders. Vito goes to pull the trigger, but nothing happens. “Is dere a problem?” Michael questions. Vito checks the ammo and then sighs. “Dere no ammo? UNBELIEVABLE!” Michael yells. Michael turns towards the man he is after. “Hey bub, you mind waiting here for about twenty minutes? Vito and I gotta run to da gun store to buy some more ammo. We’ll try to be quick, so don’t go anywhere!” Michael says, before he and Vito leave. Once they’re gone, the man grabs his suitcase and runs out the door.