Episode 03: Diggin' For Gold!

Sam is standing on the dock of the island. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania Castaways. The episode started off with our first elimination of the season, which resulted in not just Creepy Guy getting eliminated, but Disk as well! Because who doesn’t love a good double elimination? Need to keep things interesting somehow! Anyway, during the night, I was awoken by a paranormal entity in my cabin. Who did I go to for help? The contestants of course! Probably not the smartest move, but here we are. As part of their next challenge, I sent the two teams in to rid my cabin of the being that was haunting it. It didn’t take long for the Formidable Mermaids to bump right into the ghost. As they were screaming for their lives, the Graceful Dolphins heard them and went charging towards their location, hoping to nab the ghost before the other team could. Grandma finally got a clear shot at the ghost with her salt gun, when Dun Dun jumped in front of him, saving him. Thanks to Dun Dun protecting the ghost, that gave the other team enough time to arrive on the scene, which resulted in The Chimney Man vacuuming up the ghost, thereby scoring the first victory for the Graceful Dolphins. With the Dolphins winning immunity, that meant that the Mermaids would be saying goodbye to one of their beloved team members! Who will it be? And who will win the next challenge? Find out in an all new episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Castaways!” Sam says.

At night, Claire, Lauren, Daisy, Dun Dun, Grandma, Bo, and Dylan are all sitting around a campfire when Sam arrives, holding a plate of marshmallows. “Here we are, at the first elimination of the season for your team. How does it feel?” Sam asks. “Bite me!” Claire snaps. “Alright, looks like it stings a little bit. That’s understandable, especially looking at the people you lost against. Not the most competent bunch, are they?” Sam asks. “Will you please be quiet and get this over with?!” Daisy asks. Sam goes a moment without saying anything. “Sam...you good?” Dylan asks. “Enough of Pam’s nonsense! Dun Dun want to get this over with so she can go on with competition!” Dun Dun yells. “You shouldn’t be going on with anything! You are the reason we lost!” Daisy snaps. “Be quiet Lily!” Dun Dun yells. “Oh my God, it is DAISY!” Daisy tells her. Sam clears his throat. “In case anyone is wondering why I wasn’t saying anything, Daisy told me to be quiet, so that was exactly what I was doing!” Sam says. Daisy sighs. “I didn’t mean that literally!” Daisy says. “Then how did you mean it?” Sam asks. “Can we just get on with this?!” Claire asks. “FINE! The marshmallows go to...Bo, Claire, Lauren, Daisy, and surprisingly, Dun Dun.” Sam says, as he tosses marshmallows to the five. “Dylan and Grandma, its down to you two.” Sam says. “Hold on a second...did someone vote for me?! I didn’t do anything!” Dylan says. “That’s probably WHY they voted for you.” Daisy says. “Let me rephrase...I didn’t do anything wrong!” Dylan says. “The audience apparently disagrees with you.” Sam says. “Well what about me?! I would’ve won us that stinking challenge if Dun Dun didn’t jump in front of the ghost!” Grandma points out. “In fairness, you are a little...nasty.” Lauren says. Grandma turns towards Lauren. “WHAT?!” Grandma asks. “Okay then, the final marshmallow of the night goes to...Dylan!” Sam announces, as he tosses Dylan his marshmallow. Grandma’s eyes widen. “What?! WHAT?! SOMEONE VOTED ME OUT?! ME?!?!” Grandma angrily asks. “Sorry Grandma. You played a good game, but its curtains for you!” Sam says.

BO’S CONFESSIONAL: “I realize you all likely expect me to be sad that my mother has been eliminated, but the truth is...I may have posed as a viewer and submitted a vote for her.” Bo admits.

On the dock, Lauren, Claire, Daisy, Dun Dun, Dylan, and Bo are all standing on the side as Grandma walks towards the log of shame. “I will miss you, mother!” Bo claims. “The feeling ain’t mutual! God help your team if you are the member of our family the audience chose to keep!” Grandma yells. “Dun Dun can’t take this! Please, eliminate Dun Dun instead!” Dun Dun shouts. “You REALLY want to take Grandma’s place?” Sam asks. “No!” Dun Dun snaps. Grandma sits on the log of shame. “Bo, would you like to do the honors?” Sam asks. “If you insist.” Bo says. Bo walks to the edge of the dock, and gives the log of shame a push. “I will have my revenge! You hear me?! You people haven’t heard the last of Grandma!” Grandma screams as she floats off into the distance…

The next day, the Formidable Mermaids are all seated in the cafeteria when the Graceful Dolphins walk in. “Gooooood morning everyone! Beautiful day, isn’t it?” Chimney Man asks. “What are you so chipper about?!” Daisy asks. “Oh nothing, just thinking back to that time I won the challenge for my team, cementing myself as one of the most skilled players to have ever competed on this show!” Chimney Man says. “Wait, where’s Grandma?” Yeller asks. “Oh, well son, you see, the truth is…” Bo begins to say. “The truth is she got canned.” Claire says. Bo glares at Claire. “What? Someone needed to give it to him straight!” Claire says. “No offense Claire, but you aren’t the person to give anything straight to anyone.” Dylan points out. “Touche.” Claire notes. “Meow meow meow meow meow?” Mr. Whiskers asks. “How am I supposed to know where Sam is? What do I look like, his mother?” Chimney Man asks. Mr. Whiskers nods. Sam walks in. “Good morning campers! I hope everyone slept well!” Sam says. “I’m so glad you brought that up. Any chance I could get a new mattress? The one I have right now isn’t any more comfortable than a prison cot.” Claire says. “Sure you can, Claire! Once the season is over, you can get a more comfortable mattress when you go home!” Sam says. “This place is such a dump…” Claire mutters. “Excuse me?” Sam asks. “Nothing!” Claire claims. “That’s what I thought! Anyways, its time to get the next challenge on the road! Is everyone ready? It is time for a TREASURE HUNT!” Sam announces. “That sounds tedious, but at least there isn’t any danger involved!” Andy exclaims. “Isn’t there?” Sam asks, before maniacally laughing. “How could you make a treasure hunt dangerous?” Cop questions. “The better question is how couldn’t I? But enough about the potential dangers, lets talk about what you’ll be looking for! I’ve stashed a golden statue of myself somewhere in the woods on this island, and its your job to find it! The first team to find the statue wins immunity!” Sam says. “I don’t suppose you will be providing us with any clues to help locate this statue, will you?” Bo asks. “Of course I will! I’ll be giving each team a map!” Sam says. Sam hands Yeller a map, and then he hands Lauren a map. Lauren looks at the map and raises an eyebrow. The map is revealed to be a bunch of scribbles drawn in crayon! “This is supposed to tell us where to go?” Lauren asks. “No one ever accused me of being an artist.” Sam says. “Good, because they would be lying.” Daisy says. “You don’t have to be mean about it!” Sam says. “So how are we supposed to find this stupid statue when we have literally nothing to go off of?!” Yeller asks. “I told you it was in the woods!” Sam notes. “Most of this island is woods!” Yeller argues. Sam sighs. “Alright, fine! I can give you something that might help you find it quicker. The statue is made out of metal, which means a metal detector should help you track it down quicker.” Sam says, as he tosses both teams a metal detector. “Please don’t tell me its buried under ground…” Lauren says. “Its buried underground!” Sam exclaims. Lauren sighs. “Oh, I should probably warn you that I’ve also planted a couple of false alarms in the ground.” Sam says. “What kind of false alarms?” Cop questions. Sam laughs. “Oh don’t worry...you’ll find out. Anyways, good luck!” Sam says.

Out in the woods, The Graceful Dolphins are walking through, with Cop holding the metal detector. “I can’t believe this...we’ve been out here for HOURS, and we haven’t found anything!” Cop complains. “Maybe I should give it a go.” Chimney Man suggests. “Thanks, but I think I know how to operate a metal detector!” Cop says. “Maybe, but as the most competent member of our team, I think it would be best if I were operating the metal detector!” Chimney Man argues. “Oh please! You vacuum up one ghost and now suddenly you act like you won the million dollars?! Just step aside and let the professionals handle this.” Cop says. “I am a professional!” Chimney Man states. “Yeah, a professional MESS!” Cop snaps. “Should we try and stop them?” Andy asks. “No way! I’m enjoying this too much.” Yeller says. Cop stops in his tracks. “Do you hear that?” Cop asks. “No! You know what else I don’t hear? That metal detector going off! Hand it over!” Chimney Man demands. “Shhhhh!” Cop tells him. Suddenly, growling can be heard. Cop, Yeller, Chimney Man, and Andy all turn towards Mr. Whiskers. Mr. Whiskers shrugs. “Meow meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers says. “If it isn’t him, then what is that?” Chimney Man wonders. Suddenly, a bear comes running out of the woods, charging at the contestants! Cop screams and hides behind Chimney Man. “Don’t take me, take the professional!” Cop begs. Chimney Man grabs Andy and uses him as a human shield. “Take him instead! He’s basically useless!” Chimney Man claims. “Uh...Mr. Bear, any chance we can negotiate?” Andy asks. The bear shows his teeth. “Okay, I guess not…” Andy says. “Man I wish I had a camera. This would go viral if I posted it online!” Yeller says. As the bear is about to attack Andy, Mr. Whiskers comes flying out of nowhere and tackles the bear! Mr. Whiskers and the bear begin rolling around on the ground, wrestling each other. Mr. Whiskers punches the bear in the face several times, and then angrily hisses at him. The bear stands up, and then runs back into the woods whimpering. Andy hugs Mr. Whiskers. “You saved my life!” Andy exclaims. Mr. Whiskers shoves Andy to the ground and hisses at him.

Meanwhile in another part of the woods, The Formidable Mermaids are walking through. “Um, is anyone at all concerned with the screaming coming from the other end of the woods?” Bo questions. “Probably just the other team dying, no biggie.” Daisy says. “Wait, would that mean we would automatically win the million dollars?” Claire questions. “No! It would just mean we’d have to fight each other instead. I can’t believe you’re going along with her craziness.” Lauren says. “Excuse you, but I am not crazy! Queen Goo’s portrait told me so!” Daisy says. “You talk to Queen Goo’s portrait? And she talks back?! She never talks back to me!” Dylan notes. “Well maybe she just doesn’t like you!” Daisy says. “After everything I’ve done for that old bag, her portrait should be singing and dancing every time I walk into the room! Do you have any idea how many times I’ve saved her life? How many times I’ve saved her city?!” Dylan asks. “No, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say no one cares.” Daisy says. “Dun Dun second that. Save talk of your glory days for you grandkids, Grandpa!” Dun Dun says. “Dun Dun, be nice! That sort of thing could really hurt someone’s feelings!” Bo says. “Its alright, I have nerves of steel.” Dylan says.

DYLAN’S CONFESSIONAL: Dylan is sobbing. “How could she say that?!” Dylan wonders.

As Lauren is holding the metal detector, it begins to go off. “I’ve found something!” Lauren announces. Dun Dun pushes Lauren out of the way. “YES! The treasure now belong to Dun Dun!” Dun Dun exclaims, before she begins digging. “Don’t forget Sam said he’s buried other things besides the statue!” Lauren reminds her. Dun Dun finishes digging and pulls a bomb out of the ground! “What this crap?!” Dun Dun questions. “Uh, Dun Dun, you might want to get rid of that, like...NOW!” Claire yells. Dun Dun throws the bomb to Daisy. “Hold that, Dun Dun going to look for statue.” Dun Dun says. Daisy’s eyes widen, and she throws it off into the woods. Suddenly, a loud explosion is heard. “MY CABIN!” Sam can be heard screaming.

DAISY’S CONFESSIONAL: “Its his own fault for burying freaking BOMBS in the ground! What did he expect to happen?! Obviously something or someone was going to get blown up today, and I wasn’t about to let it be me!” Daisy says.

SAM’S CONFESSIONAL: Sam is holding himself in the fetal position, rocking back and forth. “My...my...wave pool...my massage chair..my...my teddy bear...all...all GONE! GONE!!!” Sam mutters.

“Great! Just GREAT! Now how Team Dun Dun supposed to find buried treasure?” Dun Dun asks. “We still have the metal detector.” Lauren notes. “But for all we know, it could be bomb!” Dun Dun points out. “So because there is a possibility we could get blown up, you’re suggesting we give up?” Daisy asks. “Yes!” Dun Dun says. “You do realize if we lose, you risk getting voted out, right?” Claire asks. “Dun Dun not going nowhere. Dun Dun a fan favorite.” Dun Dun says. “Is that true? Was there some sort of fan poll that cemented this as truth?” Daisy questions. “Actually, there was...several in fact.” Claire says. “But...she’s not even likable!” Daisy notes. “I know. Don’t ask me to explain it.” Claire says. “Excuse Dun Dun, Dun Dun standing right here!” Dun Dun shouts. “And?!” Daisy asks. “And you one to talk about unlikable, Rose!” Dun Dun snaps. “My name is Daisy! Rose was that love sick nitwit that died on the Titanic!” Daisy points out. Dun Dun slaps Daisy. “Ow! What was that for?!” Daisy asks. “You sassed Dun Dun! And you insult Dun Dun favorite movie!” Dun Dun says. “You LIKED that movie?!” Daisy asks. “Wow, that’s super cringe.” Claire says. “It was great! Dun Dun especially like it where everyone die!” Dun Dun says. Daisy slaps Dun Dun. “Ow! Why you do that?!” Dun Dun asks. “Because you have terrible taste in movies! AND because you slapped me!” Daisy tells her. “That no give you right to slap back! That no how that works!” Dun Dun says. Daisy looks up at the sky. “Kill me now!” Daisy says. “Don’t tempt me.” Claire responds.

“Are we just going to ignore that really loud explosion?” Andy asks. “Yes.” Yeller says. “What if the other team needs help?” Andy asks. “I’m sure Sam will help them.” Yeller says. “Your Dad is on that team!” Andy reminds him. “Oh yeah. Well I’m sure he’ll scream if he really needs help.” Yeller says. Suddenly, Cop trips over a tripwire. “What was that?” Cop asks. “Probably nothing. Lets keep going.” Yeller says. Arrows begin shooting out of the trees at the Graceful Dolphins! “Everyone DOWN!” Cop screams, as he dives to the ground. As Yeller, Andy, Chimney Man, and Cop all duck for cover, Mr. Whiskers grabs one of the flying arrows mid air, and uses it to slap away all of the other arrows! “I need to get myself a cat like that to help sweep the chimneys! Hey kitty, are you looking for a job?” Chimney Man asks. Mr. Whiskers glares at The Chimney Man.

ANDY’S CONFESSIONAL: “I think we can officially say that Sam is actively trying to kill us. Bears, flying arrows, explosions in the distance, does it get any worse than that? On second thought, I probably shouldn’t have asked that…” Andy says.

As Cop is walking, the metal detector begins going off. “We did it! We found it!” Cop announces. “We don’t know that for sure! It might be one of Sam’s booby traps!” Andy points out. “I’m gonna have to take that risk if it means victory!” Cop says. Cop begins digging, and pulls the statue out of the ground! “YES! I did-” Before Cop can finish, Daisy comes out of nowhere and tackles him! The statue falls out of Cop’s hand and rolls across the ground, as Daisy has him pinned to the ground. “What are you doing?!” Cop asks. “I will not LOSE AGAIN!” Daisy screams. Meanwhile, Mr. Whiskers trots towards the statue. “Don’t even think about it.” A voice says. Mr. Whiskers turns and sees Lauren standing there. “I really don’t want to hurt you.” Lauren says. Mr. Whiskers hisses and launches himself at Lauren’s face! Lauren slaps him away, and Mr. Whiskers falls on the ground. Mr. Whiskers looks up at her, with fire in his eyes. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Mr. Whiskers screams, as his claws come out and he takes a swing at Lauren. Lauren dodges out of the way the first time, and the second time, Lauren grabs Mr. Whiskers wrist before he can hit her, and then throws him at The Chimney Man! Meanwhile, Yeller runs towards the statue, when Dun Dun tackles him to the ground! “NO! Dun Dun no let you win! That Dun Dun’s prize money!” Dun Dun yells. “Dun Dun, what are you doing?! We’re friends! Tell you what, how about we form an alliance, and if either of us wins, we’ll split the money. Think about it! That’s 500 grand!” Yeller notes. “Hm...Dun Dun prefer one million.” Dun Dun says. Yeller picks Dun Dun up and throws her at a tree! “Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.” Yeller says. Yeller goes to run towards the prize when Daisy tackles him to the ground! “I thought you were busy with Cop!” Yeller says. “I can multi task.” Daisy says, before slamming a rock into Yeller’s head, knocking him out! “Hope he’s not dead.” Daisy says, before running back to Cop. Meanwhile, Andy tip toes towards the statue. “Hello Andy.” A voice says. Andy turns and sees Dylan standing there. “Yes?” Andy asks. “I couldn’t help but notice you walking towards the statue, what’s up with that?” Dylan questions. “Well...I kinda want to win.” Andy notes. “I’m sure you do, but at the cost of our friendship? Think about it, you are the Tails to my Sonic! The Robin to my Batman! The Luigi to my Mario!” Dylan says. “Yeah, I’ve heard enough.” Andy says, before punching Dylan out! Before Andy can get to the statue, Daisy throws an unconscious Yeller at him! “Sorry babe!” Daisy tells Andy. As everyone else is fighting, Claire walks over to the statue and picks it up. “Um, does this count for something?” Claire asks. Sam emerges from the woods. “And it looks like we have our winners!” Sam says. “We did it!” Claire exclaims. “The winners of today’s challenge are The Graceful Dolphins!” Sam announces. “WHAT?!” Daisy, Claire, and Dun Dun all ask. “I don’t understand, Claire is the one who picked up the statue!” Bo points out. “But Cop was the first one to pick it up, before all the fighting started.” Sam notes. “Are you serious?! If they won then, why didn’t you say anything?!” Daisy questions. “And interrupt a good fight?! This is a TV show, Daisy! Fights bring in ratings! With that being said, since the Formidable Mermaids lost, that means they will be sending someone home in the next episode!” Sam announces. “Again?! Ugh!” Daisy yells. “Look at the bright side, at least you’ll be on even ground with the Dolphins!” Sam says. “How is that the bright side?” Claire questions. “It is for us!” Yeller points out.

BO’S CONFESSIONAL: “I truly hope I am not the one to get voted out. Otherwise, I am going to have a very angry mother at home waiting for me.” Bo says.

CLAIRE’S CONFESSIONAL: “I freaking hate this show.” Claire says.

Sam is standing on the docks. “And that concludes another exciting episode of Total Yeller Mania Castaways! With the mermaids having lost, that means the people on the chopping block are Lauren, Claire, Daisy, Dun Dun, Bo, and Dylan. Which one of them will be taking the log of shame to shameville? Find out in the next episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Castaways!” Sam says.