S1 Episode 06: Death of a Dun Dun

*Somewhere in a dark living room, the front door opens and someone creeps in. The person looks around, and then trips over the coffee table. The mystery person looks up at the mantel above the fireplace and sees an urn made out of jewels. The person wraps there hands around the urn...

*Yeller and Grandma are sitting on the couch watching TV. Bo walks in. "Oh dear mother, not you to." Bo says. "Shut up! I'm trying to hear the TV!" Grandma yells. Dun Dun runs in. "Yeller! You must help Dun Dun!" Dun Dun says. "Why?" Yeller asks. "Bad man, he looking for Dun Dun, he want to kill Dun Dun!" Dun Dun says. "Um, okay, why does this "bad man" want to kill you?" Yeller asks. "He no have reason! Dun Dun has done nothing to him!" Dun Dun says. "Yeller, the poor girl is clearly frightened! We cant turn her away!" Grandma says. "Of course we can! I prefer not to harbor fugitives!" Bo says. "Well no one cares what you want son, you can stay here Dun Dun." Grandma says. "Thank you Grandma, at least someone care about Dun Dun." Dun Dun says. Someone knocks on the door. "It him! He come for Dun Dun's head!" Dun Dun says. "Go hide in the basement." Yeller says. Dun Dun runs into the basement. Yeller opens the front door, and finds a man wearing a very fancy suit standing there. "Hello sir, I hope this isn't a bad time." The man says. "Uh, no, its not. Who are you?" Yeller asks. "My name is Malcolm. You maybe wondering why it is that I am here, well there is a very simple answer for that. One of your friends has committed an unspeakable act!" Malcolm says. "Hey, Cop isn't a friend of mine! And besides, I'm sure that old woman is doing just fine in jail." Yeller says. "I wasn't referring to that! I was referring to your friend Dun Dun!" Malcolm says. "Never heard of him." Yeller says. "It is a her, and do not lie to me! I know that the two of you have known each other for nearly three years." Malcolm says. "Really, only three years? Feels like eternity to me." Yeller says. "I also know that she is a known thief, which would explain her latest stunt." Malcolm says. "Dude, she robs banks all of the time, don't take it personally." Yeller says. "She didn't rob a bank this time you buffoon! She stole my aunt's ashes!" Malcolm says. "She did what?!" Yeller asks. "Yes, it sounds awful, doesn't it? I can only presume that she did it in order to sell the urn which contained the ashes. It was made out of the finest jewels in the world." Malcolm says. Grandma comes to the door. "Who's this loser?!" Grandma asks. "This is Malcolm, he seems to have this crazy idea that Dun Dun stole his aunt's ashes." Yeller says. "You listen here you walking suit, I don't like it when people come in here throwin around accusations. Now unless you got some proof, Dun Dun hasn't done nothing to nobody and you cant prove it!" Grandma says. "Actually, I can prove it. There were security cameras in the room that the crime took place. I have video footage that she stole my dear aunt's remains!" Malcolm says. "You aint got nothing!" Grandma says. "Why don't we skip the back fourth, is the culprit here or not?" Malcolm asks. "Haven't seen her in three days." Grandma says. "Its true." Yeller says. "Well in that case, I suppose you wouldn't mind me looking around." Malcolm says. "Actually, we would mind! You aint got a warrant, which means you aint searching the house!" Grandma says. "Madam, if the thief isn't here, than I don't see any reason why you would object to me searching the premises." Malcolm says. "I object cause our house is none of your business." Grandma says. "Very well, than I shall return with a warrant! And in case you decide to move her to a new location, you should know that my people are watching your house from every angle. If she is spotted anywhere near the your home, I will make sure each and everyone of you pay dearly." Malcolm says before leaving. Grandma walks over to Bo and slaps him. "Ow! What the devil was that for?" Bo asks. "You see why I don't like businessmen? They're all crooks! You wanna be like that clown, huh?!" Grandma asks. Dun Dun comes out. "Now that ugly man gone, Dun Dun be on her way." Dun Dun says. "Oh no! Your not going anywhere! You heard that guy! He has people watching the house!" Yeller says. "He bluffing. He probably no even business man. He probably wear suit to look important." Dun Dun says. "Then how do you explain the helicopter hovering above our house?" Bo asks. "The dude has a helicopter too?" Yeller asks. The front door bursts open. Two men with guns walk in and Malcolm soon follows them. "I apologize for the disturbance, but I was unable to get the warrant. I suppose the only way to go about this is to handle matters myself." Malcolm says. "Don't NOT kill Dun Dun on my account." Yeller says. "Shut up Yeller!" Dun Dun says. "I am going to kill all of you unless you return my beloved aunt's remains!" Malcolm yells. "Your not going to kill nobody. Your nothing but a wimp." Grandma says. "Uh, mother, perhaps you should be kinder to the man." Bo says. "You don't think I have the guts to exterminate all of you? Obviously, you've never heard of me. I am quite ruthless when crossed." Malcolm says. "Look, Mr. Crazy dude, you don't want to kill us! We are friends with Michael, the mobster Michael! You know him?" Yeller asks. "We've had dealings before, but even Michael knows better than to interfere with my operations." Malcolm says. "Perhaps you would like money then! I am quite wealthy, and I'm sure Michael would have no problem pitching in as well." Bo says. "I'm not interested in money, the only thing I want is my aunt's ashes back! I happen to be in a very forgiving mood today, so as long as your friend gives me my aunt's remains back, nobody has to die." Malcolm says. "Dun Dun cant do that." Dun Dun says. "Why not?" Malcolm asks. "Because she already sell urn." Dun Dun says. "Well the urn isn't important, what about my aunt's ashes? What did you do with those?" Malcolm asks. "Dun Dun thought her fireplace need more ashes." Dun Dun says. "So let me get this straight, you threw my dear aunt into your fireplace?!" Malcolm asks. Grandma sneaks off. "What was Dun Dun supposed to do? She no want to keep some old woman in her house." Dun Dun says. "I have had just about enough you fools! WHERE IS THE GRANDMOTHER?!" Malcolm angrily asks. "No clue, she was here a minute ago." One of Malcolm's men says. "Fine, we'll deal with her momentarily. But first, I want you to kill these three, starting with the one who dared steal from me." Malcolm says. One of the men aim their gun at Dun Dun. "Oh dear, I cant watch." Bo says. Malcolm's phone rings. "Oh, of course, of all the times for someone to call, it has to be now. Wait a moment." Malcolm says. He answers the phone. "Hello?" Malcolm asks. "Hello Malcolm, my darling!" A voice says. "Auntie, is that you?" Malcolm asks. "Indeed. Listen, I don't have much time to talk in case my phone is tapped, but I thought you should know that I didn't really die." His aunt says. "I don't understand, I received your ashes! I saw your body!" Malcolm says. "I made it look like I was dead so I could go into hiding, the ashes you got weren't mine." His aunt says. "Who is after you?" Malcolm asks. "The police! I didn't pay my taxes, darling. If you would like to come visit me, I am staying at the North Pole." His aunt says. "I'll be there soon!" Malcolm says before hanging up. "Good news for the three of you, my aunt is alive." Malcolm says. "But Dun Dun dump her in the fire!" Dun Dun says. "I don't know how she pulled it off, but quite frankly, I don't care. I am going to see my aunt, and I never want to see you three again! Take the time we've shared together as a warning not to mess with me!" Malcolm says before he and his men leave. Grandma comes down the stairs. "That idiot gone?" Grandma asks. "Yes, apparently, his aunt is really alive!" Bo says. "His aunt isn't alive! I was the one who called him! So now instead of killing us, he'll be chasing a dead person at the North Pole." Grandma says. "Dun Dun, I know you are a complete moron, but take this as a lesson. NEVER steal someone's ashes again!" Yeller says. "Fine." Dun Dun says.

*Malcolm and his men are at the North Pole. "Auntie? Are you here? AUNTIE?!" Malcolm yells. "Boss, we're cold. Can we go have some hot coco with that nice guy in the red suit we ran into?" One of his men asks. "No! No one is having hot chocolate until my dear aunt is located!" Malcolm says. The men sigh.