S4 Episode 09: A Gamble

Yeller is sitting on the sofa, watching TV, when a big crash is heard behind him. Yeller ignores the noise, and continues watching television. An injured Bo, who is lying at the bottom of the stairs, lifts himself up, and makes his way over to Yeller. "Son, I thought you said you fixed the step!" Bo notes. "I did." Yeller claims. "Interesting, when I placed my foot down, expecting a step to be there, I didn't feel anything, hence why I plummeted to my near death. Do you realize that for a brief moment at the bottom of those steps, I saw my grandmother and Albert Einstein?" Bo asks. "You sure pick the weirdest dead people to run into." Yeller comments. "Son, just confess to the fact that you didn't repair the step like I had asked!" Bo demands. Yeller rolls his eyes. "This is gonna take a second, I'll be right back." Yeller tells the TV, before pausing it. Yeller stands up. "Look Dad, when you said to fix the step, you didn't tell me HOW to fix it. So, I came up with a D.I.Y method: duck tape!" Yeller says. "Of course, silly me." Bo says.
"Listen, while I've got your attention, I need to ask you something." Yeller says. "Now is the perfect time to do so. I won't be going anywhere until this concussion leaves me." Bo says. "Great. Anyway, so, there is a rock convention taking place in Ohio tomorrow, and I was hoping to go." Yeller says. "Dear boy, we don't reside anywhere near Ohio." Bo notes. "I know, which is why I need your help." Yeller says. "I do hope you don't expect me to pay for a plane ticket so you can go gaze at a collection of stones. You can do that in the comfort of our backyard!" Bo notes. "No Dad, I don't plan on taking a plane. Dun Dun is on the No Fly list." Yeller says. "Of course that halfwit is going...if you don't want money for a plane ticket, what exactly are you after?" Bo asks. "The keys to your car." Yeller says. "I was under the impression you didn't have your driver's license." Bo notes. "Correction, it was taken away from me after I side swiped Cop and refused to pay the ticket. But, not to worry, that's all been settled." Yeller says. "Lovely. Let me view it, then." Bo says. "View what?" Yeller asks. "The license!" Bo clarifies. "What, you don't believe me?" Yeller asks. "Would you believe you, son?" Bo asks. "Its upstairs." Yeller claims. "So go get it." Bo says. "I don't feel like it!" Yeller says. Bo sighs. "All of this is for nothing, nevertheless. I have no intention of allowing you or that human tornado to drive my vehicle! I would sooner allow Mr. Whiskers to do so!" Bo says. "Dad, you are being a jerk." Yeller says. "No, I am merely protecting you...and my car...and my bank account!" Bo says. Michael walks in. "Hey, hey, hey! Sorry to let myself in, but I figured dat if you had a problem with it, I'd just shoot ya!" Michael says, before chuckling. "Michael, how lovely of you to visit. Where is Vito?" Bo asks. "Standing out in your yard. Dat joker sassed my glasses earlier, can you believe da nerve of dat guy? As punishment, he ain't allowed to go indoors for another four hours and thirty-four minutes." Michael says. Yeller peeks out the blinds. "Look at the pretty shade of blue Vito is turning!" Yeller says. "Its all right. He'll get his color back when I have him chase after da car on da way home. Anyway, what's goin on here?" Michael asks. "As it happens, your timing is impeccable! Perhaps you could provide some necessary insight." Bo says. "You came to da right guy! Before I knifed him in da back, my nephew use to always come to Uncle Mike for advice!" Michael says. "Uh, yes...of course. Anyway, my son wishes to attend a convention, taking place in the buckeye state of Ohio, but in order to reach his destination, he must use my vehicle for transportation! Now, due to his terrible driving record, and the company he keeps, I'm not quite comfortable allowing him to drive my car. Surely, you understand my dilemma." Bo says. "Actually buddy, I think you're in da wrong." Michael says. "You do?!" Yeller and Bo both ask, at the same time.
Michael pulls Bo aside. "Does the boy owe you money or something? Why are you attempting to butter him up?" Bo asks. "You misunderstood, I'm doing dis for you!" Michael says. "Oh? Would life be simpler for me if my car didn't pass inspection next month?" Bo asks. "Tink about dis for a second. With the kid gone, you'll have da entire place to yourself!" Michael says. Bo sighs. "If only that would excite me. Regrettably, I admit that I do not have a life of my own." Bo says. "Dat ain't a problem! Listen here, I've got dis poker game scheduled later tonight! Its gonna be great! Me, you, and a couple of buddies! If you want, I can give da guys a call, and tell dem to meet me here." Michael says. "I don't know, Michael. Isn't gambling a touch addictive?" Bo asks. "Only if you let it be!" Michael says. "I don't know, Michael...Yeller's mother was addicted to gambling, and it ruined her ultimately!" Bo says. "Did she lose big, and got da life snuffed out of her?" Michael asks. "No. She won big, and snuffed Yeller and myself out of her life. But...tis all in the past. I did spend sixteen years working it all out in therapy. I'm...I'm fine now." Bo says, on the verge of tears. "Forget about dat! Bo, listen to me and listen well! Gambling is good, gambling is great! Besides, it ain't like you're gonna make a career outta dis. Its just some good ole fashion fun." Michael says. Bo sighs, and turns towards Yeller. "You may use my vehicle, dear boy." Bo says. "Thanks, Dad." Yeller says. "Out of curiosity, do you know where you are going?" Bo asks. "No, that's what the GPS is for." Yeller says.

Yeller and Dun Dun are now driving along the countryside, Yeller being visibly upset. "Why Yeller no talk to Dun Dun for hours?" Dun Dun asks. "What's Yeller suppose to say? Dun Dun threw the GPS out window!" Yeller growls. "It no Dun Dun's fault, it hers! She kept making horrible demands! Turn left, go around rotary, turn around when possible...Dun Dun was OVER her! Dun Dun did Yeller favor! You may thank her for her uselessness now." Dun Dun says. "Riiiiiiight...well, its a good thing we brought that map as a backup. Do you know how to read maps?" Yeller asks. Dun Dun picks up the map. "Dun Dun knows what she doing. Take left turn." Dun Dun says. "When?" Yeller asks. "NOW YELLER NOW!!!" Dun Dun screams. Yeller frantically turns the steering wheel, sharply turns left, and the car speeds over a cliff!

Bo sits on the sofa, as Michael stands around in the background. "So, when are our guests suppose to be arriving?" Bo asks. Michael gets a text. "Ah, dey just got here!" Michael says. Michael opens the door. "Come in, friends!" Michael says. Diamond, Pearl, and Kooky walk in. "You invited them?" Bo asks. "Of course I did! Diamond and Pearl have done some work for my organization in da past, and Kooky is great fun when it comes to poker!" Michael says. "You better not cheat, old man, or I'll break every bone in your hands!" Kooky threatens Bo. "Michael, when you invited us to play, I believe you promised food and refreshments." Diamond notes. "Don't worry, I've already ordered delivery from Rudolpho's! My good buddy Bo is payin!" Michael says. "What a guy!" Pearl beams. "Yes, indeed." An annoyed Bo says.

At the bottom of a ravine, Bo's car can be seen in pieces. "Oh no, this is a disaster!" Yeller complains. "What, because Yeller destroy old bald man's car?" Dun Dun asks. "No, not that! I can't find the map!" Yeller says. Dun Dun hands Yeller the steering wheel. "Why are you giving this to me?!" Yeller asks. "If you put steering wheel in magic machine, it will rebuild car, and old bald man no find out!" Dun Dun says. "Forget about the stupid car! We can't get to the convention without the map!" Yeller notes. "Stop yelling at Dun Dun or she going NO FURTHER!" Dun Dun threatens. "What are you, three?" Yeller asks. Dun Dun sits on the ground, and crosses her arms. "Okay, I'm sorry." Yeller says. "Dun Dun demand more groveling." Dun Dun says. "Are you kidding me?!" Yeller asks. "Yeller worship Dun Dun, or Dun Dun no tell Yeller where map is!" Dun Dun yells. Yeller sighs. "Okay, fine. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to planet earth, I am so fortunate that you moved in down the street. May I never have the misfortune of having to live without you." Yeller says. "Good work." Dun Dun says. "Thank you. Now where is the map?" Yeller asks. "In ravine somewhere, with Dun Dun and Yeller." Dun Dun answers. Yeller then rushes at Dun Dun, and begins strangling her!

Bo, Michael, Diamond, Pearl, and Kooky are sitting around the kitchen table, when there is a knock at the door. "Are you expecting someone else?" Bo asks. "No." Michael says. Michael pulls out his gun. "Michael, what on earth are you doing?!" Bo asks. "Dealing with a complication!" Michael says. "You have no clue who is on the other end of that bloody door!" Bo notes. "I know dat dey are probably here to take me out!" Michael says. "You're going out on a date? But we are suppose to play poker!" Pearl notes. Diamond pats Pearl on the head. "They were dropped on their head when they were a baby." Diamond says of Pearl. Michael opens the door, and points his gun at whoever it is. Vito puts his hands up in the air. "Vito?! What da heck are you doin out here? Its freezin!" Michael notes. Vito points at his watch. "Oh, I get it. You were supposed to be able to come in a couple hours ago, but I forgot to tell ya! Sorry about dat, come on in." Michael says. Vito breaks an icicle off his lips, and walks in. "Hey everybody, Vito's here!" Michael says. Vito notices Kooky, Diamond, and Pearl violently glaring at him.

Yeller and Dun Dun are now riding donkeys through the countryside. "Can these guys move any slower?!" Yeller wonders. "Do not worry, Yeller. William and Wilma will get Dun Dun and friend to rock party." Dun Dun says. "How did you even get these, anyway? You told me to wait at the front gate of that farm, you went out back, then a few minutes later, you came back with two donkeys." Yeller says. "They gifts from great farm people!" Dun Dun says. Suddenly, sirens can be heard. "Dun Dun, its the police!" Yeller gasps. "No, you don't understand, they gave them to me!" Dun Dun yells. "Ma'am, get off the donkey immediately!" The police officer yells. "I thought they were gifts!" Yeller says. "Yeller, Dun Dun have confession to make...Dun Dun being framed! We must run, now!" Dun Dun screams. Yeller and Dun Dun ride the donkeys away, as the cops begin to shoot at them.

Bo, Michael, Vito, Kooky, Diamond, and Pearl are now all sitting around the kitchen table. Vito reaches for some cards, but Michael slapped his hand away. "Hey! Just cause I graciously allowed you back inside, doesn't mean you're allowed to play with us! You're just here to protect me from dese jokers in case tings go bad!" Michael says. "What could possibly go wrong?" Bo wonders. Diamond begins to chuckle. "What the [CENSORED] are you laughing at?!" Kooky asks. "Just the fact that I have a hand that could destroy all of you." Diamond says. "Can I see?" Pearl asks. "No, you idiot! You aren't suppose to look at your opponent's hand!" Diamond notes. "I tink he's lyin'!" Michael says. "But how can you be so sure?" Bo asks. "Because I lie enough where I'm able to spot another lie." Michael says. Pearl sighs. "I'm just not good at this game. All I have are four 10s and a joker." Pearl says, as he lays his cards down. "Dat hooligan has five of a kind!" Michael gasps. "Five of what kind?" Pearl asks. "Pearl, that's the highest hand a person can get in Poker!" Diamond notes. "Does that mean I mean?" Pearl asks. "Oh [CENSORED]!" Kooky yells, before throwing a vase across the room, hitting a sleeping Mr. Whiskers! "My china!" Bo cries. "Well, dat was a good game, even doh da pink ninja cheated us all. Time to call it a night!" Michael says. "Oh no! I'm not going [CENSORED] anywhere until I get my [CENSORED] money back!" Kooky yells. Kooky pulls out a machine gun. "And if anyone else tries to go anywhere, they aren't [CENSORED] leaving here either! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" Kooky angrily asks. Everyone nervously nods.

Yeller and Dun Dun are walking through a city. "Well, the good news is we got where we needed to go. Real shame about those donkeys, though." Yeller says. "Someone needed to catch those bullets!" Dun Dun notes. "Anyway, once we find the building that the rock convention is being held in, we should be golden." Yeller says. "Psssst! Hey, kids, over here!" A voice says. "Did Yeller hear that? Or has lack of sleep cause Dun Dun to go loco?" Dun Dun asks. "Ignore it, its probably just some hobo looking for change." Yeller says. "Dun Dun must go see him then!" Dun Dun says. "What?! Are you planning to donate?" Yeller asks. "No! If hobo looking for money, he might have already found someone to give him money, and Dun Dun can steal what he has!" Dun Dun says. "We could always use some extra rock cash..." Yeller admits. Dun Dun and Yeller enter a back alley, and find a guy standing in a dumpster. "Great, you kids heard me! Fantastic! Tremendous!" The guy says. "What you want?" Dun Dun asks. "First, allow me to introduce myself. The name's Rusty, I'm a traveling sale's man." Rusty says. "Oh boy, this should be good..." Yeller says. "And boy, do I have the deal of a lifetime for you fellas! I mean it, once I tell you what I've got, you're gonna think: "man, how have I lived this long without one of these?" Its that good, its that grand!" Rusty says. "Yup, I knew it, this is a scam." Yeller says. "Shhh!" Dun Dun scolds Yeller. Dun Dun turns her attention to Rusty. "Tell Dun Dun more." Dun Dun says.

Pearl pulls all of the winnings close to them, after having won another round. "Wow, who knew I was actually good at this game?" Pearl asks. "Certainly not me." An annoyed Diamond states. Michael pulls out a cigar, and holds it up to Bo. "Oh no thank you, I've grown rather attached to my lungs." Bo says. Kooky stands up, and flips the table! "THIS IS BULL [CENSORED]!" Kooky screams. Suddenly, Cop breaks down the door, with his gun drawn! "FREEZE! POLICE!" Cop yells. Bo puts his hands in the air. "Please officer, don't shoot! I am unarmed! I don't even have a key to stab you with, my son took my last set of keys!" Bo says. "I got a tip that an illegal poker game was going on here." Cop says. "How dare you bust down dat door, come in here, and accuse us of doin' something we ain't!" Michael says, as the poker cards and chips can all be seen on the table. "Since when is playing poker even bloody illegal?" Bo asks. "Its not, its the underground variety that I have a problem with!" Cop says. "Does it look like we're underground, you idiot?" Pearl asks. "What exactly classifies a poker game as an underground poker game?" Bo asks. "How am I suppose to know? All I know is that its happening in this house, which means it MUST be illegal!" Cop says. "Surely, there is a way we can peacefully resolve this." Bo says. "Sure dere is. Vito, make dog meat out of dis guy!" Michael orders. Vito cracks his knuckles. "Call off your attack dog. Since Yeller isn't here for me to bust, I'm willing to let this whole thing slide under the rug...on one condition." Cop says. "What exactly is the condition?" Bo asks.

Cop is now playing poker with everyone else. "Boy do I love playing poker. Of course, I usually play with the drug dealers down town, not with you classier folks. I have a pair of threes." Cop says, as he puts down two threes. Kooky puts down three cards. "Three sevens." Kooky states. "Argh, there goes my rent money!" Cop says. Pearl throws down five cards. "Five 10s! Straight flush! I win!" Pearl says, as they pull all of the winnings towards them. Kooky can be seen with his eyes wide open, and his jaw dropped to the floor.

In the back alley, Yeller and Dun Dun's attention is on Rusty. Rusty holds up what appears to be a seed. "You see this seed right here?" Rusty asks. "You selling Dun Dun flowers? Dun Dun HATE nature! And she HATE the environment!" Dun Dun yells. "No ma'am, you misunderstood! I'm not selling you no ugly daisies! What I've got here in my hand is a revolution, a game changer, a JAW DROPPING game changer! What's the one thing you love more than anything on this planet?" Rusty asks. "Money!" Dun Dun answers. "Yeah, me too! Money makes the world go round! Without money, we'd all either be dead or miserable! See, what I'm holding in my hand is a way to make sure you never have that problem! Doesn't that sound like hot stuff?" Rusty asks. "What is it you offering Dun Dun, Ruggy?" Dun Dun asks. "Its Rusty, and ma'am, I am offering you and the little boy here UNLIMITED money! See, this seed is a seed for the first ever known money tree! You plant one of these babies, and you'll never have to worry about your finances again! You'll be golden! Literally! By the end of the month, you'll be so rich, you'll be able to order yourself a gold plated bath tub!" Rusty says. "Surely, you don't actually think my friend is stupid enough to-" Before Yeller can finish, Dun Dun puts her hand over Yeller's mouth. "How much?" Dun Dun asks. "This seed can be yours for a mere sixty dollars!" Rusty says. "That's how much it costs to get into the rock convention!" Yeller notes. "So Yeller have sixty dollars then?" Dun Dun asks. "Yes, but I'm not giving it to-" Before Yeller can finish, Dun Dun punches him in the nose! Yeller falls to the ground, and Dun Dun grabs his wallet. She then hands Rusty the entire wallet. "Here, it all yours! Just give Dun Dun magic seed!" Dun Dun says. Rusty hands Dun Dun the seed. "You won't be disappointed, I sure wasn't!" Rusty says, before jumping out of the dumpster, and running away in a fit of evil laughter. "Did you hear good news, Yeller? Dun Dun made us rich! Maybe now, we can attend TWO rock convention! Isn't that cool?" Dun Dun asks. Yeller groans in response.

Kooky flips the table again. "I'VE [CENSORED] HAD IT! YOU HEAR ME?! HAD-IT!!!" Kooky screams. "Oh dear..." Bo says. Kooky turns towards Pearl. "You've won twenty three matches in a row, I've lost twenty two hundred dollars to you, how the [CENSORED] are you doing it? What kind of trick are you pulling here, buddy?" Kooky asks. "Wait just a minute, are you suggesting I'm a cheat?!" Pearl asks. "If it dresses like a cheat, its usually a cheat!" Kooky yells. "Jokes on you, pal! Pearl here is too stupid to cheat, so ha!" Diamond says. "Yeah, ha!" Pearl repeats. "I don't care if Pearl is a secret genius, they ain't leaving this house with my money!" Kooky says. "Now now, Kooky, lets not be a sore loser about dis. Pearl won dat money fair and square." Michael says. "Yeah, its nothing to be upset about! You just suck and poker AND life, that's all!" Cop says. "At least I'm gonna have a [CENSORED] life!" Kooky yells. "Everybody take cover!" Michael screams. Kooky pulls out his machine gun again, and begins to open fire! Michael and Vito both jump behind the couch. A moment later, Michael's head pops up, and he begins to fire shots in Kooky's direction. The bullet ricochets off Kooky's wig, and hits one of Bo's lamps instead. Vito pokes his head out, and fires a shot. This time, the bullet hits Kooky's rubber nose, and destroys it. "Uh oh." Michael says. Kooky begins stomping on the ground in a rage, with smoke erupting from his ears. Kooky then begins rapid firing in random directions, in a fit of rage. The camera pans to Bo, who is hiding underneath an end table. Bo's eyes are closed, but they open when he feels something poking at him. When he opens his eyes, he sees Mr. Whiskers sitting next to him! "No! Go away! Now is not the time for this!" Bo scolds. Mr. Whiskers hisses at Bo. "What was that?! I said WHAT THE [CENSORED] WAS THAT?!" Kooky angrily asks. Bo turns towards Mr. Whiskers. "Shhhh." Bo quietly tells him. Mr. Whiskers loudly hisses, before scratching Bo in the face! Bo screams, and falls out from under the end table! Kooky grabs Bo, and points his gun at him. "You got something to say, Monopoly man?" Kooky asks. "Please don't shoot me." Bo begs. "Shut up!" Kooky yells. Cop comes out of nowhere, and points his gun at Kooky. "Put down the gun, or you don't leave here alive." Cop warns. "You put down the gun, or YOU don't [CENSORED] leave here alive!" Kooky threatens. "Okay." Cop says, before putting the gun down. "And there goes my final hope. Oh who will save me now?" Bo wonders. "Hey clown, can I go and use the bathroom?" Pearl asks, raising their hand. Kooky points his gun at Pearl, and his hands begin to shake. "You did this! YOU! YOU!!!!" Kooky screams. As the scene begins to play in slow motion, suddenly, Bo bites Kooky in the arm, and breaks free! Bo runs from Kooky, and Kooky points his gun at Bo! However, Diamond picks up a coaster, and flings it at Kooky! The coaster hits Kooky's wrist, and he drops the gun! Vito then leaps over the couch, and charges towards Kooky! "Noooooooooo!" Kooky can be heard yelling. Vito tackles Kooky, and the two fall down to the floor...

The next day, Yeller walks into the house, and finds that its been trashed. "Dad?" Yeller calls out. Bo comes out of the kitchen. "Oh, hello, son." Bo says. "What's going on? Why is there a bunch of police tape outside? And what happened to the house?" Yeller asks. "Oh, its a rather long and complex tale. It involves Pearl winning a lot at Poker, and Kooky with a gun. How was the convention, dear boy?" Bo asks. "Oh, I didn't go. There were some troubles getting there, and Dun Dun ended up blowing our entry money on a scam." Yeller says. "Oh dear...well, at the very least, I hope you brought home my car, safe and sound." Bo says. "Sure did!" Yeller says, as he hands Bo the steering wheel.

Meanwhile, outside House of Dun, Dun Dun is kneeling in front of the patch of dirt where she planted the seed, waiting for it to grow. "Come on, Dun Dun need new pair of money!" Dun Dun says.