Episode 09: Dial A for Alliance

Sam is standing on the dock of the island. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania Castaways! Chimney Man’s own stupidity finally caught up with him as he was voted out of the competition, leaving just eight contestants left in the game! The remaining eight contestants then got the bad news that they couldn’t sleep in their own beds that night because there had been a rodent problem, which meant they’d have to camp outside. Yeah...I made that up. While the contestants were setting up camp, they quickly figured out that a deranged killer was out to get them! As contestants began disappearing, Lauren took charge to track down the killer, and find her fellow cast members. Lauren did manage to accomplish all of that...and in the process found Claire in a lip lock with Daisy. Don’t worry though, the two ended up making up. In the end, Lauren and Dun Dun were the only ones to not be harmed by the killer, which gave them both immunity. Once that was out of the way, Lauren unmasked the killer and discovered it was none other than Creepy Guy! Gasp! I was gonna let Creepy Guy back into the game if he could take out all the contestants, but since he couldn’t even accomplish that, he got shipped off again. Moving on...with Lauren and Dun Dun winning immunity, that means Claire, Daisy, Andy, Yeller, Bo, and Grandma are all on the chopping block! Which one of them will get the boot in the latest nail biting elimination? Find out in today’s brand new episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...CASTAWAYS!” Sam says.

Lauren, Claire, Daisy, Dun Dun, Andy, Yeller, Bo, and Grandma are all sitting around the bonfire when Sam arrives holding a platter of marshmallows. “Look at how far we’ve come. We started off with fourteen contestants, and after today’s elimination, we’re only going to have seven left. Have the original number! But enough talk, lets hand out the marshmallows! Lauren and Dun Dun, you both won the last challenge, which means you are the first two safe! The next ones safe are Yeller, Andy, Bo, and Claire!” Sam says, as he tosses marshmallows to the six safe contestants. Grandma gasps. “I can’t go home again! This million is gonna pay for my retirement!” Grandma says. “Well I can’t go home either! I have come way too far to be eliminated now!” Daisy says. “Unfortunately, you can’t both stay in the game. One of you will be taking the log of shame home, losing out on your chance for a million bucks, your chance for fame and fortune, your chance to have multiple talk show deals lined up!” Sam says. “Get on with it, Sammy!” Grandma snaps. “Alright! The final marshmallow of the evening goes to...Grandma!” Sam announces, as he throws Grandma her marshmallow. “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Daisy asks. Sam smiles. “Sorry Daisy, but it looks like your luck has finally run out!” Sam says. “And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.” Claire says. “There has to be some kind of mistake! Sam, tell them! Tell them that this isn’t actually an elimination round! That you are just messing with us like when Claire almost got voted out! TELL THEM!” Daisy yells. Sam shrugs. “There’s nothing to tell. Also, fun little fact for you, but you are the first contestant that was voted out unanimously! But, we still had to do that dramatic build up, which is why we made it look like Grandma might still get eliminated even though she didn’t get any votes!” Sam says. “This cannot be happening!” Daisy says. Claire and Lauren walk over to her. “Oh but it is. You’ve finally gotten exactly what you deserve!” Claire says. “Excuse me?” Daisy asks. “You’ve been messing with Claire and I’s relationship almost since day 1, it never once occurred to you that might turn people off of you?” Lauren asks. Daisy smirks. “Oh please, its not like it was that difficult. Your little girlfriend over there is the most easily influenced person I have ever met. I didn’t even break a sweat pulling her strings.” Daisy says. “So much for you supposedly having feelings for me.” Claire says. “I hope you didn’t actually buy into that. I couldn’t care less about you, you insufferable twit. You were just a means to an end to hurt your even more insufferable girlfriend.” Daisy says. “You failed. We’re still standing.” Lauren points out. Daisy claps. “Bravo! Are you hoping for an award? You might’ve survived me, but I wonder how your relationship will fair the further you get into the competition? Do you think you’ll still be able to be lovey dovey when you’re forced to compete with each other? Its going to happen, as more and more people get eliminated.” Daisy says. “We’ll survive, just like we survived you.” Claire says. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” Daisy asks. “Any chance we can wrap this up?” Sam asks. “Sure thing, I just have one more thing I’d like to say to “my good friend” Daisy before she goes.” Claire says. “Are you gonna kiss me goodbye?” Daisy asks. Claire then slaps Daisy! “That’s for trying to ruin me and Lauren.” Claire says. “Oh, you are SO going to regret that!” Daisy growls. Daisy lunges at Claire but Lauren grabs her.

Down at the dock, Lauren throws Daisy on to the log of shame as Sam, Claire, Yeller, Dun Dun, Bo, Grandma, and Andy look on. “This is NOT over! Mark my words! I will find a way back on to this show, and when I do, it is over for all of you! You hear me?! ALL OF YOU!!!!” Daisy screams. Daisy then begins to float away. “Bye Daisy! Say hi to the other losers for me!” Claire calls out to her. “Dun Dun will miss you Lavender!” Dun Dun calls out. “ITS DAISY YOU IDIOT!!!” Daisy screams. “What her problem?” Dun Dun wonders.

The next morning, Lauren, Claire, Dun Dun, Yeller, Bo, Grandma, and Andy are all sitting in the cafeteria. “What a beautiful morning it is!” Claire says. “Someone’s in a good mood today.” Andy points out. “Why wouldn’t I be? The sun is shining, the birds are chirping…” Claire says. “Daisy is gone.” Lauren adds. “Oh yeah, and that little fact.” Claire says. “Now this dumb show is gonna be boring, I hope you all know that! No Daisy means no drama means no show!” Grandma says.

GRANDMA’S CONFESSIONAL: “I didn’t like that girl, but she was pretty entertaining. Guess I’m gonna have to start some trouble to pick up Daisy’s slack.” Grandma says.

“So I guess since Daisy is gone, we’re going to have to pull our own weight in this alliance, huh?” Yeller asks Dun Dun. “Dun Dun going to miss having servant.” Dun Dun says. Sam walks into the cafeteria. “Good morning, campers! How is everyone doing this morning?” Sam questions. “FANTASTIC!” Claire exclaims. “Glad to hear it, because its time for today’s challenge! Today, you are going to be participating in a grueling, taxing, challenge that only the brave can survive. You are going to be playing...paint ball!” Sam announces. “Boooooooooooooooooo!” Yeller shouts. “Wait, how’s that going to work? There are only seven of us, so won’t the teams be uneven?” Lauren asks. “You guys misunderstood, you won’t be playing against each other, you’ll be playing against Man-Shark!” Sam announces. Man-Shark walks in holding a paintball gun. “You see, this won’t be a regular team death match. You will all be given a head start so you can find a place on the island to hide. If Man-Shark finds you, he’s gonna shoot you on sight. If you get hit, you’re out of the challenge. Last person standing wins the challenge and immunity from the next elimination! Any questions?” Sam asks. Claire raises her hand. “I have a question!” Claire says. “And I don’t care. In any event, get hiding!” Sam says.

Lauren and Claire are walking through the woods. “We really should form our own alliance. Yeller and Dun Dun have one going on so we need to make sure we’re able to fight that.” Lauren says. “As if you even have to ask. Of course I’ll be in an alliance with you. You know, this is really nice.” Claire says. “Being in an alliance?” Lauren asks. “Being with you in general. We’ve spent so much time fighting, its nice that we’re finally on the same page. And now that she who shall not be named is finally gone, we don’t have to worry about anymore outside interference.” Claire says. “I’m glad things are worked out too. I...uh...I missed you.” Lauren admits.

Yeller and Dun Dun are standing outside the cabins. “You seriously want us to hide out here? This will be the first place Man-Shark checks!” Yeller points out. “No it won’t! Shark-Man will never guess where Dun Dun and minion hiding!” Dun Dun says. “Woah, woah, woah, I’m sorry...Dun Dun and MINION? Daisy’s gone, so I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Yeller says. “Is Yeller stupid? Dun Dun talking about YOU! This Dun Dun alliance!” Dun Dun says. “Wouldn’t it make more sense for the person with brains to be running the operation?” Yeller asks. “Yes, that why Dun Dun in charge.” Dun Dun says. “How could you be in charge when you’re a total MORON?!” Yeller asks. Dun Dun gasps. “You take that back!” Dun Dun demands. “Make me, Dun Dun, or should I say...Dum Dum.” Yeller says. Dun Dun lets out a furious scream and lunges at Yeller!

Bo is standing on the beach. “Hm, I simply cannot deduce a good hiding place!” Bo says. “Psssssst!” Someone can be heard saying. “Who’s there?” Bo questions. “Over here, boy!” A familiar voice says. Bo turns and sees Grandma peaking out from behind a rock. “Mother, what on earth are you doing behind that rock?” Bo questions. “Hiding, you idiot! Now get back here! You and I have gotta talk shop!” Grandma tells him, before dragging him behind the rock. “What is it we need to discuss?” Bo questions. “We’re in the final seven, the home stretch! Your son and Dun Dun have their own little alliance going on, and you can guarantee Lauren and Claire are gonna stick together. We need our own alliance! Its the only way we are gonna make it anywhere in this game! Think about it Bo, the first mother and son to make it to a Total Yeller Mania finale together! Doesn’t that some nice?” Grandma asks. “It sounds lovely.” Bo claims.

BO’S CONFESSIONAL: “It sounds revolting!” Bo admits.

“I must admit, I am a bit surprised to see you proposing an alliance, given that before you were determined to get revenge on me for voting you out the last time.” Bo says. “Oh believe me you little judas, you’re still gonna get a beat down when we get home! But right now, none of that is important! What’s important is that we win this game and take the gold! What do you say, son. One of us wins the game, we split the million 50-50?” Grandma asks. “Well, I suppose it would be quite useful to have an ally in the game.” Bo says. “That’s the spirit!” Grandma says.

GRANDMA’S CONFESSIONAL: “I ain’t splitting a cent with that traitor! He’ll figure that out when I leave him a note letting him know I’ve taken off for Hawaii. I’ll be in Barbados, by the way.” Grandma says.

As Yeller and Dun Dun are fighting on the ground, Yeller notices Andy walk by. “Hey, I’ve got an idea!” Yeller says. “You no get to have ideas! You no brain of operation!” Dun Dun snaps. “Just go with me on this!” Yeller tells her. Yeller gets up. “Yo Andy!” Yeller calls out. Andy turns towards them. “Yes?” Andy asks. “You know, Dun Dun and I were thinking that with Daisy gone, we really could use someone to fill that void in our alliance.” Yeller says. “We were?” Dun Dun asks. “Yes, we were!” Yeller says, through gritted teeth. “And you would like me to be that person?” Andy asks. “I just think it’d be very beneficial for you! I mean, who else are you gonna team up with? Claire and Lauren? You don’t strike me as the third wheel kinda guy.” Yeller says. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you two just using Daisy to do your dirty work?” Andy asks. “Dirty work? Us? No, no! Of course not! If you sign on with us, you will be an equal partner, trust me on that!” Yeller says. “I don’t know…” Andy says. “What not to know? Has Andre ever seen more trustworthy people?” Dun Dun asks. “Its Andy! Andre is the bad guy!” Yeller corrects her. “Yeah, I don’t know…” Andy says. “It was a mistake! She makes lots of them! That doesn’t make us bad people though, does it? Come on, Andy. Do what’s right for YOU.” Yeller says. “Hm...okay then! I’ll do it!” Andy says. Suddenly, Man-Shark arrives on the scene and shoots all three of them with paintballs! “Never mind! I’m out! This alliance SUCKS!” Andy yells, before storming off. “You know what?! Good! Be that way! We like people better who DON’T get shot!” Yeller shouts. “So that mean Yeller leaving alliance?” Dun Dun asks. “What?” Yeller asks. “You just tell Andy we like people who don’t get shot, but Yeller too get shot!” Dun Dun says. “So didn’t you!” Yeller points out. “Just GREAT! Now we both out of alliance!” Dun Dun yells. Yeller lets out an exasperated sigh. “I think we can overlook what happened to us just this one time.” Yeller says. “So that mean...alliance still on?” Dun Dun asks. “That mean alliance still on.” Yeller confirms.

Man-Shark is patrolling on the beach, carefully scanning his surroundings. Meanwhile, Grandma and Bo are hidden behind a rock. “Don’t you utter a word!” Grandma whispers. Man-Shark stops at the rock they are hiding behind and stares at it. Man-Shark walks up to the rock and taps it with his gun. Meanwhile, Bo is visibly terrified. After a moment, Man-Shark walks away from the rock, unaware Bo and Grandma are back there. Bo breathes a sigh of relief, and Man-Shark hears it! Man-Shark spins around and begins firing at the rock! Grandma and Bo run out from behind the rock. “Come on, son! We’ve gotta get outta here!” Grandma shouts. As Man-Shark continues to rapid fire at them, Grandma stops in her tracks. “Ah forget this! I need a diversion!” Grandma shouts, before grabbing Bo! “Mother, what are you do-” Before Bo can finish, he gets shot by several paintballs! Grandma then tosses him at Man-Shark before taking off into the woods! “So long sucker! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Grandma can be heard yelling. “So much for our alliance…” Bo mutters. Sam walks up to Man-Shark. “Wow, the contestants are dropping like flies! Yeller, Dun Dun, Andy, Bo, all that’s left are Lauren, Claire, and Grandma! Nicely done, Man-Shark. Now don’t keep the other contestants waiting!” Sam says. Man-Shark runs off. “Excuse me, Sam, a word?” Bo asks. “Yes?” Sam asks. “I don’t suppose my dear mother has committed any sort of...violations? The kind that could result in an elimination?” Bo asks. “Nope.” Sam says. “She hasn’t broken any rules? None at all?” Bo asks. “Sorry Bo.” Sam says. “Darn…” Bo mutters.

In the woods, Claire is pacing back and forth. “UGGGGGGGGH! This is SO boring! How long do we have to stay out here?” Claire questions. “Until we win the challenge.” Lauren says. “Okay, but we can’t BOTH win the challenge, so what do we do if we end up being the last two standing?” Claire asks. “I won last time, so I guess you’re due a turn.” Lauren says. “Aw, that’s sweet of you.” Claire says. “Well, well, well, look what we’ve got here!” A voice says. Lauren and Claire turn and see Grandma. “If it isn’t my fellow remaining contestants! Good to see ya!” Grandma says. “Wait...we’re the last three standing?” Lauren asks. “Mmhm. Not really hard to believe, talented individuals that we are. Say, I’ve been thinking, the three of us should really form an alliance!” Grandma says. “Sorry, not interested.” Lauren says. “But, don’t you even wanna hear my pitch?” Grandma asks. “Nope.” Lauren says. “But Lauren, she could be a big asset to us!” Claire notes. “She’s not that big of an asset! She’s already been eliminated once!” Lauren points out. “We all make mistakes!” Claire argues. “Not only that, but she’s old!” Lauren reminds Claire. “So now you’re ageist too?!” Claire asks. “I’m standing right here, you know!” Grandma points out. “Good for you!” Lauren says. “All I’m saying is maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have an extra ally in our back pocket.” Claire says. “Hey! I’m in nobody’s back pocket!” Grandma states. “Can it, granny!” Lauren tells her. Lauren turns back towards Claire. “Alright, fine. We’ll team up with her. But the minute I get the sense she’s not pulling her own weight, she’s out!” Lauren says. Suddenly, Man-Shark comes out of the bushes with his gun drawn! “Oh no! You ain’t getting me today, Sonny!” Grandma says. Man-Shark fires at Grandma and Grandma grabs Claire and uses her as a human shield! “OW!!!!” Claire screams. “Stop being such a baby!” Grandma shouts. “Okay, you are DEFINITELY out of the alli-” Before Lauren can finish, she is shot too! Sam steps out of the bushes. “And there we have it! Grandma wins today’s challenge, as well as a free ticket into the final 6!” Sam announces. “Unbelievable! Who’s bright idea was it to let her into an alliance with us anyway?!” Claire questions. “I wonder…” Lauren sarcastically says. Grandma walks over to them. “I’d like to thank you girls for being such team players. I couldn’t have done it without you!” Grandma says. “Enjoy the victory while you can, you old bat! You won’t be so lucky next time!” Claire warns. “I guess we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we?” Grandma asks, before walking away. Sam steps in front of Lauren and Claire. “That wraps up another episode of Total Yeller Mania Castaways! With Grandma winning immunity, that means Andy, Yeller, Dun Dun, Claire, Lauren, and Bo are all on the chopping block! Who will you vote for? Who will be eliminated? Find out that last part in the next episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Castaways!” Sam says.