Pre Round 1 Interviews

A camera pan of a dark room can be seen. The lights then turn on, and a woman is seen standing in the middle of a fighting arena. “Hello everybody, and welcome to the first QG Smackdown event! I am your host, Dena Williams. How many of yall is happy to be here?” Dena asks. None of the audience members say anything. “Ah, so you’re all trying to contain your excitement, you know, to look cool in front of your idols, the fighters? That’s alright, I got you, I got you.” Dena says. “Who are you and where is Sam?!” One of the audience members have. “What?!” Dena asks. “Sam! From Total Yeller Mania! Why isn’t he hosting this!” The audience member asks. “How am I supposed to know? Its not like I was hired because contract negotiations with Sam have stalled, cause he’s being a big baby and won’t take a 70% pay cut and refuses to do a Total Yeller Mania season centered on cooking and had an affair with a producer’s husband creating some bad blood behind the scenes!” Dena yells. Dena takes a deep breath. “Sam is busy with other projects at this time and that’s all I’m at liberty to say.” Dena calmly claims. Dena’s demeanor suddenly changes back to being more upbeat. “On that note, let me introduce you to our great and fearless fighters! We’ve got Claire, Daisy, Leafy Fan, Alonzo, Bo, Abner, Stunt Man, Dun Dun, Justine, Michael, Andy, Yeller, Rebecca, Cop, Dylan, Chimney Man, The Master, Vito, Queen Goo, and Lauren. Whew, that is SOME cast, wouldn’t you say? Anyway, down to business. Today, we’re only gonna have four fights, cause some technicality left most of our fighters with squat to do. That just goes to show you how competent the people I work with are. Anywho, today, we’re gonna see fights between Dun Dun and Alonzo, Justine and Rebecca, Chimney Man and Queen Goo, AND Abner and Yeller. Before the festivities start, lets go check in on our first fighters, Dun Dun and Alonzo.

Alonzo is in a hallway, leaning up against a wall, when Dun Dun stomps over to him. “You Dun Dun’s opponent?” Dun Dun asks. “I guess.” Alonzo says. Dun Dun looks Alonzo up and down. “Dun Dun got this one in the bag.” Dun Dun says. Alonzo rolls his eyes. “What matter the? Yo too scared to correct Dun Dun? You giant baby, hm? Dun Dun understand, she would be scared of fighting Dun Dun, too.” Dun Dun says. Dena runs over to Dun Dun and Alonzo, holding a mic. “Oh my goodness, LOOK at THIS! We’ve already got our two fighters in the same place, what luck! Get that camera over here, luv!” Dena says, as she signals towards one of the camera men, who shoves their camera in Alonzo’s face. Dena then shoves the mic in his face. “So, Alonzo, how do you feel about your chances in the match against Dun Dun?” Dena asks. “Go away…” Alonzo growls. “Okay, we cool. Next question, is it true that you called Dun Dun a brainless elf that probably won’t even show up at the match because she’s too much of a coward?” Dena asks. Dun Dun’s eyes widen. “WHAT?!” A furious Dun Dun asks. “I never said that!” Alonzo argues. “Really, then is this NOT you that we have on record saying those exact things?” Dena asks, as she pulls out her phone. Dena taps play on the recording. “Dun Dun is nothing but a brainless elf, and I’ll bet a million dollars that she won’t even show up at the match because she’s too much of a coward!” Dena can be heard saying in the recording, not even making an effort to disguise her voice. Dun Dun begins to cry. “How could you say such awful things Alfonso?” Dun Dun asks. “Its Alonzo, and that CLEARLY isn’t me! It sounds exactly like her!” Alonzo says, as he points at Dena. “That sound EXACTLY like you!” Dun Dun yells at Alonzo. “Dun Dun doesn’t lie.” Dena claims. “I need to get away from this conversation. I’m on the verge of losing my edginess.” Alonzo says. “You can get away from conversation, but you can’t get away from Dun Dun! She gonna floor the mop with you! And you gonna owe Dun Dun a billion dollars, because you said she no show up to match, and she gonna!” Dun Dun yells. “Wait, the person pretending to be me said a million dollars, not a billion!” Alonzo points out. “Dun Dun asking for extra due to stress!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun kicks Alonzo in the groin! “Ooooh, things are getting spicy!” Dena says. Dena gets a call, and she answers. “Hello?...Seriously? Do you have any idea how good this argument will be for ratings?...alright, alright, have it your way.” Dena says, before hanging up. “Schmuck.” Dena comments. Dena turns towards Dun Dun and Alonzo. “So, turns out, I gotta go check in with Rebecca and Justine. Any chance you folks can hold onto that aggression for the battle field? That’d be great. Thanks, bye!” Dena says, before running off.

Dena walks into Rebecca’s dressing room, and finds her hitting a punching bag. “Wow, somebody’s getting pumped! Hi, I’m Dena Williams, the host of QG Smackdown. Got a sec to talk?” Dena asks. “Actually, I was-“ Rebecca begins to say. “Greeeeeeat. So, Rebecc, how do you feel about your chances in the fight against Justine? Do you think you’re gonna win? Do you even know what you’re up against?” Dena asks. “Well Dena, I did do some research on Justine. I do know that she is an avid sword fighter, which may or may not serve her well.” Rebecca says. “See, we’re letting her use a sword.” Dena reveals. “Oh…well regardless, I am still confident in my chances, as well as my own abilities. I would also like to add that I wish Justine luck.” Rebecca says. “Oh my God, you are SUCH a phony!” A voice says. “Who said that?!” Dena asks. The camera man turns the camera towards Daisy, who is standing in the doorway. Rebecca glares. “Daisy.” Rebecca states with contempt in her voice. “I just came to wish you luck on your big match, Rebecca. By the sounds of it, you’re gonna need it.” Daisy says. “Well, unfortunately, we can’t all get a free pass into round two like you apparently did.” Rebecca says. “Rebecca, is it true that you stole Daisy’s man on her wedding day?” Dena asks. “It is true! She turned what was supposed to be the greatest day of my life into the worst day, and for that, I am always going to despise her.” Daisy says. “Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to ruin your wedding day if you hadn’t gaslit me!” Rebecca snaps. “Oooohooo! She did what? Daisy, did you really gaslight Rebecca?” Dena asks. “I don’t have to answer that question.” Daisy says. “She must be afraid the police are watching. She’s facing some serious criminal charges, you know.” Rebecca says. “I’m going to beat those charges.” Daisy says. Rebecca nods. “Sure Jan.” Rebecca says. “You are so smug and superior acting…you better hope you don’t make it past round 1, because if you do, I can’t promise that I won’t put you in the ground.” Daisy says. “Why wait until round 2?” Rebecca asks, before punching Daisy! “We’ve got a pre round one fight on our hands!” Dena announces. Daisy charges at Rebecca, but Rebecca dodges, grabs Daisy’s arm, and pushes her face first onto a desk. “Should we break this up?” The camera man asks. “Sure you can, as long as you don’t mind looking for a new job.” Dena says. “LET GO OF ME!” Daisy screams. “You need to calm down!” Rebecca says. “You hit me first!” Daisy points out. “Well you deserved it!” Rebecca argues. Daisy begins stomping on Rebecca’s foot to try to get her to release her, but that does nothing. Daisy then tries bashing her head into Rebecca’s, but that also doesn’t work. “Seriously?!” An aggravated Daisy asks. “Can somebody tell me who picked this bean pole to be a fighter? Girl’s gonna be knocked out the ring in the first ten seconds of her match.” Dena says about Daisy. Rebecca picks Daisy off the table, and then tosses her onto the ground! The camera man shoves his camera into Daisy’s face, who has tears in her eyes. “GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE, YOU IDIOT!!!” Daisy screams. Daisy stands up. “Are you done?” Rebecca asks. “This isn’t over! I am going to make you pay for ruining my life! YOU WILL PAY!” A tearful Daisy screams, before storming out, slamming the door behind her. “What a sore loser, and she hasn’t even lost yet!” Dena notes.

Justine is meditating in her dressing room, when Dena bursts in. “Justine, so sorry to intrude!” Dena says. “Can you come back later? I’m kinda busy.” Justine says. Dena ignores her, and sits on the floor next to her. “So, Justine, your chances against Rebecca, what do you think they are?” Dena asks. “I don’t know Rebecca personally, but from what I’ve heard about her, I think we might be evenly matched. May the best woman win.” Justine says. “Would you still say that if you knew all the things Rebecca said about you?” Dena asks. This catches Justine’s attention. “What things?!” Justine asks. “Well, I was just with Rebecca, and she said how you don’t know a darn thing about using a sword, and that your clothes are outdated by about three millenniums.” Dena says. “She said WHAT about my sword skills?! That’s alright. I’m not going to let Rebecca’s harsh words influence me.” Justine says, before picking up a knife, throwing it across the room, and storming out. “On that note, we should move on to our next duo of fighters, Chimney Man and Queen Goo! Lets go stir that pot.” Dena says.
Dena enters Chimney Man’s dressing room, and finds him building a chimney. “Um…Chimney Man, right?” Dena asks. “Are you a customer?” Chimney Man asks. “What?” Dena asks. “Do you need your chimney swept and/or inspected?” Chimney Man asks. “No!” Dena says. “Then you are wasting my time! Be gone!” Chimney Man snaps. “Sir, we have more important things to discuss than cleaning a chimney.” Dena says. “Ahem, I do not CLEAN chimneys, stupid! I SWEEP them! There is a difference!” Chimney Man yells. “Right…anyway, mind if I ask you some questions about your fight?” Dena asks. “Fight? What fight? Is that dirt bag from Bob’s Chimney here? Because I’ll fight him!” Chimney Man states. “No! The fight that’s a part of QG Smackdown!” Dena corrects him. “What’s a QG Smackdown? I’m here for a chimney convention! Why do you think I’m building this chimney model? I’m gonna put it on display! Lets see Bob top that!” Chimney Man says. “You ain’t here for some dumb convention, you’re here to fight!” Dena announces. “Waaaaait a minute, I think I’ve been bamboozled!” Chimney Man announces. “I wouldn’t know anything about that. I don’t recruit people.” Dena says. “So, what do I win if I win this Smackdown thing?” Chimney Man asks. “The championship title!” Dena reveals. “That’s it? No money?” Chimney Man asks. “No money.” Dena confirms. “Huh, well you people had to have offered me money for me to agree to this.” Chimney Man says. “Maybe, but I’m sure it isn’t in the contract.” Chimney Man says. Queen Goo swings open the door. “Excuse me, but where is MY interview?!” Queen Goo asks. “Oh my CHIMNEY! What is that majestic creature?” Chimney Man asks. “They call it a Queen Goo.” Dena says. “I was in Total Yeller Mania Battle with you, don’t you remember me?!” Queen Goo asks. “I don’t like to talk about that time in my life.” Chimney Man says. “Is that because you suffered a humiliating loss at Lauren’s hand?” Dena asks. “I GOT TENTH PLACE AND THAT WHOLE COMPETITION WAS RIGGED!” Chimney Man yells. “Well I hope you are prepared to lose again, dear, because I came to win!” Queen Goo states. “Sweetie, try as you might, but you can’t win. No one can win against a chimney sweeper, it just ain’t possible.” Chimney Man says. “I hope not, because you don’t want Queen Goo to be proven right!” Dena says. “Proven right about what?” Chimney Man asks. “Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but Queen Goo said that you are gonna lose this match like you lose at everything else. She also said that you have a bunch of bad reviews online, and that you aren’t even a licensed chimney professional. “ Dena says. “Wait just a minute, I never said any of that!” Queen Goo says. “Excuse you, but I do not lose at everything, and I don’t have bad reviews online! How dare you tell those awful lies! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m leaving!” Chimney Man yells. “Leaving? This is YOUR dressing room!” Queen Goo points out. “I don’t want it anymore!” Chimney Man yells, before storming out and slamming the door behind him. Dena turns towards Queen Goo. “Any comments from the queen herself?” Dena asks. “Oh drop dead, you ‘The View’ reject!” Queen Goo snaps, before storming out. “You forgot to slam the door!” Dena yells. Queen Goo opens the door again, and then slams it shut. “Well, I guess we better go look for the last two fighters of round one.” Dena says.

Dena enters Yeller’s dressing room, and finds him sound asleep. “What on earth are you doing?!” Dena asks, which wakes Yeller up. “Can I help you? I’m busy!” Yeller tells her. “You have a fight soon! Shouldn’t you be training?” Dena asks. “Training? Why would I need to train? This guy is a loser!” Yeller says. “You mean Abner?” Dena asks. “Yeah, I mean Abner! Sure, he might look like a tough guy with the big sword, but he’s nothing but a wannabe. You know who he reminds me of? That blond guy that wears the green clothes, you know, the one in that video game. They have one thing in common, they’re both bums.” Yeller says. Abner comes in. “Hey Yeller, how’s it going?” Abner asks. “Its going great!” Yeller says. “How can you be nice to Yeller? You wouldn’t believe the things he was saying about you!” Dena says. “Nice try, but I’m not falling for that! I know all about the lies you’ve been spreading all night! You might’ve fooled everyone else, but you aren’t fooling me! Yeller would NEVER say a bad thing about me!” Abner says. “That’s right!” Yeller lies. “Now if you’ll excuse us, Yeller and I are going to have a friendly competition, not one tainted by your pack of lies!” Abner says. “That’s right!” Yeller repeats. Dena sighs. “I’ll get out of your way then.” Dena says, before walking out. “So, she WAS lying, right? You didn’t really say any of those awful things?” Abner asks. “Of course not!” Yeller says. “Alright, just checking.” Abner says.

Dena is once again standing in the wrestling ring. “And that concludes our pre round 1 interviews with the fighters! Now, it is time for the fights! For those of you who forgot the schedule, up first is Dun Dun vs Alonzo, then we have Justine vs Rebecca, then we have Chimney Man vs Queen Goo, and last and probably least we have Abner vs Yeller. Which of those four will make it into round 2? Find out after this!” Dena says.