S4 Episode 06: Lap of Luxury

Yeller and Dun Dun are sitting on the sofa, watching TV. “I can’t believe this show’s still on!” Yeller says. “But it good show!” Dun Dun says. “If it were a good show, it wouldn’t have a stupid name like Queen Goo.” Yeller says. All of a sudden, Yeller and Dun Dun’s eyes widen. “WHAT GOING ON?!” Dun Dun asks. “Where-where did the picture go?” Yeller wonders. “Dun Dun going blind!” Dun Dun screams. “You’re not going blind! Its just the picture on the TV that is gone! The sound is still working, though...” Yeller says. “Turn off, and on again!” Dun Dun tells him. Yeller listens, but the picture on the TV is still gone. “Its official. Its broken. Maybe we can buy a new part...” Yeller says. Dun Dun throws the TV remote at the TV, and smashes the screen! “Or we can just buy a new TV. I’m sure that’s MUCH cheaper.” Yeller sarcastically says. “Do we have money?” Dun Dun asks. “I have forty three dollars, you have forty three cents.” Yeller says. Dun Dun notices Bo coming downstairs. “Old bald man!” Dun Dun calls out. Bo groans when he sees Dun Dun.“Don’t you have a home?” Bo asks. “Yes, but government close it down for being national security risk. House of Dun no important now, TV broke!” Dun Dun says. “I am so terribly sorry.” Bo says. “Dad, you don’t understand. Its our TV!” Yeller reveals. “I don’t watch television.” Bo says. “Dun Dun have question for you. Dun Dun and stick figure bald friend short on money at moment, so she hoping that you lend her few hundred dollars.” Dun Dun says. “If you want to buy a new television, why don’t you just save up for one?” Bo asks. “Because that takes too long!” Yeller says. “Dun Dun no understand, old bald man, how you always have money?” Dun Dun asks. “Well, if you must know, I spent years working at a corporation, and after I retired, they gave me a large sum of money.” Bo reveals. “How large?” Yeller asks. “Large enough so that I will be set for life! Anyway, I am meeting a friend at the country club, I’ll see you shortly.” Bo says. Dun Dun stands up, and hugs Bo. “Unhand me you beast!” Bo orders. “Dun Dun love old bald man.” Dun Dun says. Bo pushes Dun Dun off of him. “Utter those words again, and I can’t promise I won’t severely injure you.” Bo says, before leaving. “What was that for? You have a thing for my Dad or something?” Yeller asks. Dun Dun holds up Bo’s cbank card. “No, Dun Dun have thing for his wallet.” Dun Dun says. “You stole his bank card?!” A shocked Yeller asks. “Now we can afford new TV!” Dun Dun gleefully announces. “He’s going to notice that the money is gone!” Yeller notes. “If old bald man as rich as he say, he no notice.” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun sits in front of Bo’s laptop. “What are you doing?” Yeller asks. “Checking how much money Dun Dun has.” Dun Dun says. “Its not your money!” Yeller yells. Dun Dun clicks on available balance, and her eyes widen when she sees it. “Oh...my...MONEY.” Dun Dun says. “Oh come on, it can’t possibly be that mu-” Before Yeller finishes, he sees the balance for himself, and his jaw drops. “Okay, maybe we can do a LITTLE shopping.” Yeller says.

Later that day, Bo returns home, and finds the house empty. “Son! Are you home? I have a bit of a dilemma, my bank card has seemingly vanished! I don’t suppose you’ve seen it, have you? Hello? Son?” Bo asks. No one responds. “Well, I suppose I should check my balance, to insure no one has stolen the card.” Bo says. Bo sits in front of his laptop, clicks on available balance, and sees that his balance is -$750.00! “NO! Not only is all of my money gone, but my account is overdrawn! Who could’ve done this?!” Bo asks. Bo hears the door open, and turns. He is shocked by what he sees:



“Oh good heavens! What have the two of you done?!” A horrified Bo asks. “We’ll get to that, but first, do you mind getting my 80” 4k TV out of the trunk of my car?” Yeller asks. “You don’t have a bloody car!” Bo yells. “He do now! It go gud with four car garage at Dun Dun’s new lake house!” Dun Dun says. “You stole my bank card!” Bo yells. “Dun Dun borrow it!” Dun Dun yells. “And then proceeded to make sure it was overdrawn by $750? How could you have possibly spent all my money?! I had well over a million dollars in that account!” Bo yells. “Lake house expensive.” Dun Dun notes. “So wasn’t my TV.” Yeller adds. “I expected this sort of deviance from Dun Dun, but you...my very own son! My flesh and blood! How could you?” Bo asks. “I really wanted the TV. Besides, she was the one who said and I quote: “Who cares if old bald man go broke?” Yeller says. “Oh yeah? Well Dun Dun no one who say “Old bald man just have to come out of retirement!” Dun Dun yells. “I never said that! I didn’t call him old bald man!” Yeller argues. “Do either of you fools realize what you have done? That money was all I had left, without it, I can no longer afford the mortgage! Therefore, we will be rendered HOMELESS!” Bo yells. “That’s not true! We can go stay at Dun Dun’s lake house, it has seven bedrooms!” Yeller says. “Dun Dun no know...she no know if she trust either you not to steal from Dun Dun.” Dun Dun says. “Oh that’s quite alright, because Dun Dun will soon be joining us in the trunk of your car, Yeller. Tell me dear girl, did you ever consider how YOU would afford to pay your mortgage, when you went out and spent every last penny in my name?” Bo asks. “Dun Dun have to pay mortgage?” Dun Dun asks. “OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO PAY A BLOODY MORTGAGE, AND NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY, THE THREE OF US ARE BLOODY SCREWED!” Bo yells. “Not exactly. Dad, I have this GREAT idea of how you are going to save our family!” Yeller says.

Bo is now standing behind a counter at Happy Burgers, waiting on customers. “Welcome to Happy Burgers, where a happy burger means a happy stomach, how may I help you?” Bo asks.

At Dun Dun’s lake house, Dun Dun and Yeller are sitting at a table, on the balcony. “I’m out of wine.” Yeller says. “No problem. HEY OLD GUY!” Dun Dun screams. Dun Dun’s butler walks over to them. “Yes, madam?” The butler asks. “Get Dun Dun and friend more wine, NOW!” Dun Dun yells. “Yes, madam...you uneducated she-devil...” The butler mutters. “WHAT?!” Dun Dun angrily asks. “Nothing.” The butler says, before returning into the house. “You know what would make this even better? If you didn’t buy this house in the middle of January and the lake wasn’t frozen.” Yeller says. “Lake still usable! You can ice skate on lake! See?” Dun Dun asks, while pointing down at the lake. Leafy Fan is seen ice skating on the lake. “Weeeeeee! This is so much fun! Life has never been bet-” Before Leafy Fan finishes, the ice cracks, and she falls into the water! “Maybe it no cold enough.” Dun Dun says. “Shouldn’t we go down there and help her?!” Yeller asks. “She know how to swim. Dun Dun hungry. COOK! GET YOU LAZY UGLY BUTT OUT HERE!” Dun Dun screams. “Comin’ right out!” A voice from the other room answers. “Wait, that couldn’t be...is it?” Yeller asks. Paula Deen walks out onto the balcony! “Paula Deen?!” A shocked Yeller asks. “After career go bye bye, Paula Deen go look for new job.” Dun Dun says. “And I can’t thank you enough, Miss. Dun Dun, for your generous pay of $2.00 an hour!” Paula Deen says. Yeller turns towards Dun Dun. “Dun Dun, you monster! You are paying her THAT much?” Yeller asks. “Dun Dun try $1.50, but she no like that!” Dun Dun says. “What did you call me for, Miss. Dun Dun?” Paula Deen asks. “Get Dun Dun salmon, dip in pickle juice!” Dun Dun demands. “With lots of butter?” Paula Deen asks. “With lot of butter.” Dun Dun repeats. “I’ll get right on it, sweetie!” Paula Deen says, before walking back into the house. “Wow, this is so much fun! If only my Dad could be here for this.” Yeller says.

“WHAT ARE YOU STUPID?!” Bo’s manager asks him. “Sir, with all due respect, I wasn’t told otherwise...” Bo says. “WELL NOW I’M TELLIN YOU OTHERWISE! YA DON’T PUT SIX ICE CUBES IN A DRINK, YA DON’T PUT FIVE ICE CUBES IN A DRINK, YA DON’T PUT FOUR ICE CUBES IN A DRINK, YA PUT THREE! YOU THINK ICE CUBES GROW ON TREES, OR SOMETHIN?!” The manager asks. “No, sir, of course not, but it isn’t as if they cost any money...” Bo says. “EXCUSE ME, MAGGOT? ARE YOU THE MANAGER? NO! I AM! YOU LET ME WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY PART OF THE BUSINESS! YOU JUST DO WHAT I PAY YOU FOR!” The manager screams. “Yes sir, Mel...” Bo says. “NOW GET BACK TO WORK! And get rid of that stupid lookin top hat, it makes you look like a dork.” Mel says. “But I like it!” Bo says. “I don’t pay you to like it! I pay you to be MISERABLE LIKE THE REST OF US! NOW TAKE IT OFF, OR YOU’LL BE CLEANING TOILETS AFTER CLOSING!” Mel screams. Mel walks away. “But I like it!” What a freakin joke...” Mel mutters, as he is walking away. “Excuse me, waiter!” A familiar voice says. Bo turns around, and sees Cop. “Of bloody course...” Bo says. “That didn’t sound like friendly service!” Cop says. “My apologies...Welcome to Happy Burgers, where a happy burger means a happy stomach, how may I help you?” Bo asks. “Yeah...I’d like a quadruple cheeseburger, which lots of onions, all chopped into little bits.” Cop says. “We don’t have a quadruple cheeseburger, I’m so terribly sorry.” Bo says. “Uh...the customer is always right!” Cop says. “And?” Bo asks. “And I’m saying that you DO have one! Don’t make me get your manager!” Cop threatens. Bo sighs. “I’ll get you your burger...” Bo says.

Mr. Whiskers and Yeller are playing ping pong in Dun Dun’s game room, while Dun Dun referees. Yeller hits the ball, and Mr. Whiskers is unable to hit it in time. “And Yeller win!” Dun Dun announces. “MEOW!” Mr. Whiskers screams, before picking up the ping pong table, and smashing it! “Wow Mister of the Whiskers, no need to throw tamper tantrum.” Dun Dun says. “I can’t believe he broke a $200 ping pong table...” Yeller says. “No worry, Dun Dun have six more in basement. They next to speed boat.” Dun Dun says. “Which speed boat?” Yeller asks. “Blue one.” Dun Dun says. Yeller walks out of the room.

Bo brings Cop his burger. “Here is your burger, sir. Have a wonderful day.” Bo tells him. Cop looks at the burger. “How come there is only four patties on this burger?” Cop asks. “You asked for a quadruple burger, which is precisely what I gave you!” Bo says. “Nice try, but I asked for FIVE patties on my burger.” Cop lies. “What do you think I am?! A bloody IDIOT?! You asked for four!” Bo argues. “The customer is always right!” Cop notes. “Not in this bloody case!” Bo yells. Mel walks over to them. “What is goin on here?!” Mel asks. “This gentlemen is disturbing the peace!” Bo says. Cop begins to fake cry. “That’s not true! I asked for five patties on my burger, and this...this jerk only gave me four!” Cop lies. “He asked for four!” Bo yells. “Don’t you argue with the customers! Are you tryin to give Happy Burgers a bad name? If this man asked for five patties, you give him five patties! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” Mel angrily asks. “Yes.” Bo responds. “Yes WHAT?” Mel asks. “Yes SIR.” Bo corrects himself. “Now that’s more like it! Now go and remake this great man’s burger, NOW!” Mel yells, before walking away. Cop sticks his tongue out at Bo.

Yeller joins Dun Dun in the living room. “Dun Dun, your airplane was just delivered. I had them drop it off next to the tennis court.” Yeller says. “They better no scratch it up!” Dun Dun says. “Listen, I’ve gotta go. The cast of ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’ are coming by my house to do a life performance for me. Do you want me to check on Leafy Fan on my way out? She’s been in that lake for quite a while.” Yeller says. “No, Dun Dun sure she JUST fine.” Dun Dun says.

As ‘Under the Sea’ plays in the background, Leafy Fan can be seen floating under water, frozen in an ice block.

Yeller comes home, and finds Bo sitting on the couch, filling out several lottery tickets. “What are you doing?” Yeller asks. “Attempting to win back all of the money that you and that little fiend stole from me.” Bo says. “Nobody ever wins the lottery.” Yeller says. “Maybe not, but I don’t believe my salary at Happy Burgers will quite cover the mortgage payments. By the way, how is Dun Dun’s life of luxury going?” Bo asks. “Oh, its going great! We played ping pong, watched some TV in her built in movie theater, and tomorrow, she’s taking me for a ride in her plane! If she does good, she’s thinking about going for her pilot’s license!” Yeller says. “Oh that is absolutely lovely. I’m glad someone has benefited from this gigantic mess of which you created.” Bo says. “You don’t like your new job?” Yeller asks. “I’m barely making bloody minimum wage!” Bo says. “Don’t worry Dad, they might give you a promotion in about fifteen years or so.” Yeller says. “And by that time, I would’ve been dead for fourteen years! Son, you have to help me!” Bo begs. “Oh, I guess this is probably the best time to tell you then...” Yeller says. “Tell me what?” Bo asks. “I’m moving in with Dun Dun.” Yeller reveals. “What?!” A shocked Bo asks. “She has a heated pool, Dad! A ping pong table, too!” Yeller says. “All of which I technically paid for!” Bo argues. “Now, now, Dad, lets not pretend you gave us permission. If you had your way, we’d still be miserable. Its thanks to Dun Dun’s daring choice to steal your bank card that I am FINALLY living my best life.” Yeller says. Yeller goes to walk away. “Son, wait a moment! I apologize for sounding rude earlier, it was wrong of me. Anyway, I don’t suppose old Dad can move in with you, as well?” Bo asks. “No Dad, you would just cramp our style. Bye!” Yeller says. “Curse you! You and that wilder beast Dun Dun!” Bo yells.

The next morning, Cop walks to the front counter of Happy Burgers, and is greeted by an angry Bo. “Welcome to Happy Burgers, where a happy burger means a happy stomach, how may I help you?” Bo asks. “Yeah hi, can I get a burger with SIX patties on it today?” Cop asks. “I don’t know, do you wish to drop dead of a heart attack?!” Bo asks. “Repeat that loud enough for the manager to hear, I dare you.” Cop says. “Coming right up, sir.” Bo reluctantly says. Bo goes out back, and begins flipping burgers. Finally, Bo brings Cop his burger. “So why’d you start working in this dump anyway?” Cop asks. “Dun Dun and my dear son spent all of my retirement money.” Bo says. “Spent it on what?” Cop asks. “Bloody Dun Dun bought herself a lake house, complete with an airplane, a heated pool, a built in movie theater, AND a ping pong table!” Bo says. “Wow, that stinks. That has to be illegal somehow.” Cop says. “She stole my bank card! Weren’t you bloody listening to me?!” Bo asks. “Well, yeah, but nobody cares about small little crimes like that. At least I don’t.” Cop says. Bo’s face lights up. “Say...I’m willing to wager that Dun Dun probably owes a lot of money to a lot of people...” Bo says. “Don’t know, don’t care. Anyways, gotta go. Be back to ruin your life some more tomorrow.” Cop says, before walking out. Bo walks out back to make a phone call. A moment later, Diamond and Pearl come in. “Ah Happy Burgers, the happiest place on earth!” Diamond says. “Isn’t that Chucky Cheese?” Pearl asks. “I was thinking if not Happy Burgers, maybe Water Country...who cares?” Diamond says. Diamond turns towards the counter. “CAN WE GET SOME SERVICE OVER HERE?!” Diamond angrily asks. Bo hangs up the phone, and comes in from out back. “Welcome to Happy Burgers, where a happy burger means a happy stomach, how may I help you?” Bo asks. “Hmmm, you look familiar!” Pearl says. “Pearl, do you not know who that is?” Diamond asks. “Who is he?” Pearl asks. “He’s Leafy Fan’s father, of course!” Diamond says. “I’m not bloody Leafy Fan’s father!” Bo yells. “I don’t care who’s daddy you are! Right now, you’re our waiter! Get us two Happy Frappys! And two servings of ribs!” Diamond orders. “Can I have some onion rings, too?” Pearl asks. Bo sighs. “Yes, of course.” Bo says. Bo goes out back to make their food, and then sees that the lottery numbers are being read. “I don’t even know why I’m bothering...” Bo says, as he pulls out his lottery ticket. “Okay, folks! The moment you’ve been waiting for! Here are the numbers! 6...5…8…1...2...7…7. If you got all those numbers, you WON!” The man on the TV declares. “Oh my heavens...I won! I WON!” Bo screams. Mel walks over to Bo. “What are you yelling about? GET BACK TO WORK!” Mel yells. “No! I don’t think I will!” Bo says. “What’d you just say?!” Mel asks. “You heard me! I have reached my limit of your abuse, and the abuse of these horrible customers! I came here because I was having financial difficulties, but by some miracle, those difficulties have faded away, and I am once again on top of the world! Therefore, I refuse to work for your crooked corporation for one more second!” Bo yells. “You walk away, and you’ll be walkin away from the best gig you ever had!” Mel says. “No, I don’t think so. And I am warning you, Mel, if you attempt to stop me from leaving, I’m afraid I’ll have no other choice but to alert the public to what REALLY goes in those meat patties of yours!” Bo threatens. “NO! You can’t! This place will get closed down, I’ll get the death penalty! No Bo, NO!” Mel begs. “Then get out of my bloody way!” Bo growls. Mel steps aside, as Bo begins to walk towards the door. Before he leaves though, he turns back towards Mel. “One more thing, this employee hat you gave me looks ridiculous!” Bo announces, as he throws the Happy Burgers hat on the floor. Bo then pulls his top hat out, and puts it back on. “I much prefer my own! Good day, sir!” Bo says, before walking out, and slamming the door behind him. Once Bo leaves, Ronald Grump comes in, and walks over to Mel. “Mel, how are we doing today?” Ronald Grump asks. “Mr Grump, I didn’t know you were gonna be in Littlebridge!” Mel notes. “Where else would I be, Mel? Happy Burgers is my most successful business, my biggest business, THE biggest business.” Ronald Grump says. “Of-of course. Did anything in particular bring you by?” Mel asks. “I like you, Mel, I really do, but the last time I was here, the profits were bad, the worst!” Ronald Grump says. “I know that sir, but-but it wasn’t my fault, I was in Ohio!” Mel says. “I’ve heard that excuse a million times before.” Ronald Grump says. “I really was, though!” Mel says. “How is business doing, Mel?” Ronald Grump asks. “Well, we...we just had a new employee quit on us, so we are kinda short on help.” Mel says. “Oh, is that all?” Ronald Grump asks. “That’s all.” Mel confirms. “Great. You’re fired.” Ronald Grump says. “Fired?! I just told you business is doing fine!” Mel argues. “Wrong! I don’t believe you! You’re fired! Get out! I’m deporting you!” Ronald Grump says. “I thought we were friends!” Mel cries. “We are friends, Mel. I’ll see if I can get you a job at another business or something. I’ll take care of you, Mel.” Ronald Grump says. “Aw, great. Be in touch?” Mel asks. “Sure, Mel.” Ronald Grump says. Mel walks out. Ronald Grump turns towards Diamond and Pearl. “What a joke! Never liked that guy! I called him Smelly Melly!” Ronald Grump says. “Freaking genius.” Diamond says. “You guys want to be my new managers?” Ronald Grump asks. “Sure, pal!” Pearl says.

Bo arrives outside Dun Dun’s lake house, and finds cop cars everywhere! He sees men in blacksuits carrying out Dun Dun’s belongings, and then sees the cops dragging Dun Dun out. “Dun Dun no do it, she tells ya! It was the one armed old bald man!” Dun Dun yells. Bo turns, and sees Mr. Whiskers being thrown in the back of an ambulance, with a straight jacket and a muzzle on. He turns again, and sees paramedics giving CPR to an unresponsive Leafy Fan. He turns again, and sees Paula Deen giving a statement to Cop. “That woman was a slave driver! She offered me a real smooth as butter deal, and then, she never paid me! I hope they lock her up and toss away the key! Say, since I survived being kidnapped and all, you think I’ll be approached by one of them people who do documentaries on serial killers and all that?” Paula Deen asks. Cop shrugs. Yeller walks over to Bo. “Hey Dad.” Yeller says. “What the devil happened here?!” Bo asks. “I don’t know! The IRS got an anonymous tip that Dun Dun hasn’t paid taxes in over ten years, and that she was living the high life! The cops came, Mr. Whiskers snapped and shot a bunch of people, Dun Dun tried to escape in her plane, and Leafy Fan drowned! It...it was chaos, Dad. I...I just don’t know who would be cruel enough to report Dun Dun, and ruin our luxury lifestyle.” Yeller says. “I have no idea, son.” Bo says, as he winks at the camera. “Who are you winking at, Dad?” Yeller asks.