S4 Episode 05: A Killer Halloween

Yeller is sitting on the sofa, watching the news. “We have some late breaking news for you! We have just received word that the Littlebridge Knifer has struck again! Queen Goo, who was just released from prison, was stabbed to death the second she walked out the prison gates! There were three prison guards present when it happened, but all three were apparently too intoxicated to see the maniac’s face! That’s all for now, tune back in at 11 for Uncle Vic’s taco, tuna fish, and Lays stack chips salad recipe!” The reporter says. “All this city ever has is serial killers nowadays. What does this look like? Fantastic City?” Yeller asks. Bo comes downstairs. “Son, what the devil are you doing? You need to be helping me prepare for the Halloween party!” Bo says. “Dad, do we really need to have a party? If we have people over, that means we need to have the lights on, and if we have the lights on, trick or treaters are going to know we are home, and knock on the door!” Yeller says. “And what exactly is so wrong with that? I have candy to hand out to the lovely children of Littlebridge!” Bo says. “Those brats don’t deserve candy! All they ever do is throw rocks at me!” Yeller says. “They only do that because you go to the school playground and throw rocks at them first! Speaking of which, you really should consider abiding by that restraining order Littlebridge Daycare has placed on you.” Bo says. Someone knocks on the door. “Ah, that must be our first guest! Or a trick or treater! Either one is absolutely divine!” Bo says. Bo opens the door, and sees Dun Dun standing outside, dressed as a lady bug. “Oh...its you.” Bo says. Dun Dun kicks Bo in the shin, and lets herself in. “Why Yeller no tell Dun Dun he having Halloween party? Leafy Fan get invite, but Dun Dun no?” Dun Dun asks. “My Dad told me not to send you an invite. He’s still mad about that little incident last year.” Yeller says. “Old bald man hold grudges too much!” Dun Dun says. “You ruined last year’s party, you deviant, when you brainwashed everyone of our guests into accompanying you to that nursing home, with all of you being dressed as the Grim Reaper!” Bo yells. “Only four people have heart attack! That better than year before!” Dun Dun says. Someone knocks at the door. “That must be a trick or treater.” Bo says. Dun Dun takes the bucket of candy away from Bo. “What the devil are you doing?” Bo asks. Dun Dun opens the door to whoever is standing there, and looks down at them. “What do you want?” Dun Dun asks. The child at the door is revealed to have black eyes. “May I come in...” The child asks, in a soft yet creepy voice. Dun Dun smiles at him, and pats him on the head. “NO!” Dun Dun finally yells, before slamming the door in his face. “Who was that?!” Bo asks. “Cable company, they say you owe big money. Dun Dun do you favor.” Dun Dun lies. “Dun Dun...always thinking of others. What a pal!” Yeller says. “Thank you Junior Bald Man.” Dun Dun says. Someone else knocks at the door. “Wow, we are doing good business tonight.” Yeller notes. “I’LL get the door, this time.” Bo says. Bo opens the door, and finds Michael and Vito standing outside. “Michael, dear boy! How lovely to see you! Tell me, what is your costume?” Bo asks. “I’m dressed as a gangster.” Michael says. “But...you are already a gangster.” Bo notes. “No Bo, you don’t get it. I’m dressed as a gangster from da 1940’s.” Michael corrects him. “Ah...I see. Hello, Vito, I’m thrilled you could make it.” Bo says. Vito just stares at Bo intently, before he and Michael walk in. “Where da heck is everybody?” Michael asks. “Not everyone has shown up yet, dear boy.” Bo says. Someone else knocks at the door. “I’ll go get that.” Bo says. “Hey Michael, did you hear about that Littlebridge Knifer guy?” Yeller asks. “Is that guy who kill people with necktie?” Dun Dun asks. “No, that’s a different TV show.” Yeller says. “So he not Suburban Strangler?” Dun Dun asks. “What?! NO! Dun Dun, that’s ANOTHER TV show!” Yeller says. “Yeah, I heard about dis guy. I hear he got Cop’s old woman. You think he’s doin alright?” Michael asks. “I’m sure he’s fine. Cop didn’t even like Queen Goo.” Yeller says.

Bo opens the front door, and finds Cop standing there, crying. “Cop, is...is everything alright?” Bo asks. “They killed the love of my life!” Cop cries. “Oh please, you didn’t even like her!” Yeller argues. “I did too! Sure, she had a few too many wrinkles for my liking, but that’s nothing a good wrinkle cream couldn’t fix!” Cop yells. “Cop, I couldn’t help but notice that you are not wearing a costume.” Bo notes. “Does it look like I am in the mood for a costume? I am in MOURNING!” Cop yells. “It no morning, it night. Is Cop blind?” Dun Dun asks. “Is Dun Dun STUPID?!” Cop angrily asks. “If you are gonna cry, can you go do it in the corner? Some of us wanna have fun tonight, and not be dragged down just because you’re in a mood.” Yeller says. Someone knocks at the door again. Bo opens it, and finds Leafy Fan, who is dressed as a leaf. “Oh dear...what sort of a travesty is this?” Bo asks. “Leafy and I are twinsies! Now we are bonded forever and ever!” Leafy Fan beams. “Why the devil did I want to throw this party?” Bo wonders. “Good question.” Yeller says. “Is that everyone, or are there more miscreants on the way that I am forgetting about?” Bo asks. “There are Diamond and Pearl, but they couldn’t make it. I guess the show couldn’t afford for them to be in the episode.” Yeller says. “Dat darn qg2004 and his dollar store budget!” Michael yells, as he flips the coffee table over! Vito runs over to Michael, and pats him on the back to calm him down. Someone knocks at the door. “I thought that was everyone!” Bo says. “Maybe its a trick or treater?” Yeller suggests. “Dun Dun take care of this.” Dun Dun says, as she pushes Bo to the floor. Dun Dun opens the door, and finds a man wearing a suit and a cape, with fangs in his mouth, standing outside. “What?!” Dun Dun angrily asks. “I am here for the Halloween Party! My name is Count Dracula! Surely, you have heard my name.” Dracula says. Dun Dun pulls out the guest list, and looks at it. “How the devil did she get her hands on the guest list?!” Bo can be heard asking. “Count Dracula...Count Dracula...Count Dracula...Dun Dun sorry, Mr. Cula, but you name not on list.” Dun Dun says. “WHAT? That’s a lie! I RSVP’d a century ago! Long before these bozos even knew there was going to be a Halloween party! I knew, though! Doesn’t that count for something?” Dracula asks. “You know, Mr. Cula, Dun Dun admire you passion, so she let you in.” Dun Dun says. “Oh thank you, thank you! What a kind young lady!” Dracula says. Dracula walks in. “Hello, my name is Count Dracula, how is everyone doing?” Dracula asks. “He Dun Dun friend.” Dun Dun says. “You couldn’t have brought the Grim Reaper instead?” Yeller asks. “I taught da Grim Reaper had a role on some kid’s cartoon.” Michael says. Dun Dun shrugs. “Now that everyone has arrived, lets begin the festivities. Oh, it is going to be such a fun yet eventful evening!” Bo says.

15 minutes later…

Yeller, Dun Dun, Michael, Vito, Leafy Fan, Bo, Cop, and Dracula are all gathered around the TV, watching a documentary on leafs, Bo and Leafy Fan being the only ones interested. “Wow...who knew the leaf was so complicated? What an interesting program!” Leafy Fan says. “The leaf truly is one of a kind!” Bo says. “ENOUGH!” Dracula yells. Dracula raises his hand, and lighting strikes down the TV, breaking it! “Hey! Only I’m allowed to break that!” Yeller says. “I knew that the previous television didn’t just fall out of the attic window...” Bo says. “Not only do I demand a good time, but I also demand that someone refill that Cheeto bowl!” Dracula yells. “Dun Dun demand same!” Dun Dun says. “Everyone just shut up, this is my party!” Yeller yells. “Its MY house! And come to think of it, its my party!” Bo yells. All of a sudden, the lights turn off. “Who turned on the light?” Dun Dun asks. “Its off, you halfwit! Who turned OFF the lights!” Bo corrects her. “I usually turn off da lights when I’m dancing around in my bedroom in my tutu!” Michael says. “Huh?” Yeller asks. “Hey, when did the lights go out?” Leafy Fan asks. The lights turn back on. “Is everyone okay? No one has been murdered?” Cop asks. “No, not yet, anyway. Ah ha ha ha ha!” Dracula laughs. “Nobody was forced at gunpoint to watch the Bold and the Beautiful?” Cop asks. “There’s no TV!” Yeller reminds him. “Oh my LEAFY!” Leafy Fan screams, when she sees something. Everyone turns towards Bo. “Oh no, DAD!” Yeller screams. “He’s been stabbed!” Michael announces. “What the devil are you people talking about? I haven’t been stabbed, if I had been, I would’ve noticed!” Bo yells. Yeller brings Bo to a mirror, and Bo sees that a knife has been plunged through his top hat! Bo then lets out a blood curdling scream. “Whoever did this MUST be the same person who murdered Queen Goo, along with all those other people!” Cop assumes. “Which means dat da culprit is one of us!” Michael assumes. “This Halloween party just became a murder mystery...” Cop says. “But no one died.” Yeller says. “And no one will, as long as we catch the killer before he or she strikes AGAIN! I’m afraid there is only one way to get to the bottom of this, I’m gonna have to question all of you! Then, we’ll find out which one of you dirt bags is a murderer.” Cop says.

Cop has Dracula sitting in a dark room, with Dun Dun shining a flash light over him. “I think it is very convenient that you, someone we’ve never seen before, shows up at this party, and soon after, murder and mayhem follow!” Cop says. “No one was killed!” Dracula argues. “I’m onto your game, bub! First you kill the love of my life, then you kill the love of Bo’s life, his hat! Truly the most sadistic criminal I’ve ever met!” Cop says. “And that saying something because Cop know Dun Dun!” Dun Dun notes. “I haven’t murdered anyone, not at this stupid party anyway! I just came here for fun and cheetos, and I’ve only gotten one of those things!” Dracula yells. “Hmmm...in murder mysteries, the obvious suspect usually ends up not being the killer. Using that logic, this guy would be innocent, but then again, this isn’t a murder mystery, this is real life.” Cop says. “DEATH PENALTY!” Dun Dun yells. “I’m already dead!” Dracula argues. “Don’t you sass the judge!” Cop yells. “I thought I was being interrogated, not on trial!” Dracula says. “You let us do the talking!” Cop says. “But you are questioning me!” Dracula says. “SHUT UP!” Dun Dun yells.

Leafy Fan is now sitting in the dark room, with Dun Dun shining a flash light over her. “You are quite the master criminal, aren’t you?” Cop asks. “My mom once told me I’m a master simpleton!” Leafy Fan says. “Don’t play dumb with us, Leafy Fan, if that’s even your real name! I’m smart enough to know that this insane act you put on is just that...an act! Underneath is a super villain with bad hair...possibly even a serial killer!” Cop says. “I didn’t do it, and I have an alibi!” Leafy Fan says. “Oh yeah? Who?!” Cop asks. “Leafy!” Leafy Fan says. Dun Dun picks up Leafy. “Leafy, did crazy leaf lady murder old bald man’s hat?” Dun Dun asks. Dun Dun pauses for a moment, as if listening to Leafy, and then turns towards Leafy Fan, and backhands her! “You lying! The leaf say you do it!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun turns towards Cop. “Arrest her!” Dun Dun demands. “I cant go to jail! They might not let Leafy be my cellmate!” Leafy Fan yells. Leafy Fan begins to cry. “Save it for judge, baby!” Dun Dun yells. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE JUDGE!” Leafy Fan screams. “Suspect is becoming hostile!” Cop shouts. Cop pulls out a taser, and tases Leafy Fan, fearing she is going to attack him!

Vito is now sitting in the dark, with Dun Dun shining a flash light over him. “So...I hear you’re in the mob.” Cop says. Vito doesn’t respond. “Yeah, I bet Michael has you kill all kinds of people...but a guy like you MUST have hobbies, right? Maybe one of those hobbies is stabbing people!” Cop says. Vito stares intently at Cop. “Maybe, killing people for money isn’t enough for you! I’ve seen psychopaths like you, before. You sit there, not saying a word, pretending like you don’t hear a thing I’m saying! That’s how a serial murderer WOULD act! So why don’t you make everything easier for all of us and just confess?” Cop asks. Vito continues to stare at Cop intently. Cop turns towards Dun Dun. “What’s your take on this? Is he our killer?” Cop asks. “He a bad boy!” Dun Dun says. Cop turns towards Vito. “That MUST mean you are the killer! Besides, just look at that evil face! No sign of remorse! You truly are one of the most deranged serial killers I’ve ever met!” Cop says. Vito continues to stare at Cop, without even flinching.

Cop and Dun Dun rejoin everyone in the living room. “Well? Do you know who stabbed my Dad’s hat?” Yeller asks. “Tell me you caught the beast!” Bo begs. “You’ll be happy to know that after analyzing the behavior and reactions of everyone in this house, we have concluded that we still have no idea who the murderer is.” Cop says, with a smile. “Why should that make us bloody happy?” Bo asks. “Because I get to play detective for a bit longer!” Cop says. “I don’t suppose there are any other officers on duty, are there?” Bo asks. “Not on Halloween! Every cop is at the new bar downtown, Drunken Donuts!” Cop says. “If only I went there instead of this drag of a party.” Dracula says. All of a sudden, the lights once again go out! “OH NO DUN DUN!” Dun Dun screams. “PLEASE DON’T KILL ME, KILL VITO!” Michael screams. “YOU SEE WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE A STUPID HALLOWEEN PARTY?!” Yeller angrily asks. “SHUT UP YELLER.” Everyone yells. The lights turn back on. “Is anyone hurt? Is anyone dead?” Cop asks. Michael gasps when he sees something. “It cant be!” Michael yells. Yeller runs up to Michael, to see what he is looking at. “Mr. Whiskers!” Yeller screams. Everyone begins to gasp when they come across the scene. Mr. Whiskers is seen looking down at one of his toys, which has been cut in half! Mr. Whiskers begins to sob uncontrollably. “I found the killer!” Dracula yells, as he points at someone. Everyone turns, and sees that Dracula is pointing at Vito, who is holding a knife! Michael gasps. “Vito! I always knew you were a bit nutty!” Michael says. Vito shakes his head at the accusation. “Save it, buddy! There’s no lying your way out of this one! I’m gonna put you away for a long time!” Cop says. Upset, Vito begins to charge at Cop with the knife! “He’s coming at me!” Cop yells. Cop pulls out his night stick, and hits Vito’s arm, knocking the knife out of his hand. Cop then swings the night stick at Vito’s head, knocking him out!

Vito is now tied to a chair in the living room. “That should hold you!” Cop says. “Shouldn’t you be bringing him to the police station?” Yeller asks. “The party isn’t over until ten, I don’t wanna leave early!” Cop says. Michael is standing over Vito. “I cant believe dis, Vito! I trusted you! I taught you were a gud boy! Now look what you did? I’m gonna have to get another Vito to replace you!” Michael yells. Mr. Whisker goes charging at Vito, holding a baseball bat. Michael and Leafy Fan hold him back. “Stop, Mr. Whiskers! He’s not worth it!” Michael yells. Mr. Whiskers stops, and begins to catch his breath. Once he finishes, Mr. Whiskers goes charging at Vito again, and once again, Michael and Leafy Fan have to hold him back. On the couch, Dracula and Dun Dun are watching TV. “Thank you for getting new TV, Mr. Cula! What channel this?” Dun Dun asks. “Oh, this is the death channel! On this channel, a TV show or movie can only be shown if it features at least seven deaths in one sitting! Its all the rage in the underworld!” Dracula says. “How the devil can you two sit here and watch television when our dearest friend Vito has just been outed as a serial killer?” Bo asks. “Dun Dun no know him.” Dun Dun says. “I barely know him, because I’ve only known all of you for about an hour!” Dracula notes. Mr. Whiskers sits on the sofa next to Dun Dun and Dracula, and begins to chug down a giant bottle of alcohol. “Mister of the Whiskers, what wrong?” Dun Dun asks. Mr. Whiskers turns towards Dun Dun, and glares, his eyes bloodshot. Yeller walks over to the three on the couch. “So, uh, I...I apologize for any inconvenience, where the Littlebridge Knifer was concerned, just know that residence of this home had no affiliation with him, and...yeah, please don’t sue us.” Yeller says. “Dun Dun was in presence of pure evil because of dumb Yeller party! She have half mind to bring you on Judge Judy!” Dun Dun yells. “Just be grateful that this is all over, and that maniac has been caught, and will spend the next twenty centuries in a jail cell!” Yeller says. All of a sudden, the lights go out again. “HE LOOSE!” Dun Dun screams. “I SHOULD’VE HAD SOMEONE WHO KNEW HOW TO TIE KNOTS TIE VITO UP!” Cop screams. “VITO, I SORRY! I WON’T REPLACE YOU, I SWEAR!” Michael screams. The lights come back on. “Is everyone okay? Did that maniac attack anyone else?” Cop asks. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Leafy Fan screams. Everyone runs over to Leafy Fan, and sees her cradling Leafy, who has been cut in half. “He...he killed Leafy! He killed my best friend! WHYYYYYYY?!” Leafy Fan asks, as she sobs. “That monster is never truly satisfied unless he is destroying innocent lives...” Cop says. Cop turns towards where Vito was tied up, and sees that Vito is still tied up! “Uh oh...” Cop says. “What?” Yeller asks. “I think we might’ve arrested the wrong guy.” Cop says. “Over by the staircase!” Bo yells. Everyone notices a hooded figure running up the stairs. “Its the killer! Everybody stay here! Its far too dangerous for civilians to get involved! Leave this to a professional!” Cop yells. “Great, do you know one?” Yeller asks. Cop runs up the staircase, followed by Yeller, and then Dun Dun. Once the three reach the top of the staircase, they notice at the end of the hall that the ladder leading up to the attic is down. “Our killer must be hiding with the rats! How appropriate! Now is our chance to corner him, and bring him down once and for all!” Cop says. Cop climbs the ladder, and is followed by Yeller and Dun Dun. Finally, they all reach the attic. “Anything?” Yeller asks. “I see someone in the corner!” Cop realizes. “It the killer?” Dun Dun asks. “Shhh!” Cop tells her. Cop pulls out a flash light, and shines it in the corner. The person is revealed to be Grandma, sitting in her rocking chair! “What’s all the racket?!” Grandma angrily asks. “Ah ha! It would appear we’ve found our killer!” Cop says. “There ain’t no pillar up here! What the heck are you talking about?!” Grandma asks. “I said KILLER!” Cop yells. “Miller?! Ain’t he on his death bed? I always hated that guy!” Grandma yells. “Never mind! You’re under arrest you vindictive old bat!” Cop yells. “There’s only one cat in this house, and it ain’t me!” Grandma yells. “Classic serial killer! Argue back when you know we have you dead to rights!” Cop says. “Cop, my Grandma lives up here.” Yeller says. “Shut up, Yeller! Its time to read this fossil her rights.” Cop says. “If you wanna fight, you might wanna fight that person with the mask, behind ya!” Grandma says. “What person with a mask behind-” Before Cop can finish, someone swings a knife at him, barely missing him! “ITS THE KILLER!” Cop yells. “No crap!” Yeller says. Cop pulls out his night stick, prepared to fight. The killer once again swings their knife at Cop, and Cop swings his night stick to protect himself. However, the knife cuts right through the night stick. “Strange, that worked with Vito...” Cop notes. The killer swings their knife at him again, narrowly missing him. “Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you! If you wanna kill people, that’s your right! Just kill someone other than me, PLEASE!” Cop begs. The killer finally corners Cop, as Dun Dun is nearby, eating popcorn. As the killer prepares to plunge the knife into a terrified Cop’s skull, Yeller smashes them over the head with a box filled with things! The killer then falls to the floor, unconscious. “I believe you owe someone a thank you.” Yeller says. “You’re right! I owe myself a thank you, for finally solving this treacherous case! I’m finally gonna get that promotion I’ve been wanting!” Cop says.

Downstairs, the real killer is now tied to the chair, with their mask still on. “Is that the maniac who killed my leafy?” Leafy Fan asks. “That fiend slaughtered my favorite hat!” Bo says. “Meow meow meow, MEOW!” Mr. Whiskers screams. “Settle down, everyone. This maniac’s reign of terror is over, for I am finally going to unmask them.” Cop says. “Is it Queen Goo?” Dun Dun asks. “She’s dead.” Yeller says. “It must be dat Corey Cambino!” Michael says. “Once again, another show, though sorta set in the same universe.” Yeller says. “It must be that dreaded Spongebob!” Dracula says. Everyone turns towards Dracula. “As if he doesn’t have serial killer written over that hideous yellow face! Terrified me as a child!” Dracula says. “Nope, you’re ALL wrong. The killer is none of the people you listed, the killer is none other than...” Cop begins to say, before pulling off their mask, revealing Tessa! “Tessa!” Everyone gasps. “No kidding! I thought for sure it was the butler!” Cop says. “We don’t have a bloody butler!” Bo says. “Who the bleep is Tessa?” Dracula asks. “Some rich girl that was the daughter of one of my Dad’s friends, I think. She appeared in one episode back in season 3, she hated me at first, and then, fell in love with me. Thankfully, she was dropped as a character!” Yeller says. “I don’t understand! Tessa, why would you commit these horrific acts? Why Queen Goo? Why my top hat? Why Leafy? Why Mr. Whiskers’ toy? Why all of those other nameless victims?” Bo asks. “Yeller said it perfectly! I only appeared in one episode! ONE EPISODE!” Tessa yells. “So...you went on a killing spree?” A confused Yeller asks. “When the producers contacted me, they told me that I was going places! They told me I was gonna be a regular in season 4, that I was gonna be Yeller’s new love interest! Imagine my surprise when season 4 came along, and I didn’t get a SINGLE call! So I decided to take action...if they weren’t going to let me into the series, I was going to FORCE my way into the series! And I think I’ve done an EXCELLENT job!” Tessa says. “Yeah...this still doesn’t make any sense.” Yeller says. “And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling bald people, and your wretched Dun Dun!” Tessa yells. Dun Dun points at herself in confusion. Cop handcuffs Tessa, and removes her from the chair. “Okay, time to go.” Cop says. “I’ll be back someday, mark my words! A good villain NEVER dies!” Tessa yells. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge when you’re handed the death penalty.” Cop says, as he leads Tessa out. “Well, that was quite the evening.” Bo notes. “Anyone wanna join Dun Dun at nursing home, dress as Grim Reaper, and scare old people?” Dun Dun asks. Everyone talks amongst themselves, except Bo, and nods. Leafy Fan, Yeller, Dracula, Mr. Whiskers, Michael, and Vito then follow Dun Dun out the front door. “Wait, doesn’t anyone want to stay? I was planning a fun game of hang man! Or we could watch Wheel of Fortune! Anyone?” Bo calls out, as everyone ignores him. Bo sighs. “Once again, all alone on Halloween, and once again, its all that wretched Dun Dun’s fault.” Bo says. Someone knocks at the door. “Yes, coming!” Bo calls out. Bo opens the door, and looks down. “Say, aren’t you the young man from earlier today?” Bo asks. The child is revealed to have black eyes! “Yes...” The child says. “I’m so terribly sorry for my associate’s rudeness. It was incredibly insensitive of her to dismiss you in such a rude manner! Were you looking for candy?” Bo asks. “I want to come inside...” The child says. “Come inside?” Bo asks, sounding suspicious. Bo then smiles. “Of course you can come inside! Please, just be sure to wipe your feet first!” Bo says. The child then evilly smiles...