Episode 12: Wheel of Misfortune

Sam is standing in the middle of the film lot. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania: Director’s Cut! We started off the episode as we do every other episode, with an elimination ceremony! Once again we had a three way tie, this time between Chimney Man, Mr. Whiskers, and Daisy. Ultimately, Mr. Whiskers ended up being the one sent home, and as you can imagine, he was NOT happy. What else is new though, am I right? Anyways, once Mr. Whiskers was finally gone, we moved onto the next challenge which involved sending our final 4 contestants to prison, an environment which I’m sure most of them are used to. The first part of the challenge was escaping the cell they were locked in, the second part of the challenge was successfully making their way out of the prison and reaching the front gate. Whoever managed to do that first would be awarded free entry into the semi finals! Each contestant managed to break out of their cells, but while trying to escape prison, they encountered ghosts from their past. Bo ran into Cop, Grandma ran into Disk, Daisy ran into Lauren and Claire, and Chimney Man ran into Leafy Fan! All four contestants were able to get out of the prison eventually, despite Grandma screwing over Bo and Daisy screwing over Chimney Man. However, Grandma and Bo got into an altercation outside the prison and Chimney Man decided to stick around and watch. During that time, Daisy secretly passed the finish line and won the challenge, giving herself a free ticket into the final 3 and putting Bo, Grandma, and Chimney Man at risk for elimination! So with those three all at risk, which two will join Daisy in the final 3? Find out in the semi finals of Total...Yeller...Mania...Director’s Cut!” Sam says.

Bo, Grandma, Daisy, and Chimney Man are all sitting in front of a stage. “You cheated, I hope you know that!” Grandma tells Daisy. “How on earth did I cheat? Its not my fault you were too busy treating your son like dirt to notice me passing the finish line!” Daisy points out. “For once, Daisy is right, it IS your fault mother!” Bo says. “Who the heck asked for your opinion?!” Grandma asks. “Do I get an opinion?” Chimney Man asks. “NO!” Grandma, Daisy, and Bo yell. “Awww….” Chimney Man says. Sam walks onto the stage. “I’m glad to see you’re all getting along, it will make the semi finals that much more interesting! For whoever makes it into the semi finals that is.” Sam says. “Get on with it and just tell us who’s going home…” Grandma says. “I’m getting to it! Jeez! Anyways, Daisy, you won immunity last time which means you get the first award.” Sam says, before throwing Daisy an award. “I’d like to thank all of my fans.” Daisy says. “You don’t got any fans!” Grandma says. “Chimney Man, congratulations, you will also be joining Daisy in the semi finals!” Sam says, before throwing Chimney Man an award. “Wow! I’m honored! Really!” Chimney Man says. “Bo and Grandma, you both got votes against you. One of you will NOT be competing in the semi finals.” Sam says. “We are ready Sam. Please...just tell us who is getting eliminated.” Bo says. “The final award of the night goes to...Grandma!” Sam says, as he throws Grandma an award. “YES! In your face, loser!” Grandma says, pointing at Bo. “I...I don’t understand! How could this be? Why would people choose to keep that horrible woman in the competition over yours truly?” Bo asks. “Grandma is more interesting.” Sam says. “What must I do to qualify as interesting? Lie? Manipulate? Murder?” Bo asks. “Basically.” Sam says. “Its been working out for me pretty well.” Daisy says. “Nothing ever works out for me…” Chimney Man says. “Oh cry me a river! You’re in the final 3!” Grandma points out. The elimination bus pulls up. “That’s your cue, Bo. Time for you to go home.” Sam says. “I...I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, I am delighted to finally be out of this horrible game. On the other, I was SO close to winning that prize money! Oh dear...how cruel the fates can sometimes be…” Bo says. Bo walks towards the bus but then turns towards the other contestants. “It was a pleasure playing with all of you, and I wish you luck...all except my mother.” Bo says. “Oh? Have you prepared a special speech just for me?” Grandma asks. “No no, just a few words to sum up my feelings towards you...(CENSORED) you!” Bo says, before turning around and getting onto the bus. Grandma’s jaw drops to the floor as the bus pulls off. “Wow, he must really hate you.” Daisy tells Grandma. “How come I wasn’t important enough to get a special speech? CAN YOU COME BACK AND SWEAR AT ME TOO BO?” Chimney Man shouts.

The next morning, Chimney Man, Daisy, and Grandma are sitting in the cafeteria. “I cannot believe I actually made it into the final 3!” Daisy exclaims. “I can’t either…” Grandma says. “I mean, I guess I can because I’m such an excellent competitor, always have been, but I was really worried for a bit there when I was stuck in that cast. I thought for sure that was going to be the end of me. But I am living proof of how far resilience and determination can get you. Maybe I should write a book…” Daisy says. “I hope you do, that way you’ll see how nobody will buy it!” Grandma says. “I’d buy it!” Chimney Man says. “You don’t even know how to read!” Grandma argues. “Well I’d look at the pictures!” Chimney Man says. Sam walks in. “Good morning final 3! Are you ready for the semi finals of Total Yeller Mania: Director’s Cut?” Sam asks. “I’m ready for the finals.” Daisy says. “Lets not get ahead of ourselves. You still have to survive this challenge if you plan on making it to the final 3.” Sam says. “Do you mean survive as in not get eliminated or survive as in not die?” Chimney Man asks. “Yes.” Sam answers. “Can we just get on with this?! What’s the challenge?” Grandma asks. “Today’s challenge is pretty simple...the three of you will be competing in a game show!” Sam announces. “That’s what you picked for the semi finals? A game show?!” Daisy asks. “That’s right! Follow me to the set where I will explain the rules.” Sam says.

On a game show set, Daisy, Grandma, and Chimney Man are standing behind their own podium. “So here’s the deal, this game show is designed to be similar to a quiz. I am going to ask each of you a question, the question being about one of our eliminated contestants, and you are going to have to answer that question correctly.” Sam says. “So all we gotta do is just answer some dumb questions? Whoever gets the highest score wins?” Grandma asks. “Fun!” Chimney Man exclaims. “Its lame is what it is!” Daisy says. “None of you let me finish! No, whoever gets the highest score doesn’t win because there isn’t gonna be a scoring system.” Sam says. “So how do you determine who wins?” Daisy questions. “Simple. If you manage to answer a question right, we will move on to the next person for the next question. But if you answer a question wrong, you’ll be forced to do a dare submitted by one of the eliminated contestants, specifically the one who’s question you failed to answer right. Some of the dares are tame, some of them not so much. If you do the dare, we move on to the next person. If you don’t do the dare, you will be eliminated from the competition!” Sam reveals. “You mean the actual competition? Not just the game show?!” Grandma asks. “That’s right! There won’t be an elimination ceremony to decide who makes it into the final 2! Whoever has enough first is out of the game! Are we all clear?” Sam asks.

DAISY’S CONFESSIONAL: “This is going to be awful.” Daisy says.

“We’ll be going in alphabetical order. Chimney Man goes first, then Daisy, then Grandma. As for how we decide which contestant’s question is asked, we’ve got a plan for that too!” Sam says. Man-Shark pushes a huge wheel onto the set with the faces of the previous contestants. “This wheel has pictures of Lauren, Mia Goo, Gangster Goo AKA Queen Goo, Kooky, Cop, Leafy Fan, Dun Dun, Disk, Claire, Yeller, Mr. Whiskers, and Bo. Whichever face the wheel lands on will decide who’s question is asked. Are the three of you ready?” Sam asks. “Ready Sam!” Chimney Man exclaims. “Perfect, because you’re up first Chimney Man! Spin the wheel, Man-Shark!” Sam says. Man-Shark spins the wheel and it lands on Kooky’s face. “First up is Kooky! Here’s the question. While competing on the show, Kooky was on probation. Can you tell me why he was on probation, Chimney Man?” Sam asks. Chimney Man shrugs. “I didn’t know Kooky that well!” Chimney Man points out. “Wrong answer! The correct answer is that a 7 year old kid called Kooky Ronald McDonald so Kooky shoved him off of a ferris wheel!” Sam says. Chimney Man sighs. “This game isn’t fair…” Chimney Man mutters. “Life isn’t fair, Chimney Man...anyways, its time for your dare!” Sam says. Sam pulls out an envelope and opens it. “Kooky dares you to...dance on a tight rope with a gang of lions underneath you for 30 seconds. Well, there goes our budget for next season.” Sam says. Man-Shark pulls in a caged in area filled with lions, with a tight rope stretched across the top. “Remember Chimney Man, feel free to refuse to do the dare. You’ll be eliminated from the competition, but at least you won’t be torn apart by lions!” Sam says. “You can do it, Chimney Man!” Daisy says. “Since when do you care about him?” Grandma asks. “I’m a supportive friend.” Daisy claims.

DAISY’S CONFESSIONAL: “Yeah, right. I just feel I have a better chance going up against Chimney Man in the finals than I would Grandma.” Daisy admits.

Chimney Man is now standing on the tight rope above the pit of lions. “Remember buddy, you’ve gotta dance!” Sam shouts. “Just don’t dance too much! You’ll trip and fall!” Daisy shouts. “Leave it to that circus freak to come up with a challenge like this.” Grandma says. Chimney Man begins doing a small dance on the tight rope. “Only for 30 seconds...only for 30 seconds...only for 30 seconds…” Chimney Man repeats. “Oh, he’s a dead man…” Grandma mutters. Chimney Man nervously hums as he dances on the tight rope. “Ten seconds remaining!” Sam shouts. “Oh thank goodness.” Chimney Man says, as he continues dancing. Suddenly, the tight rope rips! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Chimney Man screams. Chimney Man grabs the tight rope as it falls and he swings into the side of the cage! One of the lions jump on the cage wall and start climbing up after Chimney Man! “Help! HELP!” Chimney Man screams. “Is anyone going to help him?” Daisy asks. “Helping him wasn’t a part of the dare.” Sam notes. Chimney Man manages to climb up the tight rope and jump over the side of the cage before the lion can get him. “I survived!” Chimney Man exclaims. “Congratulations! You are safe until the next round! Next up is Daisy!” Sam says. “Oh joy…” Daisy says. “Spin the wheel, Man-Shark!” Sam urges. Man-Shark spins the wheel and it ends up landing on Dun Dun. “Okay, Dun Dun’s question for you Daisy...what place did she get this season?” Sam asks. “9th! Dun Dun got 9th place!” Daisy exclaims. “WRONG! Dun Dun got 1st place!” Sam says. “What?! Didn’t you say THIS season?!” Daisy asks. “I did.” Sam says. “So Dun Dun didn’t get 1st place! No one has gotten 1st place!” Daisy points out. “Maybe, but that’s not what Dun Dun wrote down as the correct answer, which means you...are...WRONG! Time for Dun Dun’s dare!” Sam says, as he pulls out an envelope. “Can’t wait to hear this…” Daisy says. Sam opens the envelope and looks at the piece of paper. “Dun Dun’s dare is to...go hug a grizzly bear!” Sam says. “What is wrong with these people?!” Grandma questions. Man-Shark rolls up a cage with a grizzly bear inside. “Get in there, Daisy! Yogi needs some love!” Sam says. Man-Shark opens the door of the cage. “Remember Daisy, you don’t have to do this! You can back out and accept defeat.” Sam notes. “No, NEVER! If I get mauled by the bear, that million dollars will be more than enough to pay for my surgeries!” Daisy says. Daisy confidently walks into the cage and the bear growls at her. “NO! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS! Here is how this is going to play out, Winnie the Poo! I am going to give you a nice, warm hug, you are going to accept, and then I am going to walk out of here with all of my limbs in tact. DO WE UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER?!?!” Daisy angrily asks. The bear stops growling and nervously nods. “Sweet!” Daisy says. Daisy hugs the bear. “See? That wasn’t so bad. Its been a pleasure doing business with you.” Daisy says, before walking out of the cage.

GRANDMA’S CONFESSIONAL: “I didn’t think that scrawny wench had it in her.” Grandma admits.

“You’re up next, Grandma!” Sam says. “Just get it over with!” Grandma urges. Man-Shark rolls the wheel and it lands on Mia Goo. “And Mia Goo is up next!” Sam says. “Who?” Grandma asks. “I don’t know her.” Chimney Man says. “Did she compete this season?” Daisy asks. “Never mind that. Mia’s question for you Grandma is...how many years did she spend locked up in Colossal Heights insane asylum because of that no good, piece of crap Lucas Cambino?” Sam asks. “I didn’t even know the lady existed and I’m supposed to know how many years she was locked up in the loony bin?!” Grandma asks. “Just answer the question!” Sam demands. “I don’t know...20 years!” Grandma guesses. “WRONG! The correct answer is four years! Looks like you’ve got to do a dare!” Sam says. “What is it?!” Grandma asks. Sam pulls out an envelope and opens it. “Mia’s dare for you is...to sit in an electric chair and get zapped for one minute!” Sam says. “Isn’t that deadly?” Grandma asks. “Probably!” Sam says. “Don’t forget granny, you could always not do it.” Daisy points out. “Nice try, but I’m doing it!” Grandma says. Man-Shark rolls out an electric chair and Grandma sits in it. “Good luck, Grandma!” Chimney Man says. “Save it ya phony! You want me to survive this just as much as I wanted you to survive your dance with the lions!” Grandma says. “Are you ready?” Sam asks. “Can I have a quick sec-” Before Grandma can finish, Sam pulls on the lever and Grandma begins being electrocuted!

SAM’S CONFESSIONAL: “Every time I find myself wishing I could find a different job, I get days like today where I realize its all worth it. There’s nothing like torturing the cast until they’re on the verge of death.” Sam says.

“HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!” Grandma screams. “What’s that? Turn the voltage up? Okay!” Sam says. Sam turns the voltage higher. “That looks like it hurts...couldn’t happen to a nicer person.” Daisy says. “Can I get zapped next Sam?” Chimney Man asks. Daisy side eyes Chimney Man. Finally, Sam turns the voltage off and Grandma falls out of the chair. “You good, Grandma?” Sam asks. “I...can’t...feel anything.” Grandma says. “Was it the chair or just old people problems?” Sam questions. Grandma grabs Sam by the throat. “I’m...going to KILL YOU!” Grandma shouts. Grandma then collapses. “Okay, moving on! Its once again Chimney Man’s turn!” Sam says. Chimney Man claps his hands. “Yay!” Chimney Man exclaims. Man-Shark spins the wheel and it lands on Disk. “Disk’s question for you is...he competed on another reality competition before Total Yeller Mania, can you tell me what that show was called?” Sam asks. “Total Drama Island?” Chimney Man asks. “...who?” Sam asks. “Its a show where-” Chimney Man begins to say. “THERE’S NO SUCH THING!” Sam shouts. “Okay, sorry! But have you seen its second season? Its set on a film-” Before Chimney Man can finish, Sam chucks a brick at his head and knocks him out! “Oops, butter fingers! Anyways, the correct answer to Disk’s question was Object Battle Royale. Since Chimney Man is currently out of commission though, he doesn’t have to do the dare. Daisy, you’re up next!” Sam says. “Yay me…” Daisy sarcastically says. Man-Shark spins the wheel and it lands on Dun Dun. “Are you kidding me?! AGAIN?!” Daisy asks. “Dun Dun’s question for you Daisy is...what is her total net worth?” Sam asks. “Oh that’s an easy one, Dun Dun has a total net worth of $0.” Sam says. “Wrong answer! The correct answer is Dun Dun has a total net worth of one zillion dollars!” Sam says. “But THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Daisy yells. “Its what Dun Dun put down! Now its time for whatever her next dare is!” Sam says, before pulling out an envelope. “Dun Dun’s dare for you Daisy is to...kiss Creepy Guy!” Sam announces. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, DUN DUN?!” Daisy questions. Sam’s phone begins to ring. “Oh, hold on a sec.” Sam says. Sam answers the phone. “Hello?” Sam answers. Sam hands Daisy the phone. “Its for you.” Sam says. Daisy takes the phone. “Uh...hello?” Daisy asks. “This tulip?” Dun Dun asks. “No, this is Daisy!” Daisy corrects her. “Well Dun Dun hear you question tulip and she call to answer. Dun Dun answer is that she no like you. Bye bye.” Dun Dun says. “Dun Dun, hold on! We can talk about this! Dun Dun!” Daisy repeats. Daisy throws the phone at Sam and Sam ducks out of the way. “Hey now! No reason to take it out on me!” Sam says. “No? This is your dumb challenge!” Daisy shouts. “True, but all the dares were brought to us my our lovely losers! Speaking of losers, lets bring in the creepiest of them all!” Sam says. Man-Shark carries Creepy Guy in. “Remember Daisy, you don’t have to do it!” Grandma says, mocking her from before. “Oh shut up!” Daisy snaps. “Its true! What matters more to you, the million dollars or your dignity?” Sam asks. “What do you think?” Grandma asks. “I said be quiet!” Daisy shouts. “Last chance to back out, Daisy! Will you do it?” Sam asks. Daisy looks over at Creepy Guy and then sighs. “Fine...I’ll do it.” Daisy says. Daisy walks over to Creepy Guy and then pecks him on the forehead. “What was that?!” Sam asks. “A kiss, which is exactly what the dare asked for! Dun Dun didn’t specify WHERE I had to kiss him, just that I had to do it.” Daisy says. Sam sighs. “Note to self, no more letting lawyers compete on this show. They find loop holes in everything.” Sam says. “No one is better at that than I.” Daisy says. “No kidding. Alright Grandma, its your turn again.” Sam says. “Seems like I just went!” Grandma says. “And yet here you are, going again! Spin the wheel, Man-Shark!” Sam says. Man-Shark spins the wheel and it lands on Bo. “YES! This is a guaranteed win for me! Bo is my son, there ain’t a thing I don’t know about him!” Grandma says. “Glad you’re confident. Bo’s question for you is a simple one...when is his birthday?” Sam asks. Grandma’s face turns white. “Oh no…” Grandma mutters. “Don’t tell me you don’t know your own son’s birthday!” Daisy says. “Of course I know his birthday! Its...uh...its in...its on…” Grandma says. “You think you can move a little faster? I’d like to wrap up early today so I can get to my manicure appointment early this evening.” Sam says. “Um...its...March 10th, 1942!” Grandma says. “There’s no way Bo is that old!” Daisy says. Grandma shrugs. “The answer to that question is wrong! The correct answer is September 9, 1963!” Sam says. “Crap! That was MY birthday, not his!” Grandma says. “You’re 81?!” Daisy asks. “Not another word out of you!” Grandma shouts. “Now its time for Bo’s dare.” Sam says, as he opens an envelope and looks at a piece of paper. “Huh? He calls this a dare? This is really easy!” Sam says. “What is it, Sam?!” Grandma asks. “Bo wants you to find something nice to say about each of your fellow contestants.” Sam reveals. Grandma gasps. “That shouldn’t be a problem, right Grandma?” Sam asks. “Say something nice about my fellow contestants?! THESE TWO?!” Grandma asks. “That’s right! Easy peasy!” Sam says. “It shouldn’t be too difficult to find something nice to say about me.” Daisy says. “Have you met you?!” Grandma asks. “Come on, we don’t have all day! Say something!” Sam demands. “Uh...well...Chimney Man is...um...he has...he said...he...he wears a nice shirt! Very fine taste!” Grandma says. “Now we’re getting somewhere!” Sam says. “Now do me, granny.” Daisy urges. “You...you’re...you have...you look...you said...uh...um...er...I CANT DO IT SAM! I JUST CANT!” Grandma screams. “Yes!” Daisy exclaims. “So just to set the record straight, you’re refusing to say anything nice about Daisy?” Sam asks. “I really wanted to try, but I can’t! I can’t even fake it!” Grandma says. “That settles it then! Grandma is out of the competition, making Chimney Man and Daisy our final 2!” Sam announces. Grandma walks up to the wheel and points at the picture of Bo. “This is all your fault! You couldn’t stand to see me get ahead of you, could ya?! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING FOR ME!” Grandma screams. The elimination bus pulls up. “Time to go, Grandma!” Sam says. “Just wait until I see that good for nothing son of mine! He’s gonna pay for getting me eliminated! You hear me, Bo?! I’M GONNA RUIN YOUR ALREADY PATHETIC LIFE! RUIN IT I TELLS YA!” Grandma screams, as she gets on the bus. The bus pulls off and Chimney Man begins to wake up. “Ow...what...what’d I miss?” Chimney Man asks. “We’re in the final 2, that’s what!” Daisy says. Chimney Man jumps up. “I’m in the final 2? I’m gonna win a million dollars!” Chimney Man exclaims. “Uh, lets try not to get ahead of ourselves, yeah? That money is reserved for me.” Daisy claims. Sam walks in front of them. “And there you have it, folks! Our final 2! Which of them is going to win the million dollars? Be sure to write in who you want to win the season, as you wait to find out who will be crowned the winner, next time on Total...Yeller...Mania...Director’s Cut!” Sam says.