Episode 08: Space Nuts

Sam is standing in the middle of the film lot. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania Director’s Cut! The episode started off with another elimination ceremony, the third one in a row for the Devious Divas. This elimination ended in a three way tie between Claire, Daisy, and Dun Dun, which thanks to votes from our contestants resulted in Dun Dun’s elimination from the show. With Dun Dun gone, 7 contestants were left which meant we were halfway through the season! What does that mean exactly? It means it was time for the merge! The teams were dissolved which meant Claire, Daisy, Chimney Man, Yeller, Bo, Grandma, and Disk were forced to fend for themselves! To celebrate the merging of the teams, I decided to send the contestants off on a nice little vacation at a local campsite. What I neglected to mention to them was that a killer ghost was running around the campsite bumping people off one by one, but they found that out the hard way when they themselves began disappearing. Chimney Man and Daisy were the first ones to disappear, followed by Bo, and then later Yeller and Disk. Claire and Grandma were the only ones left and they were also the ones to solve the mystery, that there never was any ghost, it was actually Mr. Whiskers wearing a table cloth as a costume! Big twist. The bigger twist was that none of the people Mr. Whiskers went after were actually dead because it was all part of a challenge I had set up for the cast, but the biggest twist had to be that Mr. Whiskers REJOINED the competition! After the challenge concluded, Claire and Grandma got immunity for solving the mystery and Mr. Whiskers was awarded immunity because we didn’t want him voted off so soon after coming back! So with Claire, Grandma, and Mr. Whiskers being awarded immunity, that means Daisy, Chimney Man, Yeller, Bo, and Disk are all at risk of being eliminated! Who will be ousted this time? Find out in an all new episode of Total...Yeller..Mania...Director’s Cut!” Sam says.

Claire, Daisy, Chimney Man, Mr. Whiskers, Yeller, Bo, Grandma, and Disk are all sitting in front of the stage. “So, any takers on who is out this time?” Yeller asks. “I don’t know, I think Daisy has a pretty good chance.” Claire says. Daisy growls. “Oh chill out! What good are you when you’re stuck in that stupid cast?” Claire asks. “What good was she when she wasn’t in the cast?” Grandma asks. “Very true, very true.” Claire says. “I hope Dun Dun doesn’t get eliminated, she’s my best friend!” Chimney Man says. “Dun Dun is already gone you moron, keep up!” Yeller says. Sam walks onto the stage. “Hello contestants, is everyone ready for another dramatic elimination ceremony?” Sam asks. “Meow meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers says. “What do you sound so upset about? You got immunity!” Disk points out. “Mr. Whiskers is always upset about something I’m afraid.” Bo says. “Which makes him perfect for this competition! Now, lets get to the elimination. Claire, Grandma, and Mr. Whiskers, you three are all safe since you were given immunity last time!” Sam says, as he throws the three of them trophies. “Also safe from elimination are both Yeller and Chimney Man!” Sam says, as he throws them trophies. Sam looks at a piece of paper. “Uh oh! Looks like we’ve got another three way tie on our hands! Bo, Disk, and Daisy, each of you got the same amount of votes which means you are each at risk of elimination. Now I could be dramatic and eliminate all three of you, but we’ve still got 6 more episodes, including this one.” Sam says. “I don’t understand, why would anyone vote for me? I realize I may have asked to be voted out numerous times, but since when does the audience care what we want?” Bo wonders. “And why am I being voted for?! What have I ever done to you people?!” Disk questions. Daisy mumbles something. “Oh put a cork in it and go wrap some more toilet paper around yourself!” Disk says. “So how do we decide which one of them goes? Are we voting?” Yeller asks. “Nah, I have a much more elaborate method in store this time.” Sam says. Man-Shark walks up to Sam and hands him a hat. “You gotta be kidding…” Grandma says. “A hat?! You’re picking a name from a hat?!” Claire asks. “What makes you say that? Maybe I just wanna wear a top hat and look fancy!” Sam suggests. “Is that what the hat is for?” Yeller asks. “No, I’m gonna pick a name from this hat!” Sam exclaims. “Oh good grief…” Grandma complains. Sam shakes the hat around, reaches in, and pulls out a piece of paper. “And today’s loser is...Disk!” Sam announces. Disk’s eyes widen. “ME?!” Disk asks. “Sorry buddy, but looks like your time is up. Look on the bright side, at least you didn’t get last place again!” Sam says. The bus pulls up. “I’m really gonna miss you pal.” Yeller claims. “Please, you’ll miss me about as much as I’ll miss you and the rest of your nutty family!” Disk says. “We’re nuts?! Who’s the talking object in the group?! Not us!” Grandma points out. Disk stands up and approaches the bus. “Is there anything else you would like to say to the group and the audience before you leave Disk?” Sam asks. “As a matter of fact, there is. I just want all of you to know, both the contestants and the audience, that I hate all of you. For the contestants, I hope there is no million dollars and you are doing all of this for nothing, and for the audience, I hope you TV blows up while you’re watching the show!” Disk says. “We’re not really pulling in too many network views, we’re REALLY popular on streaming services though!” Sam says. Disk kicks Sam in the shin and then gets on the bus. The bus then drives off. “Show of hands, is anyone actually going to miss him?” Sam asks. No one raises their hands. “Yeah, didn’t think so.” Sam says.

The next day, Yeller, Bo, Mr. Whiskers, Grandma, and Chimney Man are all seated in the cafeteria. “Wow, I can’t believe how much more relaxing it is in here without having to see Disk sulking from across the table.” Yeller says. “It does seem to be slightly more positive in here, only slightly however.” Bo says. Claire runs in. “Hey, has anyone seen Daisy?” Claire asks. “Fortunately we haven’t, why do you ask?” Grandma asks. “I went to go get her and bring her here but all I found was her wheelchair!” Claire reveals. “And she wasn’t in it?” Yeller asks. “No dummy, that’s why I said I couldn’t find her!” Claire snaps. “Uh oh, maybe she fell out of her chair and drowned in the lake.” Yeller suggests. “R.I.P, she was a great lady.” Chimney Man claims. “How on earth would she have gotten to a lake to drown in if her chair was back in her cabin?” Bo questions. “Don’t try and use logic with this show son, you’ll hurt your brain.” Grandma says. The door swings open and everyone gasps. “Oh no…” Claire mutters. “Bloody heck!” Bo says. In the doorway, Daisy is revealed to be standing there, out of her bandages! “Hello everyone, how are we all doing today?” Daisy asks. “You...you’re standing!” Claire notes. “And you don’t look like a mummy anymore!” Chimney Man adds. “Meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers adds. Daisy laughs. “Those bandages are SO yesterday. After being inconvenienced for weeks by those pesky injuries, I’ve finally healed enough to take them off and walk on my own! Isn’t that just grand?” Daisy asks. “Depends on who you ask.” Grandma says. “I have SO much to catch up on! Someone was finally smart enough to boot Dun Dun off of the show, the teams merged, someone decided to bring that dumb cat back into the game.” Daisy says. Mr. Whiskers hisses lunges at Daisy but Yeller holds him back. “Mr. Whiskers, don’t! She isn’t worth it!” Yeller says. “Anyways, now that I am back in the game, I have every intention of beating every last one of you and winning that million dollars for myself, its what I deserve.” Daisy says. “I don’t think you want to have the conversation of what you deserve.” Claire says. Sam walks in. “Good morning, cast!” Sam exclaims. Sam looks over at Daisy. “Hi Sam.” Daisy says. “Who let her out of the bandages?!” Sam asks. “Great question.” Yeller says. “No one lets me do anything.” Daisy says. “Riiiiiight. Anyways, its time for our next challenge!” Sam says. “If it has anything to do with campsites, count me out!” Yeller says. “Nope, not campsite related! Today, we are going to space!” Sam exclaims. “Woah, seriously?!” Claire asks. “Alien girl should feel right at home.” Grandma says. “Shut up granny!” Claire says. “Hold on, you ACTUALLY think we were gonna send you to actual space? No! We can’t afford that! Why go to the moon when you’ve got the moon right here?” Sam asks. “You built a set, didn’t you?” Daisy asks. “I built a set. This season is based on movies, after all. Anyways, this challenge is gonna have two parts. The first part will be where each of you build rockets which you will be piloting to space. Obviously they won’t be functioning rockets since we aren’t actually going to space, but I do want each of you to put in some effort to make them look realistic and to make them look good. Whoever builds the best looking rocket will be given an advantage in the second part of the challenge, which we will talk about when we reach that point!” Sam says.

YELLER’S CONFESSIONAL: “We seem to have a lot of challenges involving building crap, you would think this season was called Total Yeller Mania Builders! I probably shouldn’t give Sam any ideas...speaking of the show name, I wonder if I could sue for them using my name in the show’s title? That’d be a nice backup plan if I don’t win the million dollars.” Yeller says.

Yeller, Bo, Grandma, Mr. Whiskers, Claire, Daisy, and Chimney Man are all standing around a pile of miscellaneous parts. “What the heck are we supposed to do with these?” Yeller asks. “I think he wants us to build rockets, I don’t know for sure though.” Chimney Man says. “Wooooooooow, no kidding!” Yeller sarcastically says. “It isn’t very clear on how we are supposed to do that.” Bo notes. Claire is looking through the pile of parts. “Oh hey, I found instruction manuals!” Claire exclaims. Claire looks through the manuals. “Wait a minute, there are only six here and seven of us!” Claire notes. “Did we forget to give you guys a manual? Oops!” Sam can be heard saying. “Okay, first come first serve!” Claire says. Everyone crowds around Claire and grabs a manual. When they walk away, its revealed Chimney Man doesn’t have one. “Where’s mine?” Chimney Man asks. “Don’t look at me. The last one is for me!” Claire says.

Later, Claire is building her rocket ship when Daisy walks over to her. “Hey former teammate, how’s it going?” Daisy asks. “Can I help you with something?” Claire asks. Daisy sits next to Claire. “Just stopping by to say hello, I figured you and I could possibly catch up seeing as how I’ve been out of commission for so long.” Daisy says. “Seeing as how you were aware of everything going on around you, I don’t see any reason to subject myself to a conversation with you recapping the whole season.” Claire says. “Okay, I will admit that I do have another reason for being here.” Daisy admits. “Daisy with an ulterior motive? Nooooooooooo!” Claire sarcastically says. “Before my little accident, you and I had an alliance and I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to give it another go.” Daisy says. Claire laughs. “Are you serious right now?” Claire asks. “Uh yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Daisy asks. “The only reason you and I formed that alliance was because Dun Dun, Leafy Fan, and Chimney Man were holding the team back and we wanted to try and right the ship. In retrospect, that alliance was a terrible idea after what you had done to my relationship with Lauren.” Claire says. “Oh come on! You and Lauren made up and are in a better place than you’ve ever been in now! Well, except for the fact that she isn’t here, but still! You and I made a formidable team and we could still be a formidable team! If we team up, we could end up going to the final two together!” Daisy suggests. “But I don’t want to go to the final two with you! Especially if it means working with you! Thanks, but no thanks, I’m good!” Claire says. “Ugh! You are still the same clueless idiot you’ve always been! Fine, don’t team up with me! I’ll take pleasure reuniting you with your precious Lauren by sending you packing!” Daisy says, before storming off. “Why couldn’t she have stayed in the bandages?” Claire wonders.

Bo is working on his rocket. “How lovely, this is coming along quite well!” Bo says. Mr. Whiskers walks up to him. “Can I help you with something dear boy?” Bo asks. An evil grin crosses Mr. Whiskers’ face. “Is something funny?” Bo wonders. Mr. Whiskers uses his paw to bat Bo’s rocket, knocking it over and destroying it! Bo gasps. “My rocket!” Bo exclaims. Bo begins to sob. “So much time...WASTED! How could you, Mr. Whiskers? HOW?!?!” Bo asks. Mr. Whiskers shrugs before walking away. Chimney Man comes over. “Hey Bo, can I have your instruction manual?” Chimney Man asks. “I’m afraid I am still using it…” A devastated Bo mutters. “Aw man.” Chimney Man says, before walking away.

Grandma is building her rocket. “I’m gonna show these kids how its done! Not only am I gonna build the best rocket outta everybody here, its gonna be a functional one!” Grandma says. Daisy walks over to her. “Hey granny, you want to form an alliance with me?” Daisy asks. “Buzz off toilet paper girl!” Grandma snaps. “It was not toilet paper you old crone, they were bandages! Ugh! Why is everyone on this stupid show so difficult?!” Daisy asks, before storming off.

Chimney Man is sitting in front of a pile of parts. “Well I guess I’ve gotta figure this out myself…” Chimney Man says. Chimney Man hits a part with a hammer but the part goes flying off into the distance. “Ow!” Bo can be heard yelling. “Sorry!” Chimney Man calls out. Chimney Man returns to work but Mr. Whiskers trots through and steps on all of his parts, breaking them! Chimney Man gasps. “Mr. Kitty! How could you?!” Chimney Man asks. Mr. Whiskers’ eyes widen when he hears Chimney Man say his name wrong. “Did I do something wrong?” Chimney Man asks. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” Mr. Whiskers screams as he tackles Chimney Man to the ground and begins clawing at him!

A half hour later, Sam arrives on the scene. “Time is up! I hope you all used your time wisely.” Sam says. Sam looks and sees Bo, Chimney Man, and Mr. Whiskers have nothing built. “And I see that some of you didn’t.” Sam says. “You don’t understand! I was just about finished when my cat broke my rocket, and then later I was knocked unconscious by a projectile part!” Bo tells him. “Uh huh, likely story.” Sam says. “I didn’t have an instruction manual, and I got attacked by a cat.” Chimney Man says. “Meow meow meow meow meow.” Mr. Whiskers says, pointing at Bo and Chimney Man. “I see. Well you three don’t win crap, let me check with the other contestants.” Sam says. Sam walks over to Daisy who is standing next to her rocket, which is built out of legos. “Where did you get all these legos? I didn’t supply you with those!” Sam says. “Hey! Those are mine!” Chimney Man can be heard saying. “Pay no attention to him. You wanted a rocket, well you’ve got one!” Daisy says. “Looks like someone didn’t have time to build an actual rocket, too busy trying to trick people into an alliance.” Claire says. “Well, at least you made SOMETHING.” Sam says, before walking over to Claire’s rocket. “Incredible, I know.” Claire says. “Its certainly something…” Sam says. Sam taps on the rocket and it falls apart! “What?! I’m not an engineer, even with your dumb instruction manual!” Claire says. Sam walks over to Yeller’s rocket which looks exactly like Claire’s. “This looks...familiar…” Sam says. “She copied me.” Yeller claims. Sam taps on the rocket and it falls apart. “Just as poorly made, very nice.” Sam says. “Don’t blame me, blame her! It was her design!” Yeller says. “So you DID copy her?!” Sam asks. “Uh...well…” Yeller mutters. “What are you waiting for?! Disqualify him!” Claire demands. “What part of there are no rules don’t you seem to comprehend?” Sam asks. Sam walks over to Grandma’s rocket. “Wow, this thing looks like the real deal!” Sam admits. “That’s because it is! Watch this!” Grandma says. Grandma pulls out a remote control, presses a button on it, and the rocket shoots up into the air! Everyone watches as the rocket crashes into the moon and causes a chunk of it to fall off! “Well I guess it could use some tweaks…” Grandma admits. “Well we should probably wrap up the challenge before the CIA comes to arrest us all for destroying the moon. The winner of this part of the challenge is Grandma, which means she gets a special advantage in the second part of the challenge!” Sam says. “What is the second part of the challenge exactly?” Bo wonders. “A scavenger hunt! A rare kind of metal has been discovered on the moon and it is up to one of you to locate it! I am going to bring the seven of you to a set we built for the moon, your job is to find where the metal has been buried there. The first person to find it wins the challenge as well as a free ticket into the final 6! Now if everyone is ready, lets migrate over to the moon!” Sam says.

Sam and the seven contestants walk up to the moon set. “I’ve seen some cheap sets on TV before, but this has to be one of the worst.” Yeller says. “Do you even try to make this show look good?” Claire asks Sam. “Its not about the sets, its about the entertainment!” Sam says. “Well your show ain’t got none of that either!” Grandma says. “Is today hate on Total Yeller Mania Day or something?!” Sam asks. “Hey listen, while we’re on the subject, can we talk about that name? I feel like there are some legal issues about using my name in the title…” Yeller says. “And to answer your question from earlier, every day is hate on Total Yeller Mania Day.” Daisy says. “Enough with all this nonsense! Do you people want a million dollars or not?!” Sam asks. “I’d settle for an egg sandwich!” Chimney Man says. “Hey Sam, you said I’d be getting some kinda advantage! So where is it?!” Grandma asks. Sam hands Grandma a metal detector. “Here you go, Grandma! Your very own metal detector!” Sam exclaims. “That’s not just an advantage, its an UNFAIR advantage!” Daisy complains. “All advantages are unfair…” Yeller says. Grandma turns it on and it begins to go off immediately. Mr. Whiskers shoves Grandma out of the way and begins digging where the metal detector was going off. Mr. Whiskers digs deep and then comes up empty handed. “Meow meow meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers complains. “I guess I probably should’ve mentioned that the metal detector isn’t always the most accurate…” Sam says. Grandma stands up. “You know what you can do with your so called advantage you worthless rip off artist?!” Grandma asks. “If you don’t want the metal detector, I’d be more than happy to take it off your hands.” Daisy says. Grandma swings the metal detector at Daisy and knocks her to the ground! “Ow, that looks like it hurt.” Yeller says. “Deserved TBH.” Claire says. “Now that you all know what you’re doing, happy hunting!” Sam exclaims.

Grandma is walking around with her metal detector. “Come on you stupid piece of metal, where are you?!” Grandma wonders. Meanwhile, Daisy is spying on her in a bush nearby. “Once that old dinosaur finds the metal, I’m going to take it from her and win this challenge.” Daisy mutters. Daisy turns her head and notices Mr. Whiskers hiding next to her. “What are YOU doing here?!” Daisy questions. “Meow meow meow meow.” Mr. Whiskers says. “I didn’t understand a word of that, but I assume you’re here for the same reason that I am.” Daisy says. Mr. Whiskers nods. “Say, would you be at all interested in an alliance? Team up with me, and we could go to the final two together!” Daisy says. “Meow meow meow meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers says. “Is that a yes?” Daisy asks. Mr. Whiskers shakes his head. “Oh don’t be so modest, that was a definite yes.” Daisy claims. Daisy turns around and sees Grandma standing over the bush they were hiding in. “What do you two think you’re doing?!” Grandma asks. “Uh...I think the more important question you should be asking is why there is a bush on the moon!” Daisy says. “Meow meow meow meow.” Mr. Whiskers says. “Oh yeah?! She was spying on me and you were trying to stop her?!” Grandma asks. “WHAT?! That is not true! He was spying too!” Daisy argues. Daisy turns towards Mr. Whiskers. “You know, this is NOT a very good start for our alliance!” Daisy says. Mr. Whiskers bats Daisy in the face with his paw. “Watch it you stupid flea hotel!” Daisy tells him. Mr. Whiskers jumps on top of Daisy and begins choking her! “Grandma, HELP ME!” Daisy screams. “Aw, look at that! Mr. Whiskers and Daisy are having a play date! How cute!” Grandma says. “GET HIM OFF OF ME!” Daisy yells. “You two play nice.” Grandma says, before walking away. “GRANDMA NOOOOOO!” Daisy screams.

Elsewhere, Claire is kneeling down on the ground. “Okay, so if Sam just buried the metal, that means the spot he buried it in is probably softer than the rest of the ground. So, I just have to find the softest part on this ugly set and then I’ll win immunity!” Claire exclaims. “What was that about winning immunity?” A voice asks. Claire turns and sees Yeller standing there. “Yeller! I didn’t see you there!” Claire says. “I can tell. So, you got a plan to win?” Yeller asks. “Um...no! Absolutely not! I was just talking to myself about how I won immunity last time. I do that a lot.” Claire says. “Win immunity?” Yeller asks. “No! Talk to myself!” Claire says. “I was gonna say, that was like the first time you’ve won in four episodes.” Yeller notes. “To be fair, none of that was my fault.” Claire says. “Hey! I found something!” Chimney Man can be heard shouting. “Wait, did HE find the metal?!” Claire wonders. Claire and Yeller both go running in his direction.

Yeller, Claire, Grandma, Daisy, Mr. Whiskers, and Bo run up to Chimney Man as he walks onto the set holding an ice cream cone. “Did you find the metal?” Daisy asks. “Better! I found an ice cream stand outside the film lot! They had cookie dough ice cream! Can you believe it?!” Chimney Man asks. “What the heck does any of that have to do with the challenge?!” Grandma asks. “What challenge?” Chimney Man asks. “I’m going to go back to searching…” Bo says, before walking away. “What a colossal waste of time.” Daisy says. “I could’ve told you that.” Grandma says. Mr. Whiskers walks up to Chimney Man and slaps the ice cream cone out of his hand. “Hey! That isn’t very nice!” Chimney Man complains. Mr. Whiskers punches Chimney Man and he falls to the ground. “That wasn’t nice either…” Chimney Man says. Mr. Whiskers then kicks him. “MEOW!!!” Mr. Whiskers screams, before storming off.

Grandma is walking around holding the metal detector when it begins to go off. “Ha! Got it! In your face, losers! Immunity again!” Grandma exclaims. Grandma begins digging and pulls a metal water bowl out of the ground! “Is this it?!” Grandma wonders. Mr. Whiskers walks over to her, takes the water bowl, and hits her over the head with it, before walking away with it. “Oh yeah?! Well screw you too, ya stupid feline!” Grandma shouts.

Claire is crawling around on the ground feeling for any soft spots. “Come on...where is it?!” Claire wonders. Claire notices Bo standing above her. “Can I help you with something?!” Claire asks. “My apologies for the intrusion, but what exactly are you doing?” Bo wonders. “What does it look like? I’m...doing push ups!” Claire claims, as she does a push up. “I see...carry on then.” Bo says, before walking away. Once Bo is gone, Claire collapses to the ground after doing the push up. “At least that’s what I might be doing if I weren’t allergic to exercise…” Claire mutters.

Grandma is searching the ground still when her metal detector begins going off. “This better not be another cat bowl…” Grandma says. Grandma begins digging and pulls out a piece of metal! “Haha! I’ve got-” Before Grandma can finish, Daisy rips it out of her hand! “Its mine! MINE! AND SO ISN’T IMMUNITY!!” Daisy shouts, before laughing maniacally. Mr. Whiskers clocks Daisy over the head with his bowl and takes the piece of metal from her! “MEOW!” Mr. Whiskers shouts. “Give...that...BACK!” Daisy yells, before tackling Mr. Whiskers! As Daisy and Mr. Whiskers struggle over the piece of metal, it goes flying out of their hands and Chimney Man catches it! “Ooooooh, what’s this?” Chimney Man wonders. “NO!!!!” Grandma and Daisy both yell. “MEOW!” Mr. Whiskers yells. Sam walks onto the set. “Would you look at that! Chimney Man has won the challenge!” Sam announces. “But I’m the one who found the metal!” Grandma points out. “And I’m the one who STOLE IT from her!” Daisy adds. “Meow meow meow meow meow meow!” Mr. Whiskers adds. “Sorry not sorry, but none of that changes the fact that Chimney Man wins the challenge and also immunity in the next elimination.” Sam says. “Yay!” Chimney Man exclaims.

Sam is standing in the middle of the film lot. “And there you have it, another episode of Total Yeller Mania Director’s Cut has concluded! With Chimney Man winning the challenge, that means Yeller, Bo, Grandma, Claire, Daisy, and Mr. Whiskers are all at risk of being voted off! Who will be the next to go? Find out in the next episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Director’s Cut!” Sam says.