S3 Episode 01: Twist of Faith

YELLER HOUSEHOLD
*Yeller comes through the front door and finds the lights off. "Anybody home?" Yeller asks. He turns the lights off, and Bo, Dun Dun, Leafy Fan, Michael, and Vito jump out from behind the couch. "SURPRISE!" Everybody yells. "Surprise? What's the occasion?" Yeller asks. "Your birthday, of course!" Bo says. "Again? Didn't I just have one last year?" Yeller asks. "Yes son, birthdays tend to work that way." Bo says. "Then how come Dun Dun told me that she has four birthdays every year?" Leafy Fan asks. "Because Dun Dun do! Okay?!" Dun Dun angrily asks. "Okay!" Leafy Fan nervously responds. "So, uh, are we done here yet?" Yeller asks. "Done? We haven't even begun! You still have presents to open, and candles to blow out." Bo says. "Dad, I'm not a child." Yeller says. "Coulda fooled me." Michael says as Vito nods in agreement. "At least allow us to give you presents then!" Bo says. "Well, who am I to deny gifts that you people spent so much money on?" Yeller asks. "Dun Dun wanna go first, here Dun Dun gift." Dun Dun says. Dun Dun hands Yeller an I.O.U. "Um, this isn't a present." Yeller says. "No, but it saying Dun Dun will get you present soon. See? Dun Dun even sign it on back." Dun Dun says. Yeller turns it around. "Thomas Jefferson...John Hancock...Samuel Adams...why the heck do you have the declaration of independence?" Yeller asks. "That what that is? Dun Dun just stole random piece of paper from place she broke into and write I.O.U on back of it." Dun Dun says. Yeller crumples it in a ball and throws it in the trash. "Next!" Yeller says. Leafy Fan drags over a huge trash bag. "What's this?" Yeller asks. Leafy Fan dumps it, and a bunch of pine needles fall out! "MY FLOOR! MY BEAUTIFUL FLOOR!" Bo yells. "I brought these so that you can build a house out of them for when you get an object friend of your own." Leafy Fan says. "Uh, thanks. I guess." Yeller says. Michael snaps his fingers, and Vito gives Yeller a wrapped present. "Finally a normal looking-" Yeller stops after he opens the present, which is a machine gun! "What is this?!" Yeller asks. "What does it look like? Its a machine gun!" Michael says. "What am I going to need a machine gun for?" Yeller asks. "For when dose pesky neighborhood kids decide to play on your front lawn, you fire dat baby and they'll be runnin faster den dat blue hedgehog. Also, you catch somebody climbin through your kitchen window late at night? You just pump em with 20 rounds of pain. Dat'll teach da cops with there so called "no knock search warrants" from not knockin." Michael says. "Riiiiiiiiight." Yeller says. "Son, I have also gotten a present for you. Wait here!" Bo says before running into the other room. "He probably get something stupid like top hat or monocle." Dun Dun says. Bo returns holding a fat cat. "Finally, an ACTUAL present! And its something I actually wanted!" Yeller says. "Dun Dun give you piece of Korean history with I.O.U written on back! That no good enough for you?" Dun Dun asks. "The declaration of independence is American you moron." Michael says. "I shall call you Yeller Jr." Yeller says. "Actually, he already came with a name. Mr. Whiskers." Bo says. "Meow." Mr. Whiskers says. "Hey Whisker of the misters? Wanna go for bike ride with Dun Dun?" Dun Dun asks. "Silly Dun Dun, cats don't go for bike rides, only an idiot would think they could." Bo says as everybody takes a moment to look at the camera with an angry expression on their faces.

*The next day, Yeller feeds Mr. Whiskers. "Here you go, Mr. Whiskers." Yeller says. "Meow." Mr. Whiskers responds. The doorbell rings and Yeller opens it. Dun Dun and Leafy Fan are standing there. "Where whiskers of the misters?" Dun Dun asks. "Uh, if you mean Mr. Whiskers, he's eating." Yeller says. "Oh, I wanted to bring him to play tea party with me and Leafy." Leafy Fan says. "That'll have to wait until another time." Yeller says. "Then let go to McRonalds, Leafy Fan buying." Dun Dun says. "I never said-" Before Leafy Fan can finish, Dun Dun interrupts. "SILENCE! Dun Dun never gave you permission to breathe! Let alone speak!" Dun Dun yells. "Sorry." Leafy Fan responds. "Alright, lets get going then." Yeller says. They prepare to walk out the door, but Mr. Whiskers flies through the air and closes the door! "What on earth?" Yeller asks. "MEOW!!!" Mr. Whiskers screams. "Mr. Whiskers, we were just on our way out." Yeller says. "Let Dun Dun handle this, she like the second coming of dog whisperer." Dun Dun says. "But Mr. Whiskers is a cat." Leafy Fan says. "Quiet! Dun Dun can not work her magic with you yelling!" Dun Dun yells. "Meow?" Mr. Whiskers asks. "Hey bit, you get out of Dun Dun's way! Or she beat you up and take you wallet!" Dun Dun says. Mr. Whiskers pulls out the machine gun and points it at Dun Dun! "Or Dun Dun can stay here." Dun Dun says. "Meow! Meow meow meow meow, meow MEOW!" Mr. Whiskers says. "Pardon?" Yeller asks. "I think he wants to go potty." Leafy Fan says. Mr. Whiskers fires three shots in Leafy Fan's direction. "I'M SORRY! PLEASE DONT HURT ME!" Leafy Fan yells. "Meow, meow meow." Mr. Whiskers says. Bo comes running downstairs. "What in the devil is going on here?" Bo asks. "MEOW!" Mr. Whiskers yells at Bo. "Who gave the kitten a gun?!" Bo asks. "We don't know, he just sort of had it." Yeller says. "Meow! Meow Meow!" Mr. Whiskers says as he signals everyone to sit on the couch. "I cant believe we are being held hostage by a freaking cat." Yeller says. "Meow?" Mr. Whiskers asks. "Nothing!" Yeller says. "Meow! Shhhhhhhhh!" Mr. Whiskers says. "Dun Dun wanna go home." Dun Dun says. "So don't I, but I am still trapped within the halls of this house and you don't hear me complaining!" Bo says. "You just did." Yeller says. "MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW!" Mr. Whiskers screams. "Woah, chill out! What's your problem?" Yeller asks. "Meow meow meow meow, meow meow! Meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow, meow!!!" Mr. Whiskers says. "I see..." Yeller says. "Dun Dun don't, she no understand one word of that gibberish." Dun Dun says. Mr. Whiskers places the barrel of the gun on Dun Dun's head. "Meow?" Mr. Whiskers asks. "You heard Dun Dun, you chubby, ugly, insane beast!" Dun Dun yells. Mr. Whiskers gasps, horrified by what he just heard. "Well lets look on the Brightside? If he kills her, at least it wont be anyone we care about, yes?" Bo asks. Yeller nods. Mr. Whiskers takes the gun and shoots Leafy! "LEAFY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Leafy Fan yells. "Gud." Dun Dun says. "Meow meow meow meow!!!" Mr. Whiskers yells. "I think we are at the point where our friend here is going to begin offing people in order to make his point, perhaps we should contact the authorities." Bo whispers to Yeller. "How? That lunatic is watching our every move!" Yeller says as Mr. Whiskers waves at them. "Perhaps I can distract the fiend while you sneak behind the sofa and make the call." Bo whispers. "Lets try it." Yeller says. "Um, excuse me, Mr. Whiskers, dear sir! A moment?" Bo asks. "Meow?" Mr. Whiskers asks. "You see, I am in a spot of trouble. I conveniently forgot to set my DVR to record the ballgame for tonight, now I understand that you wouldn't entrust me with the television remote out of fear that I may use it as a weapon, so perhaps you would be kind enough to set the recording for me, assuming you aren't busy at the moment. Thank you kindly, dear sir!" Bo says. Mr. Whiskers aims the gun and shoots the TV! "Meow." Mr. Whiskers coldly says. "You ANIMAL!" Bo yells. Yeller is behind the couch. "Come on, pick up." Yeller says. "This is the Littlebridge police department, how may we be of service?" Cop asks. "Out of all the people to answer, it had to be you." Yeller says. "Yeller! You are the one calling the police! Usually, the police are called on you!" Cop says. "Yeah, whatever, now isn't the time for any of that. I'm being held hostage." Yeller says. "By who? Your TV?" Cop asks. "No you human donut recycling bin! My cat!" Yeller says. "Your cat is holding you hostage?" Cop asks. "Yeah, we already have one casualty, you need to get here before there are anymore." Yeller says. "You'll have to wait until my lunch break is over, buddy." Cop says. "When's that?" Yeller asks. "When my shift ends." Cop says. "GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE!" Yeller yells. Mr. Whiskers shoots the phone! "Oh, hi! I was just...uh...calling for pizza!" Yeller says. "Meow!" Mr. Whiskers yells before shooting the computer! "Oh c'mon! You already killed my phone and my TV and Leafy, isn't that enough?" Yeller asks. Mr. Whiskers shakes his head no. "Meow meow meow meow meow." Mr. Whiskers says. "Honey, we don't even speak the same language." Yeller says. "MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!" Mr. Whiskers yells. He shoots the ceiling lamp! Outside, several police cars pull up as helicopters are hovering over the building. Cop takes out his speakerphone. "MR. WHISKERS! THIS IS THE LITTLEBRIDGE P.D.! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! PLEASE SURRENDER NOW BEFORE THIS GETS ANY UGLIER!" Cop yells. Mr. Whiskers screams at the sound of Cop's voice. "That's right you psychotic feline, the cops are here to save us! You are finished!" Yeller says. "Meow!" Mr. Whiskers yells. Mr. Whiskers grabs Dun Dun, and then drags her to the front door at gunpoint. Outside, Cop is still watching. "Ah crap, it looks like someone is coming out, I might have to do some work!" Cop says. Mr. Whiskers comes out, holding Dun Dun prisoner. "SIR, RELEASE THE HOSTAGE IMMEDIEATELY! WE DONT WANT THIS TO GET ANY UGLIER THAN IT ALREADY IS!" Cop yells through the loudspeaker. "Meow meow meow meow, meow meow, meow meow meow meow. MEOW!" Mr. Whiskers yells. "English please, sir." Cop says. Mr. Whiskers fires a shot at Cop's car. "Hey, watch it you fur ball! If you want to shoot somebody's car, shoot Bo's!" Cop says. "Meow meow meow meow meow meow!" Mr. Whiskers says. "Alright, lets make a deal. I'll get you a piece of paper, and you can right down what you are saying, but you need to let the hostage go!" Cop says. "Yeah, let Dun Dun go, you ugly beast!" Dun Dun yells. Mr. Whiskers pushes the gun into her head. "MEOW!" Mr. Whiskers yells. "Dun Dun sorry! She didn't mean it!" Dun Dun yells. "I'll give you the pen and paper, sir, but you need a hand to write with, you need to let the hostage go!" Cop says. Mr. Whiskers contemplates, before tossing Dun Dun back inside the house. Cop slides Mr. Whiskers a piece of paper and a pen. Mr. Whiskers writes something down, and then shows it to Cop. "Me want $5,000,000.00 in cash and a plane ride to Mexico." Cop reads. "The plane ride can be arranged, sir, but the money might be kind of hard." Cop says. Mr. Whiskers fires a shot in Cop's direction! "Alright, alright! I'll see if I can get you the cash!" Cop says. Back inside, Yeller and Bo are arguing. "Figures, you finally decide to get a pet and it turns out to be a homicidal maniac! Thanks Dad!" Yeller says. "How was I supposed to know that foul animal was secretly a crazed killer who would take all of us captive? Who knows? Perhaps he learned this despicable behavior from you or one of your questionable friends!" Bo yells. "Don't you try to pin this on me! Mr. Whiskers had a few screws loose long before he got here!" Yeller says. "QUIET! Dun Dun is thinking!" Dun Dun yells. "Thinking of what? A way to get that trigger happy lunatic even more ticked off?!" Yeller asks. "LEAFY AND ME DONT WANNA DIE!" Leafy Fan yells. "Dun Dun said shut up! SHE THINKING!" Dun Dun yells. Mr. Whiskers comes back in. "What you want from Dun Dun and friends?" Dun Dun asks. Mr. Whiskers points the gun in Yeller's direction. "Meow meow, meow." Mr. Whiskers says. "What?! Dun Dun no speak moron!" Dun Dun says. "Uh, Dun Dun, perhaps it isn't wise to anger the kitty." Bo says. Mr. Whiskers prepares to shoot at Yeller, but Dun Dun quickly throws the bag of pine needles at Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Whiskers is left blinded, and begins firing shots in random directions. Outside, Cop hears the gunshots. "Gunshots can be heard, I repeat, gunshots can be heard. No more standing down, lets storm the building!" Cop says. Back inside, everybody is running around. "GET DOWN!" Dun Dun yells as a blinded Mr. Whiskers continues to shoot everywhere. Cop bursts in and tackles Mr. Whiskers to the ground. Cop is able to disarm him and then handcuffs him. "Mr. Whiskers, you are under arrest." Cop says. Mr. Whisker hisses at Cop. "Get that evil creature out of my home!" Bo yells. "Will do, come on buddy." Cop says. Cop drags Mr. Whiskers out of the house, and is greeted outside by a helicopter that lands right in front of him. "What's going on?" Cop wonders. A man wearing a suit and sunglasses steps off of the helicopter. "Hey buddy, Halloween is over." Cop says. "Don't joke with me, sir. I don't like jokes." The man says. "Riiiiight, so who are you?" Cop asks. "Agent Conran, FBI, I'm here because I heard your department was planning to arrest Mr. Whiskers." Agent Conran says. "Yeah, the dude is a psycho. He was holding four people hostage in that house." Cop says. "We know all about Mr. Whiskers' actions, which is why I want you to release him immediately!" Agent Conran says. "What?!" Cop asks. "Mr. Whiskers is an operative for the FBI. He was sent here undercover because the Declaration of Independence was stolen and we had tracked the thief to this neighborhood. My guess is that Mr. Whiskers took hostages when he discovered who the culprit was." Agent Conran says. "So who did it?" Cop asks. "Meow!" Mr. Whiskers says as he points at Dun Dun. "Why you pointing at Dun Dun? She no do nothing to nobody and you cant prove it!" Dun Dun says. Agent Conran walks over to Dun Dun. "Ma'am, you are under arrest for stealing the Declaration of Independence." Agent Conran says as he handcuffs Dun Dun. "No, this a mistake! Dun Dun no steal it! She needed paper to write on so she borrow it!" Dun Dun says as she is dragged off by two other FBI agents. "Wait, if Mr. Whiskers was with the FBI this whole time, why did he want $5,000,000.00 and a plane ride to Mexico?" Cop asks. "I'm sure Mr. Whiskers was just joking." Agent Conran says. Mr. Whiskers side eyes Agent Conran. Yeller, Bo, and Leafy Fan come out. "Ah, you must be the man who adopted Mr. Whiskers." Agent Conran says. "Indeed I am, I would like an apology for being used and manipulated by you!" Bo says. "I can do better than that! You see, Mr. Whiskers has decided that this is his last mission for the FBI before he retires, so how about he comes to live with you?" Agent Conran asks. Mr. Whiskers rapidly shakes his head no. "Please, NO!" Yeller says. "He's all yours, Mr. Yeller." Agent Conran says before walking away. Yeller and Mr. Whiskers exchange glares.