S5 Episode 02: Crusin' Littlebridge

In the kitchen, Yeller is looking at the sale’s papers when Bo walks in. “My word, son. I didn’t realize you read!” Bo says. “Its the weekly sale’s papers, Dad. Do you know they’re having a carnival in Fishkit City this weekend? I was thinking we could bring Mr. Whiskers. It says Cats get in free, so if I bring him and I dress up as a Cat, we might be able to get in without even needing a ticket!” Yeller says. “I’m sorry son, I’m afraid attending that carnival is out of the question.” Bo says. “You aren’t going to bring me?! Why not?!” Yeller questions. “Its not that I’m not going to, its just that I can’t. You see, I’m going to be spending the weekend at my sister’s house.” Bo reveals. “You’re going to visit Auntie Meg and you aren’t bringing me?!” Yeller asks. “I’m sorry dear boy, its just that your aunt isn’t too fond of the idea of letting you in her home after you knocked over her 20 gallon fish tank and killed all her fish.” Bo says. “I never did like her! She doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past! So what am I supposed to do while you’re gone?!” Yeller asks. “I don’t know, but I’m quite confident you’ll figure something out. Ciao, my boy!” Bo says, before grabbing his suitcase and walking out. The oven pops open and Dun Dun climbs out. “Dun Dun could not help but overhear Yeller predicament.” Dun Dun says. “What were you doing in my oven?!” Yeller questions. “Dun Dun go in there to warm up sometimes. But enough with Yeller dumb questions, Dun Dun have solution to Yeller problem. If Yeller no have way to go anywhere, why not Yeller buy car?” Dun Dun asks. “I don’t have a license.” Yeller points out. “So Yeller just drive no license! Dun Dun do it all time!” Dun Dun says. “How do you manage that when YOU don’t have a car?” Yeller asks. “Dun Dun sometimes borrows cars without asking.” Dun Dun reveals. “Riiiiiight, well as nice as buying my own car sounds, I don’t have any money.” Yeller says. Dun Dun holds up a credit card. “That okay, old bald man will pay for it.” Dun Dun says. “Did my Dad give you his card?” Yeller asks. “Uh...of course he did! Dun Dun no steal!” Dun Dun lies. “Okay, so lets say I did decide to buy a car, where would I buy one that’s affordable?” Yeller asks. “Dun Dun got Yeller covered. You see, Dun Dun know a guy. He get you REAL good deal.” Dun Dun says. Yeller sighs. “I’m probably gonna regret this, but where is this guy?” Yeller questions.

Outside, Dun Dun and Yeller are walking down the street when Dun Dun suddenly stops. “Right here.” Dun Dun says. “Dun Dun, there’s no building here!” Yeller points out. Dun Dun opens a manhole cover. “He no in a building.” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun jumps down inside and can be heard screaming. Yeller peeks into the manhole. “You could’ve just used the ladder!” Yeller shouts. Yeller climbs onto the ladder. “Why am I still putting up with her…” Yeller wonders as he climbs down the ladder.

Yeller and Dun Dun are walking through the sewers. “You know, used car dealers don’t usually set up shop underground. Seems like it kinda defeats the whole money making angle, you know what I mean?” Yeller asks. Dun Dun and Yeller reach a door. “He in there.” Dun Dun reveals. “Okay, do we just walk in?” Yeller asks. “NO! Fred don’t like unannounced visitors! Follow Dun Dun’s lead.” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun knocks on the door. “What’s the password?!” A voice can be heard yelling from the other side. “Knock it off, Fred! It Dun Dun! You know her!” Dun Dun yells. “I don’t know anybody! For all I know you could be one of the lizard people and you stole Dun Dun’s identity! Riddle me this, Lizardun, what’s the secret password?!” The voice questions. Dun Dun turns towards Yeller. “Block you ears.” Dun Dun tells him. “Seriously?” Yeller asks. “DUN DUN SAID BLOCK EARS!” Dun Dun yells. Yeller reluctantly blocks his ears, and Dun Dun turns to face the door. “The password is password!” Dun Dun states. “Huh?” The voice asks. “Password!!!” Dun Dun says louder. “Speak up! I can hardly hear you!!!” The voice yells. “PASSWORD, FRED! THE PASSWORD IS PASSWORD!!!!!” Dun Dun screams. Yeller uncovers his ears. “I heard that.” Yeller reveals. Fred opens the door. “Hey, Dun Dun! Long time no talk! How’s it going?” Fred questions. “Not good, Fred. We need new password.” Dun Dun complains. “Okay, okay, how about this? Password1!” Fred suggests. “Ooooooh, that creative. Dun Dun love it!” Dun Dun says. “I also heard that one.” Yeller says. “DANG IT!” Dun Dun yells. “Who’s the bald kid?” Fred questions. “He Yeller, friend of Dun Dun.” Dun Dun says. “Since when do you have friends?” Fred asks. “Since Yeller’s old bald man Daddy have credit card without limit that Dun Dun can use whenever she want!” Dun Dun says. “Sounds like you’re living the high life! So, what can I do for you?” Fred asks. “I need a car.” Yeller says. “Well then you came to the right place! Old Fred has some great deals! They are FREDtastic! So, what are you looking for? A new model? A classic? A bicycle? Fred has them all!” Fred says. “If you run such a big business, how come your shop is in the sewers?” Yeller asks. “Two words: tax evasion. The government cant tax me if they don’t know I own a business! Pretty slick, huh?” Fred asks. “Oh yeah, brilliant. I’m sure all of cell block 6 will think so too.” Yeller sarcastically says. Fred pulls Dun Dun aside. “So, Dun Dun...you sure we can trust this kid?” Fred asks. “I can hear you!” Yeller says. “Yeller just as trustworthy as Dun Dun.” Dun Dun says. “Guess I should send him on his way then.” Fred says. “Hold on! I’m the one that should be suspicious! I’m down here talking to a guy who lives and works in the sewers!” Yeller points out. “Get your facts straight, boy! I don’t live in the sewers! I actually have a luxury apartment in Fantastic City.” Fred says. “See? Fred business so big he have luxury apartment! Dun Dun told you he reputable businessman!” Dun Dun says. “Do you have a website or something I can look on?” Yeller asks. “Oh no, no, no! Old Fred doesn’t do the internet! That’s how the government tracks you! That and the chip they put in you whenever you get vaccinated for something!” Fred says, as Dun Dun nods along. “Do you at least have a catalog I can look through?” Yeller asks. “Nope. The business is still pretty new, so I haven’t gotten around to it yet.” Fred says. “How long have you been in business?” Yeller asks. “23 years. Okay, tell you what, why don’t you tell me what you’re willing to pay, and I’ll give you a list of cars that are in your price range!” Fred suggests. “Okay, well just so you know, this is my life’s savings we’re talking about. I have spent my whole life putting together this fortune.” Yeller says. “Woooooooooooah baby! That sounds like a lot!” Fred says. “So you think $73 will get me pretty far then?” Yeller asks. Fred’s face grows serious. “$73?! THAT’S your life’s savings? How old are ya? Six?” Fred asks. “Alright, I think I’ll take my business somewhere else.” Yeller says. “Woah, woah, woah! Lets not get hasty here, son! As it happens, I know the PERFECT car for you. And guess what? It just so happens to be $73! What kinda crazy luck is that?!” Fred asks. Yeller smiles. “Woah, that is crazy! What is it?” Yeller asks. “They call it a Ford Charger, and boy, I’ve gotta tell you, they say its one of the best cars of all time. A reeeeeeeeeal smooth rider, that one! Trust me, son, its the perfect car for you, I can just feel it in my gut! And old Fred’s gut is never wrong!” Fred says. “I’ll take it!” Yeller says, throwing money at Fred.

On a street, an old lady is just about to cross when a car flies by her, causing her to fall over. Yeller is revealed to be driving the car, with Dun Dun sitting in the passenger seat. “I can’t believe I almost walked out of there without buying a car! What a stupid mistake that would’ve been!” Yeller says. “Very stupid, even by Dun Dun standards.” Dun Dun says. “And you know what? That guy Fred really isn’t that bad! He definitely gave me a pretty sweet deal.” Yeller says. Dun Dun looks at the road, and her eyes widen. “Yeller STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!” Dun Dun screams. Yeller slams on the brakes. “What?!” Yeller asks. “Do you not see that?!” Dun Dun questions, pointing at the red traffic light. “Am I supposed to know what that means?!” Yeller asks. Dun Dun sighs. “Let Dun Dun explain road rules to Yeller. Green mean go. Yellow mean slow down. Red mean stop and make sure no cops around and then go. Now, does Yeller see cops?” Dun Dun asks. Yeller looks around. “No.” Yeller answers. “Then what Yeller waiting for?! DRIVE!” Dun Dun screams. Yeller slams on the gas pedal and floors it through the red light.

A little later, Yeller and Dun Dun are still driving. “So that triangle sign with the word yield on it actually means to speed up?” Yeller asks. Dun Dun nods. “And that sign that says speed limit? It doesn’t mean anything at all?” Yeller asks. “It just a number.” Dun Dun says. “Wow! When you put it like that, this driving stuff is pretty simple!” Yeller says. Up ahead, the light changes from yellow to red. “I guess I better stop.” Yeller says. Yeller steps on the brake, but nothing happens! “Uh oh.” Yeller says. “What wrong?” Dun Dun asks. “The brakes aren’t working!” Yeller states. “IMPOSSIBLE! This car was inspected by Fred himself! There no way there anything wrong with it!” Dun Dun says. Yeller speeds through a red light, causing another car to swerve off the road into a fire hydrant. The next thing Yeller knows, the car is flying down a steep road. “You step on those brakes NOW! THIS NO FUNNY!” Dun Dun yells. “Does it look like I’m laughing?! This car is really out of control!” Yeller reveals. “Just great! Dun Dun finds you used car salesman, so you repay her by KILLING HER?!” Dun Dun asks. “Your used car salesman is the reason we’re in this mess!” Yeller argues.

In a dark alley, Cop’s squad car is parked and he is sound asleep in the driver’s seat. Cop begins to wake up just in time to see Yeller’s car speed by. “SOMEBODY HELP!” Yeller can be heard screaming. Cop sighs. “There goes my nap…” Cop mutters, before turning on his sirens and speeding off.

Yeller’s car is now driving through the park when Cop’s car can be seen coming up behind him. “Step on it, Yeller!” Dun Dun demands. “Step on it? This car is a death trap! I want to slow down!” Yeller states. Yeller continues slamming on the brakes but nothing happens. “PULL OVER!” Cop can be heard yelling over a microphone. “I CANT!” Yeller yells out the window. Cop pulls up beside Yeller and begins ramming into the side of his car. Finally, Cop manages to push Yeller’s car into a tree, stopping it. Cop pulls up behind Yeller and approaches his vehicle. “Going awfully fast there, aren’t you?” Cop asks. “I was driving through the park, I CLEARLY didn’t have control of the car, and you’re worried about how FAST I was going?!” Yeller asks. “Dun Dun no saying anything without lawyer!” Dun Dun states. “I didn’t ask you anything.” Cop points out. “Good. That mean Dun Dun don’t have to tell you about running off with that donation box last Saturday.” Dun Dun says. “What?” Cop asks. “What?” Dun Dun repeats. “I’ll get back to you. So, about this whole car thing…” Cop says. “Ah yes, that. See, funny story. I wanted to go to this carnival, but my Dad is going away for the weekend so I wouldn’t have any way of getting there. Rather than taking the bus like some peasant, I figured I’d just buy a car. But, turns out the car doesn’t have any brakes.” Yeller says. “Did you know that when you bought the car?” Cop asks. “Of course I didn’t know!” Yeller snaps. “Wait a minute...do you even have a driver’s license?” Cop asks. “Can we stay on topic?” Yeller asks. “Look, I don’t wanna be here anymore than you do. I was having a nice nap when you went speeding by me. I’d really like to get back to that. So the sooner we wrap up this nonsense, the sooner I can go back to dream land and you can go back to breezing through town with no brakes. So, one last time, do you have a driver’s license?!” Cop asks. “Of course I do! Hang on.” Yeller says, as he begins digging through his purse. “Is...that a purse?” Cop asks. “Don’t judge me.” Yeller says. Yeller pulls out a driver’s license and hands it to Cop. “HERE!” Yeller says. “Brittany...Spears.” Cop reads. Cop glares at Yeller. “You idiot! Yeller forgot wig!” Dun Dun whispers, as she throws a blond wig at Yeller. Yeller puts it on and nervously smiles at Cop. “Did you really think that was gonna work?” Cop asks. “In fairness, I figured if I got pulled over it wouldn’t be by someone who knew me. Its not my fault you were hiding from your boss over here!” Yeller says. “Step out of the car.” Cop demands.

A few days later…

Dun Dun is sitting on a cot in a jail cell as Yeller stands at the bars. “Doesn’t anyone care that I am innocent?! I WAS THE VICTIM!!! So what if I was driving around with no license?! Does that somehow negate the fact that I was conned out of $73 for a car that doesn’t even have working brakes?! Doesn’t anyone care about that?!” Yeller asks. “It no use. No one care, and Yeller probably going to spend rest of life in jail.” Dun Dun says. “What are you even doing here? You didn’t commit a crime!” Yeller points out. “Dun Dun almost got to leave, but then Cop look up her name and system. Did you know Dun Dun have 83 arrest warrants out for her?! And they in every state!” Dun Dun reveals. “Well that explains why I also got arrested for harboring a fugitive.” Yeller says. A guard walks up to the cell and begins unlocking it. “Good news, kids. Your bail has been paid, you’re free to go.” The guard says, as he opens the door. “Wait, who would want to pay our bail?” Yeller asks. “I leave for one bloody weekend, and I come back to THIS?!” A voice asks. Bo is revealed to be standing in the doorway. “Okay, before you say anything...none of this is my fault.” Yeller says. “Oh? So you weren’t driving around without a license?” Bo asks. “I did have a license! It just wasn’t mine!” Yeller states. “It was fraudulent!” Bo argues. “No it wasn’t! Dun Dun borrow it from Brittany Spear herself! By the way, has she...been arrested for driving no license?” Dun Dun questions. “Oh who cares about her?! There are bigger injustices at work! I was sold a car for $73 that didn’t have any brakes and I want JUSTICE!” Yeller shouts. “Did you at least test drive the car before you drove it?” Bo asks. “No! I didn’t even know what the car looked like when I bought it! But does that justify that con artist selling me a faulty vehicle? I don’t think so! I want my money back!” Yeller says. “How exactly did you find this suspicious merchant in the first place?” Bo wonders. Yeller shoots a glare at Dun Dun. “What?! It not Dun Dun’s fault!” Dun Dun claims. “He’s your friend!” Yeller points out. “No he not! Dun Dun said she know him, not that she friend with him! Dun Dun don’t even like the guy!” Dun Dun states. “So, this car...the brakes NEVER worked on it?” Bo questions. “Well, maybe for the first five minutes after buying it...but come on! He had to have known there was a problem!” Yeller says. Cop walks in. “You people are still here?” Cop asks. “There you are! I’d like to report a vicious and sadistic crime! I have been hoodwinked!” Yeller shouts. “Yeah? So?” Cop asks. “So I want you to do something about it! Put together a SWAT team, call the FBI, the National Guard, we need to bring this monster to justice!” Yeller says. Cop sighs. “Okay, I’ll tell you what, I’ve got some time on my hands tomorrow morning. Maybe I can pencil you in and I can see if I can find this so called con artist. Sound good?” Cop asks. “No, we’re going NOW! Unless you want me to tell your boss what you were doing when I flew by you a few days ago.” Yeller says. Cop sighs. “Fine...just show me where to find this guy.” Cop says.

Yeller, Cop, Dun Dun, and Bo are walking through the sewers. “You bought a car from a guy working out of the sewers? What kind of moron does that?!” Cop asks. “What kind of moron indeed.” Bo says, while glaring at Yeller. “He seemed like a nice guy! Now enough with the victim shamming! Who’s the real criminal here?” Yeller questions. The four all stop when they come across a door. “This is it. This is his lair!” Yeller reveals. “How do we get in?” Cop questions. “You’re a cop! Break the door down!” Yeller tells him. Dun Dun knocks on the door. “Fred! It Dun Dun! She comes alone, and she definitely don’t have police with her. The password is password!” Dun Dun tells him. No response. “Maybe he asleep?” Dun Dun suggests. “Alright, stand back everyone. I’m busting in.” Cop says. Everyone clears out of the way. Cop charges at the door, slams into it, and ends up falling back onto the floor without opening it! Cop begins sobbing. “OW! I think I broke my arm! Someone call 911!” Cop cries. Bo walks up to the door, turns the knob, and opens it. “Its unlocked!” Bo points out. “You mean my sacrifice...was for NOTHING?!” Cop asks. “Sacrifice?! You hurt yourself tackling a door, you weren’t shot!” Yeller points out. Yeller walks in and sees that Fred’s shop is empty. “Great, he’s not here! And by the looks of things, he doesn’t plan on coming back.” Yeller says. “So now what?! I’m gonna die in the sewer for nothing?!” Cop asks. “Will you shut up?! You aren’t gonna die!” Yeller snaps. “This no surprise to Dun Dun. Fred never liked staying in one place for long time.” Dun Dun says. “You knew all of this, but you STILL recommended him to me?!” Yeller asks. “Yeller was looking for deal! Dun Dun didn’t say it would be good deal!” Dun Dun says. “Yes you did! Anyway, Fred said he had an apartment in Fantastic City, right? Do you have any idea where that apartment is?” Yeller questions. Dun Dun nods.

In an apartment building in Fantastic City, Yeller, Dun Dun, Cop, and Bo are all standing on an elevator, which has a TV playing the news. “Breaking news, local parasite Xavier Irons has been killed. Details on his death are scarce, but some sources are saying he was watering the flowers in his garden when a UFO dropped out of the sky and landed directly on him. When asked if they would be launching an investigation into his death, a representative for the Fantastic P.D. stated that they “couldn’t be bothered”. More at 11.” The news lady says. The elevator doors open, and Yeller, Dun Dun, Cop, and Bo run out. They approach the door of an apartment. “How do you want to do this? Break the door down? Shoot it?” Yeller asks. Cop walks up to the door and knocks. “Pizza delivery!” Cop calls out. Fred opens the door with a cigar in his mouth. “Oh boy, pizza! Wait...you don’t look like no delivery guy!” Fred notes. Fred notices Yeller and Dun Dun. “There you are, you con artist!” Yeller says. “Uh oh.” Fred says. Yeller, Cop, Dun Dun, and Bo force their way into Fred’s apartment. “You’re in big trouble now, buddy!” Cop says. “H-hold on! I’ve never seen these people before in my life! Honest!” Fred says. “Who cares about that?! There is clearly a sign out in the hall that says no smoking within 25 feet of the building! I should report you to your landlord!” Cop says. “Never mind that! This guy ripped me off!” Yeller states. “How on earth did I rip you off?! I gave you a working vehicle!” Fred points out. “The car ran fine! It just didn’t have any brakes, that’s all!” Yeller notes. “So? It gives the car character!” Fred claims. Yeller turns towards Cop. “Alright, do your job. Arrest him!” Yeller says. “Can’t. He’s not in my jurisdiction.” Cop says. “What?! Then why did you come with us?!” Yeller asks. “For the drama.” Cop admits. “Fine, then I’ll call the Fantastic P.D!” Yeller says. “Come on, there’s no need to involve the cops! I’m sure we can resolve this peacefully!” Fred says. “So then you’ll give me my money back?” Yeller asks. “Of course! Look, I’m not a bad guy. If I sold you a bad egg, I’ll own up to it!” Fred says. Fred reaches into his pocket, pulls out money, and hands it to Yeller. “Here you go, son. I’m sorry about that.” Fred says. “Oh, um...thanks.” Yeller says. “That was suspiciously easy.” Bo says. “Well, I got my money back, so I guess there’s no reason to press charges. We’ll be on our way.” Yeller says. “One more thing before you go. If you’re still interested in buying yourself a vehicle, I think I got the perfect fit for you.” Fred says. “Oh dear lord…” Bo says. “What kind of car we talking about?” Yeller asks. “Not a car, boy. A tour bus! Think about it! With a ride that big, you’d own those roads! It runs great, it looks even greater, and it can be yours for a measly $73!” Fred says. “That’s the same price I paid for the last one, and look how that turned out.” Yeller says. “I’m gonna let you in on a secret. The bus I’m selling you usually goes for about 25K used, but I feel real bad about selling you a dud. Plus I do like you, so I’m giving you a pretty hefty discount. What do you say?” Fred asks. “Son, if you accept this man’s offer, do NOT bother coming home!” Bo states. Yeller contemplates.

Later that day, a tour bus is seen flying down the streets of Littlebridge, with Cop in hot pursuit in his police car. “No brakes! NO BRAKES!” Yeller screams, as the bus flies off a bridge and into the river.