April Fools Goo

In an undisclosed location, Victor is putting on Andy's bowtie for him. "So then I tell her: You can't refuse to serve me just because I'm not wearing a mask! As a paying customer, I deserve my medium decaf mint tea! And then she puts up a picture of me with bold text that reads "DO NOT SERVE!" Which is rude because like, I'll serve if I want to. I serve everyday! Right Andy?" Victor asks. "I have to be honest, I was NOT listening to most of that." Andy says. "What?! Okay I'll just start from the beginning. So I was at a Men's Rights Rally-" Victor begins. "I'm good, thanks. Stop talking. Thank you." Andy says. "Oh boo. Man, I wish I paid attention to those bow tying lessons we spent Queen Goo's retirement money on." Victor says. "I thought we spent that on repairing the castle after it got blown up... a second time." Andy says. "No we used the royalties from the album you and Rebecca released to promote the wedding. Who knew Rebecca had such a golden voice behind those pigtails?" Victor asks. "I blocked that album out after we featured Bethany in a song. That girl can NOT rap for her life." Andy says. "And... finished!" Victor says dusting off his hands. "Thanks, Uncle Vic! Man I can't wait to marry my beautiful fiancee now!" Andy says. He goes to get up but realizes he can't move. He looks down and sees that his arms and legs have been tied to the chair. "Victor what the bleep?! I thought you said you took those bow tying classes!" Andy says angrily. "You see that's where you're wrong, Andy... I meant to tie you up!!! It was all part of my plan!" Victor says. "Okay um... cool. Question though. Why?" Andy asks. "Because you and Rebecca CANNOT GET MARRIED!" Victor reveals.


At the wedding hall, guests take their seat and wait for the reception to begin. "And then they were like "actually my friend's sister's roommate's dog's mom poured diet root beer in her plant for 6 months and it only died like twice." and then I was like… "if you don't get out of my parking spot I'm gonna knock a tree onto your car." Bethany says. "Are you drunk already? The wedding hasn't even started. You're literally a bridesmaid." Kaylie says. "Speaking of Andy, where is that bit? He's late to his own wedding." Bethany says, taking a sip from her Bethatini that she brought from home. "I didn't mention Andy." Kaylie says, confused. "You're telling me! I told Rebecca she shouldn't have married that quack! She needs to marry a good man like… Matthew McConaughey. I actually haven't seen any of his movies besides the one with the singing animals. Is he problematic?" Bethany asks. "I'll check his Wikipedia page." Kaylie says, pulling out her phone. "Or what about a woman? Women are great! Oh God, what if this wedding's a mistake?! REBECCA!!!" Bethany says running away. She trips over her dress and falls to the floor and doesn't get back up. "Hmm, he tried to run for mayor in Texas but that's about it. Oh you're on the ground now. Great." Kaylie says.


Dylan is sound asleep in his bed when a shadowy figure looms over him. The figure leans in closer and closer to him until it slaps him awake. “HUH? WHAT? WHO? HOG THE DOG ISN’T A RIP OFF I SWEAR!” Dylan shouts, now awake. The figure is revealed to be Daisy. “Do you have any idea what day it is?!” Daisy angrily asks. “The first day of Ramadan?” Dylan asks. “No! Well actually yes. But we need to get on a plane NOW! This is an EMERGENCY!” Daisy says, pulling him out of bed and onto the floor. “Ow! Why do we need to get on a plane?” Dylan asks. Daisy shoves a piece of paper into Dylan’s face.


The paper reads:

You are cordially NOT invited to Andy and Rebecca’s destination wedding in Bermuda.

The wedding does NOT start at 5:00pm

You are NOT welcome to the buffet

We DON’T hope to see you there!

Bleep you, Daisy you dumb bit.


“Do you see this?! Those Royal Family wannabes are having ANOTHER wedding! And shoving it in my face no less!” Daisy says. “Why would anyone WANT to be the Royal Family?” Dylan asks. “Ask Andy’s mom who decided to bring monarchy BACK to New England! She’s the real villain here. Glad they had the common sense to vacuum that old bit up and turn her into a portrait.” Daisy says. “Okay… if that’s all, I’m going back to my Lays Stax dream.” Dylan says. “Oh no you’re not! We’re going to the airport. And we are going on that plane. And we are going to crash. That. wedding.” Daisy says intensely. “And how do you plan on getting me out of bed?” Dylan asks. “You already are!” Daisy says. Dylan and Daisy are suddenly in the car on the way to the airport. “What the?! How did we get here?!” Dylan asks. “Next stop: Fishkit Airport!” Daisy says running a red light.


Back at the wedding, Acerbi is taking her third slice of the wedding cake. "This party sucks. Where are all the men at? Acerbi needs a date for bingo night next week." Acerbi says. "Okay first of all, ew. Second of all, yeah this wasn't what I was expecting at all. When they said they were having their wedding in Bermuda I was expecting the official illuminati headquarters or something. Not Bermuda, Ohio. You brought me back from the dead for this middle school dance of a wedding?" Josephine asks. "Hey well they're paying me $11.50 an hour to officiate the wedding so I have no objections for the bride and groom taking this long." Acerbi says. "I wonder what IS taking so long. I don’t have a phone so they sent me an invite on PictoChat on my DS lite that said it was supposed to start at 5pm and although I never learned how to read clocks, that little hand is awfully close to that… number that comes after 5. I don't know how to count either." Josephine says. "Yeah I might've messed something up bringing you back to life. Oh well, I can always push you off another railing and try again." Acerbi says. "What?" Josephine asks. "Nothing! Now get me another Bethatini. Get yourself something too." Acerbi says, handing her 62 cents. "Great, I'll go add this to my 'moving out' fund." Josephine says before walking away. Brady and Kristina walk over. “Acerbinator! Cerberus! Cerb n’ Curb! Acerbi-not-a-day-over-thirty! How’s it hangin’? Brady says. “Hello nephew. Have you seen your father’s shiny head anywhere? Seems the best man is missing as well.” Acerbi says. “Hey you’re right. Not only are the bride and groom MIA (goo) but so isn’t the best man! And one of the bridesmaids is unconscious on the floor!” Kristina says. Bethany is still facedown on the floor. “YOU KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND!” Kaylie screams at a random wedding goer. “You know what? I’m starting this wedding whether the bride and groom are here or not! Someone, hand me my gun!” Acerbi says. “There’s no need for that, the bride has arrived.” A familiar voice says. Everyone turns their attention to the voice. The person is revealed to be Rebecca, played by Reese Witherspoon. “So sorry I’m late to my own wedding everybody. Has anyone seen Andy?” Rebecca, played by Reese Witherspoon asks. “No! The last I heard from him was when Victor and he went upstairs to put on his bowtie. Also so Victor could tell him a crazy story that happened to him at one of his fragile masculinity parades.” Kristina says. “And neither of them have come back down?” Rebecca, played by Reese Witherspoon asks. “Not since… crap, what’s the number that comes after 3?” Josephine asks. “This simply won’t do. We need to find them before…” Rebecca, played by Reese Witherspoon begins to say. “Before what, Ree…becca! Rebecca. Totally didn’t mess up my line.” Kaylie asks. “Nothing. Forget it. All that you need to know is that we NEED to finish this ceremony before 7:00pm tonight. Acerbi, Bethany, Kaylie: you three find Andy and Victor. Kristina, Brady and Josephine will stay here with me.” Rebecca, played by Reese Witherspoon says. “What about me?” Xavier asks. A car crashes through the wall running Xavier over. Virginia steps out of it. “Sorry I’m late everyone. People are CRAZY in this state. Did I miss anything?” Virginia asks. “Nope, you got him. I mean, no you didn’t miss the wedding.” Kaylie says. Bethany wakes up. “Woah, I finally find Rebecca AND Xavier’s dead? This is a good wedding.” Bethany says. “We were just about to look for Andy and Victor.” Rebecca Witherspoon says. “Well count me in, I love a good mystery. The one’s they sell at the discount rack at the supermarket are to DIE for.” Virginia says. “Sure if you like stories with more holes in it then the bodies they investigate. At least the steamy parts are good.” Acerbi says. “OKAYYYY MOM, you should really go look for Andy and Uncle Vic now bye!” Josephine says pushing Acerbi. “Okay, RUSHIN’ nesting doll, we’re going!” Acerbi says.


Back at the Goo Castle, Ava is at home lying on the kitchen floor. Lucas and Lydia walk in. “Oh Ava! Are you up for a game of Monopoly? Lucas won’t cheat like he always does this time!” Lydia calls out. “First of all, it’s not cheating if I pour water on the board every time someone lands on Waterworks! Second of all- AHHH!!!! AVA’S DEAD! QUICK, HIDE HER UNDER THE SOFA CUSHIONS!!!” Lucas yells frantically. “Calm down, Childish Cambino. I’m not dead. I’m just… disconsolate. Also you just had that locked and loaded, huh Lucas?” Ava asks. “Yeah. Old habits sorry.” Lucas says. “Why are you… disconsowhatever?” Lydia asks. Ava sits up. “Because while my parents are off getting married I’M stuck at home being babysat by Thing 1 and Thing 2! Why did they have to ground me?” Ava says.


~FLASHBACK~


Andy and Rebecca are at a construction site making repairs to the castle. “Man, I’m sure glad we took those castle building classes! Good thing Bethany lent you that credit card that said 'Xavier Irons' on it!” Andy says. “Must be a stage name or something.” Rebecca says. “Hey mom! Dad! Watch me do a sick trick with this huge yo-yo!” Ava says, operating a crane. A wrecking ball comes swinging down and hits Rebecca square in the face.



~PRESENT TIME~


“That wasn’t even my fault! Like, next time don’t put a huge yo-yo on a crane, idiot. You guys agree, right?” Ava says. “...Right.” Lucas says. "Plus if you ask me, my mom was in dire need of a new face anyways. So really I did her a favor." Ava says. “Well, now we get to babysit you!” Lydia says. “Besides, we made the agreement to stay away from any and all weddings. Especially from those two.” Lucas says. “Oh yeah, by the way. How are you not a rotisserie chicken right now?” Ava asks Lydia. Lydia makes a “I don’t know” shrugging sound. “Oh come now. Everyone knows offscreen deaths are the worst.” A familiar voice says… offscreen lol. Andre walks into the room. “THERE you are, you know we have a kid to watch right?” Lucas says putting an arm around Andre. “I got lost in this place trying to find the bathroom. You guys should really install a directory in this place. One star.” Andre says typing a review on his phone. “Look, are we playing Monopoly or not? Mama’s itching to overthrow that no good mustached man.” Lydia says. “I guess. But none of that pouring water on the board crap. This isn’t daycare.” Ava says. ““ Lucas says. “How the bleep did you do that?!” Andre asks.


Daisy and Dylan are at the airport running to their gate. “Our flight leaves in 5 minutes! Move it grandma!” Daisy says pushing an old lady to the ground. “Daisy, don’t you think this is overkill?” Dylan says, panting. “Oh I’m about to kill alright! Keep it moving, cargo shorts!” Daisy says to the man in front of her. “Ma’am, I'm gonna need you to put your belongings on the track.” a TSA agent says. “Oh yeah, sure thing. Quick question though.” Daisy says before punching them in the stomach then booking it. Dylan follows. “Was THAT necessary?!” Dylan asks. “We got no time to waste, my sweet porcupine. Quickly, on this plane!” Daisy says. They make it to their gate, and board the plane. “Wow you two sure are… late.” Betty Thorne, seasoned flight attendant says. “And you look like you just got thrown out of bed from an earthquake. Guess we can’t all be winners, huh Betty?” Daisy says storming off to her and Dylan’s seats. “It’s a lawyer rivalry thing. You wouldn’t get it.” Daisy says. “So she’s a flight attendant AND a lawyer?” Dylan asks. “Do I look like I keep tabs on her? Besides the chrome tab of her Facebook page I have open on my laptop. And my phone. And your phone.” Daisy says. "What the?!" Dylan says, looking at Betty's Facebook page on his phone. "Next stop, Bermuda." Daisy says with an evil grin.


Back at the wedding, Virginia, Acerbi, Bethany and Kaylie head upstairs looking for Andy and Victor. "Those bits better be dead otherwise why would they hold up Rebecca's special day like this?!" Bethany says. "Hey, here's a crazy idea. Why don't we just call them?" Acerbi says. "Oh yeah… why didn't we think of that sooner?" Kaylie asks. "Because I wasn't around to suggest it, Kathy." Acerbi says. "Excuse me, I'M running this investigation." Virginia says. "Yeah, running it into the ground." Acerbi says. "Oh snap." Bethany says. "While you deal with that tight bun on your head cutting off circulation to your brain, I'm gonna call Victor. They're probably in the same place." Virginia says. Virginia dials Victor. It rings for a few seconds before it stops. "What the-?!" Virginia says. "Great, your boy toy didn't answer." Acerbi says. "He didn't just not answer, he clicked IGNORE CALL! I'm calling him again!" Virginia says dialing again. "I stayed at one of her hotels. NO hot water and my chocolate croissant was burnt." Acerbi says to Bethany and Kaylie. "No hot water AND burnt food? Our favorite! We have to go there!" Bethany says holding Kaylie's hands in hers. "Everyone shut UP! I hear something." Virginia says. Everyone quiets down. A faint ringing can be heard down the hall before stopping. "This way! Follow me!" Virginia says. Everyone runs towards the end of the hall.


Victor is still holding Andy captive. "Who keeps calling you?!" Andy asks, annoyed. "Oh it's the President of None of Your Business!" Victor says. "Look if you didn't want me to marry Rebecca, there were better ways of getting this point across." Andy says. "Shut up! I thinking! I was in Ohio!" Victor says. "I knew I should've made Yo Mama my best man instead." Andy says. Victor looks at his watch and sees that it's 6:57. "Perfect. Almost time." Victor says. "Almost time for what?! Are you gonna tell me why you've had me tied up for almost two hours?! Have you ever had like, rope or something on your skin for an extended amount of time? It leaves a mark!" Andy says. Victor is about to answer when Virginia, Acerbi, Bethany and Kaylie bust down the door. "Acerbi's Angels are on the scene!" Acerbi says. "I thought we decided on the Virginia Vanquishers." Virginia says. "Hey why is Andy tied up?" Kaylie asks. "Oh, there you guys are! We were just about to come down!" Victor says. "What?! We were?!" Andy asks, bewildered. "What do you mean there YOU guys are?! We've been waiting for you two chrome domes all day!" Bethany says. "Turns out Andy's bowtie situation was a lot more dire than we thought. Can you believe he was gonna go for a GREEN bowtie?!" Victor says. "Eugh, that would've clashed with his suit AND shoes." Virginia says. "AND face." Bethany says. "Um, hello?! Are you forgetting the part where you TIED ME UP?!" Andy angrily asks. "You're not tied up." Kaylie says. Andy looks down and he's suddenly not tied up anymore. "You know what? I'm not even gonna try understanding what the bleep is happening. Let's just get downstairs and start the wedding." Andy says. While they all head out, Victor slowly closes the door with an evil look on his face.


Back at the Goo Castle, Ava, Lucas, Lydia and Andre are playing monopoly. "Oh that is some BULL BLEEP and you know it!!!" Andre says. "I have two houses on that property, so pay up." Ava says. Lydia rolls the dice and gets a 4. "Oh bleep off! Oh good, I forgot you mortgaged Waterworks. Lucas put the water bottle down!" Lydia says, scoldingly. Lucas slowly puts it down. "My turn!" Ava says. She rolls and gets a 9. "Yes! The boardwalk is mine! Put that in a volcano and catch it, Andre!" Ava says, raising her fist in the air. She accidentally hits the Queen Goo portrait behind her, creating a big tear. "Um, not you breaking that. Yes grounded for a month." Lucas says. "I'm sure it's fine. They won't even notice." Lydia says. "Yeah her face always looked like that, right?" Andre says. Black goo oozes out of the tear in the portrait, spilling onto the monopoly board. "Oh so SHE gets to, but I don't?!" Lucas says. An arm pops out of the tear, ripping a bigger and bigger hole before a whole body comes out. It's revealed to be the Queen Goo/Mia Goo creature from the end of the Halloween Special. "Um, okay! What the BLEEP is that?!" Ava says backing away. "Okay, let's calmly back away and-" Lucas begins to say. Queen Mia Goo falls to the floor before quickly crawling over to them. "SHUT UP AND RUN!!!" Lydia yells. They all run to the front door but it's jammed with black goo. "I never should've agreed to babysitting you!" Andre says to Ava. "Um, hello? I'm right here!" Ava says. "Who else did you think I was talking to, dumb bit?!" Andre says. "Guys, we have to get out of here! Find a way out!" Lydia says. Lucas tries to open a window. "It's stuck!" Lucas says. "Same with this one!" Andre says. Queen Mia Goo inches closer to them, leaving both a trail of black goo behind it and Ava and company cornered.


Daisy and Dylan are on the plane to Bermuda. "Can you imagine the look on Rebecca's face when I show up and ruin her wedding? She'll freak out, Andy will see what a rotten two-faced pig tail wearing bit she is and fall back in love with me!" Daisy says. "Um, hello? I'm right here." Dylan says. "Uh, duh. I know. Now hand me those peanuts." Daisy says. "Daisy this is crazy. We're taking a PLANE to go to a bit you don't even like's wedding. Besides, by the time we get there it's gonna be too late." Dylan says. "Um, it's a different country! Countries have different time zones. God, how ignorant can you get?" Daisy says. Dylan doesn't respond to that and instead takes a second look at the wedding UNinvitation. "Excuse me, if I wanted a bag of chips that was 75% air I would've just dumped a normal bag on your head. Now get me some more salt and vinegar chips!" Daisy says to Betty Thorne. "Right away, Nagatha Christie." Betty Thorne says, walking away. "Uh… Daisy? Where did you say we were going?" Dylan asks. "Bermuda? You need to start learning to pay attention." Daisy says. "Yeah but… this wedding invitation says Bermuda, OHIO." Dylan says. "Oh. Oh….. oh BLEEP." Daisy says. "You sent us to the wrong Bermuda, stupid!!!" Dylan says. Daisy runs to the cockpit. "YOU NEED TO TURN THIS PLANE AROUND!!! NOW!!!" Daisy shouts. "Um, sorry ma'am but you need to get back to your seat." The pilot says. "GIMME THAT! I'M GETTING TO THAT WEDDING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!" Daisy yells. She wrestles the pilot for the yoke (author's note: a yoke is the "steering wheel" of a plane). Betty Thorne and Dylan come rushing in and pull Daisy off of the pilot. "Go back to your seat, Nichols. Unless you want all 216 of my Twitter followers to see the real you." Betty Thorne says recording her. "That… is… IT!!!!" Daisy says, rushing towards Betty. Betty punches her in the face. She flies right into the plane door, it opens as she falls out of the plane. "THIS IS REBECCA'S FAAAAAAAAAAAAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Daisy screams. Betty closes the door. "Well… that happened. Oh well." Dylan says.


Back at the wedding, guests are impatient and start to leave. "Don't leave yet! We have half eaten cake! We just started playing musical chairs!" Rebecca Witherspoon says. "Ow! Don't shove!" Josephine says. "In this game, it's shove or be shoved." Brady says. "He takes this game very seriously." Kristina says. "Yeah, tell that to my dislocated shoulder." Josephine says. Andy, Victor, Virginia, Acerbi, Bethany, and Kaylie all come downstairs. "Andy! The love of my life! You're finally here!" Rebecca Witherspoon says. "Yeah, I'm here. Still not quite sure WHY it took so long…" Andy says, glaring at Victor. "Someone loves shifting the blame." Bethany mutters. "Alright, let's get this over with. Do you, Andy Goo, take Rebecca to be your lawfully wedded whatever?" Acerbi asks. "I do." Andy says. "And do you, Rebecca Daisy Rogers, take Andy to be your… thingy. I don't give a bleep about this anymore." Acerbi says. "Yes! I do!" Rebecca Witherspoon says dramatically. "Cool. Anyone who objects this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peas." Acerbi says. The room is silent. "No one? Good. Anyways you can kiss now." Acerbi says. Andy and Rebecca Witherspoon lean forward as their lips meet. "I OBJECT!" Victor says. Everyone gasps. "Offfff course." Andy says. "Well you're a little late but whatever, my job is done. Back to that cake!" Acerbi says. "B-but Victor! W-w-why?!" Rebecca Witherspoon says, over acting. "Because, I'm not just Victor… I'm Victor with a chip containing the consciousness of Joe Fish!" Vicfish says! "I… what." Andy says. "And you and Rebecca can't get married because THAT'S NOT REBECCA!" Victor reveals. He walks over to her and rips off her mask. She's revealed to be Claudia. "WHAAAAAT THE BLEEP." Andy says backing away. "It's true, Andy… I only pretended to be Rebecca, played by Teen Choice Award winning actress Reese Witherspoon… so I could get closer to you." Claudia confesses. "Who the bleep is that?" Virginia asks. "OHHHH, Sing! That's the movie I was thinking of earlier! She was in that too." Bethany says. "The answer to a mystery no one gave a bleep about." Acerbi says. "And now, Andy. Now that you've been tricked and humiliated in front of everyone, it's time for you to burn like you once burned me! Acid. I'm talking about burning you in acid." Vicfish says. "Joe, we had a deal! You said if we got married before 7, you'd call off the whole acid thing!" Claudia says. "Yeah, it's 7:35pm where the bleep have you been?" Vicfish says. "Josephine, you were in charge of keeping the time!" Claudia says. "Yeah that was your first mistake, Clauds." Josephine says. "Say goodbye!" Vicfish says. He pulls out a remote and presses one of the buttons. The floor opens up revealing a huge vat of acid. Everyone quickly grabs onto something to stop them from falling inside. Manshark is seen swimming inside. "Hey guys! I'm in extreme pain right now!" Manshark says. "I HATE OHIO!!!" Andy shouts.


Goo be continued?