Episode 11: When you got no place to go...

*Sam is sitting in the control room. “Previously, on Total Yeller Mania Battle! Things got a little hectic when I kinda lost control of the virtual world, and it decided to blow up the real world. Dylan, Alonzo, Lauren, Claire, and Eugene all teamed up to take back control of the virtual world, which they managed to eventually do. But, not everybody made it out alive. During the battle, Queen Goo, Cop, Justine, R.J, Bo, Alonzo, and Dylan all met their virtual maker, thus, eliminating them from the game. But, on the plus side, I have control of the world back! Isn’t that great? Its great. Anyway, 29 contestants are gone, only 11 are left! Who will be the next to die? Find out, in an all new episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Battle!” Sam says.

*Dun Dun and Marik are sitting at the dining room table in Medieval Castle. A waiter walks by them, and Dun Dun slaps him in the arm. “Can I help you, madam?” The waiter asks. “Get Dun Dun lobster, she STARVING!” Dun Dun orders. “Madam, its not even 9 AM.” The waiter notes. “Dun Dun no care! She want lobster, and she want it NOW!” Dun Dun yells. “Of course.” The waiter says, before walking away. “Dun Dun, don’t you think that was a tad rude?” Marik asks. “No, it fine! He no real! He hologram!” Dun Dun notes. “Cant argue with that. WAITER!” Marik yells. A waiter walks over to Marik. “Yes, ma’am?” The waiter asks. “Ma’am?! Do I look like a woman to you? You know what?! Never mind that! Get me fried clams!” Marik orders. “We don’t serve fried claims.” The waiter notes. “Excuse me, but I am the lady-I mean, man, of this manor, and I am the one who decides what you friggin serve! Now go get me some friggin fried clams, you worthless peasant!” Marik yells. “Yes ma’am.” The waiter says, before walking off. “I am NOT a woman, you ignoramus!” Marik yells. Marik turns towards Dun Dun. “You’re right, Dun Dun, belittling the staff IS fun!” Marik says. “Attention contestants, it is now 9 AM, so let the killing begin!” Sam announces. Marik stands up. “Yes! Come Dun Dun! We shall go off and eliminate the rest of the cast, clearing our path to victory!” Marik announces. “Can Dun Dun eat lobster first?” Dun Dun asks. “Of course.” Marik says, before sitting back down.

*Dave and Tat enter The Gentlemens’ hideout under Rotting Cemetery. “Now that those jerks, The Gentlemens, are gone, we can have their hideout!” Dave says. “That’s a great idea, Dave, don’t get me wrong. But, maybe we should be out there, trying to find people, instead of down here. You remember the last time we claimed this base as our own?” Tat asks. “Yes! We killed a couple of The Gentlemens!” Dave recalls. “No, the time after that. They showed up, took out Puppy, Jeannie, and Pecky. Does that ring a bell?” Tat asks. “Who are Puppy, Jeannie, and Pecky?” Dave asks. “Our other teammates!” Tat shouts. “We never had no other teammates, and if we did, they obviously weren’t that good, since I don’t remember them!” Dave says. Tat sighs. “Okay, lets go.” Tat says. Dave sits down. “I’m not going anywhere!” Dave says. “Excuse me?!” Tat asks. “I spent all of yesterday fighting to save this stupid virtual world from virtual doom, and I deserve a vacation!” Dave yells. “You literally contributed NOTHING.” Tat yells. “Oh, and you did?!” Dave asks. “No, but there’s a difference, at least I can admit to not having contributed anything.” Tat says. “I did too contribute something! I busted into Area 551, I stole a helicopter from there, and I destroyed that cell tower, saving us from doom!” Dave says. “Dylan and Alonzo did that! All you did was stand on the side lines, annoying Eugene!” Tat says. “I do NOT annoy people! YOU DO!” Dave yells. “Is it bad that after listening to this, I’m starting to WISH someone would ambush us?” Tat asks. “Its bad that you EXIST.” Dave says. Tat punches Dave in the face.

*Lauren is sitting outside Tom Nook’s shop, in Peaceful Forest, cleaning her sniper. Tom Nook comes out. “What in the heavens are you doing?” Tom Nook asks. “What does it look like I’m doing?” Lauren asks. “Cant you do it somewhere else? That thing could accidentally go off, and end up shooting one of us!” Tom Nook says. “If that does happen, lets hope its you.” Lauren says. The two begin to hear humming coming from inside the shop. “Oh my...what on earth is that? Lauren, I fear someone has broken into my shop! ITS DA SUITS!” Tom Nook screams. “Relax, its Claire.” Lauren says. “How do you know?” Tom Nook asks. “Because she always hums when she first wakes up, don’t ask me why she’s always in such a good mood in the morning.” Lauren says. Claire comes out of the shop. “Good morning!” Claire says. “What the heck is so good about it?!” Tom Nook asks. “I wasn’t talking to you.” Claire tells Tom Nook. “You ready to go?” Lauren asks Claire. “I’m all set.” Claire confirms. “Go where? All set for what?” Tom Nook asks. “Claire and I are gonna go looking for other contestants. You can come if you want, or not, I really don’t care.” Lauren says. Lauren and Claire begin to walk off. “You-you cant leave me here alone!” Tom Nook yells. “I said you could come.” Lauren points out. “On second thought, I may just be safer here, than with the two of you! For all I know, you could be bringing me to Da Suits so they can kill me!” Tom Nook says. “Yup, that’s EXACTLY what we’re doing.” Claire says. “I KNEW IT!” Tom Nook yells. “I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, YOU MORON!” Claire yells. “Come on, lets leave him to do whatever.” Lauren says. Lauren and Claire walk off. “Fine! But you will regret leaving me! When you return, I would’ve killed all of the other contestants, and you wouldn’t have been here to see it! Oh yes yes, you’ll be sorry! You WILL be!” Tom Nook yells after them.

*In the warehouse at Low Class Waterfront, Vito pours Michael a glass of wine. “Tank you, Vito. Your a gud pal! Have a seat!” Michael tells Vito. Vito sits at the table with Michael. “Now dat we the only members of our team left, we’ve gotta figure out a way to get rid of dat flake Tom Nook!” Michael says. Vito nods in agreement. “I tought about just ambushing him, but I dunno. Dat black haired girl he’s hangin around with now is a REAL tough one, she might wanna put up a fight. Maybe we could kidnap Tom Nook when dey asleep, hold him hostage until 9 AM da next day, and den kill him! What do ya tink, Vito?” Michael asks. Vito shakes his head. “Yeah...dat might be against da rules. Darn it! Dat loon just keeps finding ways to slip away from us! Oh well, we just gotta tink of more ways to handle him!” Michael says.

*Tom Nook is sitting inside his shop, in the fetal position, in a dark corner. “You are going to be just fine...you are going to be just fine.” Tom Nook repeats to himself. Tom Nook hears a twig snap outside, and screams. Tom Nook jumps up, grabs a shot gun, and looks out the window. He then sees a squirrel standing on a twig. “Darn squirrel! You scared me half to death!” Tom Nook yells. Tom Nook aims his shot gun at the squirrel, and begins shooting at it. However, the squirrel manages to escape. Once the squirrel is gone, Tom Nook returns to the fetal position.

*Marik and Dun Dun are driving through an open field. “Stealing cars from old ladies is fun, wouldn’t you agree?” Marik asks. “We never be able to steal it if we no frame her for blowing up cell tower. Police no letting her go no time soon.” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun and Marik laugh about it for a brief moment. “Lets turn on some tunes to really make this car ride fun!” Marik says. Dun Dun presses a button on the radio. “When you got no place to go, just ask a friend to live with you.” Is heard being sung on the radio. “Who sing this crap?” Dun Dun asks. “Lets try a different station.” Marik says, as he presses another button on the radio. “When you got no place to go, just call your Pokemon-” Before the song finishes, Dun Dun grabs a hammer from under the seat, and begins hitting the radio, in a rage! “ENOUGH!” Dun Dun screams. “I guess that means no music, then?” Marik asks. Dun Dun turns towards Marik, and glares at him. “Okay then.” Marik says.

*Eugene and Yeller are sitting in a cafe, in Central City. Eugene is typing into his laptop. “Uh...what are you doing?” Yeller asks. “Coding a protocol to prevent the virtual world from attempting to hijack itself.” Eugene says. “Shouldn’t that be Sam’s department?” Yeller asks. “Do you honestly think that he would bother to do such a thing?” Eugene asks. “Good point.” Yeller says. Yeller stands up, and looks over Eugene’s shoulder. “May I please have some room?” Eugene asks. “I’m just seeing what you are doing.” Yeller says. “I just told you.” Eugene notes. “Geez, no need to be so touchy.” Yeller says. “I apologize.” Eugene says. “Yeah, sure you do.” Yeller sarcastically says.

*Lauren and Claire are walking through Scorching Desert. “We’ve been walking for HOURS. Cant we take a break?!” Claire asks. “I think your complaining is tiring you out more than the walk is.” Lauren says. “You try walking while your leg is still recovering from a gunshot wound.” Claire says. “Who says I haven’t?” Lauren asks. “You have?” Claire asks. “A few times.” Lauren answers. “How many times have you been shot?!” Claire asks. “Lets see...I’ve been hit about three times in my left leg, once in my right, I took about four bullets to each shoulder, two in my right arm, and about six or seven to my chest and stomach area.” Lauren says. “And you’ve never considered getting into a new line of work?” Claire asks. “I enjoy shooting people too much to give it up. Besides, the scars are kinda cool. Sorry you won’t be able to carry yours back to the real world with you.” Lauren says. “I’m just happy I won’t have to bring the pain back with me.” Claire says. “Don’t worry, in my experience, the more times you get shot, the less painful it gets each time.” Lauren says. “I don’t plan on getting shot again.” Claire states. “Well just to warn you, dodging bullets comes with the territory of hanging around me.” Lauren says. “Does that mean you plan on keeping me around when we go back to the real world?” Claire asks. “I didn’t say that.” Lauren notes. Claire smiles. “What?” Lauren asks. “Nothing...its just that I think you are a bit more fond of me than you’d ever admit.” Claire says. “And I think you’re reaching.” Lauren says. “Personally, I don’t know why you’d be fond of me, considering I cost you the chance to the chance to take out Dun Dun and Marik when I got shot.” Claire says. “Yeah, its not like you saved me from being blown up or anything like that.” Lauren sarcastically says. “Huh, so I’m right.” Claire says. Lauren turns towards Claire. “You tricked me.” Lauren realizes. “Obviously, you weren’t going to say the words outright.” Claire notes. “No, I wasn’t.” Lauren agrees. “Its okay, I know that talking about your feelings isn’t a thing you like to do.” Claire says. “Why are you bringing any of this up?” Lauren asks. “I saw an opportunity to let each other know where we stand.” Claire says. “And where do you stand?” Lauren asks. “Huh?” Claire asks. “You wanted to know how I feel about you, but I don’t hear you saying how you feel about me.” Lauren notes. “Does it matter?” Claire asks. “Not really, but since you are in such a sharing mood...” Lauren says. “Um...you are a good...friend.” Claire says. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been called that. Anyway, why do you seem so flustered?” Lauren asks. “No reason.” Claire claims. “Yeah?” An unconvinced Lauren asks. “We really should get back to looking for other contestants.” Claire says, changing the subject. “Glad we agree on something.” Lauren says.

*Tom Nook is outside his shop, watering the flowers. “Ah gardening...so relaxing! If anything can help me forget all about the madness caused by this game, its gardening!” Tom Nook says. Tom Nook begins to hear footsteps nearby. “OH NO! ITS DA SUITS!” Tom Nook screams, before rushing into his shop, and putting the “closed” sign on the front door. Yeller and Eugene arrive at the scene. “This is Loan Sharks’ hideout, correct?” Eugene asks. “Yeah, but it doesn’t look like they’re home. CLAIRE! LAUREN! TOM NOOK!” Yeller calls out. “Will you be quiet? You are going to draw them out!” Eugene points out. “Isn’t that the point?” Yeller asks. “I cant be sure regarding Mr. Nook or Claire, but Maxine-I mean, Lauren, is incredibly efficient with a firearm, practically unstoppable, in fact. You and I are no match for her.” Eugene says. “We’ll see about that.” Yeller says. Yeller chucks a rock through the shop window, and it hits Tom Nook in the head! Tom Nook begins to fume, but composes himself before he has an outburst. “Huh, maybe there is nobody here.” Yeller says. “As I’ve tried explaining to you.” Eugene notes. “Alright, onto the next stop, then.” Yeller says, before he and Eugene walk off. Once they are gone, Tom Nook comes out of hiding. “Darn good for nothing punks!” Tom Nook complains.

*Michael and Vito are still sitting in the warehouse, at Low Class Waterfront. “Here’s a cool idea! How bout we dress up as bushes, creep towards dat flake Tom Nook, and kill him! Dat way, his body guard won’t even know we’re real people!” Michael says. Vito gives Michael a thumbs down. “You’re right, dat is a dumb plan. Who’d be stupid enough to dress up as a bush? Like nobody’s gonna notice a moving bush!” Michael says. Vito nods in agreement. “Well, I got another idea! How about we dress up as TREES?” Michael asks. Vito shakes his head.

*Dun Dun and Marik are still driving. Marik is taking a nap in the passenger seat, while Dun Dun is playing a video game in the driver’s seat. “Dun Dun gonna cut down ALL of Yeller trees, and then sell fruit so he no plant more!” Dun Dun says. As the car begins to spiral out of control, due to Dun Dun not paying attention, Tom Nook jumps out of the way, as she nearly runs him over. “WATCH IT, YOU LOON!” Tom Nook screams. Dun Dun honks the horn at him as she drives away. “No stand in middle of road, LOSER.” Dun Dun yells out the window. Tom Nook throws a tomato at Dun Dun, as her head is sticking out the window, and it hits her. Marik begins to wake up. “What the frig is going on?” Marik asks. “Nothing, Marik, go back to sleep.” Dun Dun says. Marik smiles, then falls back to sleep. Dun Dun continues to play her video game. “Oops, Dun Dun accidentally delete Yeller save file.” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun immediately shrugs it off.

*In their underground hideout at Rotting Cemetery, Dave is playing the piano, while an annoyed Tat is reading a book. Tat finally slams the book closed, and turns towards Dave. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Tat angrily asks. “Playing the piano, DUH!” Dave says. “Why though? You suck!” Tat yells. “Or maybe you just cant appreciate good music! Besides, I need SOMETHING to do, since there aren’t any chimneys around this dump.” Dave says. Tat stands up, and places her arm around Dave’s shoulders. “Dave, there is something you should know.” Tat says. “All those other grown ups are lying and Santa Clause IS real?” Dave asks. “No, not that. You see, we didn’t join this competition to build chimneys. We joined it to win money, and to kill the competition. That’s what we should be doing right now. Not sitting around here, while you play piano.” Tat says. “Maybe that’s how you think the game was meant to be played, but you’re wrong! I came to fix chimneys, and that is exactly what I’m gonna do! Its not my fault you don’t know how to play the game.” Dave says. “OH SWEETIE, I have been playing this game for YEARS. Do you know that this is Total Yeller Mania’s fifth anniversary? Well I’ve been around for almost all of that time, so don’t you DARE lecture me on how to play the game!” Tat yells. “Maybe the way you mentioned is how they played it back in your day, but now that I’m here, things are gonna change.” Dave says. “Oh please, you are nothing but an insignificant freckle on the revolving door of contestants. You probably won’t even be asked back for another season!” Tat says. “How dare you speak that way to your team’s leader!” Dave yells. “Oh believe me, I DARE! And you wanna know another hot fact? I’ve never liked you! Since the moment I got the misfortune of being picked to be on this crappy team, I knew that you were nothing but an incompetent idiot that would probably one day get all of us killed, and you managed to do that with Puppy, Jeannie, and Pecky!” Tat yells. “Its not my fault they all stunk!” Dave says. “It IS your fault! You bring every contestant around you down, and you make them suck as much as you do! And quite frankly, if I had it my way, someone would come in here RIGHT NOW, and gun us both down, because at least then, I would know that you wouldn’t win the prize money!” Tat yells. “Knock knock.” Lauren can be heard saying. A gunshot rings out, and Tat drops to the ground! Tat then despawns. “Tat is out of the competition, placing in 11th!” Sam announces. Dave notices Lauren and Claire standing in the doorway. “Oh, uh, hey ladies, how’s it going?” Dave asks. “You left the entrance open, moron.” Claire tells him. “What? Darn! Me and my scatterbrain! Hey, tell you what, if you girls let me leave here with as many limbs as I had when I first came into the game, I’ll let you keep the hideout!” Dave says. “That’s a real generous offer.” Lauren says. “I’m glad you like it.” Dave says. “But I’ll pass.” Lauren finishes, before gunning Dave down! Dave falls to the ground. “Tell...my chimneys...I love them.” Dave mutters. “Yeah, sure. I’ll tell them right before I knock them down.” Lauren says, before shooting Dave once more. Dave finally despawns. “Dave is now out of the competition, and has placed in 10th!” Sam announces. “That’s one fungus on this world that has finally been taken care of. Now all we need is someone to bump off Nook and Dun Dun, and we should be good.” Claire says. “Speaking of Nook, we should probably go back to him.” Lauren says. “Aw, why? We have a newly empty base right here! We could move out, and not even tell him!” Claire notes. “That sounds nice, but you never know when we might need a human shield.” Lauren says. “Raccoon.” Claire corrects her. “I thought he was a tanuki.” Lauren notes. Claire shrugs. “Who cares?” Claire asks. “Good point.” Lauren says.

*Dun Dun and Marik are walking through Scorching Desert. “I cant believe you friggin broke our car.” Marik says. “It no Dun Dun fault! If building were not inconveniently placed in middle of city, we no would’ve crashed!” Dun Dun protests. “Well thanks to you, we now have to walk fifty friggin miles back to our castle! I hope you are pleased with yourself.” Marik says. “Dun Dun is pleased. She no ever see car catch on fire as quick as that one!” Dun Dun notes. “It was a lovely fire, wasn’t it? Wait, NO! Bad Dun Dun! Bad!” Marik scolds. “At least Dun Dun no try to stab Marik like Marik try to stab Dun Dun!” Dun Dun says. “It wasn’t me, it was my split personality!” Marik defends himself. “And Dun Dun split personality, Gun Gun, one who crash car.” Dun Dun says. Marik’s face turns blue. “Wait, did you just reference...” Before Marik can finish, Dun Dun covers his mouth. “No Marik, DON’T SAY IT!” Dun Dun begs him.

*Yeller and Eugene are walking through Insane Jungle. “All of that time, and we haven’t found a single player! What a waste!” Yeller says. “Indeed.” Eugene agrees. “Attention contestants, it is now 6 PM, meaning that all gunfire must cease, until tomorrow! Have a terrible evening!” Sam says. “Thank goodness that day is over with. We are finally safe.” Yeller says. A lion comes out of the bushes. “Apparently not.” Eugene says. Yeller and Eugene both scream, before running away.

*Lauren and Claire return to Peaceful Forest, and find Tom Nook holding an ice pack on his head. “What happened to you?” Lauren asks. “Well. First, a squirrel attempted to vandalize my shop, then, some bald kid threw a rock through my shop window, and bonked me off the head, and last, but certainly not least, some maniac came barreling through here with a car, and nearly ran me over!” Tom Nook tells them. “All that, and you didn’t even have to leave the shop.” Claire says. “All I know, is that I need to figure out how to install a mine field outside the shop! That way, anybody who dares come near my shop will go boom! Boom I say! BOOM! AHAHAHAHAHA!” Tom Nook laughs. “Maybe you should go to bed.” Claire tells Tom Nook. “Yes, I think that is a swell idea. Good night.” Tom Nook says, before walking into the shop. “You gonna go to bed, too?” Lauren asks. “Nah, I think I’m gonna stay up for a little while, probably look for some berries to use in tomorrow morning’s breakfast. You can come, if you want.” Claire says. “I should probably rest up. Killing a bunch of people really does a number on me.” Lauren says. “Okay, that’s fine.” Claire says. “See you tomorrow morning.” Lauren says. Lauren begins to walk towards the shop. “Lauren, wait!” Claire calls out. Lauren turns towards Claire. “What’s up?” Lauren asks. “Um...good night.” Claire tells her. “Night.” Lauren says. Claire begins to walk into the forest, while Lauren stands there for a moment, watching her walk away. After a little while, Lauren turns around, and walks into the shop.

*Michael and Vito are still in the warehouse at Low Class Waterfront. “You know Vito, we’re going bout dis all wrong! We ain’t gonna get a shot at Nook! He’s too well protected!” Michael says. Vito nods. “So, instead of taking out Nook first, and dying right after, I say we go after da next best thing.” Michael says. Michael slides Lauren’s picture in front of Vito. “If we are gonna kill Nook, we gotta take out his security detail. Dis bit gotta go!” Michael tells Vito!

*Sam is sitting in the control room. “And there you have it, another exciting episode has come to an end! With Tat and Dave gone, 9 contestants are left in the game! What do you think, guys? Will Michael and Vito actually manage to kill Lauren? Or will they die trying? Will Tom Nook ever regain his grip on reality? Will Dun Dun ever have a brain? Probably none of these questions will ever be answered, but I still want you to tune in, for the next Total...Yeller...Mania...Battle!” Sam says.