Episode 06: Sharky Waters

*Sam walks into the control room, and sits down. “Previously on Total Yeller Mania Battle! Things got pretty out of control, quite literally for Mun Mun, who lost control of their car! Meanwhile, the moment everyone had been waiting for finally came, when Da Suits and Loan Sharks faced off in a nail biting showdown! In the end, Fake Luigi, Hog the Dog, Diamond, Pearl, and Disk all got killed! Imagine that, guys! Five eliminations in ONE day! You would never see that in one of the previous seasons! Anyway, with those five out of the game, we have 28 contestants left! Who will be the next to go? I have no idea, but, what I do know is that things will be going a little differently today! How, you ask? Well, you’ll just have to stay with the episode to find out, in today’s Total...Yeller...Mania...Battle!” Sam says.

*Tom Nook is working hard on expanding his shop, with a vein visible in his forehead. Alonzo comes up behind him. “What are you doing?” Alonzo asks. “What does it look like, Alonzo?! I am expanding!” Tom Nook says. “Why?” Alonzo asks. “We need the extra protection, my friend! There are only two of us left! Besides, doing this helps get my mind off of the fact that Da Suits have three players left while WE ONLY HAVE TWO!!!!” Tom Nook screams. “Calm down.” Alonzo tells him. “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” Tom Nook yells, as he chucks his hammer at Alonzo. Alonzo catches the hammer, and Tom Nook then charges at him, and begins punching him. Alonzo, however, doesn’t feel anything, and isn’t phased. “Done yet?” Alonzo asks. “I won’t be done until Da Suits are DEAD! DEAD I TELL YOU! DEAD!!! I WANT THEIR HEADS! MICHAEL, VITO, AND DYLAN’S! ALL OF THEM!!! THEN, AFTER I TAKE THEIR HEADS, I WILL BOIL THEM IN HOT WATER AND HAVE THEM FOR DINNER!!!!!!” Tom Nook screams. “That’s cannibalism.” Alonzo notes. “Its only cannibalism if you are the same species as them, which means it is perfectly okay for me to eat people, yes yes.” Tom Nook says.

*Michael, Vito, and Dylan are sitting around a table, inside of a warehouse. Each with glasses of wine. “I propose a toast! To da downfall of dose Pesky Loansharks!” Michael says. Vito makes the toast with Michael, but Michael notices that Dylan doesn’t. “What da matter, Dylan? Don’t ya wanna celebrate?” Michael asks. “Michael, its good that we got three of their teammates, but they still got two of ours! Hog and Fake Luigi are gone, which means only three of us are left!” Dylan points out. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do da math. But who cares if dey are gone? Dey were weak, Dylan! Our team is better off without dem losers! Now will somebody pass da lobster?” Michael asks.

*Mun Mun is walking through Scorching Desert, Marik carrying Dun Dun on his back. “Its times like these where I miss our car.” Marik notes. “What, you cant survive little walk? Suck it up, wimp!” Dun Dun orders. “I’m not stuck up!” Grandma says. “Why the [CENSORED] is this old woman still here? Back in the real world, I’d already have [CENSORED] buried her in some random stranger’s backyard!” Kooky says. “EVERYBODY SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO FOCUS!” Marik yells. “FOCUS?! FOCUS ON WHAT?! YOU BEEN LEADING DUN DUN AND FRIENDS IN CIRCLE FOR DAYS!” Dun Dun screams. “That’s a lie!” Marik claims. Dun Dun gasps. “No one EVER call Dun Dun a liar in her entire life! How DARE!” Dun Dun yells. “I have some other choice words for you, you illiterate, ugly, thieving-” Before Marik can finish, Grandma steps in between he and Dun Dun. “That’s enough! What are you two doing?! Have you forgotten your friendship?! Have you forgotten everything you have been through together? Don’t throw it all away based on a small argument!” Grandma says. Dun Dun’s eyes widen. “Grandma right! Marik, Dun Dun sorry.” Dun Dun says. “I’m sorry too, Dun Dun!” Marik says. Dun Dun and Marik then hold each other, and begin to cry. “ATTENTION CONTESTANTS!” Sam yells. “Oh [CENSORED] great. What the [CENSORED] does he want?” Kooky asks. “Its nine o’clock, guys! But, before you all go out and start shooting people, you should probably know that things are gonna be done a little differently today.” Sam reveals. “Other losers no allowed to shoot Dun Dun and friends, but Dun Dun and friends can shoot them?” Dun Dun asks. “ManShark will be temporarily joining the game, today! Here are the rules. Until six PM, ManShark will be hunting all of you. If he finds any of you, he is gonna try to kill you, so TRY TO AVOID HIM. You are allowed to shoot at ManShark, but it will only slow him down, not kill him. As for interactions with other players today, you CANNOT kill other players today. That feature has been turned off temporarily, effective IMMEDIATELY! So, if I were you, I’d start running! Also, I hope nobody is near Central City, cause that is where ManShark is spawning!” Sam says.

*The Pebbles are standing in the middle of Central City. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Yeller says. “What are the odds?!” Andy asks. “About .1%.” Eugene answers. “It was a rhetorical question.” Andy says. “Shouldn’t we start running before he shows-” Before Davey can finish, ManShark comes out of nowhere, and eats him! “And Davey is out of the competition, placing 28th!” Sam announces. “EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!” Yeller yells. Yeller knocks Eugene to the ground, and begins to run. Andy then picks Eugene up, and puts him on his back, before following Yeller. ManShark gives chase. “We aren’t going to lose him! We need to slow him down!” Andy says. Yeller takes out a rock, and throws one at ManShark’s head! It hits ManShark, and immediately knocks him out! “Go, go, go!” Yeller says, as he, Andy, and Eugene evacuate the scene.

*About an hour later, ManShark begins to wake up where The Pebbles left him. Sam walks over to him. “You were only here for two minutes before getting knocked out! TWO MINUTES! Cant you do anything right?!” Sam angrily asks. ManShark then punches Sam in the face, and stomps away.

*Tom Nook is hiding in a bush in peaceful forest, while Alonzo is on the lookout for ManShark. “Anything?” Tom Nook asks. “You just asked two minutes ago…” An annoyed Alonzo points out. “I am just being cautious!” Tom Nook defends. The two then hear a twig snap nearby, and Alonzo pulls out his gun. “No, no, we CANT die! Not while Da Suits are still alive!” Tom Nook says. Chimney Sweepers then emerge from the woods. “Don’t shoot!” Dave yells. Tom Nook comes out of the bushes. “What the heck are you doing here?!” Tom Nook asks. “Ask our “fearless” leader, he’s the one who brought us here.” Tat says. Tom Nook turns towards Dave. “What do you want?” Tom Nook asks. “I’d like to talk to you about potentially getting your chimney cleaned!” Dave says. “I don’t have a chimney.” Tom Nook says. “I could build you one! Chimneys are a necessity for all homes! Chimneys are great!” Dave says. “I always did love to use my chimney to roast marshmallows.” Pecky notes. “Is that what you think chimneys are for? To roast marshmallows?! How uninformed of you! Chimneys are a pillar of this planet! They bring great things to the people of earth! They are the origin of everything GOOD.” Dave says. Puppy rolls his eyes. “We aren’t dumb enough to take you up on your offer.” Alonzo tells Dave. “Say, how much are we talking here for a new chimney?” Tom Nook asks. Alonzo sighs. “For you? Ten grand.” Dave says. “Holy moly! That’s a lot of cash! Does anyone have an action replay handy so I can just cheat for the money like everyone else?” Tom Nook asks. Nobody responds. “I don’t suppose you could build my chimney out of the goodness of your very large heart?” Tom Nook asks. Dave begins to laugh. “I love chimneys, but I don’t love them enough to build them for free! See ya, loser.” Dave says. “Sorry.” Jeannie tells Tom Nook, before she and the rest of Chimney Sweepers walks away. “Alonzo! Don’t just stand there! Kill them!” Tom Nook orders. “We cant, remember? Our only objective today is to avoid ManShark.” Alonzo says. “Stupid rules.” Tom Nook complains.

*Object Destroyers are walking through Insane Jungle. “I was thinking about stopping in Central City and buying a new outfit, what do you think?” Claire asks Lauren. “I think that’s a great idea...if you want to die! Did you forget that Sam said ManShark spawned there?” Lauren asks. “Oh come on! Like ManShark is still there! Besides, even if he is still there, at least we’ll be able to have a little fun. Think about it, we haven’t been in an actual stand off since Doctor Skass set up that encounter with SWAT team. We deserve some action!” Claire notes. Lauren smiles. “Cant argue with that.” Lauren says. “If she wants to fight ManShark, let her! That Leafy ruiner deserves to DIE!” Leafy Fan says. “Oh for Pete’s sake, I NEVER hurt your stupid leaf!” Claire yells. “You tried to kill her!” Leafy Fan yells. “I didn’t! I fired a shot, and it almost hit Leafy! That’s not my fault! I cant believe you are still ticked about that stupid little accident.” Claire says. “There was nothing accidental about it! You tried to MURDER Leafy on PURPOSE! You’ve hated her since the day you met her!” Leafy Fan claims. “And why is that?” Claire asks. “Because you are jealous of Leafy! You know that Leafy is smarter than you, more beautiful than you, and has more personality than you! You just couldn’t deal with those facts so you decided to try and KILL HER!” Leafy Fan yells. “And people say that I’M crazy.” Lauren mutters. “Are you on something? I never thought a single ONE of those things! Your leaf is irrelevant to me! The only reason I even remember that its there is because you bring it up every five seconds!” Claire yells. “Stop calling Leafy an IT! She is not an IT! How would you like it if I started calling YOU an it?!” Leafy Fan angrily asks. Claire scoffs, and turns towards Lauren. “Can you deal with this?” Claire asks. “Don’t look at me, I don’t speak crazy.” Lauren says. “She’s only trying to pawn me off on you because she knows she cant win this argument!” Leafy Fan says. “There is no argument to win! You should be in a padded room instead of this competition, end of argument!” Claire says. “You should be in jail for trying to kill Leafy instead of this competition, end of argument! And the second we get out of this game, Leafy is pressing charges and she is going to make sure you are put away for a long time!” Leafy Fan yells. “Yeah, like the court is gonna care that I almost accidentally shot a LEAF in a VIRTUAL WORLD!” Claire says. “We’ll see who’s laughing when you are doing thirty years to life!” Leafy Fan yells. “If only friendly fire was enabled, then, we wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore...” Claire says. “If friendly fire was enabled, I would’ve killed you already! You better hope I never run into you in the real world, because I might do it there instead!” Leafy Fan yells. “Yet I’M the one who should be in jail.” Claire sarcastically says. All of a sudden, ManShark jumps down from a tree, and lunges towards Object Destroyers! Lauren, Claire, and Leafy Fan jump out of the way, before ManShark can catch any of them! Lauren then pulls out a machine gun, and begins firing in ManShark’s direction. “Go! I’ll catch up with the two of you later!” Lauren says. “What about you?!” Claire asks. “I’ll live, get out of here!” Lauren orders them. Claire then grabs Leafy Fan’s hand. “Get your hands off of me, Leafy Ruiner!” Leafy Fan yells. “Shut up and run!” Claire tells her. Claire and Leafy Fan then run off, as Lauren continues to face off with ManShark. ManShark begins charging towards Lauren, as she continues to fire shots at him. ManShark reaches Lauren, and she is able to duck out of the way before he can hit her. Lauren fires even more shots at ManShark, before she is able to finally neutralize him. ManShark collapses to the ground, and passes out, which leads Lauren to run off.

*The Gentlemens are walking through Scorching Desert. R.J has his gun aimed, and his analyzing the area as they are walking through it. “Don’t you think you are being just a tad paranoid?” Bo asks. “We’ve already lost two teammates, Bo, I’d rather us not lose anymore!” R.J says. “Translation, you’d rather not be the next to go.” Justine says. “With ManShark on the loose, we need to be extra careful! Sam is probably feeding him our locations!” R.J notes. “He does have a fair point. However, there are 27 other contestants. What are the odds that ManShark would choose us?” Bo asks. They can then hear someone running nearby. “He’s coming!” Justine screams. “Oh dear, I was wrong! He DID choose us!” Bo yells. “Now who’s paranoid?!” An angry R.J asks. Its revealed that the sound of running was coming from Claire and Leafy Fan, who join The Gentlemens. “Oh, hey guys! How’s it going?” Claire asks. “What happened?” Bo asks. “That evil shark came after us!” Leafy Fan says. “Whatever you do, do NOT go to Insane Jungle. That’s where we last saw him.” Claire says. “Wait a minute, aren’t you missing a teammate?” R.J asks. “Lauren stayed behind to fight off ManShark.” Claire reveals. “She was a true warrior. I miss her already.” Leafy Fan says. “She’s not dead.” Claire says. “She gave her life to save ours.” Leafy Fan continues. “She is still alive, you idiot! If she wasn’t, Sam would’ve announced it!” Claire yells. “Attention contestants!” Sam says. “Oh no.” Claire says. “I just wanted to say hello! Carry on with your day!” Sam says. Claire looks up at the sky. “Oh yeah right! REAL funny, Sam! You just wanted to get me riled up!” Claire yells. “In other news, Claire is a little cranky and needs a nap...a dirt nap!” Sam says. “SHUT UP!” Claire yells. “I hope your not talking to me.” A voice says. Claire and Leafy Fan turn, and see Lauren. “You’re alive!” Claire exclaims. “I told you I’d catch up with you, later.” Lauren says. “I’m just happy that you survived!” Claire says. “What happened with ManShark?” Justine asks. “Him? He’s passed out in the ground in Insane Jungle. Guess he caught one too many bullets.” Lauren says. “Perhaps we should get moving, then, before he wakes up and comes searching for us!” Bo says. “Before we go, perhaps you ladies would like to join us in a temporary alliance! You know, to survive ManShark.” R.J says. “Thanks, but we’ll pass.” Lauren says. R.J turns towards Claire. “Don’t look at me, Romeo! I’m not vouching for you!” Claire says. Lauren looks at Bo. “Good luck...and try not to die.” Lauren says. “Very comforting words. Thank you.” Bo sarcastically says. Object Destroyers and The Gentlemens then go their separate ways.

*SWAT Team is walking through Insane Jungle. “I hate this game! Cant we ever just get ONE break?! I’m tired of running around, trying to find people, or in today’s case, AVOID them!” Cop says. “I avoid people on a daily basis, ask my wife!” Ray says. “Its true, though I always manage to find him. But usually when I do find him, I end up regretting it afterwards.” Laura says. “My darling Cop and I are like that. We always find each other, its like we have GPS chips in us!” Queen Goo says. “Why is there a little green light blinking on my arm?” Cop asks. “I don’t know!” Queen Goo lies. As they are walking, Cop trips over something! “Coppy!” A worried Queen Goo yells. Cop stands up. “Oh yeah, REAL nice place to be taking a nap, pal!” Cop says. Cop then notices that he tripped over an unconscious ManShark! “Uh oh.” Cop says. “Is that who I think it is?!” Laura asks. “If you mean the guy we are trying to avoid, then yes!” Cop says. Laura points at Ray. “The guy we are trying to avoid is right here! Or, at least he’s the guy I’M trying to avoid.” Laura says. “Yeah, REAL funny, shark food!” Ray says. “Guys, its okay. ManShark is still sleeping. We should be able to avoid him.” Cop says. Cop then sees Queen Goo throwing pieces of bread at ManShark! “What are you doing?! He’s not a duck, old woman!” Cop yells. “ManSharks are people, too! They deserve to eat!” Queen Goo says. ManShark then begins to wake up. “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU SENILE OLD BAT?!” Cop angrily asks. ManShark’s eyes pop right open, and he lets out a loud roar. “RUN!” Cop yells. As the four are running from ManShark, ManShark takes a swing at them, and hits Ray! “No, not my darling husband!” Laura yells. Ray falls to the ground, and despawns! “Ray is out of the competition, placing 27th!” Sam announces. Laura then pulls out a gun. “You’ll pay for that!” Laura tells ManShark. “Should we help her?” Queen Goo asks. “Heck no! Lets blow this taco stand!” Cop says, as he and Queen Goo run off! Laura begins shooting at ManShark, but he is uneffected by the shots! ManShark then takes a swing at Laura, and hits her! Laura falls to the ground, and looks up at ManShark. ManShark smiles down at her, and then stomps on her! Finally, Laura despawns. “Laura is out of the competition, and has placed 26th!” Sam announces. Nearby, Cop and Queen Goo are still running. “See? Aren’t you glad we ditched her?” Cop asks. “Good thinking, Coppy!” Queen Goo says.

*In an undisclosed area, Mun Mun are still walking. “I don’t believe I recognize this area! Could it be that the cycle has been broken? Could we have finally walked in a different path than our usual circle?” Marik asks. “Maybe this new, undiscovered area that no be found! Maybe there loot!” Dun Dun suggests. “Maybe there is! We finally did something right!” Marik says, as he high fives Dun Dun. “Cool it, kids! We don’t know that this is a new area!” Grandma says. “You’re absolutely right, Grandma! We should explore more!” Marik says. “Dun Dun and friends move ONWARDS!” Dun Dun says. As they continue walking, they notice a big building off in the distance. “Kinda deserted for their to be a house way out here!” Grandma notes. “Wait just a [CENSORED] minute! Could that be Area 551?” Kooky asks. “What the frig are you babbling about?” Marik asks. “Remember? [CENSORED] Sam mentioned it when the game first started! Its one of the locations in the [CENSORED] world!” Kooky says. “No crap, Sherlock.” Marik says. “Okay, obviously you [CENSORED] idiots need a refresher. Cue the flashback!” Kooky says.

“Dun Dun have question! What in Area 551?” Dun Dun asks. “All you need to know about Area 551 is that you should stay outside of it! Seriously, if you don’t, chances are, you’ll die, and lose your chance at the money. Not to say that every other area in the world doesn’t have its hazards, its just that Area 551 is the most hazardous.” Sam says. “So no going in Area 551?” Dun Dun asks. “No Dun Dun, no Area 551.” Sam says.

*”Dun Dun no remember saying that.” Dun Dun says. “Well the flashbacks don’t [CENSORED] lie.” Kooky says. “We should explore it!” Marik says. “Did you not pay [CENSORED] attention to the flashback, Marik? Its [CENSORED] dangerous!” Kooky says. “WE SHOULD EXPLORE IT.” Marik repeats in a much louder tone of voice. “Dun Dun think Kooky should go in first!” Dun Dun says. “I’m not [CENSORED] going in there!” Kooky yells. “You’ll go in there, even if it KILLS YOU!” Grandma yells. “See? If Grandma say you doing it, you doing it!” Dun Dun yells. “I’m not doing it!” Kooky repeats. “How about we flip coin, then? Heads, Dun Dun go in. Tails, Kooky go in.” Dun Dun says. Kooky sighs. “I guess that’s reasonable.” Kooky says. Dun Dun then flips a coin, and it lands on heads. Dun Dun then turns it over to tails. “Sorry, you go in.” Dun Dun says. “It landed on [CENSORED] heads!” Kooky yells. “Dun Dun never said she couldn’t flip the coin over herself!” Marik says, as Dun Dun is nodding. “Oh stop being such a wuss, you stupid clown! Sam probably lied about it being dangerous in there!” Grandma says. “I [CENSORED] hate all of you.” Kooky says. Kooky then begins walking towards the building. “You doing good, red clown!” Dun Dun calls out. “Indeed!” Marik agrees. “You guys are [CENSORED] right! And here I thought I was gonna-” Before Kooky can finish, he blows up! “Darn mine field.” Grandma says. “And Kooky is out of the game, getting 25th place!” Sam announces. “Better red clown than any us, yeah?” Dun Dun asks. Marik and Grandma nod in agreement. “Okay, everybody, its six o’clock, which means ManShark’s little hunt is over!” Sam says. “We live another day!” Dun Dun happily says. “Or at least most of us did!” Marik says. “Should we have a moment of silence for the fallen clown?” Grandma asks. “You kidding? Dun Dun HATED ugly clown! She happy he dead!” Dun Dun says. “Same.” Marik and Grandma both say.

*Sam and ManShark are now in the control room. “Seriously?! All you could manage to do was take out THREE CONTESTANTS?! Lauren was right there in front of you, and you couldn’t even manage that! ManShark’s hand is blurred when he gives Sam the finger! “Excuse me?! How DARE you! You’re lucky the cameras aren’t-” Sam stops when a camera man begins whispering something to him. “Wait, the cameras are on me now? Whoops.” Sam says. Sam turns towards the camera. “With Davey, Ray, Laura, and Kooky gone, only 24 contestants are left in the game! Who will get eliminated next? And will ManShark EVER be a good assistant? Find out, in the next exciting episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...BATTLE!” Sam says.