Episode 04: Looting Havoc

*Sam is sitting in the control room. “Previously, on Total Yeller Mania Battle! Things started off pretty nasty when Tom Nook discovered that Da Suits had vandalized his shop. Naturally, Tom Nook and almost the rest of Loan Sharks were pretty upset, but Alonzo didn’t seem to care. At the same time, The Gentlemens had discovered a secret room underneath Rotting Cemetery, which they decided to use as their new hideout. Unfortunately, their new hideout wasn’t enough to keep them safe from Chimney Sweepers. Upon finding The Gentlemens, both Dave and Tat took action, and eliminated Creepy Guy and Rafe from the competition. With both Creepy Guy and Rafe now gone, that leaves 35 people left in the game! We’re not quite close to the end, but we are definitely getting there! How many people will get killed this time? Who will those people be? Find out, in the latest episode of Total...Yeller...Mania...Battle!” Sam says.

*In the dining room of the castle, located in Medieval Town, SWAT team members are all seated around a long dining table, as a servant delivers them breakfast. “Its just like back home! Living in a castle, worthless slaves doing whatever you ask them to do! Aren’t you happy we broke in here, Coppy?” Queen Goo asks. “Oh yeah, absolutely THRILLED!” Cop sarcastically says. Queen Goo smacks Cop in the back of the head. “Ow! What did I do?!” Cop asks. “Why cant you at least PRETEND to enjoy my company?” Queen Goo asks. “Because we aren’t a COUPLE! Meaning I don’t have to pretend to like you!” Cop yells. “You lie!” Queen Goo claims. “Look at those two fighting, Laura. That relationship is doomed.” Ray says. “Its a good thing we KNOW we don’t like each other, which makes our marriage work!” Laura says. “We always were good at communicating, weren’t we?” Ray asks. “Oh, we were the best! We still are!” Laura says, as she goes to kiss Ray. Ray avoids the kiss. “Lets not get carried away.” Ray says. “Sorry honey, you are absolutely right.” Laura says. “Attention Players! It is 9 AM, so let the killings begin!” Sam announces. “Ugh, there goes our fun.” Cop says.

*Mun Mun is wandering through Central City. “Dun Dun SICK of hunting people! Why she do it? She never find no one!” Dun Dun notes. “Yeah! Why should we have to do some foolish challenges when we cant even locate people? We deserve better than THAT!” Marik yells. “I’m tired of walking around this world aimlessly! My bones are frail, my back is killing me, I just wanna go home!” Grandma complains. “I feel the same [CENSORED] way! I could be back in the real world, scaring little kids! Instead I’m here, [CENSORED] hunting ghosts!” Kooky yells. “Guys, come on! These things take time! I’m sure we’ll find someone eventually! We just need to be patient.” Cherry says. Everybody else turns towards Cherry. “SHUT UP!” They all yell at her. “Dun Dun tired of this! She say we play our OWN game! Bleep balding host! He can go play in cement pool! On from now, Team Mun Mun do their OWN thing!” Dun Dun yells. “But what could we possibly do?” Marik asks. “Mr. Woman has good question. What could possibly we do?” Dun Dun wonders. “I say we find a way back into the [CENSORED] real world, and kill [CENSORED] Sam!” Kooky yells. “Are you mad?! If we do that, we could end up spending a WEEK in jail! Could you imagine what that would do to my tan?!” Marik asks. “No one gives a crap about your van!” Grandma yells. “Tan, old woman! I SAID TAN!” Marik yells. “Please, everyone! Stop arguing!” Cherry begs. “Dun Dun have idea!” Dun Dun announces. “I’m almost afraid to ask...” Cherry says. “Dun Dun want to do what Dun Dun do best, steal everything she can find! We in city, friends! We no should be walking around, doing nothing! We should be looting stores, cheating restaurants by eating free!” Dun Dun says. “You’re right! We deserve to have some friggin fun!” Marik says. “But looting is illegal!” Cherry points out. “So?” Dun Dun asks. “What if you get caught?” Cherry asks. “What do we look like? Friggin idiots? We won’t get caught!” Marik says. “Especially not when Dun Dun leading team!” Dun Dun says. Cherry sighs.

*The Gentlemens are all in their underground hideout. “Don’t you think we should be out there, trying to find other contestants, instead of in here, hiding?” R.J asks. “With the losses of both Creepy Guy and Rafe, I feel that it would be best if we were to lie low for this round. After all, I don’t think our team could survive anymore losses.” Bo says. “Bo is right. We are already down two teammates, anymore and it would be the end of us.” Justine notes. “I suppose you’re right...” A skeptical R.J says. “Don’t worry, R.J. We aren’t going to lose by staying holed up in this underground hideout for a match. Lets allow the other teams to duke it out with one another, while we remain hidden.” Bo says. “In the meantime, we can talk strategy about how we are going to survive the game when there are only three of us left.” Justine says. “For the record, I don’t think our losses necessarily crippled our team. Both Creepy Guy and Rafe were dead weight, they were never going to propel us to victory. Personally, I think their eliminations were more beneficial than the two of you seem to think.” R.J says. “Their abilities are irrelevant. Our team was much stronger when we had more members.” Bo tells him. “How MUCH stronger? We had two incompetent players that have a history of not making it far in the game, they were never going to last long. The way I see it, they were expendable.” R.J claims. “No teammate is expendable. I wasn’t a fan of Creepy Guy or Rafe, but our team still would be better off if they weren’t gone.” Justine says. “I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree. All I’m saying is that our chances are much better now that there are only competent people left on our team.” R.J says. “You are competent? Since when?” Justine asks. “I don’t know if you have TV wherever you are from, but the first season I participated in, I placed second.” R.J recalls. “You didn’t get first, so what are you bragging about?” Justine asks. “Even worse, are you aware of whom he lost to?” Bo asks. “Who?” Justine asks. “Puppy.” Bo reveals. Justine looks at R.J, and smiles. “You lost to a dog?” Justine asks. “It was a fluke!” R.J claims. “Maybe the fluke was you getting to the finale at all!” Justine suggests. “I may have lost then, but I have NO intention of losing this time! This time, I am in it to win it!” R.J vows.

*Tom Nook comes out of his shop in Peaceful Forest, and immediately scans it for vandalism. Diamond and Pearl poke their heads out of the window. “Is it safe to come out yet?” They both ask. “Yes, yes. It appears those hooligans haven’t struck again.” Tom Nook says. Diamond, Pearl, Disk, and Alonzo then come out. “When are we going to go hunting for the other players?!” Alonzo asks. “Soon, Alonzo, very soon. But first, Diamond, Pearl, did you do what I asked you to do?” Tom Nook asks. “We did it last night.” Diamond confirms. “Late last night, hm?” Tom Nook asks. “Its the only good time of night to do things!” Pearl says. “What did you ask them to do? I hope it isn’t something boring.” Disk says. “Oh believe me, Disk, what I asked them to do is anything BUT boring.” Tom Nook says.

*Dylan, Hog, and Fake Luigi are standing outside a warehouse at Low Class Waterfront, while Vito guards the door. Hog goes to enter, but Vito holds his hand out, stopping Hog in his tracks. “Come on, buddy! I’ve gotta use the bathroom! Michael has been in there for thirty minutes!” Hog points out. Vito shakes his head, and then points in a random direction, as if telling Hog to get lost. “That’s it! I’m tired of waiting! If you aren’t going to let us in, we’ll just have to let ourselves in!” Fake Luigi says! Fake Luigi pulls out a giant hammer, and Vito holds up his fists, ready to fight. Before either can make a move, Michael comes out, with the toilet seat stuck to his butt! “Michael, what happened?” Dylan asks. “You ain’t gonna believe this! Some wise guy put super glue on da toilet seat!” Michael reveals. “Your kidding! Who would do that?” Hog wonders. Vito notices an envelope slipped under a nearby crate. Vito pulls it out, and hands it to Michael. “What’s dis?” Michael asks. Vito shrugs. Michael opens the envelope. “Hope you like your new accessory, love, Tom Nook.” Michael reads. Michael crumbles the letter, and tosses it. “Dat flake Tom Nook did dis?!” An angry Michael asks. “The nerve of him! Only we are allowed to terrorize him!” Dylan sarcastically says. “Dat right!” Michael says, not picking up on the sarcasm. Michael turns towards Vito. “Vito, help me get dis darn thing off.” Michael says.

*Chimney Sweepers are walking through Scorching Desert. “There have to be some chimneys for us to clean somewhere around here...” Dave says. “Dude, we are in the middle of nowhere, there aren’t any chimneys!” Tat claims. “Shut up and let the professionals talk.” Dave says. “Okay, where are the professionals?” Tat asks. Puppy can be heard panting. “Aw, the puppy is hot!” Jeannie says. “If he’s gonna croak, leave him! We cant have anybody dragging our mission down!” Dave says. “That was rather rude, wouldn’t you say?” Pecky asks. “Shut up, or we’ll be having you for dinner tonight!” Dave threatens. “Oh dear, I sincerely apologize, just please don’t feast on me!” Pecky begs. Jeannie gives Puppy a drink of water. “There you go, feel better?” Jeannie asks. Puppy nods. “He’s gonna live!” Jeannie exclaims. “Wonderful! We can always use some extra chimney sweepers!” Dave says. “You were mean to the puppy! Why should he help you?!” Jeannie asks. “Because I am the team leader, therefore, I am the boss!” Dave claims. “We’re doomed, then.” Tat says.

*Mun Mun is walking down a street in Central City. “What shall we steal first?” Marik asks. Dun Dun smashes a window on a car, and opens the door using the handle on the inside. “Does anyone know how to [CENSORED] hot wire a car?” Kooky asks. Dun Dun shrugs. “Step aside, younguns, I know what I’m doing!” Grandma announces. After a few seconds, Grandma is able to successfully hot wire the car! “Dun Dun KNEW she pick Grandma for reason! Now let steal this sucker!” Dun Dun says. “Wait, but who’s driving?” Marik asks. “Hm...Dun Dun no think of that. Let flip coin. Heads, Dun Dun. Tails, Dun Dun.” Dun Dun says. “How about no one drives? Stealing this car is wrong!” Cherry notes. “Then you pick wrong team to be on, lady!” Dun Dun says. “YOU picked ME!” Cherry reminds her. “That IT! Dun Dun making a janitor decision, and has decided SHE driving car!” Dun Dun yells. “I think you mean executive decision.” Kooky says. “Shut up, ugly clown!” Dun Dun says, as she hops into the driver’s seat. “Marik, you sit in front with Dun Dun. Rest of you, sit in backseat. Cherry, you sit in trunk!” Dun Dun says. “I’m not sitting in the-” Before Cherry can finish, Kooky and Grandma grab her, and throw her in the trunk! Marik, Kooky, and Grandma then join Dun Dun in the car, before speeding off, as Cherry can be heard banging on the trunk.

*In Pointy Canyon, Lauren is firing her sniper at targets she has set up everywhere. “You know, that’s a loud gun, people might hear you.” Claire notes. “If they do, I can take them.” Lauren says. “Right, well, I’m not sure the rest of us can.” Claire says. “You mean to tell me you don’t know how to fire a gun? I thought you said two of your friends were WPA agents. Neither of them taught you?” Lauren asks. “Whenever I hung out with Dylan and Andy, powers were our only weapons.” Claire says. “Powers...as in...magical powers? The kind you see in some stupid super hero movies?” Lauren asks. “I guess?” Claire says. “Man, you’ve had some weird fever dreams.” Lauren says. “They weren’t dreams!” Claire argues. “Whatever the case is, obviously, you need to learn how to handle a gun so you don’t hurt yourself, so I might as well show you.” Lauren says. Lauren turns towards Leafy Fan. “Yo Leafy Fan! Come watch, maybe you can learn something out of this, too.” Lauren says. “Can Leafy watch too?” Leafy Fan asks. Lauren rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure.” Lauren agrees. Leafy Fan runs over, as Lauren hands Claire a pistol. “Why cant I use the sniper?” Claire asks. “You kidding? I’m not letting anyone touch that beauty but me.” Lauren says. Claire points the gun at a target, using one hair. “First, you’re doing it all wrong. I might be able to get away with holding a gun with just one hand, but a newbie like you should probably use two.” Lauren says. “Why?” Claire asks. “Because the recoil is probably enough to knock you straight to the ground.” Lauren says. Claire then wraps both hands around the handle of the gun. “Now turn off the safety, cause if you don’t, the gun won’t fire. Also, whenever its holstered, always make sure the gun’s safety is on. We don’t want any accidents.” Lauren says. “Leafy hand an accident last night, even though she told me she was potty trained!” Leafy Fan says. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” Claire says. “Ignore her. You ready to fire a shot?” Lauren asks. “I think so.” Claire says. “Do you have your eye on the target?” Lauren asks. “I do.” Claire confirms. “Make some noise, then.” Lauren tells her. Claire fires a shot, but the bullet doesn’t go anywhere near the target! “Woah! Did you see that squirrel drop out of the tree after you hit it?” Leafy Fan asks. Claire turns towards Lauren. “How’d I do?” Claire asks. Lauren hesitates to respond for a minute, but then smiles. “We’ll work on it.” Lauren tells her, as she pats Claire on the back.

*In a store located in Central City, Mun Mun(excluding Cherry) enter, and walk over to the cashier. “How can I help you lovely people?” The cashier asks. Dun Dun pulls out a gun! “Get out.” Dun Dun coldly orders. The cashier then runs out of the store, screaming. “We really ARE intimidating!” Marik says. “Ugly clown, help Dun Dun open cash register! Grandma and Mr. Woman, go loot rest of store!” Dun Dun says. Dun Dun and Kooky jump over the counter, and begin to open the cash register. Meanwhile, Grandma and Marik are tossing products into a large trash bag. “Bakura would be SO proud if he saw me right now!” Marik says. “WHO?!” Grandma asks. “BAH-KOR-LAH, YOU FRIGGIN IDIOT!” Marik loudly pronounces. Dun Dun and Kooky finish stealing from the cash register. “I cant believe all this [CENSORED] dump had was twenty dollar bills!” Kooky yells. “If they no have fifty dollar bills or more, they should not be open!” Dun Dun yells. Marik and Grandma run over to Dun Dun and Kooky. “We got all the valuable crap, and left all the ugly crap! Lets get out of here!” Marik says.

*Back in the trunk of the car, Cherry is still banging on it. “Dun Dun, get me out of here! Marik? Kooky? Grandma?! SOMEONE PLEASE!” Cherry screams. Cherry can then hear someone opening the trunk. “Yay, I’ve been saved!” Cherry happily exclaims. Once the trunk opens, Cherry realizes that she has been found by The Pebbles! “Oh dear.” Eugene says. “What the heck is this?” Yeller wonders. “Oh, hi guys. Fancy meeting you here! Say, any chance you could help me out?” Cherry asks.

*Inside the store, Mun Mun hear gun shots coming from outside. “That no sound good.” Dun Dun says. “It was probably just the wind.” Marik confidently says. “Attention, everyone! Cherry has just been eliminated, placing in 35th!” Sam announces. “What coincidence! Dun Dun have teammate named Cherry!” Dun Dun says. “Wow! What are the odds?” Marik asks. “You [CENSORED] idiots! There is only one Cherry in the [CENSORED] game! They must’ve [CENSORED] found her!” Kooky yells. “Hey now, you watch it! The only person who has ever talked like that to me was my father, and I KILLED him!” Marik notes. “If Cherry was killed, and she was right outside in the trunk of our car, shouldn’t we start running?” Grandma asks. “Grandma, if Dun Dun and friends in danger, Dun Dun would have already ditched all of you and run for hills.” Dun Dun notes. “She’s telling the truth!” Marik notes. The Pebbles then enter the store, and come face to face with Mun Mun. “Look, look! I found people!” Sally Good Rock announces. “We all did, Sally.” Yeller notes. “Kill them! Kill them!” Davey chants. “Yeller, that you?” Dun Dun asks. “Hey Dun Dun, what’s up?” Yeller asks. “Not much, just looting stores. The usual.” Dun Dun says. “Say, I don’t suppose you nice people have seen another team around, have you? Someone killed our good friend Cherry!” Marik notes. “Good friend? You had her locked in a trunk!” Andy points out. “She was complaining too much! And how the frig did you know we had her locked in a trunk?!” Marik asks. “Because they [CENSORED] killed her, you moron!” Kooky yells. Marik gasps. “Pebbles, is that true?” Marik asks. “Lady, killing people is part of the game!” Yeller points out. “Excuse me, but I am NOT a woman! And here I thought you people were friendly!” Marik yells. Yeller and Dun Dun then both pull guns on each other! “I’m sorry, Dun Dun, but I REALLY want that money!” Yeller says. “Yeah? Well Dun Dun NO sorry!” Dun Dun announces. “Before either of you fire shots, perhaps we should consider the ramifications of a shootout. In such a small area, it is guaranteed to take the majority of our lives, therefore causing a massive blood shed. However, if we were to mutually agree that this is a draw, all of us could walk away with our lives, as well as the chance to win the prize money.” Eugene notes. “You know who Dun Dun hate? PEACE NEGOTIATOR!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun fires a shot at Eugene, but it misses, ricochets, and hits Sally Good Rock! “Oops.” Dun Dun says. Sally Good Rock drops to the ground, and then despawns! “Attention, everyone! Sally Good Rock has been killed, placing in 34th!” Sam announces. “Dun Dun, what the heck?!” Yeller asks. “I sorry! I was aiming for the nerd, not Sally Bad Brick!” Dun Dun defends herself. “Can we go now before she accidentally injures someone else?” Eugene asks. “Not yet...I’m sorry Dun Dun, but I have to shoot you.” Yeller says. “Shoot! Shoot!” Davey cheers. “Oh no, Dun Dun!” Dun Dun yells. The scene begins to play in slow motion. Yeller fires his gun. A bullet comes out. Dun Dun’s mouth drops. Her eyes widen. The bullet approaches Dun Dun. Dun Dun stands still, helpless. The bullet comes closer. Dun Dun’s team watches in horror. The bullet is now six inches away from Dun Dun’s nose. Dun Dun is horrified by her impending death. The bullet reaches two inches of Dun Dun. The bullet evaporates before it hits Dun Dun! “What happened?!” A confused Yeller asks. “Yes! Dun Dun LIVES!” Dun Dun yells, with glee. “Attention, players! It is now 6 PM, meaning that all gunfire must cease! Also, sorry Yeller, but since your bullet was still mid air when the clock hit 6, it evaporated! Have a nice evening, everybody!” Sam says. “You’ve got to be kidding!” Yeller yells. “Quick, to the Dun Dun mobile!” Dun Dun yells. Dun Dun, Marik, Grandma, and Kooky then run past The Pebbles, jump in their car outside, and speed off.

*Sam is once again sitting in the control room. “Wow, what a day! With Cherry and Sally Good Rock both gone, 33 people are left! Who will get killed next? Tune in next time, to Total...Yeller...Mania...Battle!” Sam says.