S1 Episode 05: The Reunion

Lauren comes through the front door of her house, carrying a big stack of magazines, and a few envelopes. "Here's the mail." Lauren says. "Oooh, are those all mine?" Claire asks. "The magazines? Yes. Let's see...we have Fantastic Fashion, Women's In Depth, Fabulous Rare Hair we'd like to Share, Fantastic Gossip which has Queen Goo on the cover with the caption "Queen Goo ASSASSINATED John F. Kennedy?! Stunning secret comes to light!", and Home Shopper's R Us." Lauren says. "I'm not surprised about the Queen Goo story, she always seemed too good to be true." Claire says. Lauren begins going through the envelopes, and groans when she comes across a particular one. "What?" Claire asks. "An invitation to my ten year high school reunion." Lauren says. "Wait, you're 28? Wow, you seem so much older than that." Claire says. Lauren glares at Claire. "Mature! I meant mature!" Claire claims. "Maybe that's because you're so childish." Lauren suggests. "So, when is it?" Claire asks. "Tonight. Way to give advanced notice." Lauren sarcastically says. "Oh, we should probably go buy you a new outfit, then." Claire says. "What?! I'm not going!" Lauren states. "Why not?" Claire asks. "Because high school sucked!" Lauren says. "Were you not popular or something? No, that can't be! Who wouldn't want to be friends with a bundle of sunshine like you?" Claire asks. "Nice sarcasm." Lauren says. "I wasn't being sarcastic." Claire says. "Then who the hell do you think you're talking about?" Lauren asks. "Come on, Lauren, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity." Claire says. "Its every five years." Lauren reveals. "Do you plan on going to any of those, either?" Claire asks. "No, why would I? I despised everyone I went to high school with. Why would I want to see them again?" Lauren asks. "To show them how successful you are!" Claire says. "I don't have a job anymore." Lauren points out. "You have a successful relationship! The people you went to high school with have probably gone through three husbands and wives by now!" Claire says. "I'm not going." Lauren says. "Come on, please! We never go out anywhere!" Claire says. "We can go out tonight, just not there." Lauren says. "Okay, fine. I will respect your wishes." Claire says. "Really? You aren't going to trick me into going?" Lauren asks. "Nope. You don't want to go, which means we won't go." Claire says. "That seems almost too easy." Lauren says. "I'm just being a good girlfriend." Claire says. "Well...thanks. I appreciate that. So, what do you want to do tonight?" Claire asks. "Its up to you." Lauren says. "How about a movie? I'll pick." Claire suggests. "Sure, as long as its something violent and gory." Lauren says. "Anything for you!" Claire says.

In the car, Claire is driving, as Lauren sits in the passenger seat, blindfolded. "Tell me again why I have to wear this." Lauren says. "I don't want you to see what movie we are going to see until we are in the theater!" Claire says. "So why wear the blindfold on the drive there?" Lauren asks. "Because the movie theater might have a poster for the movie outside, and I don't want you to see it!" Claire says. "Claire, why do I get the feeling you are lying?" Lauren asks. "Me? Never!" Claire says. "That didn't sound suspicious at all." Lauren says. The car stops. "We're here!" Claire announces.

Claire leads Lauren into a building. "Why do I hear music? Can I take this stupid thing off yet?" Lauren asks. Claire takes off the blindfold. "Ta-da!" Claire says. Lauren sees that they are at her high school reunion! "You've got to be freaking kidding me." Lauren says. "Are you surprised?" Claire asks. "I knew you were up to something nefarious." Lauren says. "Oh come on! You are talking about me like I'm some kind of super villain! All I did was manipulate you into going into a reunion you didn't want to attend, is that so bad?" Claire asks. "You really don't know the answer to that question, do you?" Lauren asks. "Please stay and try to have some fun." Claire says. "No! I'm gonna try and get out of here, before someone here recognizes me." Lauren says. "Maxine Smarts, is that youuuuuuuuuu?" A voice asks. "Maxine? Oh, right, your real name." Claire says. Lauren turns, and sees Katie Cat, Kitty Cat, and Meow Cat. "Ugh..." Lauren says. "I barely recognized you, you've aged so much!" Katie Cat says. "So much age!" Meow Cat adds. "I'm not the one that could pass as Betty White's lookalike." Lauren says. "So much saaaaaass. Aren't you happy to see us?" Katie Cat asks. "Of course she is not. We remind Maxine of something she shall never achieve, and THAT is beauty!" Kitty Cat says. "We're beautiful, and you're not!" Meow Cat adds. "Who do you bitches think you're talking to?" Claire asks. "Maxine, you should teach your daughter not to swear, its not very niiiiiiiiiiice." Katie Cat says. "SOOOO not nice!" Meow Cat adds. "Her...wait, what?! I'm not her daughter, you idiots! I'm her girlfriend!" Claire snaps. Kitty Cat gasps. "Maxine, darling, you cradle robber!" Kitty Cat says. "I'm only five years younger than she is!" Claire yells. Claire turns towards Lauren. "Lauren, you know how to use a gun! Kill them!" Claire demands. "We are THRILLED you decided to attend, Maxine. You can have the misfortune of seeing us win the beauty pageant!" Kitty Cat says. "I don't care." Lauren says. "You don't care that we are going to wiiiin, and you are going to loooooooose?" Katie Cat asks. "I don't care because I'm not entering." Lauren says. "OhHOHOHO! She's afraaaaaaid to lose to us!" Katie Cat says. "That, darling, is because she knows she is ugly, and we are not!" Kitty Cat says. "How hideous!" Meow Cat adds. "OhHOHOHO!" The trio laughs, in sync. "Well, I hope you enjoy the reunion, darling. I know that we shall, knowing that once again, we will prove just how superior we are to you!" Kitty Cat says. "That means we're better than you, stupid!" Meow Cat says. "Adieu!" Kitty Cat says, before she, Katie Cat, and Meow Cat walk away.
"What's the story there?" Claire asks. "Classic high school snobs. Of course, most usually outgrow that stage." Lauren says. "What's the history with you, though?" Claire asks. "They picked on everyone that wasn't part of their little squad. I guess they came from a rich neighborhood in Fishkit City, so because they had money, they convinced themselves that they were better than everyone else. I never gave them the attention they wanted, which is why they've always hated me." Lauren says. "I know that you like to remain indifferent and unbothered and all of that boring stuff, but, you really shouldn't let them walk all over you like that! You want to teach them a lesson? Enter this pageant, and win!" Claire suggests. "I'm not entering some stupid beauty pageant just to one up them! I've barely thought of them since high school." Lauren notes. "Okay, well if you won't enter, then I will!" Claire says.

Claire walks over to a desk, and finds Dun Dun sitting behind it. "Dun Dun, what are you doing here?" Claire asks. "Dun Dun chaperoning. It part of community service." Dun Dun reveals. "Oh, well, I would like to sign up for the beauty pageant." Claire says. "Dun Dun must see ID." Dun Dun says. "Why?! Do you think I look like a little kid too?!" An annoyed Claire asks. "Dun Dun need to make sure that Claire part of 2010 class!" Dun Dun says. "Oh, I'll save you the time. I'm not a part of the class. But, I came here as the date of one of the graduates!" Claire says. "No class, no entry!" Dun Dun yells. "Come on! Can't you make an exception for your neighbor?" Claire asks. "No!" Dun Dun snaps. Claire pulls out a $10 bill, and waves it in front of Dun Dun. "Are you sure?" Claire asks. Dun Dun smiles, but before she can respond, the principal walks over. "Is there a problem?" The principal asks. "Yes! This evil woman try to bribe Dun Dun!" Dun Dun reveals. "Inconceivable! You turned her down, right?" The principal asks. "Dun Dun no even have to think about it! She have morals!" Dun Dun lies. The principal turns towards Claire. "One more stunt like this, and I'm calling the police!" The principal warns, before storming off. "Maybe next time, Claire." Dun Dun says. Claire rolls her eyes, and walks off.

Claire rejoins Lauren. "Did you enter?" Lauren asks. "I'm not allowed to because I didn't graduate with your class, and if I try to again, they are going to have me arrested!" Claire says. "For what?" Lauren asks. "Well, I might've tried to bribe the chaperon." Claire says. Lauren sighs. "Look, I want to show that group of mean girls that we are prettier and better than they are, but its not worth spending the night in jail! I can't take my nightly bubble bath in a jail cell! They probably don't even give you a rubber ducky in prison! Do they even have baths?" Claire asks. "Look, its no big deal. I really don't care about beating them." Lauren says. "Well I do!" Claire says. "Well you aren't the one who went to high school with them, so you don't have to obsess over it so much!" Lauren argues. "I'm obsessing over it because I don't like when people put you down, and I want them to pay!" Claire says. Katie Cat, Kitty Cat, and Meow Cat walk over to them. "We are going to change into our outfits for the pageant, darling! Are you ready to see how fabulous we are?" Kitty Cat asks. "We are going to blow your miiiiiiiiiiind with our beauty." Katie Cat says. "Gonna blow EVERYONE'S minds!" Meow Cat adds. "You know what? You three are right! You are WAAAAAAY cooler than Lauren!" Claire says. "We are?" Katie Cat asks. "They are?!" Lauren asks. "Sorry babe, but I like to be on the winning side." Claire says. "Finally, someone with braaaaaaaaaains." Katie Cat says. "Claire darling, you made the right choice!" Kitty Cat says. "Can I see your phone, so I can put in my number? It'd be really cool if we could hang out sometime, and talk crap about Lauren!" Claire says. "What?!" Lauren asks. Kitty Cat hands Claire her phone. "Hurry up, darling, we have a pageant to prefer for!" Kitty Cat says. "We are gonna make ourselves look beautiful!" Meow Cat adds. Claire hands Kitty Cat her phone back. "All done! Can't wait to hang out with you fellow beauties, and talk about everyone uglier than us!" Claire says. "You won't regret this, darling!" Kitty Cat says. "We are so fab!" Meow Cat adds, before the three walk away. "You threw me under the bus!" Lauren snaps. "Chill, I know what I'm doing." Claire says. "What does that mean?" Lauren asks. "It means that by the end of tonight, those three will get exactly what they deserve, and we won't even have to enter that stupid pageant." Claire says.

Later, the principal is standing up on the stage. "Now, I would like to introduce you to the first and only contestants of our beauty pageant, which they suggested to us...give it up to the Cats!" The principal says. The Cats walk on stage, and everyone boos them. "Thank you, my darlings, for your roaring and loud praise!" Kitty Cat says. "You suck!" Someone yells. "Yes, we do suck you into our beauty, don't we?" Kitty Cat asks. "So beautiful!" Meow Cat adds. "Can we have our awaaaaaard now?" Katie Cat asks. Suddenly, Josephine and Cop break down the doors, with a swarm of police officers behind them! "This is the police!" Cop yells. "Dun Dun didn't do it, she swear!" Dun Dun yells. "Can you buzz off? We were just about to win a beauty award!" Katie Cat yells. "So rude!" Meow Cat adds. "We are looking for Kitty Cat, Katie Cat, and Meow Cat." Josephine says. "That's us. Can this wait?" Kitty Cat asks. "Cuff them!" Josephine orders. The police run up on stage, and begin handcuffing Kitty Cat, Katie Cat, and Meow Cat. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! We are supposed to be winning an award, NOT GOING TO JAIL!" Katie Cat yells. "Your friend Kitty Cat broadcasted your plans all over social media. See, she meant to send you a private message, making sure you were clear on the bank you were robbing after the reunion, but she accidentally posted it on the internet." Josephine reveals. "What?! You idiot!" Katie Cat scolds Kitty Cat. "And people call ME dumb!" Meow Cat adds. "That's a lie! I would never post my plans on the internet, darlings! That is just careless!" Kitty Cat says. "Tell it to the judge! Get these monsters out of here!" Josephine demands. "I want my Mommy!" Katie Cat cries. "We're too fabulous for jail!" Kitty Cat adds. "WAY too fabulous!" Meow Cat adds, before they are all carted away. Lauren walks over to Claire. "Any idea what that was about?" Lauren asks. "Seems to me like justice was served." Claire says. "You sure that's all it was?" Lauren asks. Claire flashes back.

"Can I see your phone, so I can put in my number? It'd be really cool if we could hang out sometime, and talk crap about Lauren!" Claire says. "What?!" Lauren asks. Kitty Cat hands Claire her phone. Claire goes onto one of Kitty Cat's social media pages, tags Katie Cat and Meow Cat in a post, and says "Are we all set to rob the Fantastic Savings Bank tonight, darlings? 1 AM seems to be the best time to do it, so we shall travel there immediately after this ridiculous reunion ends. Only after we win our award, of course!"

Claire smiles. "Does it matter? Those three were knocked down a couple of pegs, and that's what's important. Wanna go home now?" Claire asks. Lauren smiles. "Thought you'd never ask. Thanks for dragging me here, I did have fun." Lauren says. "It was fun, wasn't it?" Claire asks. "Lets just not do it again." Lauren says. "Sounds good to me." Claire says, before she and Lauren walk out.